The Heroes Parody Project 4
by Spencer44
Summary: Volume Finale. Hiro and Zach run behind schedule reaching the end of the season, so they have to enlist some help. Matt investigates Danko's death, putting Noah through the wringer. Claire and Mohinder as captives arrive at their destination. Angela concocts a new plan to attack Arthur.
1. Through The Wreckage

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>Season 4<br>Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright it's creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. I don't have any money. If I did I wouldn't be stuck eating Swanson's Chicken Pot Pies for dinner every night. Seriously, if I eat one more of those Swanson's Chicken Pot Pies I'm probably going to puke. Then I'll see that the puke looks like Swanson's Chicken Pot Pies and it will probably scare me off of eating Swanson's Chicken Pot Pies forever then I'll have try surviving off of ice cubes and licking the inside of Nutri-Grain Bar wrappers for substinence. It's not plesant. So, something to keep in mind NBC Lawyers. Alright! New Season, let's get this started! Enjoy! Oh, reader discretion is advised.**

An elevator door opens, Peter Petrelli steps out onto the top floor of a revolving restaurant tower. He is dressed in a tuxedo and carrying a bouquet of roses. The host walks up to him.

Host: Your name, sir?

Peter: Petrelli…..Peter….Petrelli.

Host: You don't have a reservation.

Peter: Thanks. I'll seat myself.

He walks up to a table where Niki Sanders is sitting.

Peter: Roses for you, my sweet.

Niki: AHH! I'm allergic to roses!

Niki cluthes her throat and starts to flop around on the ground.

-The Next Night-

Peter walks up to Niki.

Peter: Hey Niki, your swelling has gone down. You no longer look like an overcooked Hot Pocket!

Niki: Just sit down.

Peter sits down and grabs the menu.

Peter: Mmm….Fuu….Funa…..Furtka….pul….naaa…..Ooh, exotic!

Niki: Your menu is upside down.

Nathan Petrelli storms up.

Nathan: What the hell is this!

Niki: Nathan! You….you weren't supposed to find out this way.

Peter: It's obvious what the lady wants, bro. Let it go.

Nathan: You're going to die….tonight!

Nathan turns around and grabs a drink off of a waiter's tray. He pulls the plastic cocktail sword out of a lime wedge. Peter does the same with Niki's drink.

Niki: I was drinking that!

Nathan: Have at you!

They start clinking their plastic swords together in the midst of battle. Niki grabs her purse and walks away, passing by a table where Mohinder is eating with his date.

Mohinder: You're leaving me! This cannot be! Our relationship was going to break new ground and revolutionize the love between human and robot.

Rosie The Robot Maid: I'm sorry….(beep! boop!)…..There…is….someone….else….(Beeeeeep!). Goodbye, Mr. S.

Rosie gets up and wheels away. Outside she runs into her new love, Wall-E.

Rosie: I ended it.

Wall-E: WAAAL-EEE.

Rosie: Let us be…together and have millions….of….robot babies. (Beep! Boop!)

They roll off together.

-1000 Years Later-

New York City is Destroyed, Robots have enslaved the human race. In a dark alley, Claire Bennet and Elle Bishop run for their lives.

Claire: Did you grab the amulet?

Elle: I did! Fortunately we'll both survive this.

BANG!

Elle: Ow, my flesh!

Elle collapses.

Claire: Elle! You can't die here!...We have dinner reservations at Red Lobster and they don't seat incomplete parties!

Elle: Here….take….the amulet….

Claire: Thanks, bye!

Elle: You're not even going to mourn? You suck as a friend!

Claire: Laters!

Elle: Get back here, you skank!

Claire turns a corner and bumps into West….

Claire: From Season 2?

West: Claire, it's been too long. I have…longed for you.

Claire: Oh West!

West: Let's run away and have millions of babies.

Claire: Let's!

West and Claire run off together.

Elle: Still dying here!

-1000 Years Later-

New York City is destroyed even more. The Human Race has enslaved the robots.

The cast of Heroes (all robots) are working in a mine shaft.

Robot Niki: This sucks.

Robot Matt: I know what will cheer us up, a song! Everybody! (Singing) _It's a hard knock life, for us! It's a hard knock….hard knock….hard knock….hard knock…..hard knock…._

Robot Noah: Can someone shut him off, please?

Matt closes the book to the story he was reading to Niki, Mohinder, Peter and Claire.

Matt: The End!

Niki: That was the worst story I have ever heard. EVER!

Claire: How was I still alive after 1000 years? Oh wait, that actually does make sense. How were Elle and West alive?

Peter: So….who won the fight, me or Nathan?

Matt: You make up when you both realize that you could do better.

Niki: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Rosie The Robot rolls up to Mohinder.

Rosie: More tea, Mr. S?

Mohinder: Thank you, Rosie. That would be wonderful.

She rolls off, everyone looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: ….we're just friends.

Peter: _Previously on Heroes_

Daphne and Peter are talking.

Daphne: Four diasters, and a fifth mysterious one. You have to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.

Zombies!

Peter: This only happened because I left Caitlin from Season 2 in future New York. I have to go back and rescue her.

Marriage!

Claire (To Peter): You're getting married to Caitlin only because you feel bad for what you did? That's nuts.

Tidal Wave!

Tracy: The tidal wave is going to wipe out the island!

Matt: My finger sandwiches!

Hiro somehow manipulates time to move the moon to a different location which stops the wave.

Civilians: We're saved!

The new position of the moon sends an asteroid towards earth.

Civilians: _Oh crap!_

Asteroid!

Peter: We'll take this rocket into space and blow it up. Simple as that.

KABOOM!

Mayor: I honor you brave Heroes with a trip to…

Disney World!

Max (To Matt): You stole my girlfriend when we were classmates 30 years ago!

Matt: Geez, hold a grudge much?

Max's assistant, Lilith unleashes animals upon Disney World.

Mohinder: The real threat is upon us, the eclipse is back, and it swaps our powers with civilians who don't have them.

Civilians start to riot in the street, Claire almost dies but doesn't.

Sylar and Ted are doing nothing important, Molly picks them up.

Sylar: What?

Molly: Angela Petrelli is planning something sinister. Micah and I have been doing this research off screen.

Sylar: Of course you have.

Angela: He's coming back.

Sylar: Who?

Sylar's former assistant, Jax, digs up the body of Arthur Petrelli. Who kills Jax and heads back to the mansion.

Arthur: Prepare to be blown up.

Angela: Swine!

The mansion blows up. Angela and the others run off to different rooms to try and survive, Arthur drives away.

We see Angela's Mansion in ruins. In the debris we see:

_**Volume Eight "Genesis-Redux"**_

In the basement, an impatient Sylar taps his finger on the table. Ted Sprague sits across from him as they are both playing a friendly game of _Scrabble_.

Sylar: I'm not playing! He cheats at every single game we play. I'm not doing it.

Ted finishes his word, which reads:

_**Chapter One "Through The Wreckage"**_

Ted: 7,000 Points!

Sylar scoffs, jumping out of his chair.

**Sylar, Ted, Angela, Samson, Molly and Micah  
>Angela's Basement<strong>

Sylar: Why isn't anybody coming for us?

Angela: Don't worry, we'll be saved. I had a dream and we will all be alive after this venture.

Sylar: Is that right?

Angela: Well, I don't know about _you_.

Sylar: What's that supposed to mean!

Ted: Yo, Sylar! Guess what?

Sylar: No.

Ted: Micah and Molly let me join 'The Third Generation!'. Apparently it's their little group. How awesome is that?

Sylar: _They're STILL doing that?_

Ted: Yeah! Totally got a badge.

Ted walks off.

Sylar: _Why didn't they invite me to join their stupid group_?

**Nathan, Elle, Tracy, The Haitian.  
>The wrecked van that wrecked last season.<strong>

Nathan crawls out of the van.

Nathan: Uggggh…..Is everyone allright?

Elle: I think I'm dead.

Tracy: Yeah, I'm okay.

Haitian: I've been better.

Nathan: Well, at least we're all in one piece.

They spot Emile Danko lying on the ground not far from them.

Elle: He made us crash! Get him!

**The Bennets  
>The Bennet living room.<strong>

Noah runs into the living room. Sandra, Muggles, Lyle and Claire are watching tv.

Noah holds up a map of some sort.

Noah: Family Road Trip!

Claire: What?

Noah: I decided that the Bennet's could use a vacation!

Claire: But we just got back from Disney World, and before that freaking Bongo Island! I don't want to go on a vacation for the rest of my life!

Noah: Oh, this isn't just a normal vacation. It is…The Grand Canyon!

Claire: …

Lyle: ….

Sandra: ….

Noah: …Okay, it's KIND OF a normal vacation. But this will be good for us. No end of the world, power swapping, last minute wedding disasters, just pure normal family fun. I rented an RV and it's going to be the perfect Bennet Family Vacation!

Claire: Oh, and Space. I went into Space….I guess that doesn't count.

Lyle: When did you go into space?

Claire: Um, Dad, I actually kinda had other plans.

Noah: Not anymore! Pack up your things! We leave tomorrow.

**Peter, Niki, Matt and Mohinder  
>Peter's New Apartment<strong>

Peter: Okay, everyone….open your eyes.

Niki: Our eyes _are _open! You made us wear blindfolds!

Peter: Well, take them off.

The three of them do so.

Niki: Where the hell are we?

Peter: My new apartment. Pretty cool, huh?

Niki: It's awfully small.

Peter: Well, I got a pretty good deal on it.

Matt: May I enquire the location of the restroom facilities?

Peter: Uh…it's through that door. But don't use them yet….gotta figure out some things first.

Mohinder: These beds are kinda….stiff.

Claire walks in.

Claire: _What are you people doing in my family's RV?_

In a tall bulding somewhere downtown. _Hiro Nakamura _is ascending a flight of stairs.

-Flashback-

Hiro walks down the hall of the hospital, he enters the Office of Fake Doctor _Linderman_.

Linderman: I have healed you, and restored your power to normal. Now, you must do me a favor.

Hiro: What is it?

Linderman: You need to go back in time _and prevent my death_.

Hiro: …so….you're actually dead? Because you keep popping up and all….

Linderman: I've had my top men construct a device. That combined with your ability….will let you relive the past.

Hiro: Um….doesn't my ability let me do that anyway?

Linderman: No, just going into the past and changing everything will have The Butterfly Effect. Drastic changes. This machine will have you _live the lives of people during certain moments in time to right certain wrongs_. You know, like my death.

Hiro: OOH! Like _Quantum Leap?_

Linderman: Sure, whatever. But the the future will not be affected, just my untimely demise. I will just be standing here before you today.

Hiro: But you ARE standing here before me today.

Linderman: But I'm….oh forget it, just get in the machine.

-End Flashback-

Hiro steps out onto the roof of a building. He makes his way toward a ledge. He pulls out a note from Linderman.

Linderman (Voice Over): Hiro, this is where your journey begins. We were supposed to take you to the night where D.L Hawkins killed me but we kinda overshot our mark. You will find yourself as _Peter Petrelli_ back when he was attempting to fly off of a building downtown.

Hiro: _But that was in the Pilot episode_!

Linderman: Relive the lives of the past up until that night. You must save my life, and you will be handsomely rewarded. Even though I fixed your ability so you kinda owe me.

Hiro: He will not shut up about that.

Hiro puts up the note and makes his way towards the ledge.

Mohinder (Voice Over): _What is this place? Why are we here? Why do we dream? _

Hiro: Wow, that's kind of unnerving.

Hiro looks down.

Hiro: Oh man, this is going to sting.

Hiro steps off.

**===HEROES===**

Hiro wakes up, startled. He looks around.

**Hiro Nakamura  
>Genesis-Redux<br>In Charles Deveaux's bedroom**

Hiro: Am I…a nurse? These scrubs are super comfortable.

Simone Deveaux enters the room.

Simone: Hello, Peter. How's father doing today?

Hiro: Uh….UHHH…..

Hiro scrambles around, he gets his notes out.

Hiro: IV! Gotta change the IV! Step aside please.

Simone: That…looks like a _catheter bag._

Hiro: Oh, of course…..right…so…..I _don't _use this.

Simone: No….you don't.

In the Bennet RV.

Niki (to Claire): Your family's _what_?

Claire: My dad rented this RV so we could go to the grand canyon. What are you guys doing here? How did you get in?

Niki: Peter! You told us this was your new apartment! Now who are we going to mooch off of?

Claire: Peter, I told you my family was going on vacation, but I didn't think you'd try and stowaway this fast.

Peter: Well, I'm on the waiting list for a new apartment so I needed a place to stay, but so do you guys! Since Tracy's house got destroyed during the civilian riot when the Eclipse happened.

Niki: That's true.

Matt: Used the bathroom. Heh, I wasn't actually going to wait for you to figure out whatever you had to figure out.

Claire: Okay, you guys kinda need to go. Normally I'd go along with this sort of thing but there's no room and I'm not sharing beds with anybody. So….um…._tuck and roll_.

Niki: _Tuck and roll!_

Claire: Yeah, I'm sure you'll be fine. I survive them all the time!

Mohinder: Wait? We're moving!

Claire: Uh, yeah. We've been on the road for over an hour.

Matt: Wow, that's amazing. I haven't felt a single bump. Those are some good shocks!

Niki: I agree with Matt. I really felt you just had the smallest crappiest apartment ever, Peter. It's only just the smallest, crappiest RV ever.

Claire: -Groan-

Back in the basement, Angela walks up to Samson.

Angela: Samson, we have a problem. I think we should do something to entertain the children.

Samson: The who what to the what now?

Angela: Just look at them over there, they're miserable. It's just dreadful knowing that they're probably not going to make it out of here alive.

Micah: We can totally hear you.

Molly: Why would you say that in front of us?

Angela: We need to entertain them. Keep their spirits up. There's actually no ventilation in this basement and with their small lungs _you know they're going to go first._

Micah: Wow! Just….wow!

Molly: What a nasty old woman…..

Meanwhile, at the Van wreckage.

Danko (tied up): This is ridiculous!

Elle: Tell us all you know, jerk!

Danko: You escaped from jail and I was hired by Bennet to bring you back. What's there to tell? You're fugitives.

Elle (To Nathan): He's not talking, Chief! Want me to rough him up?

Nathan (To Danko): Listen, pal. We were wrongly incarcerated. If we can get to Bennet he will probably just call off the search.

Danko: Highly unlikely. Once Mr. Bennet has his eye set on something, he never lets it go. Much like myself. I assure you, he will not forget this.

Meanwhile, on _The Bennet RV to their family vacation_.

Claire (to Noah, driving): Hey, dad. Can we pull over? I think we should stop.

Noah: Nope! We're behind enough as it is. The Bennet's are going to the Grand Canyon and nothing is stopping me now.

Claire: Peter, Niki, Parkman and Dr. Suresh stowed away on the RV.

Noah slams on the breaks, Claire flies forward.

SLAM!

Claire: OW! MY FACE!

Noah (to Peter and the others): OUT!

Peter: Come on, I need a place to stay. I don't have my new place yet. We're technically family…sort of.

Noah: Hmph!

He turns to Niki and the others.

Noah: What about you three?

Niki: Were with him?

Sandra: Oh, Noah, let them stay! The more the merrier!

Noah: Sandra, there are only 3 beds!...You know what? I don't care. I'm not letting this ruin my vacation. Stay! But if any of you get in my way….it's _tucking and rolling for all of you._

He leaves…then steps back.

Noah: _Especially you, Suresh!_

Mohinder: What did I do!

Noah makes his way back to the driver's seat. He slams on the gas. Everybody flies backward.

Back in the Basement, Samson walks over to Ted and Sylar.

Samson: Okay, men. While Angela is freaking out the children, it's up to us to get us out of here. Any suggestions?

Sylar: Well, Micah can talk to the computers that we don't have down here. Molly can locate the people who _don't_ know we're down here, and Angela can dream up a future where our bodies are rotting down here. So we pretty much have the dream team.

Samson: Good. Good. Ted?

Ted: I'm hungry.

Sylar: That's it!...Well, it's sort of related….just to Ted. Actually, I don't know why I said that. But here's an idea! Ted….can blow up!

Ted: NO!

Sylar: The explosion will blow out all the debris covering us, and we can crawl to safety!

Ted: You mean _what's left of us!_ It will kill anything that close in radius. The explosion. Will kill. EVERYONE!

They suddenly notice Micah and Molly standing there.

Micah: Oh, don't mind us. You're being far more optimistic than Angela.

-In Genesis Redux-

Hiro turns around, he is teaching a classroom.

Hiro: Evolution is an incredible thing, is it not? My name is _Doctor Mohinder Suresh_….and today we're going to talk about _cockroaches_.

Student: We're talking about what?

Hiro: Cockroaches are the Twinkies of civilization. They last forever. They will surpass mankind. They are not ordinary….they are…._Class?_

Students (deadpan): _Extraordinary._

Hiro: Excellent, now your homework is to take home a cockroach and care for it. We don't have enough so you'll have to get into teams. You will act as parents and take care of your cockroach. Love it. Nurture it. And if it's dead by tomorrow you get a zero for the day.

Student: Why can't we take care of _eggs_ like normal classrooms?

Hiro: Because I _ate all the eggs_. In a giant omelet. And it was delicious.

Student: Hasn't the school been using the same eggs for like, _5 years?_

Hiro: ….Class is dismissed.

Hiro runs out of the room, holding his mouth.

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere, on a single road.

Nathan: Ugh, it's so hot!

Danko: Where are you people taking me?

Tracy: I think there's a gas station not too far from here. We can get something to eat.

Elle: You know, Nathan could fly us out of here.

Nathan: Nah, too hot.

Tracy: Yeah, and I'm dying of thirst.

Elle: Aren't you _made _of water? Just drink yourself.

Tracy: Oh, I don't do that….I consider it a form of self-cannibalism.

Elle: WHAT?

Nathan: It's not the _worst _idea. We won't dehydrate.

Tracy: Um…..no…I don't…no…..I'll think about it.

Elle: Why do you have to think about…..Wait…Hey….HEY! WHAT'S THAT?

Everybody looks over to see a vehicle approaching.

Elle (waving): HEY! HEY! STOP! HELP US!

The vehicle zooms by the groups.

Elle (fists shaking): _Get back here, you buttholes!_ (Sobbing) Dammit, we're gonna die out here!

In the RV.

Sandra: Noah, did we just pass….?

Noah (looking up from the map): Hmm?

Sandra: We just passed…

Noah: I don't care who we passed, we have enough people in this RV already. It's getting cramped.

-Genesis Redux-

Hiro is in a garage, sporting a blonde wig. He notices a bed in the middle of the room. _And a camera_.

Hiro (checking his notes): Oh great, now I have to be Niki Sanders. _Ando better not be watching this_.

Hiro jumps on the bed.

Hiro: Yeah, sexy time! Uh….

Hiro waves his hands in the air.

Hiro: Waving my hands in the air like I just don't care! (_Man, I hope her customers are liking this)_.

Hiro looks over at the computer.

-Chatroom-

"What is this?"

"I'm falling asleep here!"

"Do something hot!"

Hiro: Do something hot?...Like….cook? I don't know, I'll see what she has.

Hiro returns a few minutes later.

Hiro: Who wants _Ramen?_

Hiro jumps on the bed, holding the ramen cup up to his mouth.

Hiro: This ramen is soooo hot!

Hiro takes a sip then spits it out.

Hiro: AHH THAT RAMEN IS REALLY HOT! Owww, _I burnt my tongue!_

-Chatroom-

"Can I get my money back?"

In the RV, Niki is putting up her things. Matt and Mohinder are watching TV.

-TV-

Sarah Mclachlan comes on screen.

Sarah Mclachlan: Hi. I'm _Sarah Mclachlan_. And I wanted to tell about my friend Toby. He is a puppy without a home. But you can help.

Matt: Oh god, Mohinder, change it!

Mohinder: Why? These commercials are spreading an important message.

Matt: Dude! Change it. Those are the most depressing commercials ever!

Mohinder: I can't find the remote, you're just going to have to deal with it.

Sarah Mclachlan: All of these animals have been abandoned, and they need families.

Mohinder: That's really sad.

Matt (tearing up): No it's not. I'm not listening.

Mohinder: Oh no, is that a cat? I love cats…..

Sarah Mclachlan: This cat will never Meow again.

Mohinder (sobbing): That's so sad!

Matt: I KNOW! (Sobbing)

Mohinder (fanning his eyes): I'm really getting depressed now.

Matt: OH NO! That dog doesn't have any legs! WAAAAHHHH!

Mohinder: That is soo sad! WAAAAHHH!

Matt blows his nose.

Mohinder: I need to change it…..where's the remote! (Sob) Where the remote!

Matt (sobbing): _I can't stop crying!_ UHHHHHHHHGGGG!

Mohinder: This is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Sarah Mclachlan: And now…._a song_.

Matt: Oh crap!

Sarah Mclachlan (singing): _In the arrrrms of the angel, fly awaaay from heeere!_

Matt and Mohinder hug, sobbing their eyes out. Niki stares at them, completely stunned.

Matt and Mohinder (sobbing): WAAAAAAAH!

Niki: …..WOW.

Niki walks over and turns the tv off.

Niki: I really need to get some new friends.

Meanwhile, Nathan and the others discover…

Elle: The gas station! We're saved!

Nathan: Oh man, I need to use the restroom.

Elle: Good thing this gas station has one.

Nathan: Uh….I'm not going in a gas station restroom! The diseases alone….

Elle: Then go out here.

Nathan: Are you nuts? I'm the former mayor, the paparazzi will eat that up.

Elle: _Then hold it until you blow up_! I don't care…Wait, papparazzi! Really? We're in the middle of nowhere!

Nathan: You never know.

Elle goes into the restroom. There is one light bulb dangling on a cord.

Elle: Oh, somebody got murdered in here, I just know it!

Elle walks into the stall.

Elle: Oh my, it's nasty in here. Nathan might have the right idea. That's okay, I'll get one of these paper thingies.

Elle pulls a paper toilet seat cover out of the dispenser and puts in on the toilet.

_FLUSH!_

Elle: Ugh! No, I want you to stay there!

Elle grabs another one.

Elle: Stay…Staaay…

Elle turns around.

_FLUSH!_

Elle: You piece of crap! I'm only doing this one more…oh they're out. Well, that's just great. Well, I'm holding it then.

Outside, Nathan creeps around the corner of the gas station.

Nathan: Bladder is about to burst…..I think I'll be safe here…(looks around)….….there we go, much better.

In the distance.

Paperboy: _Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Former Mayor Nathan Petrelli a real 'whiz' when it comes to surviving outdoors!_

Nathan: _How did they publish that so fast?_

Back in the RV, Matt hops in the passenger seat.

Noah: What do you want?

Matt: I'm taking over Navigating duties while Mrs. B sleeps.

Noah: Oh goodie.

Matt: Allright, Captain. I need you to turn right at the light.

Noah: Okay.

Matt: Turn right, here.

Noah: Turning right.

Matt: This is pretty fun. Turn right again.

Noah: Uh huh.

Matt: So, why the Grand Canyon?

Noah: Well, last season was pretty rough. I thought it would be a good idea to take my family on a nice vacation that wasn't filled with people trying to kill us.

Matt: Preach on, brother. Turn right.

Noah: We're going in circles.

Matt: Oh, sorry, turn left.

Matt lowers the map, to find the RV crashed into a wall.

Noah: You're fired as navigator.

Matt: ….Okay, I kinda take responsibility for that…..but…..You didn't see that wall coming?

-Genesis Redux-

At a gravel plant, Hiro, decked out in a _Cheerleader's Uniform_, runs up to the top, ready to jump off. Filming the affair is Zach.

Zach: Okay, Claire! Ready! Man, this is going to be crazy.

Hiro: Okay, you ready?

Zach: Ready!

Hiro: Ready!

Zach: I'm ready!

Hiro: Okay….

Zach: Hey, Claire? Where did you get this camera? _And why is there a recording of a stripper burning her mouth on Ramen?_

Hiro: Don't ask questions! Just film!

Zach: I'm filming.

Hiro: Okay…gonna jump…it's really high.

Zach: Hey, it was your idea! It's actually kind of the point. We need to see how awesome your powers are.

Hiro: You know about Cla…err…my powers?

Zach: Yeah, Claire, _I don't randomly film Cheerleaders jumping to their deaths._

Hiro: Really?….so…..I've been telling you everything?

Zach: Uh…duh, Claire. You've been confiding in me a lot lately. It's kinda cool.

Hiro (checking his notes): Is that so….hmm.

Hiro falls off the plant and splats against the ground.

Hiro: Ow….that hurt….

Zach: Oh my god, Claire are you okay?

Hiro: UH! IS THAT A RIB STICKING OUT! How does she live with this?

Zach: Huh?

Hiro: Don't ask questions! FILM!

Zach: Filming.

Hiro: I'm Claire Bennet, and that was attempt number….._Sweet Startship Enterprise that hurt like a mother!_…

Zach: You want me to help pop your arm back into it's socket?

Hiro: I feel faint.

Nathan meets up with Elle in the gas station, she is hiding behind a shelf.

Nathan: Well, this is just great. The papparazzi caught me taking a leak! There goes my chance of getting back into office.

Elle: Oh, Nathan, don't say that. _Your chances of getting re-elected are slim to none!_

Nathan: GEE, THANKS!

Elle: We have a problem.

Nathan: What?

Elle: The store's getting robbed.

Nathan: WHAT?

Elle: Okay, you just screamed that _RIGHT _into my eardrum.

She points.

Elle: Right there, two people. It looks intense.

Tracy and The Haitian walk up. The Haitian is half a bag deep in Taco Flavored Doritos.

Nathan: I'm not paying for that.

Tracy: What's going on?

Elle: The store's getting jacked. Yo, Haitian, pass the grub.

Haitian: Get your own bag.

Elle: RUDE!

The two robbers spin around and notice the group.

Elle: SHHH!

Nathan: They already noticed us!

One of the robbers holds up his gun.

Nathan: Come on, man. At least let us negotiate something.

Elle: Step aside. I got this.

Elle steps forward the robber. He fires his pistol at Elle as she spreads her arms in front of her, creating an electric shield. The bullets disentegrate in front of her, blowing metal pieces and gun powder in her face.

Elle (spitting): Blech! That could have gone more gracefully.

The other robber, a female, notices Nathan. She motions for her and her partner to leave. They run out.

Tracy: They're getting away.

Elle (mouth full of potato chips): STOP THEM!...Munch! Munch!

Tracy runs around to the entrance to see fire swelling up to block the entrance.

Tracy: Really?

With the wave of a hand the fire freezes into place, Tracy kicks the ice out of her way as she, Nathan and The Haitian make their way outside.

Elle: Hold on! (Munch! Munch!) I'm…catching up….oh…ow, ow, ow….stomach cramp…stomach cramp…..(Munch! Munch!)

-Genesis Redux-

Hiro is at his desk, watching his clock. Concentrating hard on it. The second hand continues to tick forward. Behind him, a fellow co-worker (_portrayed by Hiro)_, is watching him.

Hiro: Ah, this is where it all began. Hmm. Am I supposed to be watching myself like this? Won't the universe explode or something? Well, it's not really me, just one of my co-workers, so I guess it's alright.

Genesis Hiro (at his desk, jumping up): YATTA!

Genesis Hiro runs down to Ando's cubicle, thrilled.

Hiro: Brings me back.

Hiro picks up the clock that Hiro stopped. He notices that _the batteries are dead_.

Hiro: Hmm?...I'm going to pretend I didn't see that.

Meanwhile, back in the RV.

Mohinder: I'm glad you decided to make me your Navigator, Noah. It's an honor and a privilege.

Noah: If you so much as breathe the words: _Extraordinary, Research, or anything Science-y, I'm pushing you out the door._

Mohinder: You got it. This reminds me of a story my father used to tell me.

Noah: And you're probably going to share it against my will, aren't you?

Mohinder: This is the story of _Rhubarb, The Elephant_. The most powerful King in all of the Kingdom of Elephants.

Noah: I think you mean _Babar?_

Mohinder: Nope. Rhubarb. He was a mighty King, until his greed threatened the livelihood of the townspeople. He was taking over the Kingdom while his brother, the true king, was on a Crusade. He raised taxes, and his evil Sherriff was terrible to the citizens. What they needed was an unsung hero, to steal from the rich to give to the poor….

Noah: That's the plot of Robin Hood!

Mohinder: No, it's not. So Rhubarb's brother was away on the Crusade, and living in a castle part time. While there he got cursed by an evil witch who told him that if he doesn't find his true love before all the petals of a magic rose wilted, he will remain a beast forever.

Noah: That's Beauty and The Beast!

Mohinder: I don't think so.

Noah: I thought he was an elephant!

Mohinder: I'm going to need you to stop interrupting now.

-Genesis Redux-

Hiro (as Peter) and Nathan are on their way to the Police Station to bail out Angela.

Nathan: I can't believe this, and so close to election time. You and ma are gonna cost me the entire race. I'm mad!

Hiro (giddy): I missed you, flying man!

Nathan: What did you just say?

Hiro: Uh…..I kissed my _frying pan_….you know, for good luck…..I love to cook! But not Ramen, because I burnt my mouth while stripping on the internet!

Nathan: …..You're a strange one, Pete.

Hiro: Whew!

Hiro checks his watch.

Hiro: Oh crap, I'm late!

Nathan: For what?

Hiro: Gotta go do something else. Mom stole the socks, good luck with that.

Hiro pushes Nathan into the interrogation room. He runs off.

On the other side of town, Zach is sitting outside where a bad fire is taking place. Hiro (as Claire) runs up, gasping for breath.

Zach: Hey, check it out! Cool, huh?

Hiro: Yeah, it's awesome sauce. Gotta run.

Hiro runs into the fire. Zach stumbles for the camera.

Zach: We're rolling!

Hiro runs up to a man who is caught in the fire.

Man: Help!

Hiro: It's okay, I'm a cheerleader!

Man: I figured!

Hiro: I guess I have to do a cheer first.

Man: A what?

Hiro pulls out his pom-poms.

Hiro (cheering): _We got spirit, yes we do, we got spirit, how 'bout you!_

Man: You're on fire.

Hiro: Why, thank you! I've been practicing that for hours. Not unlike Jackie….she never practices and always messes up the pyramid. She is such a snob.

Man: No, _your clothes are actually on fire._

Hiro: AHHH!

Back in the RV, Noah looks at Peter who is eating Captain Crunch.

Noah: You're not going to be my navigator either.

Peter: That's okay. I just want to enjoy my Captain Crunch. I love cereal!

Noah: Would you get rid of that stuff? You're getting it all over the upholstry.

Peter: Okay…

Peter dumps the cereal out the window. The RV starts to shake.

Noah: Peter….did…..did your cereal give me a flat tire?

Peter: Probably. As much as I love Captain Crunch sometimes it's like eating Steel Wool…totally worth it though.

Noah (grasping onto the wheel): …

-Genesis Redux-

The Bennets are eating dinner.

Hiro: Okay, there's Claire….Lyle…..Sandra…..I must be Noah Bennet!

Sandra: Guess what, kids! Your father's coming home early.

Hiro: Huh?

Sandra (to Hiro): _Isn't that right, Mr. Muggles?_

Hiro: I'M THE DOG? That's…..you know what….no! NO!...NEXT!

Later…

Hiro is Niki again, a few thugs walked in.

Thug: Hello, Niki. We're here to collect Linderman's Money.

Hiro: Say what now?

Thug: We're gonna need you to pay up…..now.

Hiro checks his notes.

Hiro: Oh, right, that's right. Niki owes him money…..

Thug: Get her!

Hiro: Uh oh.

Back in the Basement. Sylar, Samson, Angela, Micah and Molly are watching Ted.

Ted: ….._Watching Ted what_?

Sylar: We're waiting for you to explode.

Ted: I'm not going to blow up! That's a stupid idea. Surely there's another way out of here. Let's just open the door.

Angela: You fool! Tons of debris is blocking the entrance, it will flood in and kill us.

Ted: It'll flood a little bit. But we can keep digging until we reach the surface.

Sylar: Have fun with that.

Ted: I'm not digging it myself.

Angela: Well, we can't have the children do it. It's bad enough they're going to die down here, there's no point putting them to work.

Molly (To Micah): What is WRONG with her?

Micah: It's amazing Nathan and Peter came out normal.

Peter picks out pieces of Captain Crunch from Noah's tire.

Peter: You got a flat tire.

Noah: That's it! Everybody out.

Noah climbs back into the RV. Niki, Mohinder, Matt and The Bennet's get out.

Claire: What's going on?

Noah: You people…..

Niki and Mohinder exchange looks.

Noah: Yes. _You people_. You have totally ruined this vacation.

Niki: I haven't done anything!

Noah: Oh yes you did Miss '_I need to shave my legs in the passenger seat!'_.

Niki: Well, I'm sorry I needed better light…..didn't help though, missed a _huge patch_.

Noah: You four morons. You all are terrible people, and this vacation is just….shot. I'm going to have to go back to work now and think of a new way to take my family on vacation. I hope you're happy.

Matt: Not really, we never made it to The Grand Canyon.

Noah: Family, back in the RV.

Niki: What about us?

Noah: I'll send someone for you.

Niki: You can't do that.

They climb back into the RV. Peter follows.

Peter: I uh….I'm technically family…sort of….so…good luck!

Peter slams the door.

The RV pulls away. Niki, Mohinder and Matt stand there.

Niki: Well, now what?

Mohinder: I guess we wait.

Matt: ….whoa, Niki missed a _huge spot on her legs_. Hey, Chewbacca, _shave much?_

Niki slugs Matt in the arm.

Matt: OW!

-Genesis Redux-

Hiro is running down the back alley. He is in a business suit. He looks up to see Peter, standing on the ledge.

Peter: Nathan, watch! I'm gonna fly.

Hiro: Oh, no you're not….that's _my job, pal_.

Peter steps off. Hiro scrambles.

Hiro: Okay…..steady….steady…

Hiro jumps up and catches Peter.

Peter: Whoa…haha…..Nathan! We're flying!

Hiro: I know, right? Oh wait….no, it's all in your head…..was that right?

Hiro reaches for his notes. Peter drops.

Hiro: Uh oh…..Peter!

Splat!

Hiro: AHHH!...Oh wait….that's supposed to happen…all is good.

Hiro realizes he's still in the air.

Hiro: How am I supposed to get down?

Back in the middle of nowhere, the two robbers are running. They both run into a solid wall of ice and fall. Tracy, Nathan and The Haitian catch up to them. Elle finally catches up.

Elle: Looks like we caught the criminal….oh crap! _I didn't pay for this bag of chips_!...Eh, who cares?

Female Criminal: It looks like we can't outrun you Nathan.

Nathan: Do we know each other?

The woman turns around and takes off her mask….revealing herself to be _Meredith Gordon_. The male robber has trouble taking off his mask. Meredith rips it off, revealing her brother, _Flint_.

Nathan: Oh no…..

Back in the basement, Sylar and Ted are throwing pieces of Mansion to the side. They see a light.

Sylar: It's a light! We're saved!

Ted: Wait….you hear that?

Sylar: I….hear….digging? We're double saved.

Angela: No….we're not.

Sylar: Huh?

Samson: We're not saved?

Angela: Those are _Arthur's Henchmen_.

Sylar: Say what, now?

Angela: Kind of had a dream that we got pulled through the wreckage by armed men….but they work for Arthur….you know, _the man who blew up my house_.

Sylar: YOU WERE GOING TO TELL US THIS WHEN?

Angela: When the time is right, my dear.

Angela takes a sip of her tea.

Angela: Oh, this cup is empty….

An armed man busts through to the basement. He holds up a gun.

Man: I'm gonna need you all to come with me.

Sylar (To Ted): …..if you want to blow up, _now would be the best time to do so_.

Ted: Dude! I'm not going to blow up!

Niki, Matt and Mohinder are walking along the road.

Niki: I still can't believe he left us here! What a jerk.

Mohinder: Did I ever tell you guys the story of _Rubarb The Elephant_?

Niki: Yes, Mohinder, we've all heard your stupid elephant story!

A car comes driving up, stopping in front of the group. _Claire steps out of the car_.

Claire: Get in.

Everybody piles into the car.

Claire: First, I'd like to personally thank you all for ruining the Bennet Family Trip.

Matt: Oh god, are you going to kill us!

Claire: Um, no. You see….this was all part of my plan.

Mohinder: Your plan?

Claire: I didn't want to go to the Grand Canyon. Dad would make us do horribly boring things, Lyle would be annoying, and Mom would just pay attention to Muggles. That and my dad wouldn't let me go on the trip I already had planned for me. So my only option was to perform a little sabotage.

Matt: Huh?

Claire: I pretended to be surprised that you guys stowed away. But knowing that you all are losers with nothing better to do…

Niki: HEY!

Claire: Peter and I talked yesterday and while he was telling me about his apartment woes I told him about the family trip, hoping it would provoke him to stowaway while he waiting on his new apartment. You three have been just staying anywhere, so I assumed you were just going to follow him.

Flashback to Claire talking to Noah at the wheel.

Claire: Peter, Nathan, Parkman and Suresh stowed away.

Noah slams on the breaks.

Claire _I hoped that would have been good enough. But my dad insisted on going on this trip_. But I remained patient as I watched the damage unfold.

Niki: I am shocked and offended. But she's also right….damn, I hate my life.

Matt: I helped someone today….and I feel pretty good.

Claire: And for helping me out, you all get to come with me on _my vacation_.

Mohinder: Where are you going?

Claire: Well, I've been kind of seeing _West again_.

Niki: From Season 2?

Matt: Totally called it! You know, when I was telling my robot story?

Niki: Nobody was listening to that crap, Matt!

Claire: Well, actually it did push me in the direction to give him a call.

Matt: I changed lives today…..and I feel pretty good.

Niki: Unbelievable.

Claire: He invited me and some friends…._who were busy so I'm settling for you guys_….to his family's new house boat. Get ready to set sail tomorrow.

Niki: Wait, you didn't bring Peter?

Claire: Uh….he's the other part of my plan.

Noah opens Claire's door.

Noah: Morning, Claire Bear….time for school.

Noah walks up and pulls down the top of her bedspread, to find Peter wearing a blonde wig.

Peter: See, this is allowed…..cause we're technically family….sort of…..Man, I can go for some pancakes!

Noah throws the bedspread back over Peter's face.

Noah: Yeah. She's totally grounded.

Back at the gas station.

Danko, still tied up, is sitting in the store.

Danko: Hello? Anybody there?...Can someone untie me?...I have to use the restroom!...Oh fine, I'll do it myself.

Danko manages to get up and walk into the restroom. He walks back out.

Danko: I'll just hold it.

_To Be Continued_.


	2. Tales From The Gypped

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>Season 4<br>Chapter 2**

**Author Note: I really wanted to get this out ON Halloween but I ran out of time. Well, enjoy the belated Halloween Special!**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Tell you what; if you don't sue me I promise I'll watch The Playboy Club….oh, it's cancelled? Oh…..man, this is awkward.**

Ladies and Gentlemen! Heroes Presents: 'The Hero-Ween Special!'

Niki: I'm fairly certain we all agreed that was an awful name.

Mohinder and Niki are standing in front of their new court appointed house.

Mohinder: I'll catch you up to speed, since Niki (who hasn't been keeping tabs on her son, Micah), and myself (who kinda lost tabs on Molly), we were listed as terrible parents by the court and have to serve community service in this house, taking care of these fake babies in the meantime.

Niki: Oh my god! _My baby doesn't have a head_!

Mohinder: Niki, it shouldn't matter. As long as we love these babies, that's all they need.

Niki: Give me yours.

Mohinder: NO! And get your freak baby away from me!

Niki and Mohinder are in the bedroom.

Niki: Mohinder, I think I heard something in the kitchen. I don't know….but this place gives me the creeps.

Mohinder: So, are we pushing these beds together?

Niki: WHAT? No, you creep! What's wrong with you!

Mohinder: I meant so I won't fall off! I tend to roll in my sleep.

Niki: That's not making me change my mind. Just go to bed.

CLANG!

Niki: Oh crap! Where are the babies!

Mohinder (mumbling): …_in the washing machine._

Niki: oh…good….wait…NOT GOOD! MOHINDER?

Mohinder: What?

Niki: You can't put babies in the washing machine!

Mohinder: What was I supposed to do?

Niki: UGH! Get up!

They're both walking down the stairs.

Niki: I swear if that stupid judge makes us take care of more babies, _I'm going to scream my face off_!

They pass the kitchen. They notice the chairs are tipped over and pots and pans are lying everywhere.

Niki: Hmm. Well, I'm not cleaning that up.

Later….

Niki wakes up to find her blanket moving off of her.

Niki: Mohinder!...Mohinder!...Wake up!

Mohinder: Uh….just a few minutes more, Nana….

Niki: MOHINDER! WAKE UP! Look!

Mohinder gets up and the blanket stops moving.

Mohinder: That's nice, Niki. Now go to sleep. You're making me forget things about science.

Niki: Hmm.

Mohinder gets dragged out of bed and thrown on the floor.

Niki: AHHH!

Mohinder: Niki! Get the babies and run! I think I left them in the sink!

Niki: Don't worry, Mohinder! I'll save you!

Niki reaches for the alarm clock.

Niki: ….When I wake up at 7:00 tomorrow….hmm….though I do like to 'snooze' for a while until I wake up, I seem to wake up better that way. 6:30 it is!

Mohinder: NIKI!

Niki: Oh, all right, you crybaby!

Niki is holding on to Mohinder's hands while a sinister force is pulling him.

Mohinder: I'm not going to make it.

Niki: Well, duh! I could've told you that!...Say, where the hell is Matt? You two idiots are responsible for Molly's well-being. Why isn't he here?

Mohinder: I heard he was kidnapped.

Elsewhere….

A light flickers on; Matt is stuck in a tiled room with Peter and Claire.

Matt: Oh, hey guys!

Claire: Hey, Matt.

Peter: What's up, buddy?

Matt: Not much, so….what's going on here?

Claire: We're being held hostage in these _Saw Traps_.

They find themselves with boxes on their heads.

Matt: Oh, I've heard of these. They're _Ka-Shonk boxes._

Claire: What?

Matt: Ka-Shonk boxes. When you fail the game, Jigsaw activates the trap and it goes Ka-Shonk! And lops your head right off your shoulders!

Claire: Oh my!

_Sylar appears on the screen_.

Sylar: Hello, everyone. I would like to play a game.

Peter: Chutes and Ladders!

Claire: Guess Who!

Matt: Duck, Duck, Goose!

Man: He's mad I tell you! MAD! He's gonna kill us all!

Peter: Sylar? Nah, he's nice.

Sylar: Excuse me?

Claire: Yeah, Sylar's friendly now. When it comes down to it he wouldn't actually kill us.

Sylar: Oh, yeah? Watch this!

The man's box activates.

KA-SHONK!

Matt: Ew!

Claire: Oh my!

Peter: …..See, he didn't kill us.

Claire: That's true.

Sylar: I'm still evil, dammit!

Claire: Oh yeah, the other day I saw you trying to help an old lady cross the street.

Sylar: I was TRYING to push her in front of a bus!

Claire: Riiiight.

Sylar: That's it! On to my final game. Before you are three rolls of toilet paper. The last one to unravel their roll dies. You have _a minute to win it_…..'It' meaning….not….death….GO!

Claire: Hey, I found the key! So we're going to go ahead and get out of these.

Sylar: HEY! WAIT! I wasn't finished.

Claire: That's nice. Later, Sylar.

Matt: Peace!

Peter: See you next Halloween!

Matt: I hear he always gives the best candy.

Peter: He is such a nice guy.

Claire: So nice.

Sylar: AAAAAARRRRGH!

**Previously on Heroes**_**…**_

Nathan and the others crawl out from the crash site.

Nathan: Looks like we made it in one piece.

Elle: LOOK!

They find Emile Danko not far off. After tying him up, they begin to walk back to civilization.

Tracy: We can stop at this gas station.

While shopping inside, the store gets robbed. The two robbers run off. Outside, Tracy forms an ice wall that stops them in their tracks.

Robber: It's good to see you again, Nathan.

The robber pulls her mask off to reveal herself as _Meredith Gordon, with her partner and brother Flint_.

Noah: Family road trip!

The Bennets pile in the RV, as well as Peter, Niki, Mohinder and Matt.

Noah: OUT!

Noah: You people have ruined this trip for me….

Claire: And thus making my trip better. You three are coming with me to West's family lake house.

Niki: What about Peter?

Noah finds Peter in Claire's bed with a wig on.

Noah: Yeah, she's grounded.

Linderman (to Hiro): For restoring your powers, you need to do something for me.

Hiro: What's that?

Linderman: You need to relive the events of Season One….and prevent my death.

Hiro: That's absurd!

Hiro finds himself in a nurse uniform as Peter, a cheerleading outfit as Claire, and as Mr. Muggles.

Hiro: Was that even necessary?

Hiro (as Nathan) catches Peter in mid-air, then drops him.

SPLAT!

Hiro: I'm sure he's going to find some way to pin this on me.

**Hiro (as Peter Petrelli) and Nathan Petrelli  
>Genesis Redux-The Hospital<strong>

Hiro wakes up to find….

Hiro: FLYING MAN!...oh, drat, I have to stop doing that.

Nathan: Well, Pete. Looks like you tried to jump off the roof and kill yourself again. Ma is NOT going to be pleased.

Hiro takes a look at the hospital bracelet on his wrist, it reads:

**Chapter Two 'Tales From The Gypped'**

Voice: _Peter Boreguarde Petrelli! How could you upset your mother like this?_

Hiro: Wow, flying man, you do a real spot on impression of Angela. Though it needs to be raspier…like a snake.

He notices that Angela is standing there, Nathan has already left.

Hiro: Heh…Heh…uh…..I meant…..yeah, I have nothing.

**Nathan Petrelli and Co., Meredith and Flint Gordon  
>Not too far from the gas station.<strong>

Nathan: Meredith, I didn't expect you to be here.

Tracy: I'm a little rusty on the introductions. Who was she again?

Elle: She's Claire Bennet's birth mother, and obviously Nathan's the father.

Tracy: Oh, right, as his secretary I should have known that.

Elle: Yes, one of the classic 'Holy Crap' moments this show used to produce….wonder why they don't have them anymore?

Tracy: Well, how about this? _The Haitian and I are your real parents._

Elle: I knew it! When I first met you and realized _how old and creaky you were_, I knew you just had to be my real mother!

Tracy: I'm only 4 years older than you, you twit.

Elle: …

Tracy: Which means I can't have a baby when I'm 4….

Elle: So…you…..you and the Haitian aren't my birth parents?

Tracy: NO! IT WAS A JOKE!

Elle: How cruel can one person be? I hate you! I wish you weren't my mother!

Tracy: I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER!

Meredith: Should I….let them keep going?

Nathan: Ignore them.

Meredith: Flint and I…..we were having some hard times…..we are running from the law.

Nathan: Well, that bites. Listen, I'm going to write you a check to silence you so nobody knows the secret about Claire being our daughter.

Meredith: I…thought everybody kinda knew at this point.

Nathan: Nope, nobody has a clue.

Elle: I do!

Meredith: You have to help us flee the country, Nathan.

Nathan: And….why should I do that?

Meredith: Please, you're the only person who can help us escape.

Nathan: I'm sorry, Meredith….it's a matter of principle. I'm going to be Mayor of this fine city very soon.

Tracy: Are we even still IN the city?

Elle: …and I thought you can't be mayor again because you were so horrible last time?

Haitian: And the current mayor has just been sworn in office less than six months ago.

Nathan: None of that matters. We won't do this, because we're….

Nathan turns around to see a van pull away.

Nathan: Where did they go?

_Emile Danko walks up_.

Danko: They're criminals, Mr. Petrelli. As are you….but they're worse, so I'll just take them instead.

Nathan: But I didn't get to say I wouldn't help her. _Now I have to save her so I can tell her that I won't help her_!

Danko: That is impossible, Nathan. You'll have no idea where she's at.

Nathan: Maybe you just need some persuading. Tracy!

He turns to see she is knocked out, along with the Haitian.

Elle: Yeah, turns out he somehow got freed from the gas station and threw a noxious gas grenade. Hasn't hit me yet…getting kinda loopy though.

Danko (getting in a car): See you around, Petrelli. Stay out of trouble. I don't want to have to hunt you down again.

Nathan (eyeroll): Yeah, because that worked out SO well last time.

He drives off.

Nathan: Elle!

Elle: I don't feel so good.

Nathan: Shut up. We have work to do! We're _going to go save Meredith and Flint._

Elle: Why? I thought you wanted them to go away.

Nathan: None of that matters anymore. We will do this, because we're….

**= = = HEROES = = = **

Elle: That was lame.

Nathan: I was going to say '_Bored'_ but thanks for cutting me off anyway, opening credits!

Elle: Aaaand….I'm out.

Elle collapses.

**Hiro Nakamura  
>Genesis Redux<br>The Bennet Home**

Hiro (as Claire) is washing the dishes; he notices the news talking about his great fire rescue.

Hiro: Slow news day. Oh, crud….

Hiro reaches into the trash compactor to retrieve the ring he was wearing. He pulls his hand out and it is mangled and bloody.

Hiro: I'm going to be sick.

Sandra: Hello, Claire!

Hiro: EEK!

Sandra: How are those dishes coming along?

Hiro: Good…..I mean bloody!...oh, no, I was right the first time. Say, mom, I think it's time to talk about my real parents.

Sandra: Sure, just after I get this knife that you plunged INTO MY HEART!

Hiro: Oh boy, she's one of _THOSE _moms.

Someone is coming down the stairs….we pan over to…

**Noah Bennet  
>Real World, The Bennet Home<br>Coming down the stairs**

Noah: Morning, family.

Sandra: Hello, dear.

Peter: Hiya, pa!

Noah: Take off that stupid wig!

Peter takes off the Claire wig.

Noah: Sandra, did you know your daughter went to West Rosen's lake house? I found this out when I hacked into her Facebook account, which she had the gall to post that I'm always trying to pry into her personal life. The nerve!

Sandra: Yeah, I knew that.

Noah: You didn't tell me this…why?

Sandra: I thought you knew? I heard she posted it on Facebook.

Noah: Because I just told you!

Peter: Mrs. B…Breakfast Burritos….A-MAZING!

Sandra: Ah, thank you, Claire!

Noah looks at the wig in his hand….then shakes his head.

Noah (to Peter): And why the hell are you here again? I'm surprised you didn't go with Claire on her never-ending mission to disappoint me to death!

Peter: I felt like I was needed here.

Sandra: And he is needed here. We have a problem. Mrs. Stevenson across the street is having a haunted house again this year and mine has to be better than hers.

Peter: Which is why I'm here. To help!

Noah: Hmph.

Hiro wakes up, he is Niki again. The thugs that attacked him before are mysteriously dead.

Hiro: Not good!

He looks over at the mirror to see himself smirking.

Hiro: Hmm, I am one handsome devil…oh crap! Micah!

The phone rings.

Hiro: Hello?

Micah: Mom? Where are you?

Hiro: I'm on my way!

Hiro hangs up, the phone immediately rings again.

Hiro: Micah, I said I'm on my way.

Micah: But it's been 4 hours since I last called you!

Hiro: GUFFUH! WHAAAT?

**Claire, Matt, Mohinder and Niki  
>On The Road<strong>

Claire is looking bored while driving, Niki is messing with the radio station, Mohinder is reading a book and Matt is looking out the window.

Matt: You know what? It's Halloween! We should stop.

Claire: Say what?

Matt: It's Halloween, we should be out there, trick or treating! Dressing up in cool costumes! Not stuck in this car.

Claire: Uh, hello? We're on our way somewhere.

Matt: Come on, Claire. It'll only be for a little bit. Come on, it's _Hero-Ween!_

Mohinder: I thought we all agreed that was a horrible name.

Claire: Forget it. If we don't remain on schedule we'll be late. I don't need you three ruining this trip for…_oh my god, I sound like my dad_.

Matt: That's a 'yes'.

Peter and Sandra are walking through the hardware store.

Peter: Now, Mrs. Bennet, what are you looking for in a good Haunted House?

Sandra: I want to get as many kids as I can to come over….then scare the living crap out of them.

Peter (putting his hand on her shoulder): You….could not have found anyone better. Let's start with some explosives.

Back on the road.

Matt: Are we there yet?

Claire: I don't even know where we're going! Since we're not doing my thing.

Matt: Let's see, there's an awesome costume shop off the corner of Independence and 47th Street. "Hallo-We-Have-Costumes"

Niki: How original.

Mohinder: Look, there's a hitchhiker! We should pick her up.

Claire: Ugh, no! It could be _The Craig's List Killer!_

Mohinder: You said that about the last 5 hitchhikers. This woman looks old, she can't kill us!

Claire: Well, she can't _kill me_….okay, I'll pick her up.

Niki: You can't be serious!

Later, Niki is now in the back seat with Mohinder and Matt. In the front is the older woman hitch hiker.

Woman: Why hello there, young people! My name is _Hyacinth Bucket_.

Matt: _Bucket?_

Hyacinth: It's pronounced '_Bouquet'_.

Niki: I'm sure it is.

Hyacinth: Thank you so much for picking me up. I've seem to have misplaced my husband; we were out here looking for my father you see. Poor Daddy, out here, all alone, thinking he's in the war.

Claire: Hey, that's nice. Where am I dropping you off?

Hyacinth: Somewhere inside town. You all are such nice, lower middle class people. I would love for you all to come to one of my candlelight suppers!

Matt: I love suppers!

Hyacinth: ….but after you all get a nice change of clothes though.

Claire: What's that supposed to mean!

Hyacinth: I'm sure we'll be the best of friends.

Hyacinth notices a high scale, upper class elderly woman walking alongside the road.

Hyacinth: Ahh! It's Mrs. Councilor Nugent! I can't let her see me with you vagrants!

Hyacinth takes the back of Claire's head and ducks it down below the steering wheel.

Claire: ACK!

Hyacinth sticks her head out the window.

Hyacinth: Nice day for a drive, Mrs. Councilor Nugent! You should come to one of my candlelight suppers!

The car veers off the road and slams into a ditch.

Niki (to Mohinder): No more hitch hikers?

Mohinder: No more hitch hikers.

Nathan wakes up. He notices everyone else waiting for him to come to.

Nathan: What happened?

Elle: Danko took off with Meredith and Flint. And we all got gassed.

Nathan: Well, we better be off to save them.

Tracy: Why are you saving these people again?

Nathan: It would look good. I am trying to run for Mayor again. That and so I can tell her I won't help her with her problems.

Tracy: I'm lost.

Nathan: Nothing to worry about thought. I have this all under control.

Nathan gets on the phone.

Elle: You have a phone? Why haven't you called someone to come pick us up?

Nathan: It's a special phone I got after leaving office. I only get 3 calls with it.

Elle: That seems like a waste.

Later, everyone is still sitting around. A helicopter is coming up.

Elle: Is…is that a helicopter? We're saved!

Nathan: It's a special flight service I registered for after leaving office. I'm only allowed 3 rides.

The helicopter lands.

Pilot: Ready for pickup, Mr. Petrelli sir?

Nathan: Yes, we are.

Everyone loads into the chopper. It takes off.

Pilot: Oh, sorry sir, you actually used your third ride to go to the Dentist 6 months ago.

Nathan: Well, that bites.

The helicopter lands, everybody gets off.

Elle: Really?

Back on the road. Claire's cell phone rings.

Hyacinth: That's for me.

Claire: But it's my cell phone!

Hyacinth: Hello? Oh, it's my sister Violet! (To Claire) You remember my sister, Violet? The one with the large house, sauna, and room for a pony?

Claire: Why does she have my cell phone number?

Hyacinth (on the phone): What seems to be troubling you Violet? What do you mean you're having problems with your husband, Bruce?...What do you mean he's ripping out all your clothes from the closet?...What do you mean he's wearing them along with your good makeup?...AACK!

Hyacinth tosses the phone out the window.

Hyacinth: Ha Ha….wrong number.

Claire stares at her, stunned.

Hyacinth turns around to Matt.

Hyacinth: You! The chunky one in the back!

Matt: WHAT?

Hyacinth: You look thirsty. Have some of my homemade tea.

Matt: Thanks, Mrs. Bucket!

Hyacinth: It's _Bouquet!_

Matt: Nope! Pretty sure it's _Bucket_.

Hyacinth pours him some tea in a glass cup and hands it to him.

Hyacinth: You better not break one of my Royal Doultons with the hand painted periwinkles!

Matt: I have no idea what that is.

Matt tries to take a sip of his tea. Claire runs over a pothole, making Matt fling the cup out the window.

Matt: OOPS!

Hyacinth: That's it; you're getting a beaker next time!

Matt: Not a beaker!

Niki: I can't take this anymore! Where the hell is the costume shop!

Claire: We're here!

Claire slams on the breaks.

Hyacinth: Oh good. I'm going to pop in and grab me a new hat. I'll be back shortly.

Niki leans up.

Niki: We're not taking her with us, are we?

Claire: Hell no! That hag broke my cell phone!

Hiro (as Mohinder) walks into an apartment.

Hiro: Okay (checks notes)….this must be Sandra Suresh's apartment.

A man pops up.

Hiro: Oh hello.

Exterminator: Oh, don't mind me….I'm the exterminator.

Hiro: …

Exterminator: So, I have a gun…..

Hiro: Exterminator's don't have….oh….I get it.

The Exterminator knocks him down and runs out into the hall, bumping into a woman. Hiro runs out and jumps on him.

Hiro: Ahhh! Stop moving!

The woman, _Eden McCain_, scrambles and grabs the gun. She points it at Hiro and The Exterminator.

Eden: Which one do I shoot?

Hiro: Shoot him! He's a bad man!

Eden points the gun at The Exterminator.

Hiro: Thank you! I will help teach you extraordinary sciency things. And you better pay attention, because there will be a test. _There's always a test_.

Eden points the gun back at Hiro.

Hiro: Okay, no tests! Shoot him! Shoot him!

The Exterminator makes a break for it.

Hiro: Thanks for not shooting.

Eden: No, problem. I'm just glad nobody got…

BANG!

Hiro: ….

Eden: …..

Hiro: …..(looks at arm)…AAAAAHHH!...oh, wait, I'll just heal…(thinks for a second)….oh crap! I can't do that yet! AHHH!

Back at the hardware store.

Clerk: That'll be $44,592.

Peter and Sandra look at Noah.

Noah: I'm not paying that! What did you two buy?

Peter: Noah, your house is going to look amazing! We have ghosts that sing, a 5,000 piece light set that is set to play to _The Black Eyed Peas_, cobwebs, spiders, serial killers, serial killing spiders, and a doorbell that sounds like a gun!

Noah: Why would you want a doorbell that sounds like a gun?

Peter looks at Sandra and they laugh.

Peter: He doesn't know much about Halloween!

Sandra: Indeed.

Noah (checking his phone): Peter, when was the last time you talked to your mother? I tried calling her and the phone has been disconnected.

Peter: Uh….I left her house after I went nuts last season.

Noah: Something's wrong. I better go check it out.

Sandra: Noah! You can't leave; we need you….._to pay for this_.

Noah: I only have enough for….(checks his wallet)….1% of what you have.

Back at the house.

Noah: _You kept the doorbell?_

Peter: I think it represents Halloween to its fullest.

Noah: That doorbell still cost me almost $500 bucks! You could have kept something 'Halloween-ish'.

Peter: Nah, it's all about this….this doorbell. Ooh! Someone's coming! Get the candy.

Noah: It's only 3 in the afternoon….

Everyone gets inside, Noah begrudgingly walks in. The Pizza Delivery Man shows up and rings the doorbell.

BANG!

Pizza Man: AHHHH!

The man throws the pizzas and runs for it.

Peter: I think we're ready for Halloween. You have done well, grasshopper.

Sandra: And you have taught well, Sensei.

Noah: Screw this; I'm going back to work.

Lyle: Hey, has anybody seen the pizza's I ordered? Since nobody cooks around here anymore.

Sandra: Honey, I told you I was going to be busy with Peter this week. That's why I made you meals in advance.

Lyle: You only made meals for Muggles! And he only eats dog food.

Sandra: I knew I forgot something!

Lyle: Thank you!

Sandra: _I have last year's costumes in the storage shed_! Let's get ready!

Peter: Right behind ya!

Noah and Lyle are left there.

Lyle: Can I go with you?

Noah: You really want to go to the office with me?

Lyle: …..Nah, I'll find something else to do.

Later, in the costumer shop.

Niki: Okay, we're here on business. Mohinder, take all the _cheerleader outfits and burn them so Claire will have to pick something different to wear_.

Claire: Jerks.

Niki: Matt, don't be something stupid.

Matt: What were you saying Niki, I was too busy deciding what Tootsie Roll Pop I want…..hmm….gotta go with cherry.

Matt pops the tootsie roll pop in his mouth.

Matt: You know, I wonder _how many licks it takes to get in the center._

Mohinder: 487.

Niki (laughing): Oh my god, you totally just Googled that.

Mohinder: How dare you mock my scientific credibility! I have known this answer for years and will not have you squander all over it.

Niki: Oh, really? Well, then….

Niki grabs a tootsie pop and unwraps it.

Niki: Okay, Mr. _Scientific Credibility_…..show us.

Mohinder: …..I will.

Mohinder takes the tootsie roll pop.

Mohinder: I'm gonna do it.

Niki: Okay.

Mohinder: Here goes.

Niki: While were young-ish…

Mohinder: ….

Niki: ….

Mohinder: ….

Niki: ….

Mohinder …..(CHOMP!)

Niki: _AHA!_

Mohinder: Okay! I don't know, all right! No man has the patience to lick until they get into the center. Because, don't you see Niki….we may be trying to get into the center of that Tootsie Roll Pop….but little do we know…..that in the center, if we look deep enough….._it's us. We, are in the center._

Niki: _What the hell are you talking about! That doesn't make any sense!_

Mohinder: It doesn't have to….it's science.

Niki: So full of crap sometimes, I swear.

Meanwhile, at her high school, Hiro (as Claire) and a line of cheerleaders get questioned by the police.

Police Officer: Now, we need whoever helped the main in the burning train accident to come forward and receive praise and some money.

Hiro (to himself): I should come forward…but better remain under the radar for now, for now it can be a mystery. Saved by a mysterious cheerleader! I like the sound of that….

Jackie: I did it! I totally saved him!

Hiro: WHAT! No! It was mine!

Hiro and Jackie start pulling each other's hair.

Back in the costume store. Matt (in an electronic wheelchair and sporting a bald cap, comes riding up).

Matt: Oh, yeah, I'm totally Professor X from the X-Men.

He stops in front of a mirror.

Matt: My word, I'm a handsome devil.

He continues around a corner to find Mohinder, _wearing a bald cap and in an electric wheelchair._

Matt: What the hell is this?

Mohinder: Matt, you look ridiculous! Get out of that thing.

Matt: NO! I was Professor X first!

Mohinder: I'm actually a Professor, so you can't beat that. _Go be Jubilee!_

Matt: _But I don't wanna be freaking Jubilee!_

Niki rolls up in _her bald cap and wheelchair._

Niki: Oh, well this is just great! You two losers need to change!

Matt: Niki! Mohinder had the gall to suggest I dress up as _Jubilee!_

Niki: I can see that…..Anyway, I'm not changing. This outfit is the cheapest.

Claire rolls up…_in her Professor X costume_.

Claire: You all are changing because somebody torched all the cheerleader outfits.

Niki: UGH! Fine, back to the drawing board. Nobody is going to be Professor X.

Costume Change!

Niki: What…are these?

Mohinder: We're dressed up like _Chess Pieces_.

Niki: Well, I'm okay with being The Queen….

She notices Mohinder wearing the same thing.

Niki: Really!

Mohinder: The Queen is the best piece!

Claire: I call Queen!

Niki: NO! We all can't be Queen Pieces! We'll look like idiots! NEXT!

Matt (Dressed up like a _Peanut M&M)_: I'm okay with this….The 'M' stands for Matt.

Mohinder (Red M&M): I don't think I care for this….

Niki (A Jolly Rancher): Why does Claire get to be the Sexy Green M&M!

Claire: I kinda like it. I really like it!

Niki: NEXT!

Claire: _Smurfs?_

Matt (Putting on the _Smurfette costume):_ I'm just glad we don't have to paint ourselves.

Niki: There's no way you're going to fit into that, Parkman! Why the hell do you want to be Smurfette?

Matt: Because all the Smurfs totally do her bidding! Now go make me some Smurf Cakes, Grumpy Smurf!

Niki: You're going to be black and blue when I get through with you!

Claire: NEXT!

Mohinder: Who wants to dress up like Q-Tips?

All: NEXT!

The group is dressed up like pirates.

Claire: I….I can dig this.

Niki: Me too…..It fits pretty good.

Mohinder: We're The _Pirates Of Hero-Ween!_

Claire: I thought we all agreed that was a terrible name….

Matt: Arrrgh! (Hic)

Niki: Matt, what are you drinking?

Matt: Captain…._Matt Sparrow_….always gets…his…rum….(Hic)…..

He collapses on the floor.

Niki: Well, we're set!

Noah walks into the house; it is decorated and covered with cobwebs, spiders, blood and Jack-O-Lanterns. Some Trick or Treaters walk up.

BANG!

Children: AHHHH! (Run away)

Sandra: Oh dear….nobody is showing up. Not one person has accepted the invitation To _The Monster Mash_.

Peter (as a Zombie): _But it's a graveyard smash!_

Noah: Well, I can't leave for work yet because someone egged my car and poured sugar in my gas tank.

He looks at Sandra.

Noah: What on Earth are you wearing? I thought you we're going to be _Vanna White_ this year.

Sandra: Oh, I'm Vanna White every year. I decided to broaden my Wheel Of Fortune horizons this time….._by dressing up as the 'Wheel'_!

Noah: _You dressed up as the wheel….from Wheel Of Fortune_?

Sandra: Yes! And it works too! Just don't land on 'Bankrupt'….for some reason it crushes my windpipe whenever it does that!….But anyway, the role of Vanna White goes to none other than _my precious Muggles!_

She holds up Muggles, wearing a tiny dog dress. She poses his arms up in the air.

Peter (to Noah): It was actually my idea.

Noah: No kidding. Anyway…so, Pete, if you'd like to fly me to the office that would be great.

Peter: No can do, Mr. Bennet….all I have is healing, so I can't die….or get hurt….or get maimed, or get broken bloody body parts….

He thinks for a minute. Then looks at Sandra.

Sandra: YES!

Peter: Let's do this!

Sandra: Oh, crap, I should've dressed up like _Harry Potter_….._then my Muggles would have been a Real Muggle!_ Next year, Sandra….next year…

Noah: I think I'm going to be sick.

BANG!

Children: AHHHHH! (Run Away)

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere.

Nathan: I've come up with a solution.

Elle: We're still alive?

Nathan: Me and Tracy are going to fly into town.

Elle: Now wait just a damn minute! I tried to get you to fly us out of here in last week's episode!

Nathan: No, that was everyone…this time it's just going to be me and Tracy.

Elle: What a rip off! You're just going to let us die here?

Nathan: Nope, while you guys we're delirious with exhaustion, I talked to a nice man over there who drives a truck.

Elle: We're saved! No, wait….he looks stabby! I don't want to get stabbed!

Nathan: Uh, hello? You have electricity. The Haitian can wipe minds. I think you'll be okay.

Elle: You're leaving me with The Haitian? He never talks! I'll die of boredom.

Nathan: No, you won't. You can talk to the trucker. He tells me his name is Trucker Dan.

Elle: Ewww, _he's picking his ears with his keys!_

Nathan: You'll be fine. Call me when you reach _The Road kill Motel._

Elle: HE'S TAKING US TO A MOTEL!

Nathan: Uh, yeah….so you can sleep…..Well, we'll be at _The Four Seasons_….bye!

Nathan grabs Tracy and they take off.

Elle: Oh, what a jerk! (Screaming) _I'm totally going to run against you at the next Mayoral election!_...Jerk.

Trucker Dan: You guys comin aboard or what?

They start to get in the truck.

Trucker Dan: Hey, I just noticed that you're very pretty lady!

Elle: Well, that's the end of me. He's right though….

Elle whines while getting on. The Haitian rolls his eyes and gets in.

Meanwhile, Sandra is standing in front of the children on her doorstep.

Sandra: Happy Halloween, victims! Come one, come all, to The Bennet House Of Horrors!

Kid: This house isn't so scary.

Sandra: Try thinking that when you see…..A REAL ZOMBIE!

Kids: ….

Sandra: I SAID…A REAL….ZOMBIE!

Peter falls down the stairs.

Kid: What a stupid looking zombie.

Peter starts to get up.

Peter (moaning): _Grains…Grrraaaains…_

Noah (standing not too far away): _GRAINS? REALLY!_

Peter: No, I read it in a magazine. You act scary but try to promote good nutrition and exercise to the youngsters. But by exercise they really mean _running for their lives_.

Noah: Uh huh.

Peter turns back towards the children. His head is backwards, arm out of place, and rib sticking out.

Children: AHHHHHH!

They start to run off.

Sandra: Don't forget to ring the doorbell on your way out!

BANG!

Children: AHHHHHH!

Sandra: Ahahahaha! We did it, Peter!

Peter: All in a day's work!

Sandra: We had the best Haunted House on the block!

Peter: We make a great team.

Sandra: I can't wait to do this again next year!

The Next Morning.

Sandra: Hmm, _it looks like we're getting sued. I guess we won't be doing this again next year_…..I'm still dressing up like Harry Potter though.

Noah (reading the lawsuit): Emotional Trauma, and reimbursement for the replaced underwear and time the children missed from school. Wow….we're getting sued for a LOT!

Sandra: How will we afford this?

Peter and Sandra look at Noah.

Noah: You two are on your own. I'm getting the hell outta here.

Sandra (thinking): ….._Spooky Fundraiser?_

Peter: Spooky Fundraiser.

Sandra: I'll go get the costumes!

Peter: I'll go break my neck!

Meanwhile, The Pirates are back in the car, on their way to West's House.

Claire: Well, that was a pointless diversion.

Mohinder: I guess having costumes doesn't matter when we don't have our children with us and trick or treating. We're all in our late 30's, early 40's and look like creepers.

Matt: So, we kinda bombed the Trick-or-Treating….luckily I took the rest of the candy from the Costume Shop. And that Hyacinth lady bought me a ton of chocolate bars, but I had to sign a contract saying we'd go to one of her candlelight suppers.

Niki: Good going, stupid!...Wow, now that I think about it….we ARE trick or treating without our kids. _Mohinder is the worst parent in the world_!

Mohinder: HEY! You and Matt are in this too, you bums!

Claire: Wait a minute! I'm nowhere near 30!

Niki: Micah sure is growing up so fast, I remember the good old days…

Meanwhile, in Redux.

Hiro (as Niki) and Micah pull up to the house.

Hiro: Okay, get your things! We have to run away for a while, but don't go into the garage. You don't want to see what's in there.

Micah: Dead Bodies?

Hiro: YES!...I mean….Go clean your room. Or pack your things. Whatever I told you to do before.

Micah gets out. Hiro runs to the garage.

Hiro: Oh….I hope that dead body smell went away. I put in a scented candle but it only makes the smell worse.

Hiro opens the garage, and it is cleaned up.

Hiro: Those are some powerful scented candles!

He notices a key, hanging by a string.

Hiro: Hmm…what are you for?

Hiro opens the trunk and finds the bodies of the thugs, as well as a map on where to bury them.

Hiro: Oh man, I don't want to do physical labor. Where's Ando when I need him!

Nighttime. Claire and West are walking through the woods.

West: I'm really glad you were able to come out to my lake house, Claire.

Claire: Yeah, I like lakes. They're….lakey.

West: You should check out my new gun.

Claire: OOH! Shoot something!

Inside.

Matt: This lake house is….really, really, nice.

Niki: Don't burn it down.

Matt: Why would I burn it down?

Niki: Because it's a nice house. Don't burn it down.

Matt: Forget that. I'm going camping. Deep in the woods. Lookin for witches.

Niki, confused looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: He JUST saw _The Blair Witch Project_.

Niki: How awful…..bad….bad movie.

Claire busts through the door.

Claire: We have a problem.

Niki: What?

Claire: _West just shot my dad_!

Niki, Mohinder and Matt exchange looks.

Niki: ….which one?

Claire: Nathan.

Niki: ….

Mohinder: ….

Matt: ….anybody want to be in my movie?

_To Be Continued_.


	3. The One Where Nathan Gets Shot Again

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>Season 4<br>Chapter 3**

**Author Note: Yeah, this was supposed to go out a little earlier but my spell check is messed up (might still be, so please forgive my goofs!). I use Office to write and spell check didn't pick up any misspelled words, so I downloaded and copied the story to Open-Office and the spell check took words I spelled correctly and changed them to incorrect words so the spell checker would pick them up (Seriously!). I copied the newly spell checked story BACK into word and Spell Check was working again. Bah! Okay, here we go!**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

Elle Bishop is walking through the back lot of the studio. She comes up to her trailer which has a sign over it reading: VACANT.

Elle: _What in fresh steamy hell is this_?

Elle barges into Claire's trailer.

Claire: Uh, hello? Knocking?

Elle: I've been fired!

Claire: WHO CARES!

Elle: I can't believe they fired me. I mean, Elle Bishop is _carrying_ this show. Who could replace her?

Claire: Hmm….

Producer: _You're trying out for the role of Elle Bishop?_

Claire: That's right. Niki and Tracy are played by the same actress so it's a no brainer that I can act out both parts as well.

Producer: They're twin sisters! It's supposed to…..Ugh, whatever. Okay, from the top.

Claire (close up): _The name's Elle Bishop…._

Claire holds her finger to her mouth like a gun and blows on it.

Producer: …..that's it?

Claire: Yes…..oh…..and SCENE! (Holds her hands up)

Producer: Well, that was awful and you're not playing Elle.

Claire: Oh rats. Well, that's okay.

Producer: In fact that audition was SO bad, you're being fired as Claire too.

Claire: WHAT?

Back in the trailer. Claire is crying while eating out of a carton of ice cream.

Claire (sobbing): How can they fire me? I'm the greatest actress who has ever lived!...and now I'm out of ice cream!

Claire begins to eat the carton. CHOMP!

Elle: Let's not get carried away or anything.

On Tv:

Reporter: Today, on Entertainment Tonight. Word has just been released that the two actresses playing Elle and Claire on 'Heroes' have been fired. Both roles are going to be filled by America's newest sweetheart….._Ashton Kutcher!_

Elle: He is the greatest actor who has ever lived.

Claire: I'm going to be sick.

Elle (watching the clip): He's….actually doing a pretty good job. Pretty smart casting on their part. I'm glad they fired me.

Claire: Yup, here comes the sick.

Elle: Hey, who needs them anyway? We can start our own show.

Claire: That's right! We'll base it on our lives too! We'll call it _2 Broke Girls!_

The next day, in court.

Judge: Guilty! (SLAM!)

Elle (to Claire): You couldn't have at least picked a show more than _four months old?_

Claire (crying): I DON'T WATCH TELEVISION!

Claire crams more ice cream carton into her mouth.

_**Previously On Heroes…**_

Claire, to Niki, Mohinder and Matt.

Claire: For helping me with getting out of my family's vacation, you get to go on my vacation. It's going to be a long trip, so no distractions.

Matt: It's Halloween! Let's buy costumes.

Claire: Wait! This counts as a distraction!

Hiro is still in Redux.

Hiro opens Niki's car and noticed the dead bodies of the thugs in her trunk.

Hiro: Oh my!

Sandra (to Peter): We have to decorate and have the most haunted house on the block!

Peter (somehow having Claire's ability), pretends to be a zombie and pops all his body parts out of place.

Children: EEEWWW!

Noah: Aaaaand, you're getting sued for emotional damage.

Sandra: I never did like Halloween. Christmas! That's a good holiday.

Meredith and Flint get captured by Danko's men.

Nathan: We have to rescue them!

Elle: Because we're a team who sticks together!

Nathan (flying off with Tracy): _We'll meet up later! BYE!_

Elle: Dammit, Nathan!

Elle and The Haitian climb on board Trucker Dan's Truck.

Arthur Petrelli gets resurrected by Jax the Assistant (who gets killed by him). Arthur heads to Angela's house, blowing up the building.

In the basement.

Sylar: Someone's coming.

Man (with a rifle): You're going to have to come with us.

Sylar: I can't catch a break!

**Claire and West Rosen  
>Somewhere in the forest<strong>

West: Claire, I'm really glad that you were able to come out here.

Claire: Yeah. My dad was totally cool with it.

Claire's phone starts to ring. She looks at it which shows a picture of Noah and the words:

**Chapter Three 'The One Where Nathan Gets Shot Again'**

Claire: That doesn't make any sense.

She looks at it again.

**You're Grounded!**

Claire: Okay, now THAT makes sense.

West: I bought a gun!

Claire tosses her phone off into the woods.

Claire: OOH!

West: It's a pretty sweet rifle I use to hunt birds.

Claire: Gross.

West: I don't eat them.

Claire: Oh, well that's good.

West: Want me to try and knock one down?

Claire: Sure!

West aims his gun.

West: There's a big one….riiiiiight there!

BANG!

West: GOT IT!

Claire: HAHA! Cool!

SLAM!

West: Um….that's a strange bird.

Claire turns her head. _Nathan is lying on the ground, wounded_.

Claire: AHHHHHHH!

**===HEROES===**

**Claire, Niki, Matt and Mohinder  
>On the road to West's House<br>7 Hours Earlier**

Claire: We're almost there! My butt is getting numb.

Matt: So, what fun things are there to do at the lake house?

Claire: Well, West and I are going to catch up.

Niki: …

Mohinder: …

Matt: …

Niki: ….and what about us?

Claire: Hm? Oh, I don't care. Go watch a movie or something.

Matt: I like movies!

Claire: His parents have like, a thousand dvd's. Go nuts.

Niki: Hmph. Sounds boring.

Mohinder: This place looks like a fascinating location to conduct some _research!_

Claire: No, there will be none of that. 'Science' is kind of frowned upon this side of town.

Mohinder: That's preposterous.

Niki: No science whatsoever? I wonder if they have places to rent.

Claire spots West on at the entrance, he flags her down.

Claire (pulling up): Hey, you!

West: Hey, Claire! It's been a while.

Matt (leaning up): Just for the record, I brought you two back together.

Niki: Will you shut up?

West: We'll be staying at the lake house for now, but tomorrow we hit the actual lake in the boat.

Matt: He has a boat? And movies?

West: Just go down this path and make a right.

Claire: Will do.

Claire drives off.

**Sylar**, **Angela, Samson, Ted, Micah and Molly  
>Some type of prison.<strong>

Sylar wakes up, he finds himself cuffed to a chair.

Sylar: Huh…hmm?...HUH?...What the?...Where are we?

Angela: We're at Arthur's Hideout.

Sylar: Oh goody. Did you see this in your dream and SOMEHOW forget to tell us?

Angela: No, when we got captured I asked Arthur where he was taking us and he said '_To my hideout'_.

Sylar: Hmph.

Ted: You've been out for a while.

Sylar: What?...Were none of you guys knocked out?

Ted: Nope, just you.

Sylar: That bites.

Angela: You're also the only one in shackles.

Sylar: Huh? Why the hell am I shackled? You guys just get _ropes?_ What did I do to deserve this?

Angela: Well, Sylar, you did kind of _kill Arthur the first time_.

Sylar: But he's alive NOW…some people and their grudges.

**Hiro Nakamura  
>In Genesis Redux<br>As Matt Parkman, arriving at the scene of a crime**_**.**_

Hiro: Wow! I'm Matt Parkman. This should be interesting!

Hiro walks around, he tries to read a few people's minds.

Hiro: ….Hmm….man, _some people sure are perverts_!

Hiro walks in, someone has been murdered.

Hiro: Ew! Hmm?

Hiro starts hearing things.

Hiro: Voices…..I….hear voices….But where?

Hiro walks over to a door under the stairs. He opens it to find _Molly Walker_.

Hiro: Hey! I remember you! Come with me, you'll be safe!

She takes Hiro's hand. Hiro picks her up, bonking her head on the door frame.

Hiro: OH! Oops….sorry about that.

**Nathan and Tracy  
>Flying back towards the city.<strong>

Tracy: Wow, it's pretty amazing up here!

Nathan: It's alright. I can't tell you how many times _people mistake me for birds though_.

Tracy: It's probably better them saying "Oh look, _The Former Mayor Is Flying Again_! That's so just like him"….

Nathan: I guess you have a point.

Tracy: So, what's the plan?

Nathan: We're going to Danko's Office. We'll try to find some information on where they are keeping Meredith and Flint.

Tracy: Um….you're starting to loosen your grip. I mean, I can turn into water and survive the fall, but it's still bad manners to drop me mid-flight.

Nathan: Sorry, my arms are a little sore. I wish there were an easier way to transport you…..maybe, you could store yourself into a bottle….yes, like _I Dream Of Jeannie_….

Nathan fantasizes.

Tracy flies around in the air on her broom. She spells out the title:

_**I DREAM OF TRACY!**_

She wiggles her nose.

POOF!

Tracy: Um….That's _Bewitched_.

Nathan: It is? Then what's I Dream Of Jeannie?

Tracy: _It's the one with the stupid Genie in the bottle_! You just got through saying that!

Nathan: Oh…..I guess I've never seen that show.

Tracy: We're here.

Nathan: I thought I saw it.

Tracy: WE'RE HERE!

Nathan: Did you know I've never seen _The Brady Bunch?_

Tracy: YOU CAN SLOW DOWN NOW! NATHAN!

Nathan and Tracy crash through the window of the 14th floor of a building.

Tracy: Ughh…

Nathan: Looks like we're here. We should split up.

Tracy: I'll go undercover to see what I can find. Quick! Someone's coming! Hide!

Nathan darts off. Tracy brushes the glass from her dress.

Man: HEY! Who are you?

Tracy: _Abigail Scott, Professional….Health….Department…Inspector….Of Health…Health Inspector…..From The Health Department….._I mean…_you're in trouble, pal!_

Man: Huh?

Tracy: Just look at all this glass! I almost fell and killed myself. This is going down in my notebook. I….just need a notebook and something to write with.

She walks over to a locked supply closet.

Tracy: Can somebody open this?

Back at The Lake House, Matt is unpacking his bags.

Claire: Wait a minute! How do you have bags? I picked you up on the side of the road!

Matt: I always come prepared.

Matt pulls out a package of _Jiffy Pop_ and heads to the stove.

Matt: Going to have me a movie night. Already got the scary movie picked out.

Mohinder walks in.

Mohinder: Matt, West's parents have over 1,382 movies and you picked _The Blair Witch Project?_ What is wrong with you?

Niki looks up from reading the newspaper.

Niki: Did you just say _they have OVER 1,382 movies?_ What an odd thing to say…

Matt: It's the perfect movie! It's scary and full of witches and things that jump out and scare you.

Niki: You DO realize that the Halloween episode was last week, right?

Matt: I know that! It's going to be a very fun movie night.

Niki: Your Jiffy Pop's on fire.

Matt notices the fire. He reaches into his bag and pulls out another _Jiffy Pop_.

Matt: I always come prepared.

Matt starts cooking the Jiffy Pop _right next to the other one_.

Niki: UH! Are you even going to put the fire out!

Matt: Um….(looks down)….did not bring a fire extinguisher…..was not prepared for a fire.

Niki: Ugh, I'll go find one.

Matt: Better grab two.

Back at Arthur's Hideout. _Arthur Petrelli makes his entrance_.

Arthur: Angela, it's so good to see you! You're looking lovely as always.

Samson: Hey, pal, that's my wife!

Sylar: Why the hell am I shackled?

Angela: _Samson, I'm not married to you. Sylar, don't talk to your father in that tone. Arthur, stop complimenting me! I know how lovely I look_.

Sylar: He's not my dad, how many times do I have to tell you this?

Arthur: I have come to thank you all…_for I have stolen all your powers away from you_.

Sylar: Even mine?

Arthur: You don't have one.

Sylar: Damn, I was hoping there would be something in there.

Arthur: To talk to computers….to locate any individual…..to emit radiation…..and to dream the future….and what an interesting future that is in store for you.

Samson: You didn't take my power?

Arthur: I did, but _whistling at people so they'll be under my control_…..doesn't really do anything for me….so I gave it back.

Samson: You gave it back!

Arthur: In fact….._I have eight portraits in my room depicting this future._ Funny thing though, _none of you are in it._

Ted: Good, I don't like people drawing pictures of me…..I'm not the most non-photogenic person in the world…..but it still bugs me.

Sylar: Wait!

Arthur: Hmm?

Sylar: Just because you dreamt the future doesn't mean you can draw it! How do we know the photos are legitimate?

Arthur: I vividly saw the future…..and I'm an excellent painter.

Angela: He has a Bachelor's Degree in Art.

Sylar: Of course he does.

Meanwhile, in Redux. As Niki Sanders.

Hiro (singing): _Burying the bodies….in the desert!_

He finishes burying the bodies of the thugs that attacked him previously. He looks around.

Hiro: And all before Micah wakes up! Am I the mother of the year or what? Oh no! I'm late for being Claire!

At the High School in Odessa, Texas.

Hiro (as Claire) and Noah are walking along.

Noah: I hope you enjoy school today, Claire Bear! Did you study for your test?

Hiro: I sure did!

Noah: What?...Claire doesn't study for tests! Who are you?

Hiro: UH!...I mean….UH! PANIC!

Noah: I'm just joking. Oh look, is that your boyfriend over there?

One of the popular kids, Brody, is walking by.

Hiro: No! Not at all. It's not really my thing to hang out with the popular kids and try to strive for attention.

Jackie: Does someone need saving from a train that's on fire? Cause I am the _Hero to call!_

Hiro: Nobody likes a showboat, Jackie!

They start slapping and pulling each other's hair.

Nathan is sneaking through the halls. He gets a call.

Nathan: Oh crap….

He answers it.

Nathan: What is it, Elle?

Elle: Nathan, this Trucker Dan guy is really giving me the creeps! Why the hell would you send us along with him? Are you guys like Fraternity Brothers or something?

Nathan: No, he pulled over, I explained the situation.

Elle: The…entire….situation? Because that's something we usually don't do.

Nathan: No, I just said "my friends…"…._that's you_.

Elle: Aw.

Nathan: "…they need a ride back into the city." He mentioned something about being on parole for something….murder…..I kinda zoned out.

Elle: UH!

Nathan: Just stick with it….besides, rough him up if he gets all stabby and whatnot.

Elle: _STABBY_!

Nathan: You have electricity. The Haitian can wipe minds. Use your heads. Now I don't have time for this, I gotta go.

Click!

Nathan: Now I lost my train of thought. Thanks, Elle.

Mohinder is outside of the lake house. He is searching around.

Mohinder: Matt and his stupid movies. I am not lowering my IQ just to watch a piece of garbage like that. I have more dignity and self respect….Oh look, somebody threw a perfectly good book away.

Mohinder digs through the trash and pulls it out.

Mohinder: Curious. It appears to be a journal.

Mohinder opens it up. He flips through the pages.

Mohinder (reading aloud): _As the victim tried to get away, I knew that they were no match for me. I thought of a new and interesting way to kill them, but I forgot how to do it. Fortunately Law and Order: Special Victims Unit is still saved on my Tivo. Did you know my Tivo suggested that I watch 'Big Time Rush'? I don't even know what that is, so I Googled it and apparently it's a stupid kids show about some boy band. I stabbed my Tivo 108 times, so now I have to drive to Best Buy and get another one….after I finish watching Big Time Rush._

Mohinder: OH MY GOD! _This is the diary of a serial killer_!...Well, I know what I'm doing this weekend! Oh wait, that sounded bad. I'm just going to read it….for science!

He looks around.

Mohinder: _Who the hell am I talking to?_

Arthur makes his way back into the office. He slowly walks past the pictures that he drew:

_Claire, running down a hallway. The corridor being flooded with water behind her._

_Emile Danko, a gun pointed to the back of someone's head._

_Niki and Tracy, behind cover during gunfire._

_A man and a woman entering Linderman's Office._

_Peter and Noah, dressed in suits and standing in an elevator._

_Mohinder, crouched in a corner, two knives flying through the air toward him._

_Elle, in a formal gown, hanging over the edge of a balcony of a tall building. A hand is reaching down to grab her._

_Nathan, being sworn into office, in the crosshairs of a sniper rifle._

Micah: I can't believe this. He just took our powers? Just like that?

Molly: Who would do such a thing?

Everybody looks at Sylar.

Sylar: You people and your grudges. Okay, well I don't have any powers now. Haven't had any powers in a very long time. So I think we're equal.

Molly: How is that equal?

Sylar: Nevermind that. We need to find a way out of here. I may have a plan. Just as long as we're not under surveillance.

Intercom (Arthur's Voice): _Which you are_.

Sylar: And they can't hear us…..oh, wait….I guess that answered that one too.

Arthur enters the room.

Arthur: You….are free to go.

Sylar: FINALLY!

Arthur unties Angela.

Arthur: Just….Angela. I need to talk to her first. The others may go here after a while….

Sylar: And me?

Arthur: _You're not going anywhere._

Sylar: Oh, come on!

Arthur: Come with me, Angela, dear. We have some things to discuss.

Him and Angela (who hesitantly) walk out of the room.

Ted: Okay, I'm ready to break out of here.

Ted throws the rope off.

Sylar: You got untied?

Ted: Yeah, I melted the rope before Arthur took my power. So we're gonna run for it.

Sylar: What? You're just going to leave me here?

Ted: Okay, okay…I'll look around and try to find a way to free you….or get our powers back, whichever is easiest.

Meanwhile, Hiro (as Peter) is walking through a children's playground.

Hiro: I can't believe Flying Man doesn't think I can fly. I'll show him!

Hiro climbs on top of the monkey bars. He stands there, looking down, determined to fly. He steps off.

SPLAT!

Hiro: Ow….my face….

Hiro scrambles to his feet and climbs back on the monkey bars.

SPLAT!

Meanwhile, a kid wearing a cape watches from a distance.

Kid: NERD!

Hiro: Okay, forget this. Where do I have to Quantum Leap to now?...Oh no….

Hiro (in a school girl uniform) is walking through the street.

Hiro: I'm sure some type of Universal Law is going to not like _me saving myself from getting hit by a bus_. Oh! There I am!

Hiro and Ando are walking up to the street.

Hiro: Ando! We have to save the girl from getting hit by the truck! It says were supposed to according to Mister Isaac's book. Find the school girl.

Ando: There are a lot of school girls here.

Hiro: She's wearing a ribbon.

Hiro (schoolgirl): Okay, here's my moment! Time to get almost get creamed by a truck.

Hiro the schoolgirl skips out into the street.

Hiro: But first! A hero can't complete his duty without having a delicious corn dog!

Ando: I agree!

Hiro walks up to the vendor.

Vendor: Sorry pal, all out of corn dogs.

Hiro: WHAT! Who could have taken the last one?

Hiro (the schoolgirl) looks at the half eaten corn dog in his hand.

Hiro (schoolgirl): Uh Oh!

Hiro: You know what? This just ruins my day. I'm going home.

Ando: What about the little girl?

Hiro: Eh, _she had a good run._

Hiro (schoolgirl): WHAT?

Hiro turns around and comes face first with the truck.

WHAP!

Hiro wakes up in Linderman's office.

Linderman: Hiro, I know your actions don't affect our future here, but you kinda _can't die_.

Hiro: Sorry.

Linderman: Ugh, get back in there. And don't eat any corn dogs!

Hiro: Can I have the _Almond Joy_ on your desk?

Linderman: ….no. Oh, and if you die and I'm not around to bring you back, _you die in real life_.

Hiro: WHAT! You didn't mention that.

Linderman: Yeah, I probably should have. But seriously, don't die. Good luck!

Linderman activates the device again.

Meanwhile, Tracy is snooping around the office.

Tracy: I'm not finding any health code violations. Man, this place is boring.

She spots the secretary at her desk.

Tracy: Bingo! That's where I need to be.

Tracy runs up and chloroforms the secretary. She sits down in her seat.

Tracy: I just need to put my hair up in a bun to complete the look.

Tracy detaches the bun from the secretary's head and puts it on hers.

Tracy: I kinda wish she wasn't _brunette_, but I'm sure no one will notice.

The man from earlier walks up.

Man: Hey, weren't you _The Health Inspector_?

Tracy: I got a promotion. I'm moving on up.

Man: That's good. Love the bun!

Tracy: Thank you! Wow, some people are so nice. You know what? _I'm not going to chloroform him_.

Nathan runs up.

Nathan: Okay, Danko's not even here. I don't think he even has Meredith and Flint held here. So we need to find out where he really took them…._and what the hell is on your head, woman!_

Tracy: Uh, it's a bun, Nathan? It's what women do nowadays. It's 2011, get with the times! You should wear one.

Nathan: No way, I'd look ridiculous!

Tracy: That's too bad. I always find a man wearing a bun….very sexy.

Nathan: Really?

Tracy: No, you would actually look pretty stupid. Well, I'll see what I can find. Ooh! I'm getting a call.

Nathan: _It's probably Davy Crockett wanting his raccoon skin cap back_.

Tracy: Oh shut up!

Nathan leaves, Tracy searches through the desk.

Tracy: Oh, here we go!

Tracy takes off her brunette bun and _puts on a blonde one_.

Tracy: That's better.

She looks up to see _Ando_ approach her.

Ando: Hi, I need help! I…..

Ando looks at Tracy.

Ando: _Internet Stripper_!

Tracy: Excuse me?

Ando: Internet Stripper! I need your help. _These two people are missing!_

He holds up pictures of _Hiro and Daphne Millbrook_.

Ando: This is Daphne; she disappeared during the eclipse that season. And Hiro went missing not too long after that!

Tracy: Oh, you must be talking about Niki. I'm Tracy, her sister. I'm pretty sure we've met before.

Ando: Hiro and Daphne are missing and I need your help to find them. I don't know who else to turn to.

Tracy: Wait, Hiro can teleport, right?

Ando: Yes! And his power works now. And Daphne can run really fast!

Tracy: Interesting…

Niki walks into the kitchen. Mohinder is busy reading.

Niki: Hey, whatcha reading?

Mohinder: _Diary Of A Serial Killer_.

Niki: Oh, I've read that. The dog did it.

Mohinder: What?

Niki: A botched scientific experiment gives a Golden Retriever opposable thumbs and he gets a hold of a gun and shoots all the guests. He accidentally kills the cook, so he had to make his own lunch. And he had to potty train himself. It was strange. But there was an even bigger twist in the end when the final victim of the book is the reader_. The last page pops out a gun and shoots you in the face_! Oh, Uncle Skip, why did you have to learn to read?

Mohinder: _What in the hell are you talking about_? This is an actual diary of a serial killer.

Niki: Oh, sounds stupid.

Niki leaves while Mohinder goes back to reading. Matt walks in.

Mohinder: Now, what do you want?

Matt: I'm so scared right now.

Mohinder: What?

Matt: I just watched _The Blair Witch Project_. It was terrifying.

Mohinder: You thought Home Alone 2 was scary.

Matt: That pigeon lady scared the crap out of me!

Mohinder: Well, okay, she was the ONLY creepy part.

Matt: Well, I'm off to make a movie.

Mohinder: What?

Matt: It was so scary I have to do better than that. I told you I always wanted to be a director, right?

Mohinder: Nope!

Matt: It's going to be a thrilling mind trip, starring a mischievous serial killer. All I need is some inspiration. Do you have any advice? Maybe from a book or something?

Mohinder (continue to read): Nope!

Matt: Maybe I need to watch Blair Witch again.

Mohinder: You go do that.

Nathan, in the restroom, looks around after washing his hands.

Nathan: No paper towels OR hand dryers? God, I hate public restrooms!

Nathan starts blowing on his hands. His phone rings.

Nathan: Well, crap.

He answers it.

Nathan: Yeah?

Tracy: Nathan, it's Tracy. Ando's here and he wants my help finding Hiro Nakamura. He can teleport for us.

Nathan: Hmm. True.

Tracy: OH, and I found Meredith and Flint. I'll give you the address to a _fire proof facility where they're being held._

Nathan: Of course.

Nathan steps out of the bathroom and finds a pen and paper on a nearby desk.

Nathan: Okay, let me have it…(writes it down)…..okay….okay, got it. I'll fly there and check it out. You go do whatever it is you said you were doing.

Tracy: Got it.

Nathan flies through a window. Tracy grabs her things.

Tracy (to Ando): Okay, Ando. Let's go find Hiro and Daphne!

Ando: Thanks, Internet Stripper!

Tracy: And stop calling me that!

Meanwhile, Angela and Arthur are eating dinner.

Angela: This steak is tough.

Arthur: I know.

Angela: Just what are you planning, Arthur? You took my dream power so I can't sleep on it and find out anyway.

Arthur: I'll happily tell you.

He pulls out an envelope.

Arthur: I'm retaking control of _The Company_.

Angela: What? No! We're….doing…important things….

Arthur: Now that I'm back and in control we need to get things back in order. I feel that the business has….derailed….so to speak.

Angela: How so?

Arthur: The last major decision was to rename the Company '_The Company Deux'_….whose idea was that?

Angela: Uh….

Arthur: I'll be taking control, and we're going back to finding individuals with abilities.

Angela: Why? So you can take them?

Arthur: I was just getting to that….Miss 'Interrupter'.

Angela: I won't let you get away with this.

Arthur: Oh, don't worry. You will be the manager of the branch. And these (slides the envelope towards her), will be your employee's.

Angela: And why would I help you?

Arthur: Because I know the location of one of your prospective subordinates. You may be interested in this information.

Angela opens the envelope. She is taken aback, looking at Arthur.

Angela: How? How is this possible?

Arthur: Now, take over management of _The Company_…and everything will be just fine.

Angela thinks for a moment.

Angela: Fine. I'll do it.

Arthur: Excellent. And we're keeping the name _The Company_. No '_Company Thrice'_. No '_Company 3.0'_. No '_The Company 3: Electric Boogaloo'_

Angela: _Three's Company_?

Arthur: No. Just…_The Company_. You start on Monday.

Arthur gets up and walks away. Angela looks at the envelope again.

Arthur walks up to the other guards.

Arthur: _Kill the prisoners._

Elsewhere, Claire and West are walking through the forest.

West: Claire, I'm really glad that you were able to come out here.

Claire: Yeah. My dad was totally cool with it.

Claire's phone starts to ring. She looks at it which shows a picture of Noah and the words:

**You're Grounded!**

West: I bought a gun!

Claire tosses her phone off into the woods.

Claire: OOH!

West: It's a pretty sweet rifle I use to hunt birds.

Claire: Gross.

West: I don't eat them.

Claire: Oh, well that's good.

West: Want me to try and knock one down?

Claire: Sure!

West aims his gun.

West: There's a big one….riiiiiight there!

BANG!

West: GOT IT!

Claire: HAHA! Cool!

SLAM!

West: Um….that's a strange bird.

Claire turns her head. _Nathan is lying on the ground, wounded_.

Claire: AHHHHHHH!

Back at the lake house.

Matt is dragging along camera equipment.

Matt: Man, this lake house is….really, really, nice.

Niki: Don't burn it down.

Matt: Why would I burn it down?

Niki: Because it's a nice house. Don't burn it down. You almost torched the place with your jiffy pop once already.

Matt: Forget that. I'm going camping. Deep in the woods. Lookin for witches. Making the greatest horror movie ever made.

Niki, confused looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: He JUST saw _The Blair Witch Project_.

Niki: How awful…..bad….bad movie.

Claire busts through the door.

Claire: We have a problem.

Niki: What?

Claire: _West just shot my dad_!

Niki, Mohinder and Matt exchange looks.

Niki: ….which one?

Claire: Uh…Nathan.

Niki: ….

Mohinder: ….

Matt: ….anybody want to be in my movie?

Niki: Wait. Why is Nathan in the woods?

Claire: I don't know, he was flying somewhere and West accidentally shot him. I have to give him my blood but I don't know how. We don't have any tools or equipment.

Mohinder: I know somebody who does.

Mohinder holds up the book.

Matt: What the crap, Mohinder? You wouldn't help me with that!

Niki: See, I was right? _The dog did it_. Was that a messed up ending or what?

Mohinder: IT'S A DIFFERENT BOOK!

Hiro (as Claire) is walking down the hall of the high school.

Hiro: Oh man, this is bad….bad, bad, bad….I lost contact with Linderman. What am I supposed to do? If I die and he's not helping me I'm toast.

Hiro goes through his notes.

Hiro: I need someone to help me with this.

He spots Zach walking to his locker.

Hiro: Hmm….maybe….maybe I could get away with it.

Hiro runs up to Zach.

Zach: Hey Claire.

Hiro: Listen Zach, I need your help! Listen to me, my real name is _Hiro Nakamura_, I am on a mission from a man named Daniel Linderman who bestowed upon my power to travel through time and space. I've lost contact with him and my friend Ando is surely worried about my disappearance! I am on a quest to relive the events of _Season 1_ to bring Mr. Linderman back to life, though he is not the kindest of men, I do kinda owe him. All of this has happened before, and I need someone to guide me through the events of the rest of the Season. I choose you, Zach, to be my assistant!

Zach: …

Hiro: …

Zach: …

Hiro: …

Zach: …WHAAAT?

Later, at the Bonfire.

Hiro and Zach are walking.

Hiro: Now, Zach, it's pretty easy. This book of notes is compiled of all the events of Season 1. I need you to keep in touch and guide me from person to person to make sure all the events are relived properly.

Zach: I don't think I'm supposed to be here.

Hiro: Oh, you're not. _You're way too unpopular_. But you'll be fine.

Jackie walks by.

Jackie: Does anybody want to jump in the bonfire, I'll totally save you.

Hiro: Showboating hussy!

Zach (looking at the notes): I don't think you're supposed to attack her.

Hiro: I just gotta….she's going down.

Zach: Listen, Claire?

Hiro: Call me Hiro.

Zach: I'm sorry, you look like Claire. Did you hit your head or something? Have all those falls starting to do some damage?

Hiro: No, but I did burn my tongue while stripping on the internet. That one was pretty bad.

Zach: Uh huh. Well, okay…_Hiro_….that's going to take some getting used to.

Hiro: Now, what am I doing next?

Zach: Brody is going to try to force himself on you.

Hiro: Okay, I got that part. Don't worry, I'll show him. I need you to meet me at the morgue in about 6 hours. Go to this address.

Zach: Uh….

Hiro: Okay, here we go.

Hiro runs off. Zach flips through the notes.

Zach: Wow, I'm totally freaking out right now.

Zach flips through the notes.

Zach: Hmm, looks like me and Claire never go out….but she is a time traveling Japanese man….so….I guess I feel better?

Early the next morning. In the morgue, Zach sneaks into the morgue and finds Hiro (as Claire) on the slab.

Zach: Oh, no I wasn't expecting this…..though it is the morgue….

Zach sneaks up as Hiro opens his eyes. He sees Zach's jaw drop.

Hiro: Hey, stop staring! Creeper!

Zach points.

Hiro looks down to find his chest sliced open from the autopsy.

Hiro and Zach: Holy SH—

_To Be Continued_.


	4. A Deadly Forecast

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>Season 4<br>Chapter 4**

**Author Note: I actually finished this ON Thanksgiving Day but didn't have time to give it a second read through before I wanted to post it. Then Black Friday came and that was terrible, so here we are on Saturday. Happy Late Thanksgiving!**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

Peter runs into his apartment with a bag in hand. He rips open the box inside.

Peter: Finally, an _Iphone 4S_! I've been wanting one of these since it was announced! Granted I'm now behind Iphones 5, 5-S, 6, 6-SG1, 7.5, and the rerelease of the original Iphone, but baby, I'm going places.

Peter turns on the phone.

Peter: That's right. Now I have the help of the automated assistant helper _Siri_ to help me with all my daily menial tasks.

Peter talks into the phone.

Peter: Hello, Siri!

Siri: _Hello, Peter. How may I assist you today?_

Peter: Hold my calls.

Siri: I am not programmed…

Peter turns off the phone.

Peter: All in a day's work.

The next day.

Peter turns his phone on.

Peter: Goooood morning, Siri. What is on my list of things to do today?

Siri: Happy Thanksgiving, Peter. You are scheduled to attend…_9 Lunch Events_.

Peter: N..N..N..N..N..NINE? What happened? I don't remember scheduling those!

Siri: I took the liberty of looking up the personal schedules of your contact list and R.S.V.P-ing to their invitations to Thanksgiving Dinner.

Peter: This is it. _The machines are taking over._

**-4:45pm Angela's House-**

Peter walks in.

Angela: Peter! There you are! Dinner is almost ruined because of you. Here, take this axe and get chopping!

Peter: Am I looking for a Thanksgiving Tree?

Angela: No, _you're looking for Thanksgiving dinner_. Fortunately a herd of Turkeys have made their way into my back yard, but they're _defecating in my brand new Gazebo! _So get to beheading, young man.

Peter: Yeesh!

Peter steps outside.

Peter: Okay, if I find the smallest Turkey here, then maybe I'll have room for my other meals.

A tiny Turkey waddles up.

Peter: Excellent! Prepare to die!

Peter swings the axe backward and flings it out of his hand in the opposite direction.

Some other turkey: ACK! GOBBLE!

At the table.

Angela: Peter, you managed to catch _the largest turkey in the bunch. Great job_! You get to clean out the Gazebo when we're finshed!

Peter: Ugh….

**-5:00pm Nathan's House-**

Peter (in the car with Nathan): You're having a separate Thanksgiving? Why didn't you just bring Heidi and the kids over to Ma's house?

Nathan: Well, that would be awkward.

Peter: How can you even eat? I'm stuffed.

Nathan: I just had one slice of turkey, some potatoes, and a piece of bread. You're the one who ate _10 deviled eggs_.

Peter: But they were so good.

At Nathan's.

Heidi: Who's ready for…._who ate all the deviled eggs!_

Peter: uuuuggghhh….

**-5:45pm Matt's House-**

Matt: Hey, Peter! Thanks for coming to The Parkman Family Thanksgiving!

Peter: No sweat. Listen, my stomach's not feeling so….

Matt: _Not full enough, you say?_ Well, fortunately, Grandma Parkman made her delicious Green Bean Casserole.

Peter: Uggh….

Grandma Parkman: Oh, Matty, I'm so glad that you have your friends over to eat my delicious Green Bean Casserole. It makes me so happy that my family can enjoy my food before I croak!

Peter: *Groan*

**-6:30pm The Bennet's-**

Noah: Peter! Glad you could make it.

Peter: So….full….

Noah: _Of excitement, you say?_ Yes. It's only this time of year that Sandra makes her famous _Turducken_.

Peter: What the hell is that?

Sandra: It's a Turkey that is stuffed with a Duck, and the Duck is stuffed with a Chicken!

Peter: I'm going to be sick.

At the table.

Claire: So, how many of these things do you have to go to?

Peter: This is my fourth today, I have 5 more.

Claire: I once dated a boy who had a really fast metabolism. He claimed it was a power but tons of people have that. It's like, genetics, or something. I'd ask Mohinder but then I'd have to talk to him and…(laughs)…_why would I do that_?

Peter: Pass the Tums, please….(Peter grabs the bowl on the table and shoves a handful in his mouth)

Claire: Those are after dinner mints…._who just keeps a bowl of Tums at the table_?

Peter: BLEH!

**-7:00pm Niki's House-**

Niki: Hey, Peter, thanks for coming. I….actually got caught up in some stuff and forgot to go buy food for Thanksgiving dinner.

Peter: Oh, thank god….

The doorbell rings.

Niki opens the door.

Man: Niki Sanders! You've just won our Thanksgiving Clearing House! You've won this delicious Thanksgiving Dinner!

Niki: Wow, that's wonderful!

Man: Now, don't mind us while we watch you and your guests eat it.

Niki: This is just great. This will be much better than eating out of the bowl of Tums I had sitting on the table.

Peter lunges for it.

**-7:30 Sylar's-**

Sylar: Peter, there are 2 Turkey's. One made by that man who I guess is related to me.

Samson: Hello.

Sylar: And one is mine. But one of them is filled with a deadly poison. So….eat carefully.

Peter: Can't I just eat one kernel of corn and call it a day? In fact, can I just _smell the food instead_?

Sylar: But we have to find out which one is poisonous! I've elected you to eat both turkeys to determine which one is the bad one. Don't fail me or…well, I don't have any powers now, but when I do get them…I'll get ya.

Peter: Hand me the fork.

**-8:00 Hiro's-**

Hiro: Hi, Peter. You remember my father, Kaito?

Kaito: Hello, Peter. My chef prepared this delicious feast. I hope you will eat until you pop.

Peter: Well, I wouldn't want to take any food away from anyone else. Just a small piece of lettuce will suffice.

Kaito: And dishonor my chef? I will not have it!

Kaito grabs his sword.

Peter: Okay! I'm eating! I'm eating!

Kaito: Well, I was going to let you do the honors of _cutting the first slice_, but you seem to have everything under control. Bon appetit!

**-8:30 Elle's-**

Elle: Oh, hey Peter…man, I am stuffed.

Peter: Me too! Guess that means we won't be eating dinner here, huh?

Elle: HA! Me, cook? Are you nuts? You're the one who had your little assistant invite everyone over for Thanksgiving at _your place._

Peter: Who what to the what now!

Elle: Yeah, everyone was going to do their own dinners, then we all meet up at your apartment for another meal. Hopefully you didn't go too far out of your way.

Peter: Uh huh…

Back at the store.

Peter: I'm returning this Iphone 4S. It's evil and plans things without my knowledge. I don't even want to look at another Iphone ever again.

Peter walks out and sees the ad for the new Iphone. He turns around and walks back into the store.

**Previously On Heroes…**

Nathan (to Elle): I need you and the Haitian to go with this nice man while Tracy and I investigate. He calls himself Trucker Dan.

Elle: But he's creepy!

Ando: Internet stripper (to Tracy), I need your help finding Hiro and Daphne! They both disappeared last season and I can't find them.

Tracy: Hmm…we could use Hiro's help in the rescue mission.

She calls Nathan.

Tracy: Nathan, I'm off to go mingle around in another subplot.

Arthur (To Angela): I will let you go, but you need to do something for me. I want the Company back under my control. I'm sure there will be no problems since one of your new subordinates will be this person.

Arthur hands her an envelope.

West and Claire are in the woods. Nathan falls in front of them.

Claire (to West): _Did you just shoot my dad?_

West: Maybe….

**Noah and Peter  
>The Company Main Building<strong>

The elevator doors open to the main office of The Company building. Noah steps off, followed by Peter who is playing Tetris on his phone. A giant block piece comes down that reads:

**Chapter Four 'A Deadly Forecast'**

Peter: Now where in the world am I going to put _that piece!_

Noah: Peter, we have to look around and try to find Angela. She has been missing for over 48 hours. Why, oh why did I have to play along with that stupid _Halloween Haunted House_ shtick?

Peter: I don't recall you having any interest in that. Pretty sure me and Sandra did all the work.

Noah: Well, let's start looking through things. Maybe we can track down our number one go to helper in finding anyone.

Peter: _Santa?_

Noah: Uh, no…I'm talking about _Molly_.

Peter: Hmm, probably should take her power the next time something like this happens. (Holds up his phone) _Siri, make a note to copy Molly's power to_…oh, wait; I got rid of that phone.

Voice: That won't be necessary.

Peter: _Santa?_

_Angela steps out of the shadows_.

Noah: Angela, where the hell have you been? We've been searching for you everywh…er….here for a long…uh…5 minutes ago….

Angela: We have a problem, Noah. Someone has returned who is going to be a big problem for us.

Peter: It's Santa, isn't it?

Noah: Would you shut up about Santa?

**Ted Sprague  
>Arthur's Secret Holding Facility<strong>

Ted is walking down the hallway; he peeks around the corner to see two guards.

Ted: Hmm….this would be a lot better if I had powers of some sort.

Micah and Molly run up.

Ted: What are you two doing here?

Micah: We got tired of Sylar and Samson squabbling. So we booked it.

Molly: I wonder where Arthur took Angela.

Ted: We need to get past those guards. Hold on, here comes one. Stay back.

The guard walks around the corner, Ted knocks him out.

Ted: Okay, I'm going to get in his clothes and pretend to be a guard. You guys wait here.

Ted starts putting on the uniform.

Ted: Okay….pants…too tight. Damn! I'll have to wait for the next one.

Ted knocks out another guard that turns the corner. He starts putting on his clothes.

Ted: Is there a ketchup stain on this guy's uniform? Well, I'm not going to walk around looking like a slob. I'll wait until the next one.

15 minutes later.

Molly: Are you done?

Micah: Yeah, I think you've knocked out everybody on the payroll. We all could probably just stroll right on out of here.

Ted: Fits like a glove…hmm….Not digging the shoes.

Micah and Molly glare at him.

Ted: Okay, Okay, I'm going. These wall panels are removable, hide in them until I get back.

Micah: No way! We're coming with you. We're Heroes now.

Ted: Nope. Pretty sure you're powerless. Just like me.

Micah pulls out his laptop.

Micah: I'm still useful. I'll just hack into Arthur's accounts _and totally ruin his credit score_.

Ted: A, he's been dead so I'm pretty sure he doesn't need one right now. And B, he has your power, with the wave of a hand he can kill all our credit scores. And mine's bad enough with this damn _Burger King Credit Card_. I'm still paying on a Whopper I had 5 years ago. Damn interest rates!

Micah: Do you want the two dollars to pay off your sandwich?

Ted: No, that's how they get you.

Molly: Huh?

Ted: Someone's coming! Quick! Into the wall panel.

Micah and Molly slip into the wall, Ted runs off.

Guard: _Where did all these bodies come from_? Are these our guys?

Other Guard: It looks like someone tried on all their clothes….that's creepy.

**West Rosen  
>In the woods where he totally shot Nathan on purpose.<strong>

West: NO I DIDN'T!

Claire, Niki and Mohinder run up.

Claire: Okay, West, I got help.

West: I'm confused. Can't you heal? Why don't you give him some of your magic blood or whatever?

Claire: Well, I can't just GIVE it to him. We need to inject it into his body.

Mohinder: With the help of this book.

Niki: Ugh, Mohinder thinks that this place where this serial killer lives may have the tools needed to save Nathan's life.

West: Or….kill him, along with us, quicker?

Niki: THANK YOU! That's what I've been trying to tell these idiots…wait….where's Matt?

Matt runs up with a wheelbarrow.

Matt: Emergency Service is on the scene! We're gonna save the patient and catch that shooter. _Book em', Danno!_

Matt leans over to Niki.

Matt (to Niki): _You're Danno_.

Niki: Hmph. Anyway, speaking of emergency services, that house of yours has no phones! And the cell phone service is terrible up here. Just saying.

Matt drags Nathan and throws him into the wheelbarrow, which tips over.

Matt: _Well, crap a duck!_

Niki: Wait, what's that noise?

_WOOOOOOOOO-CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!_

Mohinder: Oh, that's a relief. _It's just the Smoke Monster from LOST_.

Niki: Not that! I hear something else….footsteps…..we're being followed.

Mohinder: _BY THE SERIAL KILLER!_

Niki: Great, Mohinder, why don't you just keep screaming as loud as you can? That'll keep him away from us.

Matt and Nathan are in the wheelbarrow.

Matt: Can someone push us?

Niki: We better hurry, before night falls.

The sun starts to set, but not before the _eclipse of the week_.

**= = =HEROES= = =**

And now it's nighttime.

Niki: Dammit!

**Elle and The Haitian  
>On the road with Trucker Dan<strong>

Elle and The Haitian are sitting in the front seat with Trucker Dan.

Dan: You guys like possum? I got some brewing in the back.

Elle: Um, no.

Dan (to Elle): Well, aren't you a pretty little thing?

Elle: Well duh! (To herself) _Oh crap, this man is going to start putting the moves on you. Of course he is! Look at him! He's a Stage Five Creeper! Not to worry, Elle, you got this. Just remember everything you learned in your self-defense class_.

**FLASHBACK.**

Teacher: Now remember, students. Don't be afraid to yell for help when someone is attacking you. But now we're going to learn some proper self-defense moves that can save your life.

Across the street at _Baskin Robbins_.

Elle: So, is there a way you can put _all 31 flavors in one cup_? I can't make up my mind so I just want the whole thing.

Clerk: We don't have a cup that large.

Elle (laughs): Oh, no. Just a little bit of each flavor in just one regular cup.

Clerk: I guess.

Elle: Just start with that one.

Clerk: That'll be 4 dollars.

Elle: I have to pay first? Well, I guess that's fair.

Elle opens her electronic talking wallet.

Wallet: _You have no money. You are totally broke. In fact, I don't recall you ever putting money in here. What a bum!_

Elle: Heh, heh…..Stupid electronic wallets. _Do you accept the Burger King Credit Card_?

Clerk: No.

Elle: That's probably for the best. _I'm still paying on a Whopper I had 5 years ago_. Damn interest rates!

Clerk: ….

Elle: ….

Elle flings the wallet in the clerks face and leaps over the counter, picking up a tub of chocolate ice cream.

Clerk (pulling on the tub): HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!

Elle: NO! _My taxes pay your salary!_

Clerk: I'm hourly and no they don't!

**BACK ON THE TRUCK.**

Elle (To Dan): Listen, _fresh!_ I'm not going to stand for you hitting on me, though it's totally deserved. Because let's face it, I'm super cute!

The Haitian rolls his eyes.

Elle: So, take this!

Elle zaps a few bolts of electricity at him.

Haitian: Um, what are you doing?

Elle: Teaching our friend a lesson.

Haitian: Well, that's another mind I'll have to wipe.

Elle zaps the trucker a few more times.

Elle: Hey, why aren't you…dying or anything?

Dan: Hmm? Oh, that electric stuff doesn't affect me. In the big house, they've tried to execute me so many times it's not even funny. When the prison got one hell of an electric bill they decided to keep me alive.

Elle: Well, that sucks. (To The Haitian) Wipe him!

Haitian: Could you phrase the differently? _'Wipe him' _sounds kinda gross.

Elle: Oh yeah, it does. Well, _Erase-Away!_

Haitian: That one's just awful.

Elle: Just do something.

The Haitian holds out his hand and wipes Dan's memory.

Dan: Hm? Oh, that mind erase stuff won't work with me, man. They've tried to erase my memory ever since I stumbled into some top secret alien experiment stuff at Area 51. Still, clear as a bell.

Elle: Hashe?

Haitian: Yeah.

Elle: Are we screwed?

Haitian: Yeah….we're screwed.

Back at the Company.

Peter: Wait, hold the phone. Dad's alive again?

Angela: Yes, and he's taking over the Company.

Noah: And you're letting him?

Angela: Yes, he still has Micah, Molly, Sylar and Samson imprisoned and he's going to kill them. I had to agree to let him do…oh wait, and some guy named Ted, I always forget about him, anyway, I had to agree to let him do the takeover. Because of this...

She hands him the envelope, inside is the picture of…

Angela: My sister, Alice.

Peter: Ah, yes, Aunt Alice. Hey, didn't we find her before?

Angela: Yes, but she ran off again….something must have upset her.

**-2 Christmases Ago-**

Angela: Okay, Nathan, open up your present. It's from Aunt Alice.

Alice: I hope you like it, Nathan. I made it myself.

Nathan: Oh boy…._socks_.

Peter: Oh awesome! Socks! Now I finally have something to put my feet in!

Angela: Now, boys. What do you say to Aunt Alice?

Peter: Thanks, Aunt Alice!

Nathan: Um….was there anything else from Aunt Alice?

Alice: Did you not like the socks, Nathan.

Nathan: It's not that…..it's just….well….socks….kinda….well…..it….sort of…well...sucks.

Alice starts to rise into the air; she spreads her arms as a strong wind blows out the windows. Furniture starts to fly around.

Nathan: Hmm. That's not good.

Peter: Oh man, ma is going to be miffed when she sees this.

Angela: Who wants cookies? (The tray blows out of her hands) AHHHH! MY COOKIES!

The roof starts to rip off.

Angela: _NATHAN MAXWELL SHEFFIELD PETRELLI_! WHAT DID YOU DO!

Nathan: And she automatically thinks it's my fault.

Peter: Well, it kinda is.

Nathan grabs onto the coffee table.

Nathan: Aunt Alice! I'm sorry, the socks were….You know what? I can't do it; socks are just a terrible Christmas present!

Peter: There goes the bathroom.

Peter: Ah, yes, good ol' Aunt Alice.

Angela: We have to find her, Noah.

Noah: Wait, did you say Molly was being held captive?

Angela: Well…

Noah: We need to rescue them first. Then we can…

Angela: Arthur took our powers.

Noah: Come again?

Angela: Arthur took all our powers….except for Samson's, which we all agreed was a wise choice.

Noah: So….we're going to need someone with powers. Peter?

Peter: The time is now 12:03pm. I have the power to tell time. _I'm basically a watch_.

Noah: Why would you pick that up!

Peter: Because….I don't have a watch. Hey, for Christmas maybe I can ask Aunt Alice for a watch instead…hmm, no I really need new socks.

Noah: Well, that's not going to help us! Okay, new plan.

Angela: And that is?

Noah: We're going to have to find Alice, make her join us, then Peter will copy her powers. Then we all can all storm Arthur's hideout.

Peter: I hope so, because I really need those new socks.

Meanwhile, in the woods. Its pitch black outside.

Niki: Allright, Mohinder, how far away is this cabin?

Mohinder: It's not too far away. This map has a trail leading to it.

Niki: Wait a minute. This diary of a serial killer, which was found at West's lake house, has a detailed map telling you where to find the killer's house?

Mohinder: I know, how convenient! Probably so he wouldn't get lost.

Niki: Or probably so he'll lure us into a trap and kill us!

Mohinder: Oh Niki, that sounds….probable.

Niki: UGH! Well, we have no choice, let's keep moving, we have to save Nathan.

Matt: Anybody else notice it's really dark outside for it being 12:03pm?

**Ando and Tracy**  
><strong>Not too far away from Danko's Office<strong>

Tracy: So, we need to find Hiro and Daphne. I wouldn't even know where to look. Have you tried asking that Molly girl? I've heard everybody just goes to her because they're too lazy to look for themselves!

Ando: Sure does.

Tracy: What's wrong with you? You seem nervous. For the last time, I'm not an internet stripper! That's my sis….

Ando stops her turns around to see Tracy standing there. She holds her hand up to her neck and pulls out a tranquillizer dart. She collapses.

Ando: …

Some men run up and drag her off, behind them walks up _Linderman_.

Linderman: Excellent work, Ando.

Ando: Now tell me where Hiro is!

Linderman: Of course. He's is stored in one of my other offices. 34th and Park Avenue. Building C. Ninth floor.

Ando: You better not be lying to me.

Ando starts to run off. He turns to look back at Tracy.

Ando: I'm sorry, Internet Stripper. This was the only way, I promise we'll come back and rescue you.

Linderman: Oh, and Ando.

Ando: What?

Linderman: He's currently hooked up to a device and preoccupied at the moment. Don't try anything too rash or it will kill him.

Ando: ….

He runs off.

Linderman walks over to Tracy. He leans down.

Linderman: Long time, no see, _Ms. Sanders_.

Back in the forest, Niki and the others approach the cabin.

Niki: Looks like nobody is inside. Come on.

Niki busts through the front door. Matt wheels Nathan in.

Mohinder: Okay, let's start looking around. Try to look for a blood transfusion machine.

Claire: This is stupid! Why would someone have a blood transfusion machine in their…

Niki: Closet!

Niki rolls out the machine.

Claire: ….um….okay.

Matt sets up his camera.

Mohinder: What on Earth are you doing?

Matt: Uh, making my movie. Did you forget?

Mohinder: I never bothered to remember.

Matt: Okay, Nathan's the patient, Mohinder's the doctor, Claire's the cheerleader who's about to be killed cause this IS a horror flick, West is the murderer and Niki….._you can still be Danno_. AAAND ACTION!

Mohinder starts hooking up several devices. He inserts a tube into Claire's arm.

Mohinder: You guys are the same blood type, right?

Claire: Sure, why not?

Mohinder: Works for me.

Niki is walking around; she is shuffling through a desk. She picks up a photo.

Niki: _Is this serial killer a Truck Driver?_ Man I hate to be riding with him right now.

Meanwhile, _Trucker Dan's truck _pulls up to….

Dan: The Roadkill Motel. The bar they have here serves the best chili cheese fries in the tri-state area. Wait, is there an _Eskimo Joe's_ around?

Elle: Yes.

Dan: Second best chili cheese fries in the tri-state area. Okay, let's go get some grub.

Elle turns to the Haitian, they are both wearing bandanas.

Haitian: What are these?

Elle: Haitian, listen to me! LISTEN TO ME! OH GOD, WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?

She slaps him.

Haitian: Um, ow, why did you do that?

Elle: Listen, We're probably going to get stabbed millions of times in there! So it's important that we look tough and mingle with the others. Let's practice our secret gang handshake!

Haitian: Our what?

Elle: Haitian! We have to make it look like we're in a gang so we'll look cool! Now, do the handshake! UP HIGH!

SLAP!

Elle: DOWN LOW!

SLAP!

Elle: Oh god _you're doing it wrong! _(Sobbing) We're gonna die I just know it! Waaaaaah!

She slides out of the truck. She climbs back in.

Elle (sniffing): How's my bandana look? Does it make me look cute?

Haitian: Um…sure.

Elle: Thanks, I thought so too….WAAAAH!

She sobs while sliding back out of the truck.

Haitian: Oh brother.

Outside of town, a car pulls up to an abandoned shack.

Noah: Are you sure this is the address?

Angela: Yes, I hope.

Noah, Angela and Peter get out of the car and approach the shack.

Angela: Hello? Alice? Are you in here? Hello?

Peter: Aunt Alice? It's your favorite nephew, Peter. Nathan's not here! Can I get some new socks for Christmas? Preferably not the ones with the individual toes because they really creep me out.

Noah: Angela, I don't think she's here.

Angela: What was that? That noise?

_WOOOOOOO-CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!_

Peter: Oh, it was just the _Lost Smoke Monster_.

Angela: NOT THAT! I mean….

A woman steps out from the shadows.

Angela: Alice? Is that you?

Alice: Angela?

Angela: Oh, Alice! I'm so glad you're okay. I've punished Nathan many times after what he did. He's just selfish, don't mind him.

Alice: I disappeared again because of you!

Angela: Oh, you're still upset about that thing 50 years ago.

Alice: Well, I'm still mad about that. But this time…

**Flashback.**

Alice is sitting in the shack at Coyote Sands.

Alice (narrating): I managed to come to terms with what happened back then and forgave you for abandoning me. Then we got together for Christmas…

Nathan holds up the pair of socks and sticks his tongue out.

Angela (chiming in): Nathan! I know!

Alice: No. After that, we lost touch again. I got very sick and went to a clinic where I met a man who was so charming and handsome…

Alice was sitting in her hospital bed, a visitor knocks on her door.

Voice: Hello, we've talked several times before but I've never introduced myself…my name is _Samson. Samson Gray_.

Angela: OH CRAP!

She buries her face in her hands.

Peter: I think I know where this is heading.

Noah: _Top one answer on the board. Survey says…_

Alice: How could you marry him, Angela? I loved him!

Angela: It was a sham marriage, Alice! We didn't even like each other…well, he may still like me. But I was just using him so he'll invest in The Company, only because he was the Principal at Micah Sanders' high school at the time. And I'm basing that ridiculous financial decision on absolutely nothing. He means nothing to me.

Alice: I'll never forgive you for this. Get out.

Angela: W…what? Oh, come now, Alice, you can't be…

Alice: GET OUT!

Alice raises her hands, the walls of the shack starts to shake.

Noah: Here we go again.

Angela: Tell you what? You can have him back! Really! In fact, in fact….

Angela falls to the ground.

Alice: You didn't even call me to ask if I was feeling well! Which I wasn't!

Angela: I'm sorry! I was probably getting my hair done! Do you like it?

Noah: Okay, let's stop her.

She moves her hand in their direction. Noah and Peter fly backwards and through the wall. Rain is beginning to come down.

Noah: Ugh….anytime you want to chime in here.

Peter: Oh, right.

Meanwhile, Ando opens the door to an office where Hiro is, he is hooked up to the Redux Device.

Ando: Oh, Hiro, this is bad. I need to get you out of there. Where's the manual?

Downstairs.

Linderman whips off Tracy's mask.

Linderman: Why, hello there Niki. It's been far too long since we've seen each other.

Tracy: I swear if one more person calls me an internet stripper I'm going to scream!

Linderman: Oh, no, that's your business. I am here for a very special reason. The very reason why I have Hiro detained. He's one piece of the puzzle, and you Ms. Sanders, are the next.

Tracy: Oh my god, for the last time…wait…What about Hiro?

Linderman: He is hooked up to a special device called _The Genesis Redux_, it's a special machine that lets him relive the events of Season 1 and prevent a certain event that happened.

Tracy: Can't Hiro travel through time? Wouldn't that be easier?

Linderman: No, no, my dear. The Redux is special; you can go back in time and right any wrong you wish, without the harmful repercussion of The Butterfly Effect.

Tracy: What would happen if he did just travel back in time and save you?

Linderman: Well…I don't know.

Tracy: Probably something I would've had Hiro do BEFORE going into the machine, which probably cost A LOT of money.

Linderman: Pocket change, my dear, pocket change.

He summons one of his henchmen. He hands him a set of keys.

Linderman: _Return the Bugatti back to the dealership_, and for the love of god don't scratch it!

Linderman turns back to Tracy.

Linderman: Hiro is going back in time to _prevent my death_.

Tracy: You…look pretty alive from where I'm sitting.

Linderman: Smoke and Mirrors. He is going to stop _D.L Hawkins from murdering me_. You remember, that night?

Tracy: Uh…yeah….I sure do.

Linderman: Now here is where _you_ come in. You know where he is?

Tracy: Who?

Linderman: Uh, D.L. The only other person we're talking about.

Tracy: Oh, no. Nope! Not a clue!

Linderman: Well, I'm sure the combined efforts of your son, Micah, and his friend Molly Walker can find him. You're going to bring them to me.

Tracy: I don't know where Micah is!

Linderman: Really? Hasn't crossed your mind at all?

Tracy: Well, I mean, it shouldn't be THAT hard to find him.

Linderman: That's good. You have 24 hours.

Linderman starts to walk out.

Linderman: Ando is upstairs trying to find a way not to accidentally kill Hiro. You can bring him along if you wish.

Tracy: Hmm.

Upstairs.

Tracy slaps Ando in the arm.

Ando: OW! What was that for?

Tracy: Did you purposely lead me into a trap?

Ando: I'm sorry; it was the only way to find out where Hiro was. What are you doing here?

Tracy: Linderman has given us 24 hours to find Micah and Molly, which he wants to use them to find D.L.

Ando: You've going to hand over your own son and husband, just like that?

Tracy: I'm not Niki, you dolt! That's my sister!

Ando: Are you sure? You two look just alike…..GASP! _Are you really Jessica?_

Tracy: What? Who? No…I'm her twin sister.

Ando: Ah.

Tracy: Who is Jessica?

Ando: I wouldn't worry about that.

Tracy: Anyway, I have to get Hiro out of here so he can help me save some other people I need to rescue. That's right, I have my own subplot to deal with, _it's not all just about you_.

Ando: Okay, but I hope you know what you're doing.

Tracy: Don't worry, I'll figure out something. Now, we just need to locate Micah and Molly.

Back at Arthur's Hideout. In a wall panel.

Micah: Ted sure is taking a long time.

Molly: I wonder if something happened.

The wall panel opens up, _Arthur appears_.

Micah: Uh oh.

Arthur: Why, hello there. Are you two comfortable?

Molly: Sort of.

Arthur: Why don't you two come with me?

Micah: Uh….Do we have to?

Arthur: Don't worry about Ted, I haven't killed him yet.

Molly: Are you going to kill us?

Arthur: Why, heavens, no. You're far too valuable to me. You see, _it has come to my attention that an old friend of mine is looking for you two._

Arthur gets a call on his headset.

Arthur (on headset): Yes?...What's that?..._He wrecked the Bugatti_? Well he's dead.

Arthur hangs up.

Arthur: Well, my inside source is now probably getting killed as we speak but that doesn't matter. _Daniel Linderman_ is sending two people to bring you back to him.

Micah: Is he still doing that whole '_I'm a ghost'_ thing? Because I'm still not buying it.

Arthur: Come with me. We'll all be waiting for when our guests arrive.

Micah and Molly follow Arthur out of the wall panel. Meanwhile, Ted gets thrown back in the cell with Sylar and Samson.

Sylar: Where the hell have you been? And where are the others?

Ted: Micah and Molly are hiding in a wall panel and Angela's not even here!

Sylar: WHAT?

Ted: I don't know, I ran through some security footage and found them talking. Then he hands her an envelope then she leaves the compound.

Sylar: That soulless witch!

Samson: I'm sure there's a very good explanation.

Arthur pops in.

Arthur: I just wanted to inform you that I'm using the children as bargaining chips and in case if you're wondering why Angela is gone, it's because I cut her a deal. But you three are still going to die. Not today, maybe tomorrow, possibly during brunch. Ta! Ta!

Arthur closes the door.

Samson: Or she's a soulless witch.

Elsewhere, Angela opens her eyes as she is on the ground several feet away from the shack; she manages to lift her head up to see _multiple tornadoes forming on the ground_.

Angela: OH, GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!

Peter runs into the shack.

Peter: Sorry, Aunt Alice, I hope this doesn't have an impact on my Christmas socks.

Peter moves both hands in a swooping motion; a wall behind Alice crumbles as a snow storm blows through.

Noah, outside is crawling along the ground.

Noah: Angela! Angela!

Angela: I'm right here! Ugh….

Noah: So, I'm thinking, this plan could really work with the two of them going into Arthur's head on.

Angela: I was thinking the same thing. COW!

The both duck their heads, a cow flies over them.

Cow: MOOOO!

Angela: We just have…..have to….find a way to stop this.

Peter slides outside not too far from the shack. A bolt of lightning strikes him, sending him flying into the car.

Peter: OOF!

Angela: Oh, that is it! I've had enough!

Angela gets up and storms into what's left of the shack.

Angela: Alice! I'm sorry I didn't check up on you, and I'm sorry I fake married the man who I had no idea you were in love with, but let's be honest, he's not that great! But I need your help to save him!

Alice: What?

The storms slow down, eventually disappearing.

Alice: What do you mean, save him?

Angela: He's being held captive, by Arthur.

Alice: I thought he was dead.

Angela: He was, but he was brought back to life. He also has Samson's son Sylar, and two other children held captive as well. He told me where you were only if…_oh , and some other guy named Ted_. I always forget about him….anyway, He told me where you were only if I agreed to work with him. But now that I've found you we can work together to save them.

Alice: How did he know where I was?

Angela: Uh…I…did not ask.

Noah: Wait, didn't you say he has _Molly Walker's power now_?

Angela: I….think I may have mentioned that.

Noah: So he locates Alice and uses this as a manipulative tactic to get him to take over the Company. And he probably knew the first thing you'd do was find her and possibly find a way to get her to work with us, so he's probably waiting for us to come after him and fall into a trap.

Angela: Oh, Noah, that sounds…..probable.

Peter: And he'll probably just take our powers the second we get there. So, now what?

Noah: We'll need someone to block his powers while we strike.

Angela: You mean?

Noah (gets on the phone): The Haitian. Where the hell has he been anyway?

Elle and The Haitian are sitting at the bar at the Roadkill Motel.

Elle: Okay, Hashe, this is it. Those gang members over there are looking at us.

Haitian: They want us to join them?

Elle: No, you ninny! They want to stab us…._with sharp objects!_

Haitian: Uh huh.

Elle: We need to prove to them that we're tough. Quick, let's start a fight!

Haitian: What?

Elle: We need to pick a fight with each other so they'll think we're tough so they won't touch us. Let me break this chair over your face!

Haitian: I'm not letting you do that.

Elle: Come on! Quick, we're going to get stabbed!

Elle (raising her voice): Okay, punk! Looks like someone wants to fight! _Here comes my fist!_

Haitian: ….

Elle: It's about to make contact….with your face….and prove how tough I am.

Elle whispers to the Haitian.

Elle: _I'm actually not much of a puncher, if you could just ram your face into my fist, it'll be just as good_.

Haitian: Groan….

Trucker Dan comes up.

Dan: We have to go. Come on.

Elle: Well, we're off to get stabbed. Good going, Haitian!

Dan: We have to make a quick stop at my house real quick.

Elle: Wonderful.

Back in the car.

Noah: I can't get a hold of the Haitian. He's expecting us, so we're going to have to find the best way to handle this.

Alice (to Peter): I'm sorry about that squabble, Peter. I hope I didn't hurt you too much.

Peter: Nah, my back was out of place and slamming up against the car popped it back to where it's supposed to be.

Alice: To show no hard feelings, I got you these.

Peter: Socks? Thanks, Aunt Alice!

Alice: There's another pair you can give to that selfish brother of yours. I worked really hard on those socks and he….oooh, he makes me so mad.

The car starts to shake.

Peter: That's our Aunt Alice!

Noah: Not in the car! _I just had it detailed!_

Meanwhile, in the cabin in the woods, Nathan wakes up.

Nathan: Huh….uh….what happened?

Claire: Hey….you.

Nathan: Claire? Where am I?

Claire: West shot you while you were flying, so we came to this serial killers cabin and transferred my blood to you. Give you a good fix up.

Nathan: Thanks….ugh, I have to go….save Meredith…

Claire: What?...Meredith…as in…my mom…Meredith?

Nathan: Yeah….Emile Danko has her and her brother held captive at this location. I swore to rescue her not long after I refused to help her.

Claire: Holy crap, we have to save her!

Niki: What's going on?

Claire: My mom's in trouble!

Niki: …..Which one?

Claire: Meredith Gordon!

Matt walks up and takes a picture of Niki, blinding her with the flash.

Niki: AHHH! What the hell, Matt?

Matt: Turns out there was no film in the video camera. But I found _this _camera though, so now I just take pictures. Making me a _horror scrapbook_.

Mohinder: Well, we should at least rest until morning. Then we'll go save them, just as long as there are no more interrupt-

The door breaks down. _Trucker Dan walks in with a shotgun_.

Dan: Everybody in the corner or someone's getting their head blown off.

Mohinder: Oh my!

Dan: In the corner! NOW!

Niki, Mohinder, Matt, Claire, and West get in the corner; Nathan is still on the bed. _Elle and The Haitian walk in._

Elle: Oh hey guys...look! Me and the Haitian, totally in a gang. UP HIGH!

Haitian: ….

Elle: You're never going to get it right.

_**To Be Continued.**_


	5. Trivial Pursuits

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>Season 4<br>Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

Matt and Niki are walking down the street.

Niki: Listen, Matt, I said I was sorry for sleep walking into your room and punching you in the face every night this week. I've just been having trouble sleeping lately.

Matt: That's okay, you can just make it up to me by going to this movie.

Niki: Well, that's not so bad I suppose.

They notice two tents outside of the movie theater.

Niki: Ha, I cannot imagine sleeping outside in a tent all night just for a movie.

_Claire and Elle crawl out of their tents_, both of them sporting full grown beards.

Claire: Oh, man, is it finally time?

Niki: What are you two doing here? And what is with those beards?

Elle: It's time! It's finally time! We're going to finally see it!

Niki: See what?

Elle and Claire: _TWILIGHT!_

Niki: Ugh! Don't tell me you two actually like that stuff.

Claire: I didn't think I would, but Elle had me watch the trailer and I can't help but to be addicted.

Elle: And I only watched it on a dare…..that I made to myself. It's easy making bets with yourself cause in the end, _you always win money._

Niki: Well, that's stupid.

Claire: So anyway, that's why we're here.

Niki: Aren't you two a little late? That movie came out like, over a month ago.

Elle: WHAT?

Claire: AHHH! We've overslept!

Niki: How do you oversleep for _over a month?_ Seriously, what are you taking? Because I could probably use some of it.

Claire: Well, this movie's ruined.

Niki: Why? Just go see the damn movie!

Claire: It kinda ruins it if you don't see it on day one.

Niki: You didn't see the other movies on day one. You just now started liking Twilight. So why does this matter?

Claire: There are other movies?

Niki: Uh, DUH! The one playing now is the fourth movie. They split the last book into two parts.

Elle: _There are books?_

Niki: Oh forget this! Let's go, Matt.

Inside the movie theater.

Matt has a popcorn bucket in his lap. Niki is drinking a giant cup of soda.

Niki: I never bothered to ask. What movie did you pick?

Matt: Hm? Oh, _it's Twilight_.

Niki: WHAT?

Matt: Yes, it's actually better to wait weeks after the movie releases so the theater won't be packed when you come see it. Fools! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Matt checks his ticket.

Matt: Oh, wait…the show was at 1:00, yeah, _the movie ended hours ago_.

Niki glares.

Matt: That would probably explain why nobody's here. That's okay; we can play their movie trivia game while we wait.

Matt reads the movie trivia on the screen.

Matt: _What movie that tells a story about toys stars Tim Allen and Tom Hanks. As toys. In this story. About toys…Man, these get harder every time I come here…_..(claps) GOT IT! GOT IT!...It's _Shrek._

Niki: _IT'S TOY STORY, YOU BLOCK HEAD!_

Matt: Niki, if you don't know the answer you don't have to embarrass yourself like that.

Niki: This is unbelievable. We should just sneak into another movie.

Matt: We should….we should….so….um….._are there really three movies before this one_?

Niki: That's it! I'm out of here. And I'll be punching you in the face tonight.

Niki storms out of the theater.

Matt: _Previously On Heroes_…..oh, it was _Toy Story_. Crap, I hate it when she's right!

Angela's Mansion blows up.

Sylar (in the basement): I think we're getting saved.

Some armed men bust through the door.

Man: Mr. Petrelli sent us to kidnap you…assuming you survived of course.

Sylar: Uh huh…

Arthur: I have painted the future, and none of you are in it. Angela, can I see you for a moment?

Angela: Feh!

Arthur: I want to resurrect the company and ran my way, with these individuals as your subordinates. I'm sure one in particular you won't mind recruiting.

Noah, Peter, and Angela drive to an abandoned shack.

Angela: Alice? Is that you?

Alice conjures up a storm and sends Noah and Peter flying through a wall.

Noah (to Angela): I think with the combined forces of Peter and Alice, we may have a shot against Arthur.

Meredith and Flint get kidnapped.

Nathan: We have to rescue them!

Tracy and Nathan break into Danko's office.

Tracy: Nathan, I'm going to go with Ando to find Hiro, that way we can have a teleporter.

Nathan: And I'm going to check out this holding center where they have Meredith and Flint detained.

Nathan flies off and gets shot down by West Rosen.

Claire: Holy crap!

Earlier,

Claire (to Niki and co): Thanks for sabotaging my family trip, now I can go on _my trip_.

Niki: To where?

Claire: To West's Lake house.

Matt: From season 2.

Niki: We know who West is!

West: Hi Claire! I have a gun!

Claire: Shoot it at something!

West shoots Nathan out of the sky.

Claire: EEK!

Niki: We have to take him somewhere, or at least a place where we can transfuse Claire's blood.

Mohinder: I know where!

They stumble upon the cabin of a mysterious serial killer deep in the woods.

Ted (to Micah and Molly): You two hide here. I'm going to scope out ahead.

Arthur opens the wall panel Micah and Molly were hiding in.

Arthur: It seems Daniel Linderman is looking for you two.

Ando (to Tracy): Internet stripper!

Tracy: Um…wrong!

Ando: Hiro is trapped in this device. How are we going to get him out?

Tracy: Linderman has given us 24 hours to find Micah and Molly, which he wants to use them to find D.L. It might be our only chance to save Hiro.

Meanwhile, in Redux.

"Claire" runs up to Zach.

Hiro: Zach, you have to help me. My name is Hiro Nakamura and I'm reliving the events of Season One for a man named Daniel Linderman in exchange for him restoring my powers to travel through time and space.

Zach: UH!

Hiro (as Claire) ends up on the slab in the morgue after the bonfire.

Zach and Hiro: AHHHH!

And finally,

Elsewhere,

Elle (screaming): Haitian!

Haitian (plugging his ear): Ow…

Elle: Nathan just left us with that creepy Trucker Dan guy and I don't like the looks of it.

Trucker Dan: Let's go to the Roadkill Motel.

Elle: EEP!

Trucker Dan: We have to leave again.

Elle: EEP!

Trucker Dan, Elle and The Haitian walk into the serial killer's cabin in the woods.

Elle: _Awkward Sauce_!

Matt: _Currently on Heroes_…(he turns to Niki) _Are you sure it was Toy Story!_

Niki: It's over, Matt! Stop breaking the plot!

**Hiro Nakamura  
>Season One Redux<strong>

Hiro wakes up to the sound of Mohinder's voice.

Mohinder: _Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. Answers are nothing but questions that are no longer questions but now just normal sentences without questioning anything. For we are no longer asking the question, just saying answers. Are we the questions, or the answers? That….is a question._

Hiro: Wow, I don't miss those!

Hiro wakes up in a room, strapped to a table of some sort.

Hiro: Uh…UH!...

Noah shows up.

Hiro: EEK!

Noah: Hello there.

Hiro: What is this? Why am I hooked up to things?

Noah: No need to get excited, Matt. I just need you to relax.

Hiro: Oh, yeah, I forgot I was him…oh wait, no I'm not!

Noah: Oh, I believe you are. You're a very special person with a very special…ability.

Hiro: No! You got it all wrong! _Oh, if only I could use my telepathy to make you understand_!

Noah: …

Hiro: Oops.

Meanwhile…

**Niki, The Haitian, and the others.  
>Cabin In The Middle Of The Woods.<strong>

Trucker Dan has a shotgun pulled on Niki, Matt, Mohinder, Claire, West, and an already gunned down Nathan who West totally shot on purpose.

West: No I didn't!

Next to Trucker Dan stood Elle and The Haitian, sporting very stylish bandanas.

Elle: Since we're in a gang and all.

Elle turns her attention to the group.

Elle: Listen, we don't take kindly to trespassers in these parts! Reach for the sky while Trucker Dan turns you all into Swiss Cheese! Fire away!

Claire: Dammit Elle, you suck!

Dan (To Elle): Uh, you know these folks?

Elle: What? NO! Not at all! Heh, heh….

Dan: Because you just said "Hi" to them like, two seconds ago.

Elle: I like being formal to the 'about to be deceased'. I'm only friends with you! Fire away!

Haitian: Weren't you all paranoid about how he creeps you out like, two seconds ago?

Elle: _I'm trying to get on his good side so he won't kill us_! FIRE AWAY, DAMMIT!

Dan shrugs and loads his shotgun.

**Noah Bennet and Angela Petrelli  
>The Company<strong>

Noah and Angela are sitting in a conference room. Peter and Alice Shaw are currently helping themselves to a cheese tray on the table.

Noah: Where did that cheese tray come from?

Angela: Noah, I'm not so sure about this. I have a terrible feeling we're just falling into Arthur's trap.

Noah: Yeah, I kinda mentioned that in the last episode, but whatever….

Angela: Alice is one of four that Arthur listed as recruits. I know that we could use their help but….why would he be so eager to give this to us? He's planning something terrible.

Noah: Who are the other four?

Angela hands him the envelope, Noah looks inside.

Noah: These four?...An odd combination.

Angela: What should we do?

Noah: We don't have a choice. Let's go get them. Peter! You're with me!

Peter (spitting out cheese): SIR! YES, SIR!

Meanwhile, in the morgue.

Zach: AHHHHHH!

Claire: AHHHHH!

Zach: AHHHHHH!

Hiro (now as Claire): Oh, whew! I'm back.

Zach: What is that? You're all….cut open…and…eewww…

Hiro sits up and closes the giant incision on his chest.

Hiro: Looks like the doctor made some notes. I can't see what they say….

**Chapter Five 'Trivial Pursuits'**

Hiro: Listen! We have to get out of here, Zach! Follow me!

Zach: Do you want like…something to close you up with?

Hiro: No need! And we're off!

Zach: Yeah, but you're like…flapping everywhere, but this robe on.

Hiro: Excellent! I'm going to run home and shower and hope my chest just closes on it's own.

Zach: Ew.

Hiro: Meet me at this address later.

Later, Hiro (as Mohinder) and Zach walk into Mohinder's apartment.

Zach: Okay…um…"Mohinder"….someone named _Peter Petrelli _should be arriving on your doorstep.

Zach looks around.

Zach: Wait. Where's Eden McCain?

Hiro: Good question. I hope she wasn't the woman I cut off in the highway. Well, she deserved it. She flipped me the bird! But not to worry, I got her back good. I made my own version of the bird. What you do is stick your thumb in your mouth and blow as hard as you can!

Zach: Uh….yeah…So, what does that mean?

Hiro: Oh, it's really simple!

Hiro (sticking his thumb in his mouth): PBBBBBBBBBBB!

Zach: NOT THAT! I'm talking about Eden! What do we do if she's not here?

Hiro: Oh, it just means that you're going to have to be _Eden_.

Zach: What? Why me?

Hiro: So the flow of events can make sense.

Zach: But I thought the whole point of The Redux is that it doesn't matter if it makes sense.

Hiro: There's a knock at the door. Go answer it. And don't forget your wig!

Zach: Man…

Zach opens the door to find Peter.

Peter: Uh…hi. I'm looking for Chandra Suresh.

Hiro: That would be me.

Zach: I thought you were Mohinder.

Hiro: Oh, you're right. Sorry, let's try that again.

Hiro slams the door in Peter's face.

Hiro: Knock, please!

Peter hesitates, then knocks on the door. Zach answers.

Zach: Yes?

Peter: Chandra Suresh?

Hiro: Nope. He's dead. But I'm not, the name's Mohinder Suresh. And what may I owe this visit?

Zach: He's here to talk about his flying powers.

Hiro: SHH! He's supposed to say that!

Zach: Oh, right….(flips through pages)

Peter: …

Hiro: Heh, heh…

**= = =HEROES= = =**

_Ando and Tracy Strauss walk into Linderman's office._

Linderman: Oh, it's you two.

Tracy: We have decided to look for Micah and Molly. Kinda wish we didn't debate about it for an hour cause that leaves us with 23 hours to find them.

Linderman: Seriously, Miss Sanders, I would have expected you to keep a better eye on your boy.

Tracy: Yeah, I suck. Anyway, where are we supposed to start looking?

Linderman: I don't know, get creative. Ask around. Just don't fail me.

Tracy (to Ando): This is going to be more complicated than I thought.

Back in the cabin.

Claire: Wait! You can't shoot us!

Niki: Cindy's right! Our friend has been shot and we're just trying to save him, that's all.

Claire (to Mohinder): Why did she just call me Cindy? _Who the hell is Cindy!_

Dan: Why did you come here and not take him to the hospital down the street?

Niki: Dammit, Mohinder! I knew there was a hospital around here! You and your stupid serial killer book!

Dan: Serial Killer book?

Mohinder: That's right, I found THIS!

Dan: Oh, it's my book!

Mohinder: AHA!

Dan: I've been meaning to return it to the library, but a raccoon took off with it.

Mohinder slowly turns around to see Niki glaring at him.

Mohinder: Well, excuse me for thinking! It looks just like a serial killer's journal!

Niki swipes the book.

Niki: How many serial killer journals have _Oprah's Book Club sticker on it?_

Mohinder: …..um….good ones? Or perhaps….

Niki: Shut your word hole!

Matt: Well, I'm glad that mystery's solved. Thanks to our pal, Scooby Doo!

Matt leans over and gives the dog a kiss on the top of its head.

Dan: Oh, that's _Lil' Trucker_, I just recently had him _stuffed_.

Matt (covering his mouth): BRRFF!

Niki turns back to Dan.

Niki: Listen, can you take us to this hospital?

Dan: Yeah, you all can climb in the back trailer. I'll get you there fast.

Mohinder: I don't get it! The book had a trail leading here and everything!

Dan: Oh, I drew that myself so I wouldn't get lost returning it to the Library. Let's go! There's no time to waste.

West and Matt pick up Nathan and they all leave the cabin.

Elle: Listen, Claire. I hope there are no hard feelings. I wasn't trying to get you killed or anything.

Claire: You shouting 'Fire Away' three times kinda disproves that statement.

Elle: I hope we can put it behind us and laugh. I still want us to be friends.

Claire: Uh, we kinda were never friends.

Elle: Oh, good, I was worried there for a second.

Claire: Huh?

Back in Redux, Hiro (as Niki) is walking down the hallway, strutting his stuff.

Hiro (on earpiece): Zach! Come in!

Zach: Hey, I'm here!

Hiro: What's the plan, now?

Zach (reading): You're supposed to meet up with Nathan Petrelli in his hotel room. And…uh….ehh…..

Hiro: On it!

Nathan opens the door.

Hiro: Fly-….oh….why can't I stop doing that?

Nathan: Come in, come in….

Hiro: Okay, Zach. What's next on the to do list?….(pauses)…I'm sorry, can you repeat that?...

Hiro's face turns white, he grimaces.

Nathan (smiles): Can I offer you a drink?

Hiro: uh…._I'm allergic to drinks_! Gotta go! Bye!

Hiro trips over his high heels and falls on his face.

Meanwhile, Tracy and Ando are splitting a sundae at Baskin Robbins.

Tracy: That's strange….I can't get a hold of Nathan. I hope something didn't happen to him.

Ando: Does he know where Micah and Molly are?

Tracy: I doubt it. I mean he has to have connections, right?

Ando: You're hogging all he chocolate syrup.

Tracy: Wait…he might….but _his mother has to!_ She works at The Company. They find people all the time.

Ando: What _does _Linderman want with Micah and Molly anyway?

Tracy: I don't care about what he wants. Micah is the key to _getting Hiro_ out of Redux.

Ando: Say what?

Tracy: He's a computer genius. He can make computers and things do whatever he wants. That crazy contraption Hiro is hooked up to is just a computer. Micah might be able to disable it without killing him.

Ando: And what about Molly?

Tracy: We use her to track down anybody else, just like everybody else does on this show.

Ando: Sounds like a plan.

Meanwhile, a car pulls up to the front gates of a prison. Peter hops out of the car and runs to the driver's side window. Noah rolls the window down.

Peter: Wish me good luck on Summer Camp, Pa!

Noah: First off, Peter, I'm not your dad. Second, this isn't a vacation, it's a prison! Your job is to get in there, absorb the ability, and get out of there.

Peter: Um….if I'm just going to pop in and out, why not just stay out here?

Noah: Because _you'll be returning with the prisoner_.

Peter: Oh, right! Right. Okay….I'm off.

Noah (yelling): OPEN THE GATES!

The gates slowly open; some guards walk out and drag Peter inside.

Peter: Wait! I forgot to pack my toothbrush! Come back! I'm really self-conscious about my breath!

In the back of a trailer; Matt, Niki, Claire, West, Elle and The Haitian sit during the ride.

Niki: I don't know why he wanted Nathan and Mohinder up there with him. I think it would make more sense to have Nathan lying down back here.

Elle: Yeah, speaking of that. What happened to him? He was fine like, a day ago when he left us with the trucker.

Claire: Well, West (finger quotes) _"accidentally" _shot him.

West: WHAT!

Claire: And Nathan mentioned that my real mom was in danger.

Elle: Oh yeah, Meredith, after her and her brother try to hold up a gas station they got taken away by that Danko guy.

Claire: Emile Danko has them!

Elle: Oh yeah, and Nathan and Tracy ran off and left us. Totally rude, am I right, Hashe?

Haitian: Hmm.

Niki: Tracy? Where is she?

Elle: Don't know, we were too busy fighting off gangs in bars.

Niki: This is a mess, I wonder how much longer until we reach the hospital.

Niki climbs up to peek out a slot in the front of the trailer.

Niki: Um….guys?

Claire: What is it?

Niki: There's no truck.

Matt: We're just….rolling?

Niki: The truck that was pulling us it gone! We're just speeding down the road!

The trailer continues to roll aimlessly down the road. Meanwhile, in a ramp getting on the highway, Mohinder is sitting in the passenger seat, Nathan, unconscious, is sitting next to him with Dan driving.

Mohinder: I'm glad you elected me to sit with you up front.

He looks at Nathan.

Mohinder: I don't know why he has to be here but that's fine. So….what shall we do? I know! Let's name all the Periodic Table of Elements in Alphabetical order!

Dan: I'd rather not.

Mohinder: Okay, as you wish.

Mohinder looks out the window to see the trailer speeding down another road.

Mohinder: Hey, that looks like your trailer.

Dan locks the doors.

Mohinder: Oh, that was your trailer.

Dan smirks.

Mohinder: And you didn't want to talk about sciency things…okay, now I'm sad.

Dan: I'm glad I have the son of Chandra Suresh and Former Mayor Petrelli in my possession. _You two will bring in a lot of money_.

Mohinder: I'm actually not much of a gambler, nor am I big on Ponzi Schemes. But I run a very successful lemonade stand in a neighborhood not too far from the city. The lemons are chemically modified so they are quite huge! But be careful when drinking the lemonade, the seeds are very large and you will choke to death if you happen to swallow one.

Dan looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: Oh, you're going to sell us to someone.

Tracy opens the door to the main office area of The Company.

Ando: How in the world did you find this place?

Tracy: I used to work here for like….a day or something. Still have the key. Let's look around and see if we can….

Alice pops up.

Tracy: YEAAGH!

Alice: Hello. May I help you with something?

Tracy: Oh….we're um….

Ando: Intruders.

Tracy: No….no…..no we're not. We're just here to….

Alice: I don't like intruders. You're not here to hurt Angela, are you?

Tracy: No, of course not. We're just here to ask her a few questions.

Ando: By any means necessary!

Ando slams his fists together. Tracy slowly turns to look at him.

Ando: I'm only joking.

Tracy: She's only _not laughing!_

Alice: You two should leave, now.

Alice raises both her arms.

Tracy: Um…that? What is that?...What is she doing?

Ando: I've never met this woman! Looks like she wants to give us a hug. Group hug!

A desk lamp whizzes past Ando's head.

Ando: Okay, I think she's going to kill us.

In Vegas Redux.

Hiro climbs into a van where Zach is monitoring.

Zach: What are you doing? Get back up there!

Hiro: No way!

Zach: Okay, I'm sure you're going to become the next person any moment now, just get up there and stall before it happens.

Hiro: But!

Zach: If you zap out of here and leave me alone in a van with Niki Sanders while Linderman's goons are after her I'm not going to help you anymore!...Probably because I'll be dead.

Hiro: Oh, fine.

Back in the hotel room.

Nathan: Glad you changed your mind.

Hiro: Me too. Did somebody say '_Board Games'_?

Nathan: No.

Hiro: Let's play board games, shall we?

Hiro pulls out _Monopoly: Heroes Edition_.

Hiro: Hey, _why does Sylar get to be the Boardwalk property? _He hasn't had a decent power in like, forever! Where am I….._Baltic Avenue?_ That's one of the first ones! GASP!…_I'm worth less than Mr. Muggles?_

Nathan: Are you quite done?

Hiro: Uh…yes. Yes…..um….let's see….time to stall…..Okay, sit right there. It's time for….sexy dance time!

Nathan: Good, that's a start.

Hiro: Oooh! A penny!

Hiro bends down, ripping out the back of his dress.

Zach: _How do you rip out the back of a dress?_

Hiro (yelling): _It's a tight dress!_

The Haitian is looking around the trailer door.

Elle: What'cha doin?

Haitian: Looking for a way to open this, it'll be a lot safer to jump then us drive off the road.

Elle: Ugh, I don't think I can deal with another car crash, okay, let's do it.

Niki: The trailer is going too fast! The jump will kill us.

Claire: Well, not _all of us_…

Matt: That's it! Claire can get in the front of the trailer and slow us down!

Claire: WHAT?

Niki: It might work.

Claire: I am not an emergency parking brake!

Niki: Claire, you have to try! If we all die we can't save Nathan.

Matt: I wonder what happened to him.

Niki: Uh, Nathan and Mohinder were taken hostage and the Trucker left us all to die, obviously.

Matt: Glad that mystery's solved, thanks to our old pal, _Lil' Trucker_.

Matt kisses the dog on the head.

Niki: _Why the hell did you bring the stuffed dog?_

Matt: He's my friend. Nothing will tear us apart.

The trailer hits a speed bump. SNAP!

Matt: OH MY GOD! HE BROKE IN HALF! AHHHHHH!

Niki: Claire! You have to get out there, now!

Claire: And how do you suppose I make my way to the front? I can't fly.

Everybody looks at West. West looks at Claire.

Claire: Yes, that's exactly why I said it.

Zach and Hiro (as Claire) are walking down the street.

Zach: So…."Claire"?

Hiro: You know it's me.

Zach: How am I supposed to know! I don't even know what you look like in real life!

Hiro: Oh…I guess not, huh?

Zach: No, it's very confusing. I'm afraid sometimes I'm talking to the real Claire or the real Mohinder or the real Niki and not the crazy Japanese guy who brought me along on this crazy ride.

Hiro: That would be the real Hiro.

Zach: I'm going to find a way around this.

Hiro: Great! In the meantime, I'm Claire…you're that Brody guy from the bonfire, _and together we're going to drive into that wall over there!_

Claire (to West): Holy crap! The trailer is going to crash into that wall over there!

West (holding Claire) flies his way to the front of the trailer.

Zach (to Hiro): WHAT! Why? Where's Brody?

Hiro: I kinda forgot about this scene and poisoned his drink at school.

Zach: You did that?

Hiro: Well, 'Claire' did….I'm not one for revenge, it's shows a lack of honor. Claire on the other hand has no honor whatsoever!

Claire (to West): Don't tell me I have no honor, West Rosen! You're going to stay here and help me stop this thing!

West: But it's going too fast!

Claire: We have to try! I'll climb here and you get over there. If anything we may just hit the wall a little bit.

West: But won't I…um…die?

Hiro (to Zach): No, of course you won't die. You'll just be horribly maimed up until the point where Noah Bennet has the Haitian wipe all your memories. Seriously, Zach, you should know these things. You're my Moneypenny when it comes to this mission.

Zach: I don't want that….or to be your Moneypenny!...And Moneypenny wasn't Bond's assistant she was just a secretary at MI6.

Hiro: Fine, you can be Q.

Zach: I can handle being Q….wait, am I in the car already?

Claire (to West): Why are we arguing about James Bond! Let's just stop this thing and save the others.

Claire looks back and finds Niki, Matt, Elle and The Haitian standing on the side of the road.

Claire: WHAT THE HELL!

Elle (shouting): We realized it wasn't going that fast after all and jumped for it!

Claire: YOU BASTARDS!

West: Come on!

West grabs Claire's hand and flies out of the trailers way. The trailer crashes into the brick wall.

Hiro crashes the car into the brick wall. Hiro and Zach fall out of their doors, THEN the air bags release.

Zach (out of it): Grandma…is that you?

Hiro: Yes, dearie.

Zach: Oh, shut up.

Tracy and Ando turn a corner, dodging a flying desk.

Tracy: What is up with this woman?

Tracy steps out while a strong wind shatters the windows. Rain begins to pour in. Tracy turns the droplets of water into ice shards and flings them at Alice. She quickly dodges them before conjuring a gust of wind, sending the Xerox machine toward them. Tracy grabs Ando and pulls him to her as she waves her arm. A barrier of ice forms in front of them as the Xerox machine crashes into it. Meanwhile, Angela enters the room.

Angela: I made tea….OH WHAT THE HELL!

On a train heading into the city, Hiro (as Peter) and Mohinder wait.

Mohinder: So we're going to see this Isaac Mendez guy? I hope you aren't wasting my time. That wouldn't be very extraordinary of you.

Hiro: Oh…you'll see.

Zach (leaning over): Okay, time will be stopping soon. And you'll get a visit from….

Hiro: Hmm….

Zach: ….

Hiro notices that everybody is frozen in time on the train. He gets approached by _Future Hiro_.

Hiro: AHH!

Future Hiro: Peter Petrelli. You look different without the scar.

Hiro: Scar? What scar?...Oh, I remember now.

Flashback to the Grand Canyon.

Peter (to Hiro): _Ready, Thelma?_

Hiro: Ready, Louise!

The car goes flying off the edge.

End flashback.

Hiro: That's right…

Future Hiro: I have come from the future to bring you an important message.

Hiro: This should be good.

Future Hiro: _Save The Cheerleader. Save The World_.

Hiro: Man, I look and sound so cool….wait, why don't I remember this happening….oh, he must be from the future _that hasn't happened yet._

Time unfreezes.

Hiro (To Zach): We have to save the cheerleader!

Mohinder: Um…Peter? I'm over here. Why are you talking to that random guy?

Zach: Yes, '_Peter'_, why are you talking to me, a random guy?

Hiro: Huh?

Zach: Just go back over there.

Tracy picks up some trash lying around the office.

Tracy: Sorry about the misunderstanding. We just really need to talk to you.

Angela: About what?

Tracy: We….kinda need Micah and Molly.

Angela: What?...Why?

Tracy: We were….ordered to. By….Daniel Linderman.

Angela: He's alive?...Oh, wait….he's doing that 'I'm a ghost' thing, isn't he?

Tracy: Yes! Can someone explain that to me? Is the man dead or not?

Angela: Well, they're not here. And even if they were I surely wouldn't hand them over to Linderman. That man is nuts.

Tracy: That wasn't _our_ intention.

Angela: I don't understand.

Tracy: We don't know what he wants with them either. But we need Micah to free Hiro Nakamura who is trapped in a device called The Redux, it's making him relive the moments of Season One.

Angela: Why on Earth for?….I mean _it was the best season_.

Ando: Sure was.

Tracy: I wasn't even in it and I agree with you! Anyway, we need to get him out of there because I need Hiro to help me and Nathan rescue Meredith Gordon.

Angela: Nathan's trying to save Claire's birth mother? Okay then.

Tracy: Yeah, so this is like…my _third subplot_. So I have a lot of work to do.

Angela: Well….they're not here. They're…..being held captive.

Ando: Captive!

Angela: My husband, Arthur, is alive and taking control of The Company. He kidnapped me along with Micah and Molly. I was able to cut a deal to get out so I can see my sister, Alice. But they are still there. Per his agreement I have to recruit 4 individuals of his choosing the new Company….then….we're going to try and rescue them.

Tracy: Well, that's subplot four. Quick, Ando! To wherever Arthur Petrelli is!

Angela: You can't! He's too dangerous! If you can help us recruit the last recruits, we can have the team we need.

Tracy: And there's subplot number five. You know, _I should just cancel my Netflix, _I'm never going to have time to watch it now.

Hiro busts out of the hotel as Nathan, he starts running across the parking lot.

Hiro (screaming): _I'm running!_

Noah and The Haitian are in hot pursuit.

Noah and That Haitian (screaming): _We're chasing!_

Hiro: Uh oh. Dead end! Okay, time to fly. Now, how does he do that?

Hiro starts to flap his arms.

Hiro: ZOOM!...GO!...VROOOM!

Noah and The Haitian exchange looks.

Noah: Well, this is embarrassing to watch.

Claire, West, Niki, Matt, Elle and The Haitian are walking down a dirt path.

Claire: What would that Trucker guy want with Mohinder and Nathan?

Niki: Who knows? One thing's for sure, I don't think we're going to catch up to them now.

West: Look!

Not too far away from them in a boat dock on the shore of a lake, Dan hops into a speed boat with an unconscious Nathan and bound Mohinder. It starts to take off.

West: I can catch up with them.

West starts to run; he leaps into the air and flies off.

Elle: And I'll slow them down!

Elle rubs her hands together and starts to form an orb of electricity. She fires it off.

Elle: Oh crap.

Niki: Oh crap?

Elle: Did anyone see where that went? I kinda misfired…

_West crashes into the ground in front of them_.

Elle: OOPS!

Claire: Nice going, Elle! You killed the only other person who could fly on the show!

Elle: Well, we wouldn't be in this mess if your boyfriend didn't shoot down Nathan!

Claire: I'll show you '_boyfriend didn't shoot down Nathan!_'

Elle: That doesn't make any sense!

Claire: Well, neither does your face.

Elle: Nobody talks about my face but me!...And The Haitian…cause we're best buds. Right, Hashe? Hashe? HAITIAN! OVER HERE!

Haitian: ….(groan).

Niki (To The Haitian): Don't try to pretend they don't exist, it doesn't work. Right, Matt?

Niki looks around.

Niki: Where's Matt?...Oh good, maybe he got eaten by bears.

Matt: Did somebody say 'Boats'!

Niki: Um…I said _bears_.

Matt: Good. Cause I found us a boat.

Matt appears, wearing a Captain's Uniform.

Niki: What the hell are you wearing?

Matt: I found this super sweet uniform along with my new boat.

Niki: How did you get a boat?

Matt: Oh, Nicole. Poor, naive Nicole.

Niki: …

Matt: …

Niki: …Were….you gonna finish that?

Matt: Oh, right! Silly, silly, Nicole.

Niki: Get to it already!

Matt: I have commandeered this here vessel and we will catch the bad guys with it. Join me, won't you? For what will be a fateful trip….on this ship….a three hour tour, yeah I can't remember the Gilligan's Island song.

Niki: This ship is huge! This can't be yours.

Matt: That's why I said I commandeered it! Hurry! Time is of the essence!

Niki: Stop trying to sound responsible.

Claire: Can somebody help me carry West? Anybody….

Zach walks up to the door of someone's house.

Zach: Hiro! Are you in here?

Hiro: Who is it?

Zach: Uh, it's Zach.

Hiro: Just a minute…_Matt_.

Zach: What?

Hiro: You're Matt Parkman! Come in….

Zach walks in.

Hiro (as Janice): AND JUST WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!

Zach: uh…outside?

Hiro: YOU'VE HAD ME WORRIED SICK! AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE BEING WORRIED SICK! WHY DO MEN SUCK SO MUCH? AHHH!

Zach: What the hell is wrong with you?

Hiro: I'm….Janice…Parkman?

Zach: Okay, I read her notes. That's taking it a little extreme don't you think?

Hiro: Hey, she's a worried woman who cares deeply about her husband.

Zach: Yeah, about that, _are they actually still married_? From what you tell me he's the oaf who is constantly getting himself into ridiculous situations with _the Scientist and The Internet Stripper_.

Hiro: Yeah, that's the one.

Zach: Hmm.

Hiro: Now, order dinner while I go do Janice-y things.

Zach: Uh…okay.

Zach gets on the phone.

Zach: Yeah, I need to order two steak dinners….How cooked?...Medium is fine.

Hiro: WHAT! MEDIUM! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME MAD COW DISEASE!

Zach: Ugh…

Inside the boat, in the bridge. Matt is at the wheel.

Matt (singing): _Now, sit right there and let me tell you a tale…a tale of a fateful trip…the Professor and Mary Ann…a three hour tour._ No…._Sit right there and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. The weather started getting rough…..and the rest. _DAMMIT!

Niki: ….

Matt (singing): _There's a story…of a lovely lady…who was bring up three very lovely girls….The Movie Star….Mary Ann….and Mrs…Howell?_ No, that doesn't make any sense. Mrs. Howell is old enough to be the Brady's Grandmother.

Claire: ….

Elle: …

Matt (singing): _Sometimes you wanna go….where everybody knows your name!…The Skipper would be so glad you came…._

Haitian: ….

Matt: Duh! Na! Na! Na! (SNAP! SNAP!)

Niki: Matt, sweetheart, please start the boat before we all kill you.

Claire: Puh-lease!

Matt: All aboard! Roll call! Cranky!

Niki: WHAT?

Matt: Silent Bob!

Haitian: Hmm.

Matt: Lightning chick!

Elle: Present!

Matt: Still wearing that same Cheerleader outfit from 6 years ago!

Claire: Excuse me!

Matt: Dead West!

Elle: He's not dead.

Elle pokes him with a stick.

Elle: He's just sleeping….really hard….like a dead person.

Matt: And we are off to save the world!

The boat takes off in reverse, sliding up further onto the shore.

Niki: Somebody's been taking their _stupid pills _today.

Matt: We're off to push this boat back into the water! Lightning Chick! You're with me!

Elle: I'm helping!

Hiro (as Peter) is at Isaac Mendez's apartment.

Isaac: Listen pal, I don't like you. What gives you the right to make out with another man's girl?

Hiro: I have NO idea what you're talking about; I'm far too busy finishing this drawing you started.

Isaac: And who is that guy?

He points to Zach.

Hiro: Foreign Exchange Student.

Zach: uh…I'm from Texas!

Hiro: Aaaand….there…..GASP!

Zach: What is it?

Hiro: The cheerleader! She's in trouble!

Zach: Didn't you already know that?

Hiro: Oh yeah….I hope she's all right.

Zach: Claire.

Hiro: Yes.

Zach: Is Claire alive in the future?

Hiro: Of course! She can't die or anything.

Zach: So….

Hiro: We need to get going!

Zach and Isaac stand alone.

Zach: So….big fan of your comic.

Isaac: Uh…thanks.

Zach: …Gonna go now.

On a boat, speeding away from the shore.

Mohinder: I don't suppose you would want to tell me _who_ you are selling us to.

Dan: Nope.

Mohinder: Ah….So, what's with the book?

Dan: Hmm, oh I'm actually a serial killer.

Mohinder: I KNEW IT! Oh, if only Niki was here so I can rub her nose in it. Curse my luck!

Dan: I mean, the book actually DID come from the library. But I owe them a lot of money, so that's why I'm doing this on the side.

Mohinder: Good Lord, man! How big is your library fine?...Wait, that's not what I should ask. How much are we going to be sold for?

Dan: A million per head. One being cut to 500K if that one croaks.

Mohinder looks at Nathan.

Mohinder: We're we EVER going to take him to the hospital?

Dan: Don't worry. I've got something better.

Mohinder: Would you mind slowing down? I'm getting a little sea sick.

Dan: Just puke over the edge.

Mohinder: You're not a very nice serial killer.

Hiro (as Matt) and Zach are in the grocery store.

Hiro: Okay. What is the plan?

Zach: You gave me a list of different _Ben and Jerry's_ flavors.

Hiro: Read them off.

Zach: Chunky Monkey, Cherry Garcia…_That guy has a gun_….

Hiro: Ugh, that last one sounds like it has _malt_ in it….and I hate malt.

Zach: No…that guy…up ahead of us….has a gun.

Hiro: I got this.

Zach opens the freezer.

Zach: Well, how about that? There actually is a flavor called '_That Guy Has A Gun'_….and it has malt in it. Well, _I like malt_, so I'll be purchasing this.

Zach stumbled upon Hiro, who is on the floor.

Zach: What happened to you?

Hiro: My head….

Zach: I wouldn't lay there if I were you. _The floor's really sticky and their mop is just a Looney Tunes beach towel duck taped to a broom_.

Hiro: The voices….there….are so many voices…

Zach: Probably Janice's voice ringing through your head.

Hiro: Oh, I see, _you can make jokes about Janice but I can't?_

Zach: Your ridiculous performance as Janice is the reason why I'm making such jokes. _Will you buy me this ice cream_?

Hiro: …is it _That Guy Has A Gun_?

Zach: …yes.

Hiro: ….then no.

Matt and Elle are outside of the boat.

Matt: Okay, you pull. I push.

Elle: Um, I'm not getting into the water, nor am I _pulling a boat!_ You'll run me over.

Matt: You know all this time you're spending whining about getting in the water and pulling the boat _can be used by getting into the water and pulling the boat_.

Elle: And what about them?

Matt turns around to see a family of thirty standing behind them.

Matt: Oh, hello. You scared the crap out of me.

Man: What are you doing with my family's house boat!

Matt: Um…ste….steeee…..uh…..steal…..stealing…..the….boat….we're taking….it….the boat.

Elle: We're taking the freaking boat.

Man: But it's not yours!

Matt: Elle! Kidnap them!

Elle: Uh, Matt, there's like, thirty people here.

Man: Well, I'm never going to forget this! Nothing you can do will make me forget this!

Matt and Elle grin and look at each other.

Matt and Elle: _CLAIRE!_

Claire: What the hell am I doing out here!

Matt: We need you to cause a diversion and distract this family of thirty while we take their boat. We just need to make them forget they even have this thing.

Man: I can hear you!

Claire: Wouldn't this be a job more suitable for The Haitian?

Elle: I don't know, he'd look pretty silly in that cheerleader outfit.

Claire: Morons! I mean…you know what, forget it. I'm going back to the boat.

The Haitian eventually comes out, he walks up to the man and takes him aside. The Haitian returns.

Haitian: The entire family has forgotten about the boat.

Elle: Way to go, Hashe!

Haitian: But they're now just freaking out on why they are suddenly in the forest. But that's someone else's job.

Matt: Couldn't have done it without you, buddy.

Elle: Now, let's move this….hey! Where are you going?

Matt: You push! I steer!

Elle: But I don't wanna push!

Hiro (as Peter): Walks into Isaac's apartment.

Zach: What are we doing back here?

Hiro: We left too soon; we need to be back in time for the call.

Zach: What call?

Hiro: Hiro Nakamura is about to call Isaac's apartment again. And we'll be here to answer the call.

The phone rings.

Hiro: Ooh! That's me! Um…(to Zach)…_you're Isaac!_

Zach: Okay, sure….(eyeroll)

Hiro picks up the phone.

Hiro: Hello.

In Las Vegas, Hiro and Ando sit in a car.

Hiro (Vegas): Hello, is anybody there, this is….

Hiro (New York): I know who this is….and you couldn't have called at a more perfect time.

Hiro gives a thumbs up to Zach, who gives an effortless thumbs up back.

Down the hallway of the prison cell, a guard opens a door.

Guard: Okay, Prisoner 40513. Return to your cell.

Entering the hallway is _Daphne Millbrook_. She seems a little dazed as she walks toward her cell where another guard opens the entrance.

Guard: Looks like you've got a roommate. You kids play nice.

Daphne walks in and sees _Peter on the top bunk of her bed_.

Peter: Hello, roomie!

Daphne: …..!

Peter smiles.

_To Be Continued_.


	6. Dope Floats

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>Season 4<br>Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

Peter: _Previously on Heroes_…

Linderman (to Hiro): I helped you by restoring your power. Now you must help me.

Hiro gets hooked up to a device.

Linderman: This machine is called _The Redux_, with it you'll be able to relive the events of Season One and alter the timeline to prevent my death, without disrupting the events of the future of course.

Hiro: I don't see how that works but whatever.

Nathan, Tracy, Elle and The Haitian are being pursued by Emile Danko on the highway. Both of their cars go off the road and over a cliff.

Elle: Are we dead?

Tracy: There's Danko! Grab him!

Nathan and Company travel to a gas station that gets help up by…

Nathan: Meredith Gordon and her brother Flint?

Elle: We know their names, Nathan. You don't have to blurt it out. This isn't Scooby Doo.

Meredith: We hit some hard times, Nathan. You have to help us escape from the country.

Nathan: Eeeehhhh, I don't know….okay, I'll do it.

Nathan turns around and notices Meredith and Flint have been taken away by Danko's men.

Nathan: Now we have to rescue her from Danko, dammit! Tracy's with me. Elle and The Haitian, go with that creepy trucker guy.

Trucker Dan: Hello.

Elle: EEP!

Nathan (on the phone with Tracy): What did you find?

Tracy: I found that we need a teleporter; and I think I found a way to get one.

Ando (to Tracy): Internet stripper! You have to help me find Hiro!

Tracy: I'm not Niki!

Nathan: You do that, I'm going to check out this complex where they might be held.

Claire (to Matt, Niki and Mohinder): Thanks for ruining my family's vacation. Now you can come with me on mine.

West: Hi Claire!

Claire: Ooh! Is that a new gun?

West: Sure is.

West accidentally shoots Nathan mid-flight.

Trucker Dan (to Elle): We have to go back to my house.

Trucker Dan, Elle, and The Haitian walk into their cabin where Claire and the others are at, tending to Nathan's wounds.

Trucker Dan: Come with me, I'll take him to a hospital.

In the truck.

Niki: I don't know why the trucker insisted that Mohinder and Nathan sit up front with him.

Claire: Um…he detached the trailer.

Claire is outside on the front of the trailer; West grabs her and flies off.

Matt: I found us a boat!

Mohinder (to Dan): You're kidnapping us?

Trucker Dan smirks.

Sylar, Angela, Samson, Ted, Micah and Molly get kidnapped.

Angela (to Arthur Petrelli): What do you want?

Arthur: To resurrect the company; and I want you to hire these people.

Noah (to Peter): Where the hell is everybody?

Peter shrugs.

Angela: I'm right here. We need to find….

At an abandoned shack.

Noah: Alice Shaw?

Peter: We know who she is, Noah. You don't have to blurt it out. This isn't Scooby Doo.

Angela: Join us, Alice, please.

Tracy (to Ando): You're working for Linderman?

Ando: No, no! All I know is that he had Hiro captive and he wanted me to bring you to him. He said he'd kill him if I didn't!

Tracy: Even though he thinks I'm Niki.

Ando: We apparently need to find Micah and Molly. We have less than 24 hours.

Tracy: And I think I know how to do just that.

At the Company.

Angela (to Tracy): You can help us.

Tracy: So I have to find the recruits to go up against Arthur who will give us Micah and Molly who we need to free Hiro in order to save Meredith Gordon. Ugh! Too many subplots!

Noah: We need to focus on the next recruit. Which is…

Later, at a Women's Prison.

Daphne enters her cell.

Peter: Daphne Millbrook?...Oh, wait, I just got on to Noah for doing that. I'm such a hypocrite!

The house boat continues through the lake, in pursuit of Trucker Dan, who has Nathan and Mohinder with him. In the water…

**Chapter Six "Dope Floats"**

Niki walks up to Matt.

Niki: How are we doing?

Matt: He is really, really, far ahead of us. We may need to lose some weight in order to go faster; which is why I need _to talk to you_.

Niki: Oh, ok then. Just one thought…

_PUNCH!_

Matt (nasally): _I was actually referring to you tossing some extra stuff off the boat, like beds and whatnot._

Niki: OH! I'm sorry….do….do you want me to _pull your nose back out_?

Matt (nasal): _It's fine, I'll get it fixed later._

Elle walks over to West

Elle: Hey, West…..how you holding up?

West (shaking): ZZZ…ZPPP….ZIP…ZHHH….ZHHH.

Elle: Well, he's broken. Who wants lunch?

Claire: I'll go look around; maybe they have some time of medicine kit or something on board.

Niki: I'll go with you.

Elle walks up to Matt.

Elle: Anchors aweigh! Tally Ho! Where are we headed, Captain _OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NOSE?_

Daphne walks over to Peter, who is in his bed.

Daphne: Peter? Peter?

Peter: Hey Daphs….ooh, I just now stopped liking that. I'm gonna think of something else to call you.

Daphne: Peter, what are you doing here?

Peter: I've come to bust you out.

Daphne: How did you get in a women's prison!

Peter: Had some documents falsified. The name _Pete-ricia_.

Daphne: Awful.

Peter: Really? I spent a long time working on it.

Meanwhile, in Redux.

Hiro (as Peter) gets off the phone.

Zach (wearing a bandana): Well?

Hiro: Okay, Ando and…well…me are heading to New York.

Zach: To save Claire before she gets killed at homecoming.

Hiro: Exactly. Look through the notes and meet me up at the following scene. I have to report to The Bennet home to discuss.

Noah: Meeting your parents?

Hiro (as Claire): Yes, dad. I have obviously come to the conclusion that I am adopted. So I'd like to meet my REAL parents, please.

Sandra: Oh, Noah, Muggles is getting upset.

Hiro: So, dad, what do you think?

Noah: Sure, I'll arrange it right now. I just need to make some calls.

Hiro: I'm sure the real Claire would be suspicious of this at this point.

**= = =HEROES= = =**

Daphne is pacing back and forth in her cell; Peter tries to take a nap.

Daphne: How did you even know I was here?

Peter: I have my sources.

Daphne: I have the time, so start talking.

Peter: You first. What are you doing in here?

Daphne: Your sources knew where I was but didn't know why?

Peter: They're not that great of sources.

Daphne: Well, after the solar eclipse last season I lost my ability. It's no secret that not having my ability reverts me back into a handicapped state. Unfortunately, being pursued by cops all the time means they were able to toss me in the slammer. The eclipse ended but unfortunately they have me on this medication that still inhibits my speed. I can still walk, but I can't run fast anymore.

Peter: So why not just stop taking the pills?

Daphne: It's an injection. I can't really stop it.

Peter: You leave that to me.

Niki and Claire are walking down the corridor. The boat is rocking back and forth.

Niki: Uh, doesn't that stupid head know how to drive this thing?

Claire: This house boat is huge! There's like, a ton of rooms everywhere.

Niki: I should have driven the boat.

Claire: Oh…WOW! Niki, look at the size of this kitchen!

Niki: What about West?

Claire: Muggles is fine; mom's supposed to get his shots today.

Niki: WHAT? That is nowhere near what I said…oh wow….

They both enter the kitchen.

Niki: This kitchen…is gigantic! And it has a stove! I always had to cook my meals with my hair dryer!

Claire: And there's…(she stops and looks at Niki, then turns back)…there's food in the fridge! We can make an awesome lunch!

Niki: Let's tell the others!

Claire: Really?

Niki: NO! I was being sarcastic!

Niki and Claire jump up and down and laugh.

In Redux. Zach arrives at the address; he realizes it's the Bennet Home.

Zach: Oh, what the hell.

Hiro runs up, sporting a blonde wig.

Zach: And what the double hell?

Hiro: Claire's back to her body, SO….we as her birth parents need to convince her that we are.

Zach: Spoiler alert, _we're not actually her parents._

Hiro: But we're hired to convince her that we are.

Zach: Well, even I could tell. For starters, Claire isn't Japanese.

Hiro: What? Claire's birth…well…fake birth mother isn't Japanese. I am but she….

Zach: …

Hiro : ….

Zach: ….Can…..Can I see you?

Hiro: I don't know….

Zach: Show me your driver's license.

Hiro: I'm in the past in someone else's body! I'm not going to have my license. I mean….what are you saying? Claire's 'fake' birth mother is supposed to be White, but you see….

Zach: …a Japanese man wearing a wig. HOLY CRAP! I can see you! I see you!

Back in Prison, a woman pushing a medicine cart stops by Daphne and Peter's cell. The woman hands Daphne a small cup.

Daphne: Thanks.

Daphne pops the pills in her mouth. She tosses them around a little.

Daphne: Okay, let's gloss over how you managed to switch my headache medicine with M&M's…

Peter: It wasn't simple.

Daphne: And we'll gloss over how you managed to forget that I take _INJECTIONS_ for my ability stifling medication.

Peter: Knew I was forgetting something.

Daphne: Why, are you here?

Peter: The Company got me in. We were hired to recruit you by my dad's orders.

Daphne: Arthur Petrelli's alive?

Peter: Yeah.

Daphne: I….don't know. Why does he want me? To take all our powers I bet.

Peter: I don't know. But this is the only way we can stop him.

Daphne: Stop him?

Peter: He wants to rebuild The Company and gave a list to my mother to recruit. She's kinda….forced.

Daphne: Hmm….Okay. I'll do it. But you managed to get in here. How do you think you can get out?

Peter: You just leave that to me.

Elle: Will you let me drive?

Matt: No! You're not licensed!

Elle: Neither are you.

Matt: Oh, yeah? Then what do you call this?

Elle: It's a Quizno's sandwich card!

Matt: Yeah, well, you still can't drive!

Elle: Give me the wheel!

West wakes up and walks over to them.

West: Hey guys…

Elle: West! You're alive!

West: Yeah, thanks. Where's Claire?

Elle: GIVE ME THAT!

Matt: NO!

The two of them fight over the wheel.

West: Uh, nevermind, I'll go find them myself.

Peter is sitting at the two-way telephone booth. A mysterious visitor dressed in a long overcoat and head covered by a shawl shows up with a cake. The stranger unravels their shawl to reveal _Noah_.

Peter: What the? She sent _you?_

Noah, who was carrying a cake, sets it down.

Noah: Yeah, everyone else is busy.

Peter: You make a hideous older woman.

Noah: I hope you weren't actually thinking you'd pull that off as an insult. Anyway, what do you want?

Peter: Daphne's okay, I'm trying to get her meds switched because they are blocking her abilities. But with that cake…

Noah: Um, no. _That's my cake_. I got it from the Prison Bakery.

Peter: Who the hell shops at a Prison Bakery! Wait, so that doesn't have a file in it for me to use and escape?

Noah: No, Peter, it's not 1954. These are MAXIMUM security prisons. What did you expect to do with a file?

Peter: I don't know….club people with it?

Noah: I'm out of here.

Peter: Wait! Can I have some cake?

Noah: No. You're allergic to it.

Peter: You don't know what I'm allergic to!

Noah: What are you allergic to?

Peter: ….Coconut.

Noah: Too bad. It's a _cream of coconut, coconut laced coconut cake with coconut shavings on it._ It's also _shaped_ like a coconut. If you look at it even once, you will literally die.

Peter: Well, crap.

Noah: Find a way out of here, and fast.

Redux.

Hiro: How! How is this possible?

Zach: I don't know. I mean up until now, in the morgue I saw 'Claire'…and in the van I saw 'Niki' but….this is the first time I've seen 'you', Hiro.

Hiro: Huh?...Must be a glitch or something.

Zach: A….glitch!

Hiro: Maybe you've become just like me…

Zach: Because if we're at the Bennet's and I'm portraying someone, they would recognize…

Noah opens the door.

Noah: Good, you two are here. Come on in.

Zach: Uh….Hiro? What's going on? Do I not exist anymore!

Hiro: No….no….no…..no…no…..no….no…probably.

Zach: WHAT? AM I DEAD!

Hiro: NO!...No…No…..probably.

Zach: AHHHH!

Hiro: Zach! You're not dead. All this stuff already happened. You're alive and well back in my time.

Zach: I am.

Hiro: But there is a glitch going on. And you haven't been on the show in years. You could be dead in both timelines for all we know.

Zach: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Noah, Claire and Sandra are sitting across from Hiro and Zach. The grandfather clock ticks in the distance.

Claire: So…you two are…my….birth parents.

Zach: We sure are…

Hiro: Yup. That's us. Parents…who gave birth to you. Well, I did. _This one didn't_ (points at Zach). Ha ha.

Zach: I hope I'm not dead.

Noah: …

Claire: …

Sandra: …Who wants lemonade?

Meanwhile, Niki and Claire are frantically cooking in the kitchen.

Niki: Where is a paprika? Did you take it?

Claire: No! Like I would use that.

Niki runs over and takes her lasagna out of the oven.

Claire: What the hell is that?

Niki: Lasagna.

Claire: Looks like road kill.

Niki: It's better looking than your meat loaf.

Claire: I'm baking a cake!

Niki: Still looks like crap.

Claire: Well, apparently we need some expert advice.

Later, Matt walks in. _Sporting a goatee; his hair is spiky and blonde; with a pair of sunglasses draped over the back of his head_.

Matt: Welcome to another episode of _Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives_. Looks like this is mostly going to be a _'Just Dives'_ edition.

Claire: Hey!

Niki: I don't even want to know where you managed to find a Guy Fieri costume.

Claire: Wait….Whose driving the boat?

Niki, Claire and Matt get sent falling to the ground.

Matt: That would be Elle.

Back in the bridge.

Haitian: Give me that!

Elle: NO!

Haitian: You're going to kill us!

Elle: But I'm Superman! I have to fly through all the rings or Lex Luthor is going to throw Lois Lane into acid!

Haitian: _Speaking of which_….what is wrong with you?

Elle: I had like, twelve Red Bulls.

Matt (trying the Lasagna): This…is food.

Niki: DUH!

Matt: I mean….you're usually a terrible cook!

Niki: That's because I live with two roommates who don't have jobs! I can't afford to buy good food.

Matt: What are you talking about? You don't work either.

Niki: Yes, I do…..I've been having to resort to stripping on the Internet again!

Matt: Yeah, you know we haven't paid the cable bill in like months.

Niki: Hmm. That would probably explain why I haven't been getting any customers.

Claire: What the hell are you two talking about? You guys don't even have homes!

A pot falls on Claire's head.

Claire: OW! Dammit, Elle! Oh, forget this.

Claire walks back out into the hallway.

West (walking around in a different corridor): Claire!

Claire (yelling): West! You're alive!

West: Barely! Where are you?

Claire: I'm right outside the kitchen….West?...WEST?

West: Claire, I'm gonna have to call you back!

Claire: We're not talking on phones!

West: I think there's a stowaway on board!

Claire: WHAT!

West: I'm running after him now….(trails off)

Claire: WEST?

Claire runs back into the kitchen.

Niki: I'm going back to the bridge. And for the record, Matt, you make a hideous _Giada De Laurentiis_.

Matt (putting on the wig): That's only because I haven't put in my fake teeth in yet.

Claire: I think there's a stowaway on board.

Niki: WHAT?

Claire: I'm pretty sure I was clear the first time.

Niki: We have to find him…or her.

They start to leave; Niki grabs Matt by his fake hair.

Niki: You're coming too.

Matt: Ow, my follicles.

Niki, Matt and Claire run down the hallway.

Claire: Oh, this is pointless! WEST!...WEST!...

The keep walking and find West on the ground.

Claire: Oh crap, West is dead again.

West (barely conscious): He's….crazy…..he…..hit….me…..

Niki: Fast forward it, pal, where did he go?

West (points): In….that…..room. (Passes out).

Niki gets up and runs to the nearest bedroom, she busts through the door.

Niki: What the hell?

Claire and Matt join her.

Claire: Is…is that?

They see _Isaac Mendez_ sitting in the corner; his legs are tightly folded up to his chest.

Matt: UH!

Isaac: ….

Niki: Um…..Isaac?

Isaac: What happened?...Where?...Where am I?

Niki: Calm down….Isaac? It's us….were your…..well, I guess we were never friends…

Matt: Not really.

Claire: Nah.

Isaac: Stay back!

Claire: Niki, I'm confused. I thought he was dead.

Niki: Claire, you know the death rule never sticks on this show.

Claire: True.…

Isaac: Did it go off?

Niki: Did….what….go off?

Isaac: The bomb?...In New York? Did it go off? Am I dead?

Claire: Is he talking about the explosion back in Season One that we stopped.

Niki: I'm pretty sure the combined efforts of Peter, Nathan, Hiro, D.L, and myself did that…..not you…so much.

Claire: I was there!

Isaac: Season One? What the hell is going on here!

Niki walks up to Isaac and tries to place her hand on his shoulder. It goes right through him.

Niki: Huh?

Isaac starts to disappear. His image starts to flicker and distort before vanishing out of sight.

Niki: What the hell just happened? Did he just….disappear?

Claire: What kind of freaky ghost ship is this?

Meanwhile, in Redux.

Hiro: Whew! I'm glad that's over.

Zach: Now what?

Hiro: Okay, I'm Claire and now you have to be Lyle stumbling upon the videos you and "Claire" have been making of her constantly hurting herself.

Zach: Um…Okay.

Zach (as Lyle) is watching the videos.

Zach: Wow, this is so shocking, I can't believe this. You know what….I can't act shocked, I filmed this!

Hiro: Just try and act surprised.

Zach goes back to watching.

Zach (hands up to his face): OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Hiro: Now you're just being a butt head.

Zach: It's not true! Say it isn't true!

Hiro: Nope, those were….um….special FX!

Zach staples Hiro's hand.

Hiro: OW!

Zach staples it again.

Hiro: OW! Stop it! You were only supposed to do it once!

Zach: I'm not convinced, where are the knives?

Hiro: EEK!

Matt (checking his pager): Everyone to the bridge!

Niki: You don't tell us what to do, bub.

Claire: What are you, Wolverine?

Matt: Just got a page from Elle. It's a Code 5-Orange.

Niki: What's a Code 5-Orange.

Elle (on the bridge): THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US!

**Minutes earlier.**

A speedboat jets across the water. Trucker Dan has a gun pointed at Mohinder (who is driving), with Nathan (still wounded), lying in the back.

Mohinder: You know I do know some games to pass the time.

Trucker: No.

Mohinder: It's called _'I Hypothesize' _and we have to guess the origins of the theory you are hypothesizing. It's a game I enjoyed as a kid….though nobody else wanted to play.

Nathan (coughing): I don't find….*cough*….that….surprising.

Dan points his gun at Nathan.

Nathan: What the hell is going on? Why am I bleeding?

Nathan looks around.

Nathan: And why am I on a boat with you Mohinder, and the Trucker I left Elle and The Haitian with?

Mohinder: Oh, it's quite simple, really. Claire's on and off again boyfriend, West Rosen, accidentally shot you out of the sky while showing off his new gun to Claire, who we were going along with on her vacation. We managed to get you to a cabin in hopes of transferring Claire's blood to you but turns out that it belonged to Mr. Trucker Dan here. So he offered to take us to the hospital but turns out he ditched the others and just kidnapped us.

Dan: I'm selling you both to someone.

Nathan: AND NOBODY MANAGED TO TAKE ME TO A HOSPITAL YET! This shirt used to be white!

Mohinder: I tried to….but you know how these plots go.

Nathan: And….I can barely move.

Dan: You won't need to. Get in the chair.

Nathan: You want me to drive the boat? I just woke up from my coma!

Dan: I need you to drive the boat because….

He hands Mohinder a sniper rifle.

Dan: Dr. Suresh here is going to kill his friends who have been following us.

Mohinder: Wh…WHAT!

Dan: Aim and kill whoever is driving the boat. Or I kill you both.

Nathan: Don't do it, Mohinder! He needs us to make the sale.

Dan: No, the buyer will only knock off 20 percent if you're dead.

Nathan: Well, blows that theory.

Mohinder hesitantly aims the sniper rifle. In the cross hairs, Elle and The Haitian are still arguing.

Mohinder: I don't have a plan, but I hope it works.

Mohinder fires the gun, Elle and The Haitian duck.

Elle: THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US!

Back in Prison. The guard opens the cell door and Peter walks in.

Peter: What…is this?

Daphne: It's a spoon.

Peter: No….it's a key…..to freedom.

Daphne: Seriously? Well, it could be worse. I was expecting you to have Noah bring you a cake with a file in it. But nobody's THAT stupid.

Peter: Heh heh….right….right….But enough about that. How do you feel?

Daphne: Um…fine. I guess….why?

Peter: No…._how….do you feel?_

Daphne: I don't get it.

Peter: Do you feel….perhaps….a little stronger….faster…..

Daphne: I'm…..I do….feel a little more energetic.

Peter: Well, you shouldn't because I haven't done anything yet.

Daphne: Dammit, Peter!

Peter: Here, take his bag.

Daphne: What's this?

Peter: It contains the entire prison's supply of your meds.

Daphne: WHAT? How did…..when did you do that?

Peter: Right between "_I haven't done anything yet" _and "_Dammit, Peter!"_

Daphne: Wait….how…..oh….OH CRAP….I forgot you could do that…..

Peter: I know, right! So did I!

Daphne: Well, you stupid head! We could have been out of here already.

Peter: Not yet, which is why I have the spoon. We still have to GET OUT of this cell before we can run for it.

Daphne: But, if we're getting out of here, why did you bring the meds.

Peter: Cause if they hinder YOUR ability, maybe we can use it on someone else.

Daphne: Wow, Peter, that's kinda clever. I'm impressed.

Peter: What can I say? I'm a pretty smart cookie sometimes. Now stand back while I use my newly inherited super speed to dig a spoon tunnel in a fraction of the time.

Daphne: Uh huh.

A hand bursts through the dirt ground. Peter digs his way to the surface.

Peter: Okay, without these meds you should be back to normal in no time. In the meantime though, I'll do the running. Hop up.

Peter picks up Daphne and speeds away from the prison.

Back on the Boat. Below deck.

Claire: Is Matt gone?

Niki: He ran back up to the bridge. Let's get West and head up there.

West: Where did _Giada De Laurentiis go_? She's so hot….

Claire: We'll, he's damaged.

Matt busts into the bridge.

Matt: Elle! Are you allright?

The windshield shatters.

Matt looks down to see that he's bleeding.

Matt: AHH!

Elle: AHH!

Matt clutches his side.

Matt: Oh, my tummy. I'm not supposed to get bullets in it.

Matt falls over.

Elle: OH MY GOD! _THEY SHOT GIADA DE LAURENTIIS! _Those bastards!

Haitian: I'm gonna wipe that last statement from your memory and give you another shot at that.

Meanwhile…

Trucker Dan: Dude, did you just shoot Giada De Laurentiis?

Mohinder: Ugh, no it's just Matt in drag…..AHH! I SHOT MATT! Oh, Niki's gonna kill me. She always wanted to be the one to kill him first.

Nathan: I was always under the impression you wouldn't mind killing Matt.

Mohinder: Yeah, but not under duress!

The boat scrapes up against the side of a cement pole. Niki, Claire, and West go flying down the hall.

Niki: DAMMIT!

Niki scrambles to her feet. The halls are rocking back and forth.

Niki: Claire! Claire, we have to go! Forget West!

West: I'm actually okay now.

Niki: There's no time! Save yourself!

West: I'm perfectly fine now!

Niki: There are tons of boyfriends out there for you to date! Just don't date them all at once or people will think you're a slut!

West: I'M FINE, DAMMIT!

Claire, lying on her stomach, is staring at the ground.

Niki: Claire! What's wrong!

Claire lifts her hand up off the ground; she stares at her dampened skin.

Claire (turning around): I….I think we're sinking.

Niki: Oh no…West, I've seen _Titanic…_which means you're probably going to die.

West: You're not liked by very many people, are you?

Niki: Not really, no.

Meanwhile, Tracy and Ando knock on the door to an office somewhere in the city.

Ando: Who was this guy anyway?

Ando looks at his folder and his face turns pale.

Voice: Come in.

Tracy opens the door and she and Ando enter the office.

Tracy: Hi, we're looking for _Adam Monroe_.

Adam, on the phone and looking out the window, turns around.

Adam: That would be me. Please, have a seat. I'll be with you shortly.

Tracy and Ando (clearly freaking out) take a seat. Adam returns to his call.

Adam (on the phone): Uh huh…..yes…..and how did that go?...Good…..That's good to hear…..So everything is on schedule?…..Great…just leave the packages at my estate, I believe you have the address and I'll meet you at the coffee shop on 4th and Sheridan. Okay, goodbye.

Adam hangs up the phone.

Adam: Sorry, just had some business to attend to. What can I help you with?

_Trucker Dan gets off the phone_.

Dan: Okay, park the boat up there. I have a car waiting.

Nathan drives the boat up to the shore. Dan gets out and ties the boat up.

Dan: Now both of you get out, we're taking another little car trip.

**To Be Continued.**


	7. Sink Or Swim

**The Heroes Parody Project**

**Season 4**

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

Claire: _Previously on Heroes_…

Trucker Dan: Get in the boat.

Mohinder gets in the speedboat along with Dan and an unconscious Nathan.

Matt: Found ourselves a boat!

Claire: I'm going to go look around.

Trucker Dan (to Mohinder, handing him a Sniper Rifle): Kill them.

Matt goes down.

Mohinder: Holy crap, I just shot Matt!

The House Boat scrapes up against a cement pole; Niki, Claire and West go flying.

Claire: I think we're sinking.

Arthur Petrelli (to Angela): You may go, but you need to recruit these members. One of which I think you'll be particularly interested in.

Ted, Micah and Molly sneak out of their cell. Ted gets captured.

Arthur (to Micah and Molly): It appears that someone I know is looking for you.

Arthur pops into Sylar, Ted and Samson's cell.

Arthur: Oh, hey, just for the record, you three are still going to die. Not today, most likely tomorrow, possibly during brunch.

Ando (to Tracy): You have to help me!

Tracy and Ando get flanked by Linderman's men.

Linderman: Why, it's been a while Miss Sanders.

Tracy: Why does he think I'm Niki?...I mean we are identical twins but…..nevermind, I just answered my own question, I'll just leave it at that.

Linderman (to Tracy and Ando): You have 24 hours to bring me both Micah Sanders and Molly Walker.

Tracy: I know where we might be able to get them.

Angela: Help us, then we can help you.

Tracy and Ando meet with Adam Monroe.

Adam: Something I can help you with? Sorry I was on the phone, I was just finishing up some business.

Trucker Dan (to Mohinder): I plan on selling you. Dead or Alive.

Mohinder: Gulp.

A cell door opens. Inside, Ted Sprague, Samson and Sylar Gray have been waiting for their fate. Micah Sanders and Molly Walker enter the cell carrying food.

Ted: What's this?

Micah: We're…bringing you food.

Sylar: Uh…why?

Molly: It's….kind of your last meal.

Micah: Cause, you're kinda getting executed in a few hours.

Sylar: Oh, how wonderful!

Molly: What's worse is that weird man is going to hand us off to Daniel Linderman.

Samson: Linderman? Why? What's _his _role in all this?

Sylar: Oh, stop acting like you know who he is!

Micah: We don't know the details. But we have to find a way out of here.

Sylar: That's easy for you to say! You're just getting traded off, we're gonna be killed.

Ted: I can't believe this…(looks at his plate)…he said it was supposed to be brunch!

Micah glances up at the camera.

Micah: I….might have an idea. Come on, Molly.

Sylar: Hey! Where are you going? You didn't give me my food yet!

Micah and Molly leave.

Molly: What's going on?

Micah: I may not have my ability right now, but I think I know how to get us out of here.

Meanwhile, in India. Hiro Nakamura (as Mohinder) walks to the shore overlooking the sea. He holds a container of Sandra Suresh's ashes.

Hiro: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, rub a dub-dub, thanks for the grub.

Some people on the beach look at Hiro.

Hiro: What? I left my notes back at home. And I can't call Zach from here; I'll get riddled with roaming charges!

The people leave.

Hiro: Goodbye, father.

Hiro opens the urn and dumps it into the sea. The wind blows the ashes in Hiro's face.

Hiro: BLEHHH! (Spit) (Cough) (Hack)...Gross! Ugh, it's all in my glasses! Lens Crafters doesn't cover this!

Meanwhile, on the bridge of the house boat. Claire and Niki burst through the doors that read:

**Chapter Seven "Sink Or Swim"**

Niki: Matt! What the hell is…?

They see The Haitian and Elle tending to Matt's wound.

Niki: Holy crap! What happened now?

Matt: I've been shot….I think the gun did it.

Niki: Well, we have big problems!

Matt: More than me croaking? Sheesh!

Niki: Yes, that's bad and all. But we're sinking!

Claire: Where's West? He was right behind me!

Claire leaves the bridge.

The Haitian: I've been trying to tell these two that we're sinking.

Elle: Oh, are you talking about that little ol' pole we hit? We're fine!

The bridge starts to tilt.

Elle: Totally fine.

The bridge tilts some more.

Elle: Wow….those winds…..really…are really…windy…

Losing her balance, Elle falls and slides across the ground.

Elle: Okay, we're sinking.

**= = =HEROES= = =**

Niki is looking at Matt's wound.

Niki: Who in the world would shoot you?

Niki walks over and brings down the periscope.

Matt: I didn't know we had one of those!

Niki looks over and sees Mohinder holding the rifle.

Niki: UGH! (throws the periscope up) I'm gonna kill him!

On the shore, Mohinder and Nathan are being tied up.

Mohinder: Oh my god! The boat is sinking! Did I do that?

Nathan: You're the one with the smoking gun.

Mohinder looks at him.

Nathan: I wasn't being cute; you probably killed everyone on board.

Mohinder: I just thought I shot Matt! Now they're all sinking! Niki's going to kill me for sure…

In an office downtown…Adam Monroe is flipping through some papers. Across his desk, Tracy Strauss and Ando Masahashi sit in wait.

Adam (chuckling): Join The Company, and headed by Arthur Petrelli? Okay, I'm in.

Tracy: Oh! Okay, that was quick….Great. Just sign these papers and you can start soon.

Adam: I have a bone to pick with him anyway…

Adam's phone rings.

Adam: Sorry, I have to take this.

Adam leaves.

Ando (to Tracy): Holy crap! Do you not know who he is?

Tracy: Should I?

Ando: He is Hiro's worst enemy….one of his worst?...Probably not the worst…He's a bad man.

Tracy: I don't care. Just as long as we can get back to my main mission off helping Nathan rescue Meredith Gordon and her brother the quicker I can take a break.

Micah and Molly are walking back to Arthur's office.

Molly: Micah? What's going on.? What are you thinking?

Micah: Listen, Sylar and the others are sitting ducks in that cell. They are being watched by Arthur constantly.

Molly: Right.

Micah: I may not have my abilities but I do know my way around electronics. If you can distract Arthur, I can loop the security footage and help them escape.

Molly: Are you insane? He'll catch you and kill us.

Micah: I don't think so. I think he needs us for something. We can at least get them out of here.

Molly: Yeah...so you're going to pull a 'Speed'?

Micah: Yes...I'm going to pull a 'Speed'.

Down a few decks.

Claire: West? Where are you?

West walks out of the kitchen.

Claire: West? What are you doing!

West: Have you been in that kitchen?

Claire: Yes, I know, I was all over it in the last episode. But we need to get to the bridge before…

The lights start to flicker. Loud creaks start to roar through the corridors.

Claire: Okay, time to go.

Claire and West walk out of the kitchen. She stops.

West: What's wrong?

Claire: There's water coming down the stairwell.

West turns and notices the water starting to flow from the stairwell into the hall.

West: Let's run this way!

Claire: But that's the only stairwell!

West and Claire run down the hallway. They reach a split at the end.

Claire: Which way should we go?

West: This way!

Claire: I don't know. I think we should head back and try to swim to the bridge.

West: That sounds like a bad….bad idea.

Claire: No it doesn't. I'm an expert swimmer.

West: The flow is too strong. You can't swim against that.

Claire: No….but _you _can!

West: What?

Claire: You can fly!

West: What does _that _have to do with anything!

Claire: I can hold on to you. Then you use your flying to jet us through the water.

West: It doesn't work like that!

Claire: Have you ever tried?

West: Um, no. Planes can't fly underwater. I can't fly under water. It's just…basic…science stuff. I don't know.

Claire: I think you should try it.

West walks back and dives into the water.

Claire: West!

The water starts to rise.

Claire: Oh, crap….crap….crap, crap….

Claire takes off running, _with a wall of water chasing her from behind_. It catches up with her. She swims to the surface.

Claire: AHHHHHH! Someone help! I got a Charley Horse!...AHH! Two Charley Horses!

Claire sinks under the surface.

Adam returns back to his office.

Adam: Sorry about that, just needed to take that call.

He sits down.

Adam: So, I've decided to help you.

Tracy: Really? Good, great. We'll just get some of this paperwork signed and...

Adam: On one condition...

Tracy: Damn, I hate it when people say that.

Adam: I need you to go to my house and retrieve a package for me.

Tracy: Um...that's it? Just go to your house?

Adam: That's all.

Tracy: If you don't mind me asking, why can't you go? I already have a lot on my plate, you see.

Adam: I have an important meeting to go to and the delivery is going to happen shortly and I have to retrieve this package as soon as possible.

Tracy: Um...okay. Doesn't sound so hard. Let's go Ando.

They get up and leave the office as Adam watches them. They get out to the car and Tracy gets on the phone.

Ando: What are you doing?

Tracy: I'm calling Linderman.

Ando: When did he give you his number?

Tracy: We have got to get an extension on retrieving Micah and Molly.

Linderman (on the phone): Miss Sanders, I hope you have results.

Tracy: I have better than that; we need an extension on the mission. Another 24 hours at least.

Linderman: _How is that better than results_?

Tracy: We really can't complete this mission in that time. Please, tack on another 24 hours. I promise we will get it done.

Linderman: Fine..._on one condition. I need you to do something for me_.

Tracy: OKAY! Sounds great, thanks! Gotta run!

Tracy hangs up the phone.

Tracy: Seriously, if I get tasked to do one more thing I'm gonna...

Ando: Freak out and throw your cell phone out the window?

Tracy: ...Well...yeah.

Her phone vibrates. She looks at a text message from Angela reading '_Pick up milk'._

Tracy throws her phone out the window.

Micah and Molly are watching Arthur from outside his office.

Molly: So, what's the plan?

Micah: I'm going to sneak into the security room. You have to distract Arthur because he's expecting us back.

Molly: What are you going to do if he tries to locate you? He has my power.

Micah: I'll just have to work fast.

Molly: How are you going to take out the guards?

Micah: I'll need some help.

Back on the bridge.

Niki: Where the hell are Claire and West!

Matt: I see a bright light!

Niki: That's because Elle has a pen light in your face!

Elle: I'm checking his retinas!

The Haitian looks out the window.

Haitian: There's a life boat attached to the ship!

Niki: What? Really?

Niki runs over and looks out the window.

Niki: Perfect! We can get it. Come on.

Niki and The Haitian make their way to the outside deck. Elle holds Matt who continues to be shot.

Matt: Well, Elle, this is it…..

Elle: Worry not. I'll sing you a song to calm your nerves. Ahem….(singing)…._Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little ball of fur…_

Matt slowly looks at Elle.

Elle (singing): _Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr, Purr, Purr_….

Matt: …

Elle: ….

Matt: ….

Elle: How do you feel?

Matt: I feel…..like I've been shot.

Elle: Oh come on. My singing wasn't THAT bad….oh, wait, I forgot you've really been shot. Might as well sing it again while we sink to a watery grave.

Matt: Yay.

Elle (singing): _Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little ball of fur…_

Tracy and Ando pull up to Adam's mansion.

Ando (getting out): Wow! This place is huge!

Tracy: I'm in the wrong business.

Ando: That's not true! The internet is the future, you just need to expand your market and...

Tracy: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M NOT A STRIPPER!

Ando: ...But...but….the internet!

Tracy: Let's just go inside.

They walk into the mansion, in the grand hall.

Tracy: Ugh, this place is too nice. I'm going to throw up.

We pan down the hallway and behind a locked door at the end of the hall. On the other side, _Mohinder and Nathan are tied up to a chair._

In the security room. The two guards are watching the prisoners.

Guard: Hey, man, the pizza's here. You ready to eat?

Other guard: Sure am! Man, I'm starved.

The two guards leave the station and go into another room to get pizza. On the screen, the door of the cell opens.

Micah: Samson!

Samson: Hmm?

Micah: I need you to come with me. Hurry!

Samson hesitantly gets up. He follows Micah out of the cell.

Sylar: What the crap? We don't get to go anywhere?

Ted: That's nice, so are we going to play any games or what? I'm bored as hell!

Sylar: I told you I'm not playing games with you anymore. You cheat!

Ted: No way! I never cheat. Here, take these cards...NO!..._Take THESE cards._

Sylar: Ugh, forget it! We need to find a way out of here.

Samson and Micah make their way to the security room.

Samson: Micah, what's going on?

Micah: I'm getting you guys out of here. This is the only way. Use your ability.

Samson: Really?

Micah: Yeah, you're the only one whose power Arthur didn't take...since...well...

Samson: We don't need another trip down memory lane. Let's just get this over with.

Micah: Okay, you lull the guards and distract them and I'll set up the system. You get back to the cell as quick as possible.

Samson: Fine.

Samson peeks into the room as the guards are still shifting through pizza boxes. He starts to whistle as the guards start to look confused and daze off.

Micah: Great! Now, hurry back to the cell. Punch in code 4431 and hurry.

Samson runs off as Micah starts switching wires.

Niki and The Haitian make their way to the outside deck.

Haitian: It's stuck!

The Haitian makes his way over and tries to untie the life boat. The house boat tips drastically in a vertical motion.

Niki: ACK!

Niki and The Haitian slide down the deck and stop at a railing on the edge. The both adjust their feet to the railing with their backs angled against the deck's surface.

Niki: This is bad. This is really bad!

They hear snapping. They both look up as the life boat breaks loose.

Niki: CRAP! MOVE!

The Haitian and Niki roll away in opposite directions as the life boat slides by them and into the water. The Haitian loses his balance and falls into the water. Niki slips and hangs onto the railing.

Niki: Dammit! We could use the flying guy right about now! Errrgh!

Niki loses her grip and falls into the lake.

Adam is sitting at a table in the outside parlor of a cafe downtown. Trucker Dan meets him and sits at the other end of the table.

Adam: I must thank you for delivering my packages.

Trucker Dan: Yeah, it was kind of a pain. Where's my money?

Adam: Yeah, about that. There's going to be a deduction on the award, my good man.

Trucker Dan: What are you talking about?

Adam: I was just informed that there were only two captives. There were supposed to be three. Where's the third one?

Trucker Dan: I...I don't know. There was just the two, the scientist and the former mayor; I didn't know there was a third one!

Adam: Well, I'm afraid there was a third one you were supposed to get. But you didn't. So you're gonna get a cut.

Trucker Dan hops out of his chair and pulls a gun on Adam. He smirks and takes a sip of his tea.

Adam: Are you going to shoot me?

Trucker Dan: I need the full payment promised! You didn't say anything about a third person.

Adam shrugs and takes another drink.

Adam: Take it or leave it.

Trucker Dan starts to heavily breathe out of frustration. He pulls the trigger, the gun blast knocks Adam's chair back a few inches. He stares at the bullet hole in his chest and looks back at Dan.

Adam: Now that wasn't very nice.

Adam takes a steak knife and pries out the bullet. Dan stares at him in shock as the wound heals.

Adam: Now, let me show you how it's done.

Adam gets up, pulls out a gun and shoots point blank in the chest. Dan, startled, falls forward on the table and slides back down into his seat.

Adam looks around.

Adam: Good thing nobody pays attention to these things.

Adam slides the bill over to Dan's body, slumped on the table.

Adam: You got this one, chap.

He pats his shoulder as he walks away from the cafe.

Samson opens the cell door, he see's Ted standing in the cell.

Samson: Um...where's Gabriel?

Ted looks up, as does Samson. He sees Sylar's legs sticking out of a ventilation shaft.

Samson: ACK! We need to get him out of there!

Sylar: NO! We have to get out here. I'm going stir crazy!

Samson: Hurry, Ted, help me pull him back down.

Micah is working at the console, ready to record.

Micah: What the?...Is Sylar stuck in the ventilation shaft? Doesn't he know that those always lead to trouble?

A doorway into a ventilation shaft opens. Claire climbs in, completely soaked. She bumps into West.

Claire: West!

West: Claire! You're alive!

Claire: No thanks to you! You had to go off and get swept away!

West: Hey! That's because of your crazy 'I can fly underwater' theory.

Claire: No point in pointing fingers. We may be able to crawl back to the bridge in this shaft.

West: If we're not completely underwater. We may have to find a way off the boat and get to the surface.

Claire: Well, water is behind me and about to flood the ventilation shaft

West: Well, I've been being chased by water.

Claire: Oh….so….we're screwed.

West: No. You can't die! Just breathe into my mouth so we won't drown!

Claire: It doesn't work like that!

West: It's not any less ridiculous than your theory.

Claire: It actually pretty absurd.

West: No it's not.

Claire: Yeah. You being a faster swimmer with your ability is vastly different than me having infinite oxygen.

West: Well, you should still at least….(blub, blub, blub).

Claire: I don't think I like the sound of your….(blub blub blub).

The boat completely submerges under the water. The life boat floats in the water. Claire and West reach the surface and climb into the boat.

Claire: There….there's no one here!

West: I hope everyone else got off the boat.

Claire looks around and can't find the boat. They find themselves stranded in the middle of the lake.

Back in Redux, Hiro and Ando are eating at the Burnt Toast Diner. Over in a booth across the room, Hiro and Zach, dressed as old ladies, watch the scene from afar.

Zach: What the hell is the purpose of us being dressed like this? This ridiculously large bosom of mine keep dropping into my soup!

Hiro: I think you can pay someone to have that fixed. Now SHH! It's happening.

Charlie Andrews walks out carrying a tray of food to other tables.

Hiro: It's her! Oh, how I missed Charlie. I should go back in time and...oh wait, that didn't pan out too well last time either.

Zach: Is that the waitress? Flag her down; I need a new bowl of soup. (CRASH) Oh great, there goes my salad!

Hiro: There's Sylar! He's sitting at the table.

Zach (sifting through notes): Your girlfriend is about to get whacked. Just sayin.

Hiro: Not this time...

Zach: Hiro! You can't mess up the...wait? Can you? Ugh, I can't keep up anymore.

Hiro: We can't mess up the timeline anyway. I'm saving Charlie this time. Before she gets killed multiple times and eventually sent to the past where she'll live a great fulfilling life! I WILL STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING!

Zach: Did we EVER get refills? I haven't been able to see the table the entire time we've been here.

Hiro: Let's go!

Zach: Like I could get out of this booth.

Zach gets out and they run into the back room, Charlie is dead, her head has been sliced.

Hiro: AHHHH!

Zach: OH HOLY CRAP!

Hiro: Oh the humanity!

Zach: Hey! We never did get refills. Hello, Tips-ville, population: 0.

There's a knock on the door.

Hiro (Redux): Charlie! Is everything okay? I saw two menacing old ladies follow you into that storage room.

Zach: He's talking about us.

Hiro: Well, Cat Crap! We screwed up the timeline again. We have to fix this.

Zach: You never answered my question if that ever mattered or not.

Hiro: HAHA! Charlie is dead! For I, Sylar, has just killed her.

Hiro (Redux): WHAA!

Zach: HE SURE DID! Good going, boss!

Hiro (to Zach): What are you doing! Sylar doesn't have any henchmen!

Zach: Maybe I'm just a fan.

Hiro: That would never happen, EVER!

Zach: You just suck at being Sylar. I got this. Ahem...She sure is dead. Her brain is delicious!

Hiro (Redux): AAHHHH!

Hiro: Yeah, Sylar doesn't eat the brains. We kinda covered that in Season 3.

Zach: Well, some of us didn't get cast for Season 3.

Hiro: You're kinda missing the point here, Zach.

Zach: And that is.

They hear banging on the door

Hiro: I'm about to barge in here and kill us. We have to go! Quick, through that ventilation shaft.

Zach: Don't you know those always lead to trouble?

Micah is watching Samson and Ted scramble around trying to get Sylar out of the vent. He notices the guards starting to come to.

Micah: Come on, guys!

Sylar slips out of the shaft and falls on the ground. Micah presses record.

Micah: Good...Good.

Micah presses a few buttons on the console and runs out of the room. The guards come to and return to the console. They continue to work while a looping recording of Sylar, Samson and Ted sit in the cell.

Micah opens the door to the cell.

Sylar, Samson, Ted: ...

Micah: Now's your chance! You guys have to escape while you can.

They look at each other.

Molly is waiting in another room, Arthur pops in.

Arthur: Molly, why isn't Micah with you?...

He thinks for a moment.

Arthur: He's with the prisoners.

Molly: Sylar was wanting some water, so he ran back to get him a glass.

Arthur: Ah...fine. When he gets back, I need you two to meet me in my office. We're leaving soon.

Molly: ...

Arthur walks by security screen showing Samson, Ted and Sylar sitting in the cell.

Samson (To Micah): Why can't you guys escape?

Micah: Arthur knows our location. At least this will give you a head start. Linderman wants us for some reason and we have to see it through. If you can find a way to restore your powers you can come back for us. But you have to go now!

Sylar: I appreciate this Micah. It almost makes me feel guilty for all those times I tried to kill you.

Micah: Uh huh...thanks.

Ted: We'll come back as soon as we get our powers back. It really bites not having them at a time like this.

Sylar: Oh, boo hoo! I haven't had powers in like, 4 Seasons! You're not getting any sympathy from me.

Tracy is walking down the hallway, she reaches the locked door.

Ando: You can't go in there. It's locked.

Tracy stifles a quick laugh.

Tracy places her hand on the doorknob as it turns into ice. She slams the palm of her hand on the knob, shattering it. She pushes the door open.

Tracy: Easy peasy.

Tracy turns her attention to what was in the room. Mohinder and Nathan look up at her.

Nathan (gagged): MMPH! MRRPH!

Tracy: Nathan?

Tracy gets clubbed from behind, knocking her unconscious.

Ando: Of course you knock out the one WITH powers.

A guard knocks Ando out.

Ando: You…didn't have…to do that…..I would have cooperated…..(Fall)

Adam steps in, holding the club. His guards follow him in.

Adam: Where in blazes where you two? I have to do all this by myself. Gather them up; _we leave for the complex_ in an hour.

Guard: We're going to the complex, sir?

Adam: Yes, I just said that...ugh, I hate it when people do that.

Adam grabs a bag off the table.

Adam: Take them there, I'll meet up shortly. _I have a missing package to obtain._

Adam abruptly turns around and exits through the door. He steps back out.

Adam: Linen closet...maybe it's this one.

Adam opens another door.

Adam: Why do I TWO linen closets? Where is the door back to the hallway? God, I hate this place!

Elsewhere, Niki and The Haitian get washed up to shore. Niki coughs and comes to. The Haitian is still passed out.

Niki: Crap, we lost the boat.

Niki stands up and stretches.

Niki: Oh, crap, I hope the others got to the boat.

Niki turns around to find a gun in her face.

Niki: GUH!

She doesn't recognize the man holding the gun.

Niki: Listen, pal, our boat just sank.

Voice: Funny thing, that wasn't your boat.

Niki: ….

Behind the man steps out _Linderman_.

Niki: Ehhh….

Linderman: You have some explaining to do, Miss Sanders.

Niki: …

_To Be Continued_


	8. Ace Of Trades

Heroes Parody Project

Season 4

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright the national broadcasting company, NBC (which sounds redundant but whatever). More importantly, it is copyright the show's creator, Tim Kring. The author of this here fan fiction is not nor represents Tim Kring, the cast, /crew, sound and electrical equipment people, craft services, and the like. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment and for non-profit purposes only, so seriously NBC, don't bother suing cause I got nothing. Also, any similarities to any people and events depicted in this story are completely coincidental. Disclaimer over!

Peaceful, upbeat music starts playing out of nowhere.

Matt: _There are exactly four hundred million, eight hundred eleventy trillion, six thousand forty hundred people on the planet. All whose lives we're meant to touch. Everything is connected. Quantum teleportation and string theories with the benevolent evolution of mankind, science in progress..._

Across the planet...

Matt: A painter, throwing the rest of his blue paint on the canvas...

Matt: A dog, it just found its tennis ball. It's covered in drool. Gross!

Matt: A young couple newly married, exiting the church.

Matt: A pigeon explodes. Someone brought rice to the wedding.

Matt: The bride's mother yelling at me. Oh right, _I brought rice to the wedding._

Matt: The young couple, together in a hot air balloon on their honeymoon. Uh oh. It just popped!

Matt: The man didn't survive the fall, but the woman did..._and she just saved a bunch of money on her car insurance by switching to Geico!_

Niki: Matt! What the hell are you talking about?

Matt: Lives, Niki. Lives we're meant to touch.

Niki: Oh god, did you and Mohinder swap bodies again? If so, I'm out!

Matt: It's the next best thing on television that I've created. It's called...

Niki: You didn't create squat, why do you think we're in court?

The Judge bangs the gavel.

Niki: Wait, why am I even here? (She leaves)

Judge: Matt Parkman, for infringing the copyright of his holiness, _The Kring_...

Matt: THE WHAT?

Judge: ...you shall pay a $20,000 fine. Next case!

The Judge bangs the gavel.

Niki returns home and finds a DVD lying around, she picks it up.

Niki (reading the label) _Touch_, huh? By Matt Parkman? Oh, I'm totally pawning this.

The judge bangs the gavel.

Judge: _Nicole Sanders, for selling an illegal copy of this dvd and thus infringing the copyright of Matt Parkman's work_...

Niki: What work? He ripped off the show first!

Matt: Tell me about it. _I've upset The Kring_!

Niki: Oh, shut up.

Judge: ...you shall owe Mr. Parkman a fine of $20,000.

Matt: Yay!

Niki: Oh, come on!

Judge: Court Adjourned. (Bang!)

Outside...

Matt: Don't be upset, Niki. Tell you what; let's go out for ice cream. My treat. I can afford it since I just came into a whole bunch of money.

Niki: Grr...Wait, don't you still owe that fine?

Matt: Oh please, like _he'll_ ever know.

Trumpets start to play as armored men on horseback ride up.

Knight: Hear ye, hear ye, behold, _The Kring approaches._

Matt: Niki! Why aren't you kneeling?

Niki: Whatever, this is stupid. I'm getting out of here.

The Kring (to Matt): Matt Parkman, you are indeed noble. For you are my greatest creation...

Matt: I KNOW, right?

The Kring: I have a message for you, my son.

Matt: Yes, your awesome-ness?

Peter (taking the mask off): Yeah, dude, I'm not The Kring.

Matt: What?...ah, dammit.

Peter: I've been going around town using his image and now I owe him $20,000.

Matt: Must be nice being a celebrity...

Peter: Must be.

Matt: Oh well, wanna do the recap together?

Peter: Sure!

Peter and Matt: _Previously on Heroes._

Angela's house explodes.

Sylar: I think they got that!

Arthur Petrelli, back from the dead thanks to assistant Jax's temporary life restoring eclipse power. He kidnaps Angela, Sylar, Samson Grey, Ted Sprague, Micah Sanders, and Molly Walker. He lets Angela go but keeps the others. Upon rigging the security systems, Micah tells Sylar, Ted, and Samson to escape while him and Molly stay to avoid suspicion.

Ted: We can't let you guys do that, right Sylar?

The Sylar shaped cloud left behind disappears, Sylar is sprinting away.

Ted: Man, he sucks.

Arthur tells Micah and Molly that they must go to meet an old friend, that friend being Linderman.

Daniel Linderman (to Tracy Strauss and Ando): Bring me Micah and Molly or Hiro dies.

Hiro, stuck in Genesis Redux, a contraption set to relive the events of Season One without the harm of stepping on a bug and blowing up the Earth. There he meets Zach, Claire's old friend, who helps his quest to the Season Finale even though he's a resident of Redux. As time goes on the system glitches, allowing Zach to now see how ridiculous Hiro looks sporting Claire's cheer leading outfit, as supposed to normally seeing Claire, but just her saying she's a time travelling Japanese Man, which isn't less ridiculous, I guess.

-Rewind-

Nathan, Tracy, Elle and The Haitian outrun but crash while being chased by Emile Danko. They apprehend him and go to a gas station where they bump into Meredith Gordon and her brother, Flint. Danko escapes and calls for backup to haul them away, Nathan and Tracy look for clues while Elle and The Haitian get left with Trucker Dan. Nathan flies off upon learning the location of the compound and Tracy runs off with Ando in an attempt to rescue Hiro.

Meanwhile, Claire escapes the family vacation and drags Matt, Niki and Mohinder to West Rosen's lake house. On the way they meet an insufferable older British woman by the name off Hyacinth Bucket (or Bouquet which is how it's pronounced). The gang leaves her behind and meet West who accidentally shoots Nathan in mid flight. They venture to an abandoned cabin which belongs to Trucker Dan (who shows up with Elle and The Haitian). Dan offers to take them to the hospital but it turns into a ruse, Dan kidnaps the wounded Nathan and Mohinder and leaves the others to crash in the runaway truck trailer. Everyone escapes and Matt manages to find a large house boat. On board they are fascinated with the kitchen while a weird image of Isaac Mendez appears shortly. They take off while across the lake, Dan forces Mohinder to shoot at the boat, which he does and wounds Matt who runs into a concrete pole sticking out of the water. Niki doesn't get to question the vision for long when the boat begins to sink. Elle and Matt go under with the boat, Claire and West manage to find the life raft but are in the middle of the lake, and Niki and The Haitian wake up on the shore to Daniel Linderman, wanting answers.

And finally, Peter and Noah go to The Company where they find Angela. Who was granted freedom in exchange for her complying to rebuild the company, which gave her the location of her sister, Alice Shaw. They go to recruit her, followed by Peter sneaking in a women's prison to recruit Daphne Millbrook, who went missing after the eclipse. Meanwhile, Tracy and Ando (who just teamed with her for her to help Hiro) get hired by Angela to seek out and recruit Adam Munroe, who agrees while talking to one of his hired henchmen, Trucker Dan. Tracy and Ando go to Adam's house, Adam runs off to kill Dan, Tracy finds Mohinder and Nathan but her and Ando get knocked out. Adam returns and tells his group to get ready. He has to pick up his 'missing delivery' but to prepare to go to the complex.

The End...of the recap (whew).

A car pulls up to an abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of the city, it drives over:

**Chapter Eight "Ace Of Trades"**

Inside the car, Noah Bennett and Angela Petrelli plan their next move.

Noah: So, here we are.

Angela: Yes.

Noah: This is the place?

Angela: Correct. This is the location of the final recruit.

Noah: Then he is definitely in there.

Noah looks over at the folder to _D.L. Hawkins' _profile.

Angela: How are we going to catch him though?

Noah: I got the man for the job.

The rear passenger door opens...then closes.

Angela: What the hell was that?

Noah: It was one of those sinister winds that break into people's cars by politely opening the door. _What the hell do you think it was? _

Angela: Uh...-gasp-...him? Claude was in here?

Noah: Of course it was Claude! Who else was going to go in there, you?

Angela: I...could have..._dreamt him to death_...Oh shut up.

Noah: Godspeed...for whatever reason we're still doing this.

Angela: Oh my god, I just realized! _Did he see me pick at my nose earlier!_

Noah: Back at the gas station? Yeah, he told me. Totally gross, by the way.

Angela: Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Noah: You should be.

Angela looks away. Noah checks his text messages

Noah: You're doing it again?

Angela: Dammit!

**= = =HEROES= = =**

A small boat races across the lake. Driving the boat is Peter Petrelli, sporting his new shades...which just blew off his face.

Peter: Oh man! I just got those...and I hate picking out sunglasses!

He stops the boat and checks out a map. He pulls out a tape recorder.

Peter: Captain's Log...NOW! I've reached the point of my current destination to find Claire Bennett who has been reported missing by first her mother...

Flashback to Peter's call from Sandra.

Sandra (on phone): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Peter: That didn't do me any good. Let's try the next message.

Noah (on phone): Peter, its Noah. Apparently the child tracker we had installed in Claire is going off and she's in the middle of a lake, I told Sandra's she's probably being her rebellious twenty year old teen self and just yanked it out like last time, but we can't be too sure. Here are the coordinates..._along with a picture of your mother picking her nose_.

Peter: ...and she scolded ME at Thanksgiving last year for being disrespectful to the Pilgrims! God, she is such a hypocrite!

Flashback ends, Peter anchors the boat. He licks his finger and holds it up in the air to check the wind. Then he pulls out his fishing pole with Snoopy and Woodstock on it.

Peter: Happy Fishing Games!

A woman with a colorful wig pops in.

Effie Trinket: ..._and may the odds be ever in your favor!_

Peter: AHH! _A homeless clown_!

Peter shoves her off the boat. SPLOOSH!

Peter: Whew! That was close...

Meanwhile, not too far away, Claire and West are sitting in the life raft.

Claire: This is terrible! Elle and Matt are probably dead, Niki and The Haitian are lost, and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere.

West: And there's no reception...my phone got ruined in the water so that may have something to do with it.

Claire: Well, all we can do is fly to safety. You can pick me up now.

Claire holds her arms out.

West: No way! I'm not flying anywhere.

Claire: What? Why not?

West: My clothes are wet. I'll catch a cold.

Claire: Worthless...OW!

West: What's wrong?

Claire: I don't know. Something tugging at my hair...ow...OWWWW! That hurts, dammit!

West: Probably a bug.

Claire: Bugs don't usually try to rip out your scalp! AHHH!

West: Lice does...sort of.

Claire: Oh, what do you know about Lice?

West: I used to have it...but that was years ago. (_scratch. scratch)_

Claire: _Did you just scratch your head?_

West: No.

Claire: And here I am wearing your hat!

She takes off the hat which reads **LICE** in giant letters.

Claire: GLUH! Why did you let me wear this?

West: You wanted to wear it so your forehead wouldn't burn.

Claire: Only because I though Lice was like...the name of your band or something.

West: I'm not in a band!

Claire: Well, nice going, you block head! Now I have lice!

Claire gets yanked off of the boat. SPLOOSH!

West: That's not going to work! You need the special shampoo!

Meanwhile, on the shore, Niki Sanders and The Haitian are being held captive by Linderman.

Niki: Linderman...if my mouth wasn't so dry I'd spit on you.

Linderman: Well that's not very nice.

Niki: Well you are holding a gun in my face.

Linderman: Well I guess we're both rude then. Why are you not with Ando fulfilling your assignment?

Niki: What are you talking about?

Linderman: I suppose a better question would be why you stole my family's house boat...but this is more important.

Niki: We needed a lift...and it was Matt's fault.

Linderman: Time is running out, I want Micah and Molly delivered to me by tonight.

Niki: Wait, WHAT? What business do you have with Micah? I'd never hand him over to you! I don't know where he is exactly...but if I did I'd never let you have him.

Linderman: Oh my...I just realized...that woman must have been your sister.

Niki: Probably. Duh.

Linderman: Well, whatever, I can still kill you anyway.

Niki: Well, whatever, The Haitian will just...oh he's unconscious. Of course!

She turns back to Linderman.

Niki: Well, whatever, I...ah forget it. I got nothin.

Meanwhile, in the abandoned warehouse. The front door opens, then closes slowly.

Voice: Who's there?

D.L. appears from the shadows.

A gun starts to fade into view, followed by Claude, pointing it at D.L.

Claude: I've been hired to recruit you. If you could just come with me...

D.L.: I'm not going anywhere.

D.L. swings a pipe at Claude, who ducks. Claude fires the gun at D.L who walks away; the bullets pass through his body and hit the wall. D.L chuckles and runs off.

Claude: Crud…

Later, outside.

Something taps on Angela's window.

Angela: AHHH!

She rolls it down as Claude appears.

Angela: UGH! Stop doing that!

Noah: Why is there gunfire? We can't have him dead!

Claude: It doesn't matter, bullets just go through him.

Noah: So...why the gun again?

Angela: Are you making any progress?

Claude: I actually got him to talk.

Angela: And?

Claude: He'll agree to join once he has Micah back and knows he's safe.

Angela and Noah exchange looks.

Later, The Company Mobile pulls up to someone's house.

Noah: Why are we here again?

Angela: I think we can easily fix our Micah problem.

Back in the lake, Peter is reeling in his fishing pole while Claire waits on the boat, covered with a towel.

Claire: A fishing pole...Really?

Peter: I found you, didn't I?

Claire: We weren't that far away, you didn't have to rip my hair out.

Peter: And, one more to go.

Peter whisks the fishing line out to the water.

Claire: Why is there a wig floating in the water?

Claire fishes it out and puts it on.

Claire: It's so colorful and vibrant! I love it!

Peter: I wouldn't do that if I were you. _That thing is riddled with lice._

Claire: Son of a...

Back on the shore.

Linderman: Tell you what? You agree to help me and I will postpone killing you.

Niki: Wow! What a deal! (eye roll)

Suddenly, one by one Linderman's men started to drop to the ground and convulse.

Linderman: What is this?

Linderman hauls back to his car.

Linderman: This isn't over!

Linderman's car peels away. Elle is lying on the ground behind it.

Niki: Elle?

Niki frees herself and runs over to Elle.

Elle: I...zzz...zazazaz...zaappp...zzzz...them...

Elle flops around a bit.

Niki: Elle, what happened?

Elle: zzz...boat...xxx...sank...

Niki: I knew that! I was on it. Where's Matt?

Elle: Still...un...under...water…..electricity...blew me out of the water...zzzz

Niki: Elle?

Elle: Bleh!

Niki: Elle! Speak to me!

Elle: ...

Niki: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh I got a text message.

Niki checks her phone.

Niki: AT&T is throttling my unlimited data plan for too much usage? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The screen fades to white.

**Eleanor Bullwinkle Bishop**

**1980-2012**

Elle: HEY! I'm not dead yet, you jerks!

Niki (sobbing): But what about my data plan?

The screen fades to white.

Elle: Are you freaking kidding me?

**Niki's AT&T Unlimited Data Plan**

**2012-2012 (or until the end of the current billing cycle)**

Meanwhile, Angela knocks on the door of the house.

Noah: Why haven't you told me what your plan is yet?

Angela: Just watch.

A man opens the door.

Angela: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Angela Mcgillicuddy and this is my loyal associate, Dr. Greensblatt. You may call him by his full name, Harvey Ryan Greensblatt, _or just H.R.G for short_.

Noah: Really?...

Angela: Were from the IRS and noticed that you have not paid your "kid tax"

Noah: Oh no, no, no, no, no...

Angela: So, pretty much were gonna have to repossess little Timmy...or whatever his name is.

Noah (to Angela): What the hell are you doing?

Angela: Advancing the plot, of course. Somebody has to around here.

A woman walks up behind the man.

Woman: What's wrong, honey?

Man: This woman says we didn't pay the kid tax for 2011.

Woman: I thought I put it in your tax pile.

Man: I thought I filled it out!

Noah: WHAT?

Woman: I must have just thought it was junk mail!

Man: I must have accidentally renewed my National Geographic subscription by mistake!

Woman (sobbing): Oh, we're sucky parents!

Man (sobbing): The worst!

Noah: What...what just happened?

Angela: Like Mr. T would say, "I love it when a plan comes together."

Noah: Mr. T doesn't say that!

Angela: I'm pretty sure he does, Noah.

Noah: He says, "I pity the fool". Hannibal says that.

Angela: Noah, The A-Team is my favorite show in the history of ever and I have seen every episode. You, sir, are mistaken.

Noah: I've also seen all the episodes.

Angela: I've seen them all three times.

Noah: I've seen them all five times.

Angela: I was in the fan club.

Noah: I was President of the fan club.

Angela: I got to see the set.

Noah: I was an extra on the set.

Angela: I directed an episode.

Noah: I wrote an episode.

Angela: I was married to the creator of the show!

Noah (squinting): ...No you weren't.

Angela: Okay, I wasn't. But I know I'm right.

Noah: Let's prove it.

Angela: Let's.

Noah (to the couple): Do you guys have The A-Team on DVD?

Woman (sniffing): Yes...you can watch it in the living room.

She starts bawling again.

Woman: Were sucky parents!

Man: The suckiest!

Back on the boat.

Peter: So, Niki and The Haitian are lost and Matt and Elle have sunk?

Claire: Yes, we still think they're on the boat.

Peter: I'll go down there and check.

Claire: And just how do you plan on doing that?

Peter: With my Snoopy Scuba Gear.

Claire: What?

Peter finishes putting on his gear and jumps in the lake. Claire sees a boat drive by.

Claire: ...

West: What is it?

Claire: I...I don't know. The driver of that boat looks familiar. Looks like they're fishing too…..hmm….

West: Man, I want a Snoopy Scuba Suit.

Claire: It's probably for children. Hell, I doubt it's even supposed to be used for real scuba diving.

Peter's body floats to the surface of the water.

Claire: See?

West: Uh...

Much, Much Later, back at the warehouse. Angela and Noah pull up in the car.

Claude (walking up): Where the hell have you two been? That took forever!

Angela: Watching all 98 episodes of The A-Team.

Claude: What?

Angela: We made through 2 seasons until we realized we were actually watching Mission: Impossible so THAT didn't help.

Claude: Whatever, do you have the kid or not?

Angela and Noah exchange looks.

Claire finishes giving Peter CPR.

Peter: Bleh! Cough!

West: Whew! That was close. Good thing you knew CPR, Claire!

Claire: Me and the other Cheerleaders had to learn it one time when a botched science experiment blew up the High School and we all had to attend boat school for 6 months.

Claire turns back to Peter.

Claire: Peter, I'm glad you saved us. But what are you doing all the way out here anyway?

Peter: Your mom was upset that you went missing. Your child tracker went off, so your dad sent me on the job.

Claire: Well, crap. Now I have to hear them get...wait, did you just say Child Tracker?

Peter: Oh right, I wasn't supposed to say that.

Claire: Is that why my neck keeps flashing green? I thought it was some type of freaky neck fungus!

Peter: Nope. You're being tracked. But don't tell your parents I told you anything. Your parents and I are the only ones that know. So if they ask where you've heard that, accuse _them_ of being blabbermouths.

Claire: I can't believe this. I'm in my twenties, for crying out loud.

Peter: You can't blame them. Child abduction is a serious thing in this day and age.

Meanwhile...in the car.

Noah: I can't believe we kidnapped their child!

Angela (in the backseat): I wouldn't call it "Kidnapped".

-Flashback-

Angela (carrying a blanket, running towards the car): NOOOAAAHHH! START THE CAAARRR!

-End-

Angela: Well, they should have paid their kid tax.

Noah: Would you take that blanket off his head?

Angela: Not until we're in the clear.

Voice: _Tee Hee! I wuv you!_

Noah: What the hell was that?

Angela: I...I don't know. I'm scared.

Noah slams on the breaks. He reaches back and tips the blanket off to reveal a stuffed talking teddy bear.

Noah: What the? Why? Why did you do this?

Angela: Quiet! He's sleeping.

Noah: You know Micah is a teenager, right? D.L. isn't going to fall for this!

Angela: Oh, somebody has a messy diaper! See?

Noah: _Those are batteries_! Geez, woman, when was the last time you had your eyes checked?

Angela: The year...George Bush...

Noah: ...was President? That's wasn't THAT long ago.

Angela: No, George Bush Senior.

Noah: George Bush Senior was President?

Angela: George Bush Senior….._was a teenager_.

Noah: Oh my god! We're going to the optometrist now.

Later, the car pulls back up to the warehouse. Claude walks up.

Claude: Now, where have you been?

Angela gets out of the car; she is wearing two eye patches.

Angela: Stand aside! We've got work to do.

Angela flails her arms, smacking Noah a few times.

Noah: I'm ending this.

Noah walks into the building.

Noah: D.L…..This is Noah Bennet, I'm here to….

D.L emerges from a wall and grabs Bennet's throat from behind.

D.L: Start talking.

Noah: Okay, I was kinda in the middle of a sentence but whatever.

Meanwhile, back on the boat.

Peter: So….after we recruited Alice Shaw, your Grand Aunt.

Claire: I don't think they're called that.

Peter: …I recruited Daphne, by breaking into a women's prison.

Claire: Uh huh.

Peter: And apparently Adam Munroe is the final recruit. All this is being done so we can storm my evil dad's evil headquarters and take back The Company.

Claire: And your dad specifically picked the recruits? Don't you find that just a little odd?

Peter: Nope.

Claire: Well, okie dokie then.

The three of them hear yelling. Claire looks off into the distance to see a woman waving.

Claire: It's….Niki! They made it. Let's go get them!

Peter: Wonderful! Everyone grab a paddle!

Claire: WHAT! This thing has a huge jet thingy on the back. Can't we just…..go?

Peter: Oh, that broke years ago, now I just use the casing to store my lunch. Everybody paddle!

Claire: Aw, rats!

Meanwhile…

Noah: So….with you on board, and when our other team comes back with their recruit, we can finally storm Peter's evil dad's evil headquarters and take back The Company. Oh, and rescue your son of course.

D.L: You could have just said that earlier.

Noah: Well, I work with a bunch of idiots.

Noah and D.L exit the building.

Claude: Are we finally ready to go?

Noah: Yes, where's Angela?

Claude: She's been talking to that telephone pole thinking it's me for the last 20 minutes.

Noah: I'll get her.

Later, at The Greasy Spoon, a local diner in the outskirts of town.

Noah, D.L, Claude and Angela are sitting at the table looking at their menus.

Angela flails her arm until she smacks a waitress.

Angela: Excuse me Miss, my eyes are dilated and I currently cannot see at the moment. Can you read me everything off the menu?

Waitress: Salad.

Angela: …

Waitress: We have salad.

Angela: Oh….what kind of entrees do you have?

Waitress: We have a dinner salad.

Angela: Uh huh…..and Dessert?

Waitress: Fruit Salad.

Angela: UGH! Nevermind.

Angela tosses her menu.

D.L: So, Arthur Petrelli let you free in exchange to recruit me and three other people, who you plan to use to storm his base?

Noah: That would seem to be the plan.

D.L: And you don't find that a little odd? I mean, surely he's thought that you would try to do that.

Angela: He's not that bright. Besides, if he does, I have a secret weapon.

Claude and D.L look at Noah, who shrugs.

Noah: What she means is that we're going to fail. Hard.

Meanwhile, on a very crowded bus.

Old Man: So you see….I told Muriel that the T.V….or what we call 'The Idiot Box' back in the day…was broke. Then she was saying "Marvin, that's not the T.V, that's the aquarium!". Boy, was my face red. I was yelling at my poor Goldfish for a good 40 minutes. I was yelling "You don't need to do that! You don't need to throw your life away with these young hooligans!" Because I was watching the t.v earlier, and something called a _Snooki_ was drinking and dancing on everything. Don't need any of that. Well, later that day it was cold and Muriel turned up the thermostat, and I said "Muriel, that's not the thermostat, that's the temperature gauge for the aquarium!" So long story short, _that was the most delicious fish casserole I have ever eaten_. We ate and reminisced on about the old days. I remember one day in particular, they came out with a new invention called _ice_…

Sylar: Oh. My. God! GET ME OFF THIS BUS!

Ted: Dude, calm down, we're almost there.

Samson: Listen, we'll head to the company and see if we can find _my sweet baboo_…

Sylar: And would you please stop calling her that, it's gross. And she doesn't even like you.

Samson: I think this picture would disprove that statement.

Samson shows Sylar a picture of him and Angela, _as the American Gothic Farmers_.

Sylar: WOW…

Samson: Surely there is a good explanation why she left us.

Ted: Simple, she got a better deal.

Samson: We're going to find out what it is. To The Company.

Ted (looking out the window): We just passed it.

Samson: That's okay; another trip around the block won't kill us.

Sylar: Like hell. I'm getting off and walking.

Sylar tries to move, but there are too many people.

Sylar: Excuse me! Excuse me! Move, you nobodies!

Sylar plops down in his seat.

The Old Man tugs on Sylar's arm.

Old Man: Young girl, can you read this book to me? My eyes aren't as good as they used to be. Haven't had them checked since _George Bush Senior was a teenager._

Sylar: ugh….

Noah and Co. arrive back at The Company. There waits Peter, Claire, West, Niki, Elle and The Haitian.

Noah: There you are! We could have used your help. You….have been missed.

Elle: Aw, Mr. B….

Noah shakes The Haitian's hand.

Elle: HEY!

Niki: D.L? What are you doing here?

Angela: He's one of the recruits. Peter, I'm to assume you filled them in.

Peter: That's right, ma. But first…._Last Thanksgiving_, seriously?

Angela: There's no time for that now.

Niki: We have a problem, our boat sank and Matt still hasn't been found. He might still be under there.

Peter: Impossible, I dove down there with my trusty Snoopy Scuba Suit and found no signs of life.

Niki: What's worse, we…

Niki stops and glances at Peter, then shakes her head.

Niki: Apparently the boat belongs to Linderman.

Noah: Okay, seriously, is he alive or dead or what?

D.L: Daniel Linderman! No way, I killed him!

Noah: You haven't been around here long enough. _The death rule is kinda loopy nowadays_.

Niki: He thought I was Tracy, and mentioned something about me delivering Micah and Molly to him.

D.L: Micah? You guys told me Arthur Petrelli has him, right?

Angela: He does have him. Along with Molly, Sylar, Ted and Samson. He kidnapped us all after he blew up my beautiful house.

Voice: Actually that just recently changed.

Everybody looks to find Sylar, Ted and Samson walk in.

Noah: Okay, the room's starting to get a little crowded, people.

Samson: Now they just have Micah and Molly. But that's not important now.

Samson rushes to Angela.

Samson: Angela, my sweet. What happened to your eyes?

Angela: Oh, geez, somebody tell me that's not Samson Gray.

Samson: Don't worry, my love. I'll be your eyes.

Sylar: Like his are any better.

Niki: Wait, so, you three were kidnapped along with Micah and Molly. How did you get out?

Sylar: They let us go and stayed behind for the greater good. Very noble.

Ted: Noble's a good word.

Niki: You left my child there as a prisoner! You could you?...I mean, you're Sylar….but still.

Sylar: Oh, whatever, you haven't even known the whereabouts of your son for the last season and a half.

Niki: That's not the point!

Angela: Tracy and Ando were going to deliver Micah and Molly to Linderman. But Arthur kidnapped all of us, but practically let everyone but the children walk out the door. Linderman wants them for a reason…so Arthur has to know that he wants them. He's going to cut a deal.

Noah: But what does Linderman have that Arthur wants?

West (to Claire): Are you gonna tell them about Nathan?

Claire: Man, I don't want to get in trouble….oh, wait; you're the one that shot him.

West: Wait, what?

Claire: Oh, and West accidentally shot Nathan to prove he has good marksman skills….which I was impressed.

West: Yeah….

Claire: But you did shoot one of my dads so that cost you a few points….

West: Groan…yeah…

Claire: In the end he was kidnapped by that weird trucker guy.

Elle: The guy in our gang, right Haitian?

Haitian: Ugh, right….

Claire: And now Nathan and Mohinder are missing.

Niki: Oh, right, forgot about them. The whole almost dying in a runaway trailer/drowning in a sinking boat/getting shot in the face kinda messed me up today.

Peter: And now they kidnapped my brother. All the pieces are falling into place.

Noah: Not really, I'm totally lost.

Niki (back to Sylar): So, why did you abandon my son again?

Sylar: I'm upset that she abandoned us (points to Angela).

Angela: I'm not your mother!

Sylar: I'm still mad about that!

Noah (to Claire): I hope you know your mother has been worried sick!

Claire: West gave me lice! Oh, and really, CHILD TRACKER!

D.L (to Niki): You haven't known where our son was for a season and a half? I've been in and out of prison, I had an excuse.

Niki: It's not my fault I keep getting roped in these stupid shenanigans. Matt and I got possessed by ghosts, Peter almost got married to that Irish Girl, Angela hosted that race to get a tax break, people turned into Zombies, Disney World….

Peter: Um….people?

Elle (to Noah): And where is my tracker? You totally kicked me out on the streets and I've been stuck with these people. I've been in a gang, I've had to use the restroom in a dirty gas station, and I almost died on a boat! _Matt dressed up like Giada De Laurentiis_….and he looked better than me! I'm stressed out to my limit!

Claire: Hey, don't talk to my dad like that!

Elle: Oh, I forgot, your boyfriend's gonna shoot me?

Claire: Maybe he will, shortly before you fry him again, Miss I can't aim!

West: Whoa, wait a minute.

Elle and Claire start slapping each other.

Angela (to Samson): Would you PLEASE stop smothering me!

D.L: You know, I blame Angela for this. Why was our son in such a dangerous environment such as your house?

Angela: It's not my fault!

Claude: Well, I have no conflicts here with anybody, just gonna make me a sandwich.

Ted: Mustard?

Claude: Yes, please.

Claire: She sucks!

Elle: No, she sucks!

Niki: He's an idiot!

D.L: No, He's an idiot!

Effie Trinket: That man called me a homeless clown!

Sylar: Does anybody want to know when ice was invented?

Peter: HHHHEEEEEEYYYYYYY!

Everybody is silent.

Peter: Everybody...just….._shut the frak up_.

Everybody looks at each other.

Peter: This is why we don't have scenes with tons of people in the same place. Now, listen. Tensions are high, tempers are flaring, _plots and subplots are crashing together and everybody's confused_. But, we are a team. The bad guys are out there, and we have to work together. Everybody cool with that?

The group hesitantly agrees.

Peter: So let's just calm down and…who ate the last slice of Pimento Loaf?

Claude and Ted exchange looks.

Peter: SOMEBODY'S GONNA DIE!

Everybody goes back to arguing and fighting for 4 more hours. Later,

Peter: Well….I feel better.

Niki: Me too. It feels good to just…..get those aggressions out. Real shame Matt and Mohinder weren't here. Those are the two that stress me out the most.

Claire (bald, to Elle): I'm sorry I pulled all your hair out.

Elle (also bald, to Claire): No, I'm sorry I pulled all your hair out.

Ted (to Sylar): …and _I'm sorry I pulled all your hair out._

Sylar (bald): Don't talk to me.

Peter: Okay, so now that we're civilized again. Claire, West and I will go out and look for Nathan and Mohinder. Niki, you, Elle, Noah and The Haitian try and find Matt. D.L, you and Claude will be responsible for finding Tracy and Ando. D.L, Tracy will be easy to spot since she's Niki's identical twin sister.

D.L: Say what?

Niki: Don't ask.

Peter: Ma, you stay here and be blinded.

Angela: Thank you.

Ted (standing with Samson and Sylar): What about us?

Peter: Hm?...Oh, I got nothing. You three can just stay here.

Everyone starts to leave.

Sylar: WHAT?

Noah: Wait, who died and made him boss?

Elsewhere, in his limo, Linderman picks up the phone.

Linderman: Yes.

Arthur: Hello, Daniel. It's been a while.

Linderman: Arthur? Are you a ghost too?

Arthur: Huh?...No. I'm not; I'm back from the dead full time.

Linderman: Can I ask how you accomplished that.

Arthur: The last Eclipse. Anyway, I heard through the grapevine that you are looking for these two youngsters.

Linderman: Micah Sanders and Molly Walker….you have them?

Arthur: That's right. One of my men was a mole in your group and I heard everything. So I beat you to the punch and kidnapped them myself.

Linderman: But why? That's not very nice.

Arthur: You have something I want.

Linderman: What do you want?

Arthur: …..I want control of _Genesis: Redux._

Linderman: GASP!...Okay….

Arthur: Okay?

Linderman: You can have Genesis Redux in exchange for the children. But I do need you to wait for a while.

Arthur: I'm not in the business of waiting, Linderman.

Linderman: It's currently being used, when it is finished, you may have it.

Arthur: Very well. But I'm not a patient man, Daniel. We make the trade….or I'll take it by force and leave you with nothing.

Linderman: Man, coming back from the dead sure has made you a grumpy guss. I hope I don't turn out like that….

Arthur: Uh….right….You have a week. (Hangs up)

Linderman: Well, I guess I don't need Miss Strauss' help anymore.

Linderman gets back on the phone with one of this henchman.

Linderman: Yes, get a team set up and kill Tracy Strauss and Ando Masahashi if you find them. That is all.

He pops up a screen with Hiro attached to Redux.

Linderman: And that means I won't have to worry about you coming back, Hiro…..

Elsewhere, Tracy Strauss opens her eyes.

Tracy: What the?

She looks around to find herself in the back of a truck with Ando, Nathan and Mohinder.

Tracy: Hm?

She overhears the drivers talking.

Driver: Yeah, the boss said he'll be running late and for us to just go ahead and take the prisoners to the complex.

Tracy: Complex?

Nathan (coming to): In….Las Vegas…..where they have Meredith….and Flint….

Tracy: Was that the address we found the other day?

Nathan: Yea…

Tracy: Well, when we stop we'll just….

Mohinder: We'll just nothing….not with these on.

Tracy notices she has a mechanical collar around her neck.

Tracy: What the?

Mohinder: It prevents people from using powers.

Tracy: Of course it does. Why do you and Ando have them on?

Ando: Well, we did have powers at one point. Better safe than sorry I guess.

Tracy: Damn.

The truck continues to drive down the road, passing the sign reading "Welcome To Las Vegas".

Meanwhile, Matt Parkman wakes up and takes a breath. He is sitting at a table in the dining room of someone's house.

Matt: Wow, this place is nice….wait….am I dead?

Voice: You are not dead, Mr. Parkman, though when you leave here I cannot guarantee what will happen to you.

Matt looks over to see Hyacinth Bucket walk up and sit down next to him.

Matt: YOU! You're that crazy lady from Claire's road trip that we ditched at the costume shop.

Hyacinth: Indeed, and that wasn't very nice. But I'm a very forgiving person. When I receive your reward from a delightful young man named Adam, all will be forgotten.

Hyacinth hands him a plate.

Hyacinth: Biscuit?

Matt: ….Oh, hamburgers….

_To Be Continued_….


	9. Matt Versus The Candlelight Supper

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>(Season 4, Episode 9)<br>Disclaimer: **_**Heroes**_** is copyright NBC and the show's creator, Tim Kring. I am not, nor represent any of the cast or crew of the show. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to any actual people, living or dead, are completely coincidental. Reader Discretion is advised.**

Niki: _Previously…on __**Revenge**_…wait…..oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Claire walks up to her new home in The Hamptons.

Claire: My name is _Claire Thorne. _I've arrived in The Hamptons to seek revenge on the family that framed my father, _The Grayson's_.

Next door, in an absurdly large mansion, the matriarch of the Grayson family, _Angela Grayson_, makes her way out onto the balcony to totally not spy on Claire.

Angela: There's _something_ about that girl that bugs me. (Binoculars)

A bird flies by Angela, shortly before turning into stone and slamming into the side of the house with a resounding THUD!

Angela: Goodness!

Claire: Okay, _Zach Ross_, eccentric billionaire who's going to…

Zach: _Multi-Billionaire!_

Claire: Whatever. Let's get started with the hackings or whatever and ruin some lives!

Zach: YAY! Okay, let me just enter the passcode to the computer: _999-43-2011_

Claire: Okay, just say it out loud or what…wait….is that my social security number?!

Zach (reading the screen): _You've…got a Trojan_….I LOVE HORSES!

Claire: UH!

Zach (reading the screen): Hey, did you know that you just bought _The Republic of Chad_? S_omebody has awesome credit._

Claire: UHH!…

Zach: Damn, more passwords. Let's see, the maiden names of every female family member in your ancestry. Done! Say, Claire, something popped up asking if you were a flight risk?

Claire: Oh my god, stop doing things!

Meanwhile…On a boat, owner of the local dive bar, West Porter sets sail with his brother.

West: On none other than the _S.S. Claire-Bear_, totally not named after the love I once lost when we were kids a million years ago or anything like that. So over her.

Matt walks up on deck. Dressed in royal clothing.

Matt: Not to fear, even though the evil queen's curse brought us here to the town of _Storybrooke_. I vow to get us back to the land of Fairytales.

West: Um…no, wrong show man,…..that's…totally different.

Mohinder runs up, his face is painted gold.

Mohinder: MATT! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS ON MY FACE!?

Matt: Oh no! It's Rumplestiltskin! STOP VILLAIN!

Mohinder: Do you know how toxic this stuff is?! I think it's lead based!...Uhhh…..lungs collapsing…..eyesight blurring….

Matt: Just read the line.

Mohinder (reading the script deadpanned, waving his finger in the air): _Magic always comes with a price, dearie_…..oh man, I don't feel so good. I think I'm hallucinating.

West: Is he gonna be okay?

Matt: Hmm?

Matt looks at Mohinder.

Mohinder: _All glory to the Hypno toad!_

Matt: Oh yeah, he's fine….

Noah and Sandra Bennet walk up, wearing formal wear.

Noah: Maybe we can interest you in a nice apartment. Though it's a tad…_hotter._

Sandra: Speak of the…_Devil._ I was just thinking that.

Noah: How…_hellish of you_.

West: What is this?

Noah and Sandra put bed sheets over their heads.

Noah: Sandra, darling, you didn't cut eye holes in these ghost costumes.

Sandra: How ghoulish!

Noah: No, I'm serious. We look stupid in these ridiculous outfits.

Sandra turns to face the opposite direction where West is standing.

Sandra: Don't worry! It's not haunted or anything….

West: Okay I get _Once Upon A Time_ over here (pointing to Matt)….But what is this? Are you supposed to be _666 Park Avenue?!_ Because if you are, you're totally phoning it in!

Noah: Sort of.

Sandra: But I thought this was GCB!

Noah: How do you figure any of this resembled that show!?

Sandra: Doesn't it stand for _Ghosts Crying BOOOO!_

Noah: ….No…just no.

Matt: Anyway, find out what happens, only on ABC.

West: And now you're promoting the rival network. I'm out!

West jumps off the ship. SPLASH!

Noah: I thought all these shows were on the same network.

Matt: I miss _TGIF._

At the dinner table.

Angela (to Peter Grayson, her son): Peter, darling, are you enjoying your dinner? If you're not I can buy you new taste buds _and make you enjoy your dinner_.

Peter: Uh, it's fine. I just need the butter.

Angela: Your sister has it.

Peter gets on the phone and calls the other side of the dinner table.

Nathan picks up the phone.

Peter: Sis! Butter! Stat!

Nathan: Okay, real quick. Why am I playing the sister? Why is this table so long?! I think I'm in a Racquetball court or something? And third, (holding up his bloody hand), WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN TAKEN TO A HOSPITAL YET!?

Peter: Straying off the subject, sis. Kinda want the butter.

Nathan: Fine.

Nathan grabs the butter, shoving it into a plastic tube. He places the plastic tube into a chute and presses the 'Send' button, propelling the tube through a network of pipes. At the other end of the table, the tube crashes into the other side, splattering butter all over Peter's clothes.

Peter: Man, being rich kinda sucks….

Mohinder: _Previously on Heroes, dearie_…..uhhhhhh…..(passes out).

Angela: He's returned.

Jax the assistant opens the coffin.

Angela: Arthur…..he's back.

Angela's house explodes. Arthur watches from his car. Armed men break in and capture Angela, Samson, Sylar, Ted, Micah and Molly.

On a security screen, the men and children await their fate; Angela walks into Arthur's office.

Arthur: You may go….on one condition.

Angela: Which is?

Arthur: I want you to rebuild The Company from the ground up. With _these recruits_.

He throws some folders on the table.

Angela: And why would I help you?

Arthur: There's one recruit in particular I think you may have an interest in.

Angela, Peter, and Noah find Alice Shaw, Angela's sister.

Daphne Millbrook, in a female prison, spots Peter as her cellmate.

Daphne: What are you doing here?

Peter: Busting you out.

Noah and Angela pull up to an abandoned warehouse.

Angela: D.L Hawkins.

Noah: I have someone on it.

Claude Rains walks in and engages in a gun fight with D.L.

Claude (to Noah): He's not going anywhere until he gets his son.

Noah and Angela exchange looks.

Guards take Micah and Molly out of their prison, leaving Samson, Ted and Sylar to most likely die.

Micah (to Molly): I think I can rig the camera and help them escape.

Outside…

Ted: I feel bad leaving you here.

Micah: Samson still needs us. Just get as far away as you can and get help.

Claire is driving, with Mohinder, Niki and Matt en route to West Rosen's lake house. They pick up an overbearing British socialite named…

Hyacinth: Hyacinth Bouquet. That's B-U-C-K-E-T.

Matt: Bucket.

Hyacinth: It's Bouquet.

Matt: Pretty sure you just spelled Bucket.

At the costume shop.

Niki: Let's ditch her.

At the lake house.

Claire: I'm glad I was able to come out here.

West: Me too. And here's a shotgun!

Claire: Fire it at nobody important in the air!

West aims the gun.

Freeze. Meanwhile…

Tracy: He's gaining on us!

Tracy, Nathan, Elle and The Haitian are being chased by Emile Danko. Both of their vehicles careen of the side of a cliff. Take Danko hostage, they get to a gas station that's….

Elle: BEING ROBBED!

Nathan: Could you be a little more discreet?

Elle: LET'S BE EXTRA CAREFUL! AHHHH!

Nathan and Tracy confront the robbers, Meredith Gordon and her brother Flint.

Meredith: I need your help Nathan.

Nathan: Forget it.

Emile breaks free, calls for backup, and arrests Meredith and Flint.

Nathan: Let's save them!

Elle: Hooray!

Nathan: But you and The Haitian go with this Truck Driver I just met.

Elle: Ehhhh!

Nathan and Tracy break into a building to find where Meredith and Flint are being held.

Nathan: A Prison Complex. I'll check it out.

Nathan flies off.

Unfreeze. West fires the shotgun, takes Nathan out.

Claire: You just shot my dad!

Mohinder: I know where we can go.

Elle: We're gang members now!

Trucker Dan: You two are gonna be with me for a while.

Elle: Creepy!

Trucker Dan: We need to go to my house in the woods.

Elle: Even better!

Trucker Dan, Elle, and The Haitian walk in on Claire and company.

Trucker Dan: I can get him to a hospital.

On the truck, Dan detaches the trailer, kidnapping Mohinder and a wounded Nathan who were sitting in the front seat. After escaping, the gang finds….

Matt: A boat!

Niki: We have to go after them….Claire and I will check out the lower decks.

Niki enters a room. Freeze. Meanwhile.

Hiro Nakamura enters an office with Daniel Linderman.

Linderman: I restored your powers, Hiro. Now you must do something for me.

Approaching a machine.

Linderman: This is _Genesis: Redux_. It's a device used to have you relive the events of Season 1 to change the outcome of some events without causing a Butterfly Effect.

Hiro: How in the world is that possible!?

Linderman: Just get in.

Hiro starts to experience the early Season 1 episodes through the perspective of his friends.

Hiro: I can't do this alone. I need help.

Hiro (as Claire) runs up to Zach and tells him everything. Together they continue to progress through the season until…

Zach: AHHH!

Hiro: What?

Zach: I can see you!

Hiro: Yeah, so?

Zach: No, before…let's say if you were Claire, I saw Claire, not the time travelling Japanese man she kept claiming to be.

Hiro: Uh huh….

Zach: But now….I see you. For real.

Hiro: Weird.

Zach: What does that mean?

Hiro: Just a glitch I'm sure.

Unfreeze. Niki walks into a room on the boat; she sees an image of Isaac Mendez, freaking out about the New York City explosion. Niki tries to touch him but her hand phases through him.

Niki: What the?!

In pursuit, Trucker Dan has Mohinder and Nathan on a boat.

Dan (to Mohinder): Shoot them.

Mohinder shoots and accidentally hits Matt. The boat scrapes up against a concrete pole and sinks.

Claire and West make it onto a raft. Niki and The Haitian wash up to shore. She wakes up to find Linderman standing over her. Freeze. Earlier.

Tracy (after getting Nathan the address), has Ando come up to her.

Ando: You have to help me, Internet Stripper!

They walk into what's apparently a trap set by Linderman.

Ando: Sorry, it was the only way.

Linderman: You're going to help me, Miss Sanders.

Tracy's confused but rolls with it. They find Hiro hooked up.

Linderman: You have 24 hours to get me Micah Sanders and Molly Walker.

A mole in Linderman's group informs Arthur Petrelli of this.

Arthur (on the phone with Linderman): A trade then? The children for complete control over Genesis: Redux.

Linderman: Fine…just….give me some time. I'm almost done with it.

Ando: How are we going to find them?

Tracy: I have an idea.

Angela: I'll help you, but you need to help me.

Tracy: I can't keep up with all these side missions.

Angela: This is the last recruit. Find him.

Trucker Dan (on the phone): I'm delivering the shipment as we speak, just dropped them off.

On the other line, Adam Munroe hangs up as Tracy and Ando enter his office.

Adam: I'll join. Come to my estate, we'll talk more.

Later, Adam shoots Trucker Dan.

Tracy finds Nathan and Mohinder but she and Ando get knocked out.

Adam (on the phone): Take them to the complex; I have one missing person to pick up.

Unfreeze. Niki wakes up to find Linderman over her.

Linderman: Miss Sanders, why are you out here and stealing my family boat. You're supposed to be getting me Micah and Molly.

Niki: Say what?!

Elle electrocutes the group and runs Linderman off. Peter rescues Claire and West. They all meet back at the company where they argue pointlessly while Sylar, Ted, and Samson show up.

Peter: Here's the plan. Claire, West and I will go out and look for Nathan and Mohinder. Niki, you, Elle, Noah and The Haitian try and find Matt. D.L, you and Claude will be responsible for finding Tracy and Ando. And you three (to Sylar, Ted, and Samson)

Sylar: Yeah.

Peter: Stay put.

Sylar: WHAT?!

Peter: Okay, move out.

Matt awakens to find himself at Hyacinth Bucket's house…..the overbearing British woman from before.

Matt: …..ruh roh…..

The slow ticking of a grandfather clock. Hyacinth Bucket reads the newspaper at the luxurious table in her dining room. She takes a drink of her coffee. Across the table sits…

_**Matt Parkman  
>Hyacinth Bucket's House<br>It's Bouquet!**_

Hyacinth: You seem to be doing well for someone who almost drowned. (Takes another sip of her coffee).

Matt: It would appear so, yes?

Matt takes a cup and enjoys a sip as well. To the left of him reading:

_**Chapter Nine "Matt Versus The Candlelight Supper"**_

Hyacinth: Why are you drinking my sugar?

Matt (spitting): PPPPPPPBBBBBB!

He tries to scrape the sugar off his tongue.

Matt: Wait a minute….

He feels around.

Matt: I was shot! How did you…? Are you a witch?

Hyacinth: No, merely a flesh wound. I couldn't have you bleeding all over the interior or my car; that would have been rude.

Matt: Uh…huh….

Hyacinth: In all fairness I should have left you for dead. It would have been a proper revenge, seeing as it was how your miscreant friends did the same for me.

Matt: We left you for dead at that costume shop? At least that's what I think happened. It's been a while and I'm not feeling up to another 45 minute recap.

Matt tries to take another drink…then puts it down.

Matt: You said Adam is coming for me….why?

Hyacinth: It's not important.

Matt: Ugh, that means it is.

Hyacinth: Anyway, tonight I have a very important Candlelight Supper that will be attended by the city's most important socialites, politicians, and possibly royalty. It is your job to make sure it goes according to plan.

Matt: What?! Why do I have to help? The last party I tried to host was Peter's wedding and that was a total disaster. Seriously, lady, you have not known me long enough.

Hyacinth: If you'd notice attached to your neck is an electrical device.

Matt: That's a relief, for a moment I thought I was getting Strep.

Hyacinth: Failure to follow orders or leave the premises without my permission will force me to utter a four letter word that will detonate the device. Killing you.

Matt is flipping through a dictionary.

Hyacinth: What in blazes are you doing?! You want it to go off?

Matt: Go off? Oh, I thought you said it would _deactivate_ it. Ha ha…..man, that would have been bad! Heh heh….whew!

Hyacinth: Hmm…..

Matt takes another drink of the sugar.

Matt: PPPPPBBBBB!

**= = =HEROES= = = **

**Zach and Hiro  
>Genesis Redux<br>Two best buds traveling through history via time travelling telephone booth. Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!**

Zach: THAT'S BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE! UGH!

Hiro: Problem?

Zach: No, we're good. Carry on….

Hiro hides.

Zach (as Meredith Gordon) is sitting with Nathan.

Nathan: Listen, I need you to keep quiet about Claire being my real daughter. Here is some money.

Hiro: THAT JERK!

Nathan: What was that?

Hiro: I meant….CA-CAW!

Zach: Birds. I have birds. Lots of birds.

Nathan: Uh huh…..listen, if this gets out it could ruin my political career.

Hiro: Swine!

Nathan: Is there someone else here?

Hiro: No…CA-CAW!

Zach: Heh heh….gotta love dem birds.

Nathan: I hope I was clear. Goodbye Meryl.

Zach: Morticia…wait, no….what the hell is my name!?

Hiro: Meredith!

Nathan: ….

Hiro: CA-CAW!

Zach: Yes, Meredith.

A bird lands next to Hiro.

Hiro: Shoo, bird! Shoo!

Hiro blows on it.

Bird: SQUAWK!

Nathan: …

Zach: CA-CAW…wait, why am I doing that?

Hiro: CA-CAW!

Bird: SQUAWK!

Nathan: I'm leaving. Please don't try to contact me….ever!

Nathan leaves.

Hiro (as Claire) pops up.

Hiro: I'm after him!

Zach: Technically I'm supposed to think you were gone already…..oh whatever.

Hiro runs out and grabs a rock as Nathan's limo starts to drive away.

Hiro: Deadbeat!

Hiro hurls the rock as hard as he can.

Hiro: YES!

Zach: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Hiro: Did I hit it?

Zach: That was the worst throw I've ever seen! The rock is several feet BEHIND you! How did even do that?

Hiro: I don't know! Let me try again.

He hurls the rock.

Hiro (rubbing his arm): Ow! My hammies!

Zach: Those are in your legs.

Hiro: One more time!

Hiro throws the rock. Zach (in the trailer) looks behind him to find the rock come through a window on the opposite side of the house.

Zach: Oh, forget this!

Zach grabs a shotgun and shoots out Nathan's back window.

Hiro: AHHH!

Hiro tries to run into the trailer but Zach locks it.

Hiro (pounding on the door): LET ME IN! Hurry! He's backing up!

Back at Hyacinth's.

Hyacinth: Now, for my guests to truly appreciate what a respective host I am. This place needs to be in tip top shape.

Matt: It actually looks pretty clean. Extremely clean.

Hyacinth: Impossible! I had….relatives…over and they trashed the place.

Matt: In that case, Whew! What a dump! It stinks to high heaven in here! Just where are you hiding all the bodies, crazy lady!?

Hyacinth: That's not necessary. Just clean!

She leaves as Matt looks around for something to clean. He notices a tin container on the coffee table, opening it up to find...

Matt: CANDY!

Matt takes a bite and frowns.

Matt: This is funky tasting candy.

He reads "Ceremonial Soap" on the side.

Matt: Ugh…..(takes another bite)….um, no, I do actually hate that.

He drops it on the floor and sucks it up with the vacuum cleaner.

Matt: Let's see….clean….clean…..gotta clean…Hmm….How did I used to clean back at home?

**-Flashback-**

Niki walks by Matt on the couch.

Niki: Your turn to do dishes, Matt. Hop to it!

Matt: Right!

The next day….

Niki: I cooked, you clean. Get to dish washing.

Matt: Righto!

The next day….

Niki: The chore wheel landed on your face. You got the dishes.

Matt: I love doing the dishes!

Matt picks up the dirty dishes and carries them off. Later, he comes home with a new box of dishes and puts them up in the cabinet.

Mohinder: You know she's going to put two and two together when she discovers you can't afford to pay any bills next month.

Matt: One of them being the water bill, which will be drastically lower because I'm not using as much _washing the dishes_. Eat that, Professor Fancy Pants!

Mohinder: But you're spending ten times as much buying new dishes every day, not to mention the gas alone! Where are the old dishes, anyway? Are you throwing them away?

Matt: No way! That would be wasteful.

Niki opens her bedroom closet and screams as an avalanche of dirty dishes flood out on top of her. CRASH!

Hyacinth walks into the kitchen to find Matt putting brand new dishes up in the cabinet.

Hyacinth: What are you doing? You're supposed to be cleaning the living room! Why are you in my kitchen?

Matt: Because….I….cleaning….flashback….um…..yeah I don't know how I ended up here either.

Hyacinth: And please tell me you didn't throw away my Royal Doulton with the hand painted periwinkles!

Matt: Yeah, I still don't know what that is.

In Redux, above a jewelry store downtown, Hiro (as Jessica Sanders) and Zach (as Matt) look out the window.

Zach: You're supposed to throw me out of here?

Hiro: Yup.

Zach: How about I just jump out of the window?

Hiro: No, I have to throw you out.

Zach: Well, judging by the way you throw rocks I could end up boomeranging to the Florida coast. I'll jump.

Hiro: You have to follow the rules. We have to reenact this the EXACT way this happened.

Zach: Fine.

Hiro: Now….how should I…..um…..okay, I'll grab the back of your shirt with both hands and gracefully toss you out the window.

Zach: That's stupid. Okay, how about I jump, but you wave your arms out of the window after me? It will make it look like you threw me out! No one will know the difference.

Hiro: You foolish man! You dare try and trick the cosmos?

Zach: WHAT?!

Hiro: It is all knowing, fate WILL know the difference.

Zach: Fine, throw me out the window already!

Hiro: Um…well, the trajectory….winds….hmm….I don't think I can get good enough of leverage. I got it!

Later…

Zach: The roof?!

Hiro: Yes, the roof!

Zach: I thought you were supposed to throw me out of a window!

Hiro: Well….it's more important that I throw you, doesn't really matter where….

Zach: Don't give me that! What happened to all that "You can't fool the Cosmos" nonsense!

Hiro: Gasp! You speak ill of the Cosmos!

Zach: Shut up and just throw me off already.

Hiro gives him a light shove.

Zach: …..Okay, I'm jumping.

Zach takes a look down.

Zach: That's….actually a long way down. Are you sure you don't want to give it another try?

Hiro: Okay. I'm gonna do it.

Zach: Go right ahead.

Hiro: Gonna throw you off the roof.

Zach: Please.

Hiro: Arms are a swinging, legs are a moving.

Zach: Hiro, come on!

Hiro takes a deep breath.

Hiro: AHHHHHH!

Hiro runs forward and tackles Zach, sending them both over the edge.

Zach: THIS WASN'T PART OF THE PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Hiro: FORGIVE US, COSMOOOOOOOOOOOS!

CRASH!

Meanwhile, at the Super Market. Hyacinth and Matt are walking down the aisle picking up groceries. She loads some products into the shopping cart.

Hyacinth: Now, to make sure my guests have the most delicious delectable dining experience. Some food must be prepared.

Matt: Can I sit in the basket?

Hyacinth: No.

Matt: Can I get a toy?

Hyacinth: No!

Matt: Adam Johnson's mom lets him get a toy.

Hyacinth: Well if Adam John…ugh…what am I doing?! I'm not your mother!

Matt: So by that logic you will get me a toy. Because my mother would have said no.

Hyacinth: Hmph.

Matt (walking up to another aisle): THIS!? THIS….is the toy aisle? All there is are UNO Cards, water pistols, and this _Cathy action figure_.

Matt pushes the button.

Cathy Action Figure: AACCCK!

Matt: Well, I'm obviously going to steal this.

4 Hours later, in the security room. Matt and Hyacinth are sitting on a bench.

Hyacinth: I tried telling them I'm not your mother!

Matt: But here we are….facing jail time….you probably shouldn't have eaten those grapes.

Hyacinth: ME?! It's because of that stupid toy you stole! Oh, my face is going to be in the papers for sure.

Matt: You sure it wasn't you? I saw the manager giving you the stink eye. Just sayin….

Officer: Okay, you guys can go. It is your first offense. Heh….I've got a little one myself.

Hyacinth: WHAT?!

Officer: Gonna be 5 next week. How old is your son going to be?

Hyacinth: He's not my son and he's clearly….uh…..I don't know how old he is, who cares?!

Matt: 46.

Officer: Sigh….they grow up so fast.

Hyacinth: We're getting out of here!

Officer: Oh, and Miss….._don't ever let us catch you stealing grapes again. _OR ELSE!

Hyacinth: !

Meanwhile, there is a knock on the door. Hiro answers it.

Hiro: Yes?

Zach: Hello, Zane Taylor?

Hiro: Yes.

Zach: I'm Dr. Mohinder Suresh, you called me so we can discuss sciency things.

Hiro: Do come in.

Zach comes in.

Voice: AHHHHHHHHH! HELP! HELP ME!

Zach: Hiro, you didn't kill him yet?!

Hiro: Kill who?

Zach: Zane Taylor!

Hiro: I thought I was Zane Taylor!

Zach: No, you're Sylar pretending to be Zane Taylor. You kill and pose as him tricking me, Mohinder. Now get with it.

Hiro: Oh, I can't kill him! I'm far too nice.

Zach: Well, he has to die, Captain Cosmos! So, how do we do that so you'll feel good about yourself?

40 Minutes Later.

Hiro: Hey! Hey!

Zach: Who wants a last meal?

Zane Taylor is tied up, fearing for his life.

Zach: To show no hard feelings. My friend here baked a cake for you.

Hiro: AND IT'S FILLED WITH POISON!

Zane: AAAAHHHH!

Zach: Did you HAVE to tell him that?

Hiro: Yeah, I'm not very good with surprises. OOH! I know what to do! A loophole, I might have found!

Zach: What is it?

Hiro: We're just going to….come back later.

Zach: Excuse me?

Hiro: We're going to come back later. Simple as that!

Zach: Can….can we do that?

Hiro: Of course!

Hiro and Zach are walking away.

Zach: And what is your plan?

Hiro: Quick loophole. We, meaning you and I…

Zach: Uh huh…

Hiro: We're going to continue the story somewhere else AS someone else ahead of schedule.

Zach: Okay?

Hiro: When we come back, the dirty deed will be done. We'll just pick up the rest. That way I don't have to kill anybody!

Zach: Sounds swell.

Hiro: Now let's go advance some plot!

Later, at Isaac Mendez's loft.

Zach (as Isaac) flipping through the script, he looks at Hiro (Peter).

Zach: You have to shoot Simone Deveaux.

Hiro: OH CRAP! This didn't get me anywhere! Well, now what do we do?

Zach: Just shoot her! We can't keep skipping scenes because you have morals or honor or something.

Simone (outside): Hello? Isaac?

Zach: Hurry! She's coming!

Hiro: I know! I'll drop the gun!

Zach: What?

Hiro: That way I don't have to shoot her! I'll drop the gun on the floor. The impact will make it accidentally go off and the bullet will hit Simone, thus, it will be the floor that killed her.

Zach: Well, that's dumb, but okay.

Simone walks in. Hiro drops the gun.

Later, Zach and Hiro are on their way back to Zane's.

Hiro: Tragic. I can't believe a gun accidentally went off and shot Simone. Oh the humanity….

Zach: Yeah, if only it didn't take you six times to actually _hit_ her. Freak accident….

Hiro: Indeed.

Hiro and Zach walks into Zane's house. Zane is dead.

Hiro: And success! We tricked you, Cosmos! And the same fate happened. No harm, no foul…

Zach: Right….

Hiro: And success! We tricked you, Cosmos! And the same fate happened. No harm, no foul…

Zach: Hmm?

Hiro: And success! We tricked you, Cosmos! And the same fate happened. No harm, no foul…

Zach: Hiro?...Why…..why are you repeating that?

Hiro: And success! We tricked you, Cosmos! And the same fate happened. No harm, no foul…

Zach: You're freaking me out, Hiro. Just…..

Zach convulses for a few seconds before dropping to the floor. He awakes in the middle of the street.

Zach: Huh? Where?...Where am I?

Zach looks around, a car is approaching him.

Zach: Hello! Hello!? HEY! (Waving)

The car isn't slowing down.

Zach: Um…..hey! Can…..can you pull over!?

The car speeds up.

Zach: Holy crap he's going to hit me. I gotta get off this road!

Zach starts to run, the car changes lanes. Still intent on hitting him.

Zach: WAIT! STOP! DON'T HIT ME! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Zach holds his arms up as the car drives through his body.

Zach: Huh….I…..I didn't get hit.

In the car, which Peter Petrelli is driving, he looks around.

Peter: Did we almost hit something? These super sporty sunglasses are much too dark to see things.

West (in the passenger seat): I wasn't paying attention.

Claire, in the back seat, watches the person they drove through.

Claire: Is…..is that….who I think it is?

Zach looks at Claire from far away before disappearing.

Claire: Nope, probably just heat stroke. Hey, Peter, A/C please!

Peter: I don't think this car has it. There's only one knob so you can select what degree you want it.

Claire: Degree?! What is this, an oven!?

Peter: Yeah, failed prototype that pizza drivers tried to use in the 80's. They put the ingredients in the car and cook it on the way over there. They had to recall them because of all the deaths.

Claire: Oh, how lovely….

Back at Hyacinth's.

Matt: Okay dokay….now what?

Hyacinth: Dinner is in the oven, now we need to do some practice. You are going to be a guest.

Matt: I'm invited to one of your awful candlelight suppers!

Hyacinth: NO! You will eat in the kitchen, never to be seen or heard from. This is just practice. Now sit.

Matt sits at the table.

Hyacinth: Welcome….esteemed members of the government, royalty, parliament...

Matt: Isn't parliament and government the same thing?

Hyacinth: Welcome! To one of my…..luxurious candlelight suppers. You…..will…..not…be…disappointed.

Matt: How can you say that? I've never tried your cooking. Though your coffee leaves a lot to be desired. It's mostly sugar, after all.

Hyacinth: Don't speak! This is where you clap.

Matt: Clap?

Hyacinth: Yes….clap. Applaud me. You are impressed.

Matt: I. Am. Impressed.

Matt claps once.

Hyacinth: No, you're not.

Matt: I. Am. Not. Impressed.

Matt claps once.

Hyacinth: Okay, we need to have a topical discussion.

Matt: FINALLY! Let's hit the beach!

Matt whips out a bottle of suntan lotion and starts rubbing it on his arms and face.

Hyacinth: Not _Tropical_, Topical. Current events!

Matt (smelling his arms): Hmm, that's probably for the best. This is a bottle of Betty Crocker Vanilla Cake Frosting.

Hyacinth: So, your country is having a Presidential Election. What do you think about that?

Matt is licking his arms.

Hyacinth: Please stop doing that.

Matt: Sorry….it's just…really delicious. (CHOMP!)….If only it didn't hurt so much.

Hyacinth: Okay, this isn't going to work either. Alright, I have one thing for you to do. Hopefully you have the mental capacity to NOT screw it up.

Matt: Absolutely! You have my complete divided attention.

Hyacinth: Uh huh….I need you to take these invitations and deliver them to my guests. I'd use the postal service but I'm much too afraid that they'd lose it.

Matt: I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What did you say about cake frosting?

Hyacinth: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CAKE FROSTING!

Matt: It's delicious!

Hyacinth: Take these and drop them off. I have to finish getting ready. If you're not back here in 20 minutes I'll detonate your collar. Now go.

Matt: Right!

Matt steps outside of the house.

Matt: Hey, how about that? I didn't blow up.

Matt runs into the street and gets hit by a car; he rolls onto the hood before rolling back off into the street. In the car….

Elle (driving): AHHH! What did I just hit?!

Niki: I think we found Matt.

Elle: Why does this always happen to me?

Noah: How many people have you hit?!

Elle: Oh, there was this one time I accidentally bumped into someone's car. And the Ambulance. And The Cop. And The Judge. And all twelve members of the jury at my trial. And The Prison Warden. And My Parole Officer. I'm actually not allowed to have insurance….or a driver's license…..or a United States citizenship. Elle Bishop isn't my original name.

Noah: Nobody cares! Can we see if he's alright!?

They get out of the car to find Matt lying in the street.

Niki: Matt, are you okay?

Matt (dazed): Grandma…..is that you?

Niki: No, it's not….WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GRANDMA! I'LL KILL YOU!

Noah: Niki, calm down. He's just out of it.

Matt: Elle?

Elle: Yes, Matt?

Matt: I had the strangest dream I was shot…then almost drowned…then hit by a car. You were there. (points to Noah) And you were there. (Points to Haitian) And you were there. (Points to Niki) And Grandma Parkman was there even though she's been dead for 20 years. Looking good, Grandma!

Niki: That's it! Elle, give me the keys. Matt, you stay right there and pretend you're a speed bump.

Elle: Niki, Matt said you look good for being a 90-something year old dead person, take the compliment. Second, we should get Matt to the Docspital.

Niki: Did you just say….No, Niki, don't…..you don't have many brain cells left. Okay, someone grab the arms and legs while I shout. Haul him off.

Matt: Wait! You can't! I'm a prisoner! I'll blow up if I'm not back soon.

Niki: What are you talking about?

Matt: Remember the annoying British woman we knocked off back at the costume store on our way to West's house after we were hired to sabotage the Bennet family vay-cay?

Elle: You killed someone?! Murder is never the answer….HEY! That mailman just gave me the stink eye! Get back here! I'll zap you good!

Noah: I'm sorry….YOU WHAT!?

Niki: Yeah, what about her?

Matt: She's back, with a British Vengeance!

Niki: What are you talking about?!

Matt: She's working with Adam Munroe. Remember, Claire Number Two. Except that she looks much better in a cheerleading outfit then he does.

Noah (waving his arms): HELLO!

Niki: So, he's back in the mix. Wait, how do you know all this?!

Matt: Totally read her mind!...(whispering)…_and she kinda told me…_

Niki: What was that?

Matt: Read her mind! That's it! She only just thought I was listening to her constantly blab about dinners, cleaning, guests, and stupid Fava Bean with the nice Chianti dishware or whatever the hell it's called.

Niki: Royal Doulton, totally different thing.

Matt: Are you absolutely sure?

Meanwhile…

Hannibal Lector: Hello, Clarice….You know a Census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with Royal Doulton and some hand painted Periwinkles. TTH! TTH! TTH! TTH! TTH! TTH!

Niki: Nope! Didn't happen!

Matt: I have Spielberg on the phone. He'll settle this.

Niki: Not a Spielberg film.

Matt: His secretary is absolutely dreadful…

(On the phone): _The time is…4:05 pm….The temperature is….Hot._

Noah: So, how are you out here if you're a prisoner?

Matt: You see this nifty collar? It'll be detonated if I'm not back in…2 Minutes?! CRAP! I gotta go.

Niki: Wait, where are you going?!

Matt: Can't talk! I gotta head back. Try to find a way to break me loose, oh and if you can deliver these invitations, that would be swell! Later!

Matt runs off.

Niki looks at the invitations.

Niki: ….I have an idea.

Elle runs up.

Elle: I just ran over that Mailman! Quick, I need a new identity!

Niki (waving the invitations): I think we all need new ones.

Elle: You hit someone too?! Don't worry, Niki. We'll get through this! (She starts singing) _Sooooul….Sisterrrs!_

Niki: SHUT UP! I'm talking about Matt, you doofus!

Elle: Ah…..

Noah and The Haitian exchange looks.

Hiro walks up to Zach.

Hiro: What's wrong?

Zach: I….don't know.

Hiro: You disappeared for a minute. Don't know what that was all about.

Zach: I think…..I think I was in the real world for a second…

Hiro: What are you talking about? This is the real world….just…a retelling of it.

Zach: No….I wasn't here….I felt…..it felt real…..and I almost got hit by a car. And before I passed out you were repeating yourself.

Hiro: Weird. Must be a glitch.

Zach: You think the program is messing up?

Hiro: Maybe.

Zach: You came from the present day into this 'Redux'?

Hiro: Yeah.

Zach: ….and….I'm still in the present day? I don't….croak or anything?

Hiro: Not to my knowledge.

Zach: I wonder what happens if I come back…..would there be two of us?

Hiro: Answers….to questions that I don't know…..wait, I got that backwards. Those are questions for which I don't have the answers. That's it.

Zach: Oh well, I guess we can continue the mission.

Hiro (as Ted): Good! Because The Bennet's are almost home and we have to kidnap them.

Zach (as Matt): Yup. Let's do this.

Back to Present Day. Matt walks back into Hyacinth's kitchen.

Hyacinth: There you are! I almost had to detonate the device.

Matt: Nope, here in one piece!

Hyacinth: The candlelight supper is going to start in an hour. Get in your uniform so you can serve the guests.

Matt: I'm invited to the supper!?

Hyacinth: No, you're working the supper. You will not eat with my extinguished guests. You'll eat at the servant table. With a beaker….since you are all thumbs.

Matt looks at his hands.

One hour later. The doorbell rings.

Hyacinth: It's them! Answer the door.

She runs off, then comes back.

Hyacinth: And make sure they leave their shoes at the door.

Matt walks off and opens the door to find Niki and Noah dressed in formal attire.

Matt: Grandma?

Niki slugs him in the arm.

Matt: Ow….

Noah: Good evening, good sir. We're here for the candlelight supper. I am The Arch Duke Ferdinand Von Haderlitz. And this is my lovely wife, Franchesca

Niki: Charmed.

Matt: Thank you.

Matt walks outside and takes his shoes off.

Niki: You're letting US in, stupid.

Matt: Oh….then come in.

Niki and Noah follow Matt.

Matt: Lose the shoes, though. It's an actual rule.

Niki and Noah look at each other before obliging. Into the dining room they follow Matt who is ringing a cow bell.

Matt: ATTENTION! GUESTS HAVE ARRIVED!

Hyacinth: Okay, thank you. You can stop that now.

Hyacinth takes the bell.

Hyacinth: Please, have a seat.

Later….

Noah (explaining to Hyacinth): …and when I liberated France from The Russians in 1942 they erected many statues in my honor.

Hyacinth: That's nice.

Niki: And you wondered why Claire failed History.

Hyacinth: That was a lovely story. And I don't believe _you_ introduced yourself.

Elle looks up from her dinner, sporting two very large blonde pigtails pointed upward.

Elle: Brunhilda Glockenspiel. After I married for money I liberated France from The Russians in 1942.

Noah: That was my story, you cow!

Niki: You both suck at History!

Hyacinth: What is it that you do, Mrs. Glockenspiel?

Elle: Like I said, I married into money so I'm filthy rich. Dive into a vault and swim around Scrooge McDuck style rich. Though I wouldn't recommend it. I once had a cousin that was actually rich and tried that. His neck actually looks like an accordion. That actually happens. Wile E. Coyote had it right all along.

Hyacinth: Okay…..and you? (To The Haitian)

Haitian: I'm The Prince Of Norway….my name is….(looks at a piece of paper) _Prince Don Ronald McDonald Von Ronfraur._

Hyacinth: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Can you repeat it?

Haitian: …No.

Hyacinth: Okay, let's eat. Servant!

Matt walks in with another guest.

Matt: There apparently was one more guest. I present _Adam Munroe._

Adam: Hello!

Noah, Niki and The Haitian exchange looks.

Adam: I'm here to pick up my shipment.

Adam walks behind Matt and presses a button on his collar, he passes out.

Noah hops up and draws his gun, Elle draws a dinner roll.

Niki: What do you want with Matt?!

Adam: He's going to join his friends.

Noah (to Haitian): You want to jump in?

The Haitian is passed out.

Noah smells his glass.

Noah: The brandy! It must be poisoned.

Elle drops her glass, she starts screaming.

Elle: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Niki: Elle! Calm down!

Elle: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Niki slaps her. Everyone looks at her.

Niki: I had to stop her screaming.

Adam: Enough of this! (Pulls out a gun) Surely you're not going to shoot me since you know what I can do.

Noah: I'm willing to take the risk. Oh, and the brandy's not poisoned, he's just a lightweight.

Adam fires his gun; he misses and hits a decorative plate on the wall.

Hyacinth: GASP!...You….you shot my plate!

Adam: Oh, sorry about that…

Hyacinth: You….shot….my….plate…

Adam: I'll have someone go by Wal-Mart and get you another.

Hyacinth: Wal…Wal?! WA-?!...Get out. EVERYONE GET OUT!

The front door opens as Hyacinth pushes out Adam, Elle, Niki and Noah (dragging out Matt and The Haitian). The door slams shut.

Adam: Well, I guess we can continue where we left….

Adam stops….before slumping to the ground. Elle is standing behind him, having shoved a portion of the broken decorative plate in the back of Adam's head.

Niki: Holy crap, Elle! That's…..dark…well, for you. Not for me….well, you're kinda nuts, maybe not for you too.

Elle: Oh, relax, he'll wake up when you pull it out.

Niki: I guess.

Elle (to Adam): And THAT'S FOR POISONING THE BRANDY!

Niki: The brandy wasn't…..wait, we didn't even have brandy! What the hell….

Both The Haitian and Matt come to.

Haitian: What did I miss?

Noah: Oh, we almost died again. Thanks for never being around to use your power when we need it, Don Von Ronfuardo or whatever the hell your name is.

Matt: Speaking of which…..Adam here has Nathan, Mohinder, Tracy, and….Ando held prisoner!

Niki: How did you…..holy crap, he used his ability and was useful TWICE in one episode.

Matt: (Whispering): _He did kind of tell me his plan in the hallway on our way to the dining room at Hyacinth's like most Villains do._

Niki: ….

Matt: I mean….totally read his mind!

Niki: I'm not falling for that twice!

Matt: Anyway….they're holding them…..at a prison complex…..in…..Las Vegas!

Niki: I'll call Peter and let him know. Let's take Adam and throw him in the trunk for now.

Matt safely detached his collar.

Matt: I guess it got deactivated…whew!...(Looking at it)….Hmm…it's beeping really, really fast…..maybe not..

Matt runs over, opens Hyacinth's front door and tosses the collar inside. Then runs off.

Matt: RUN!

The windows of her living room blow out from the explosion.

Hyacinth: WHAT THE!? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIVING ROOM! ARRRGH!

Niki: Good thing she wasn't standing right by the front door.

Matt: She didn't come out here with us?...Oh, OOPS!

Later elsewhere, Peter gets off the phone.

Claire: Who was that?

Peter: It was Niki, they found Matt.

Claire: Cool.

Peter: And we know where Nathan and Mohinder are.

Claire: Where's that?

Peter (lowering his sunglasses): Las Vegas.

Claire: Where DID you get those sunglasses?

Peter: They must have flown off the man I accidentally hit. I'm always doing that. Peter Petrelli isn't my real name.

Claire: Hmm.

Peter: I hope you and West don't mind waiting in the car. No minors and all…

Claire: I'm 23!

Peter: Oh...

Later, in another car D.L gets off the phone.

D.L: Hmm.

Claude (in the passenger seat): Was that Peter?

D.L: Yeah. He says we don't have to have to look for Tracy and Ando anymore.

Claude: That's always nice.

D.L: Too bad we weren't looking for them anyway.

Ted (in the backseat with Sylar and Samson): And why are we tagging along?

Sylar: So we can have something to do. We spent our entire time in that stupid prison, the last place I want to be is…

The car pulls up to Arthur Petrelli's hideout.

Sylar: ….The prison.

D.L and Claude turn around.

D.L: Of course, why else would I bring you three with me? You're going to help me get my son back.

Sylar: And here I was thinking it was because of our likable personalities.

_To Be Continued_.


	10. Elle Dies At The End

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>(Season 4, Episode 10)<br>Disclaimer: **_**Heroes**_** is copyright NBC and the show's creator, Tim Kring. I am not, nor represent any of the cast or crew of the show. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to any actual people, living or dead, are completely coincidental. Reader Discretion is advised.**

Claire: _Previously on Heroes…_

Arthur Petrelli (to Linderman): I'd like to make a deal with you. Complete control over Genesis Redux for the children.

Micah and Molly held captive at Arthur's Hideout.

Zach (to Hiro in Redux): Hiro, I think there's something wrong with the program.

Zach appears in the middle of a road, a car driven by Peter flies through his body.

Adam (to Tracy and Ando): Here's my address. I have to pick up a package so meet me there.

Tracy and Ando get captured and taken hostage along with Mohinder and Nathan.

Adam (to his guard): Take them to the complex.

Matt recovers and discovers he is being held hostage by Hyacinth Bucket.

Elle grabs a dinner roll and a knife.

Elle: I can't believe it's not butter!

She slathers the roll and takes a giant bite.

Niki: Probably because it's not butter, that's sour cream!

Elle: BLEH!

Hyacinth: Everybody out of my house!

Elle stabs Adam with a shard of glass.

Peter (to Claire): Buckle up, kids. We're going to Vegas!

D.L in a car with Claude Rains, Sylar, Samson and Ted.

D.L: Looks like our mission is canceled. Which works since we're not doing it anyway.

Samson: Where are we going?

They pull up to Arthur Petrelli's hideout.

Samson: Oh.

It's a beautiful night. Stars fill the sky as the noise of the city fills the air. An exciting party is taking place in the penthouse suite of a high rise hotel. People are eating, dancing, drinking and having the time of their lives…_and Elle Bishop is about to fall to her death._

Elle: YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN! AAAAHHH!

Matt: Stop squirming!

Matt is holding on to her hand as she dangles over the balcony.

Matt: HUFF! PUFF!

Elle: Stop acting like I'm that heavy!

Matt: Why…did you eat….so many Toaster Strudels?!

Elle: Because they were there! Duh!...Delicious AND I get to draw pictures with frosting packets?! Heaven!

Matt: Who serves Toaster Strudels on a buffet anyway?

Elle: My hand is slipping!

Matt: I mean….they are delicious….and I DO like drawing pictures with frosting packets….I MUST HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW!

Elle: PULL ME UP FIRST, DAMMIT!

Matt: But I already got one….just now.

Elle (falling): AND I'M ALREADY FALLING! AAAHHHHHHH!

Matt (yelling): How are the cherry ones?!

Elle (falling): THEY'RE DELICIIIOOOUUUSSS!

SPLAT!

_**12 Hours Earlier**_

A prison guard is walking down a corridor past several cells. He passes by a cell holding Ando Masahashi, then a cell holding Mohinder Suresh solving a problem on a dry erase board.

Guard: Hey! That man has a dry erase board!

Mohinder gets tackled.

Mohinder: OOF!

The guard passes Tracy Strauss' cell.

Tracy (tapping on the glass): Excuse me! We have a problem. This cell appears to not have ventilation.

Guard: I was informed to make your cell special so you don't turn into water and seep out.

Tracy: But I can't breathe!

Guard: Not my problem.

Tracy: RUDE!

Nathan Petrelli opens his eyes and sits up in his cell. He feels the sore spot where he was shot and noticed his wound has been stitched up.

Nathan: Well it's about damn time!

The Guard walks into his cell.

Guard: Nathan Petrelli, I'm here to inform you that in 24 hours, we have orders for you to be executed by a firing squad.

Nathan: But I was already shot and it took almost half a season to fix me!

Guard: Those are our orders.

Nathan: If you're just going to shoot me anyway, why even bother patching up the old wound?!

Guard: We get commission for it. How it works is that we get 10 cents for each round fired and there's this really sweet 60 inch 3-D touch screen television with platinum home stereo surround sound that I REALLY, REALLY want.

Nathan: Why not just make me eat dynamite and blow me up?! It'll be less of a hassle…

Guard: What part of 'we get paid by the bullet' did you miss?

Not too terribly far away, in The Luxor Hotel And Casino in Las Vegas. Peter is walking around with Claire. They both plop down at some slot machines.

Peter: Where's West?

Claire: I think he's trying to cut a deal with the hotel to get us a room.

West: I got us the best room in the house!

Claire: Yay! I knew you could do it without having to lie and get us stuck in some elaborate scheme.

West: Yeah….heh….heeh….

Claire (serious): _You WERE able to get us a room without lying and getting us stuck in an elaborate scheme_?

West: Well….who likes _free things?_

Claire: I DO! I DO!

West: And who's willing to go a Magic Show arena where Criss Angel performs?

Claire: I WILL! I WILL!

West: Because he cancelled and we're his replacements!

Claire: THAT SUCKS! THAT SUCKS!

Peter: I WON! I HIT THE JACKPOT!

Claire: Really?!

Peter's slots hits 3 Lemons on the same line.

Peter: I just won…._a whole bunch of lemons!_

Lemons start pouring out of the machine.

Claire: I hate Casinos. This is going to suck major.

West: How could it suck?! We get one of the best rooms AND we get to perform a magic show!

Claire: We don't know the first thing about magic!

West: You're right. We don't know how to pretend to levitate and saw a woman in half….._we know how to do it for real_.

Claire: Oh no!

West: Oh yes!

Peter: Will you two make yourselves useful and start helping me carry out all these freaking lemons!?

Meanwhile…

Outside of Arthur Petrelli's Hideout. D.L Hawkins, Claude Rains, Sylar, Ted and Samson stand at the door trying to find a way in.

D.L: Well, _THEY'RE _trying to find a way in….I have a way.

D.L walks through the wall.

Sylar: Cheater!

Sylar turns around to the others.

Sylar: I'm sure he's going to unlock the door…..anytime….just waiting….

Elsewhere, Niki, Noah, The Haitian, Matt and Elle are on their way to Vegas.

Elle: Vegas! YAY! I can't wait! I'm going to eat at the restaurants!

Niki: I'm going to see the shows!

Matt: I'm gonna win some freaking lemons!

Noah: Don't forget we ARE actually on a mission here…

Noah gets a call on his phone, a picture of Angela scowling pops up.

Noah: I didn't program a picture of her on my phone…how did she do that!?

Noah answers it.

Noah: Yes?

Angela: Noah, I appreciate your team's wonderful contribution to the mission and delivering me Adam Munroe….but would it have killed you to _remove the large shard of glass from the back of his head before doing so?!_

Noah: Nah, thought it would have complicated things. Have one of your new recruits do it.

Angela: I can't! Alice is taking a nap and I have no idea where Daphne went. She runs so fast my eyes can't tell where she is.

Noah: Then you do it!

Angela: But it's icky!

Noah: Hanging up now.

Matt: Okay, and speaking of Adam. I took some notes of info I was able to dig up while we were dropping him off. Some of the details were a little fuzzy since a giant shard of glass was in his brain.

Elle: Oops!

Matt: I don't know the exact location of the complex. But what I do know is that Adam is supposed to meet up with Emile Danko at some swanky party.

Elle: Emile Danko kidnapped whatsherface and whatshisface! They must be working together.

Niki: And know the location of the complex. Okay, we need a team to break out the prisoners.

Noah (to Niki): The only people who could possibly pull that off is you, The Haitian, and myself.

Niki: Oh, man, I can't believe we have to do this….okay….(turning to Matt and Elle)…that means it's up to you two to break into the party and find out the location of the complex.

Matt: Sure thing! What's the worst that could happen?

Elle: Oh man, I could totally go for a toaster strudel right now.

**= = = HEROES = = =**

Peter is still playing the slots. Claire comes up to him, holding a drink.

Claire: Peter, don't you think we should be focusing on the mission. You've been playing _Green Acres_ for over an hour!

Peter: OOH! I think I won again! Hold your hands near the bottom of the machine and help me catch my winnings!

Claire: Seriously!?

Peter: Hurry! The Bonus round is almost over!

Zsa Zsa Gabor: _Congratulations, Darling!_ You von ze fabulous Cow Pie Bonus!

Peter: Did you hear that, Claire!? I won the Cow Pie Bonus!

Claire: Let's hope it's not like your lemon fiasco and a whole bunch of….you know what? I'm not going to take the risk. I'm out!

West (walking up): Everything is set! Let's go to our rooms.

Peter: Aw…I didn't win any cow pie….but I won this ticket.

Everybody reads the ticket:

**Chapter Ten "Elle Dies At The End"**

Claire: What the hell does that mean?!

Peter: Ah, forget it. It says on the back the casino doesn't validate episode title chyrons. What a rip-off!

West: Our new room awaits!

Peter, West, and Claire make their way to the elevator which is partially full. A creepy older gentleman is in charge of the buttons.

Old Man: Come iiiinnnn….

The three exchange looks, then walk in.

West: The Luxor-ious Suite, please. We're totally magicians.

Claire: Ugh…

Old Man: ooookaaaayyy….

The old man pushes the button. And the elevator starts moving.

Claire: West, we're totally going to get caught! How do you expect us to pull this off?

West: Where's your adventurous side? What happened to the girl you chopped her toe off?

Claire: Why do you keep bringing that up?

Peter: Is this thing even moving?

West: I think it is…but…what direction is it moving to?

Claire: Uh…I think we should have taken the stairs. Hey, elevator guy? Can you let us off?

Old Man: Around the world and home again….that's the sailor's way…

Claire: Say huh now?

The elevator starts moving faster.

West: UHHH….What is this?

Claire: Where are we going?!

Old Man (singing): There's no earthly way of knowing…

Claire and Peter exchange looks.

Old Man: Which direction we are going…

The elevator starts moving even faster.

Claire: EEK!

Old Man: There's no knowing where we're rowing….or which way the river's flowing…

West: We're not in a boat, right? I'm confused.

Elevator moves faster.

Claire: I'm gonna puke!

Old Man: Is it raining….is it snowing….is a hurricane a blowing?

Mother: Augustus! My Augustus fell down!

Peter: That fat kid stole my chocolate!

Old Man: Not a speck of light is showing….so the danger must be growing.

Claire: I'm freaking out!

West: It'll be okay, Claire! Here, have some gum to calm you down. It's flavored to be modeled after a three course meal.

Claire: Okay. (chomp)

West: What do you taste?

Claire (chewing): Oooh, the appetizer! It's….a potato.

West: Oh.

Claire: Bring on the main course…oh….it's…..another potato. Bleh!

West: Let's hear it for the dessert!

Claire: It's another damn potato!

Old Man: Is the fires of hell a glowing…..is the grisly reaper mowing!?

Claire: Shut the hell up!

Old Man: YES! THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING FOR THE ROWERS KEEP ON ROWING!

West: We are not in a boat!

Old Man: AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING!

West: Let's ask this Oompa Loompa for help!

Claire: West, you're still talking to me. I just look orange cause I'm going to literally puke. And thanks to your stupid gum I'm going to be tasting potatoes until I'm in my forties!

West: Here, wash it down with my fizzy bubbly drink.

Claire takes a swing then starts floating in the air.

Claire: AHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

West: Holy crap! My power is contagious!? (Looks at the bottle)….oh, wait, no, it was actually the beverage.

Old Man: ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!

Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Old Man: And here is your Luxor-ious suite. (Claire falls on the floor) Thank you for taking the elevator. Have a pleasant day. Good luck at the games!

Claire: WHAT!?

West: I feel faint.

Peter: Ha ha! Oh wait, this isn't my chocolate. Guess it was his. Well, I'm embarrassed…..(chomp)

In the Luxor-ious suite, West is relaxing on his bed.

West: Oh, man. This is soooo nice.

Claire is on the phone with Niki.

Niki: How did you guys get such a nice suite?

Claire: Peter won the cow pie bonus or something.

West: Uh, hello?! I got us this room!

Peter: And I didn't actually win it, I got a worthless piece of paper.

Claire: That's right. And now we have to participate in some stupid magic show.

Niki: This could work out to our advantage. Nathan, Tracy, and those other two are being held somewhere in Vegas. We don't know where the complex is. So hopefully Matt and Elle can extract the information from Danko. If Matt's power fails, we can use your magic show as a chance to interrogate him.

Claire: How so?

Niki: You make him disappear. I beat the crap out of him. We get the location.

Claire: Makes sense.

Niki: We'll be in Vegas in about 30 minutes…..did you change your hair?! It looks amazing!

Claire: Thanks! I was tossed around in an elevator and almost died.

Niki: Okay. Looks good.

Claire: No, yours looks good.

Niki: Oh, this old thing.

Niki flips her hair around to find Matt's hand in it.

Niki: GUH! What the!? MATT! What are you doing? Why is my hair in knots!?

Matt: I was trying to make a cat's cradle.

Niki: I'll kill you! Claire, I gotta go.

Noah tries to get his phone, but realizes it's missing.

Noah: Are you using my phone?!

Niki: Uh, yeah. It's not a big deal.

Noah: It is if you're video chatting! That uses data!

Niki: Well, my data plan died a few episodes back and I can't use it ever again until my bill cycle resets.

Noah: Don't use my phone.

Niki: Matt, did you fix your mess?

Matt: Sure did. (snaps the pair of scissors in his fingers).

Niki (to Noah): The gun is still in your glove compartment, right?

Claude is snapping a few pictures around Arthur's office. He shuffles through some papers.

Claude: Pretty reckless to leave stuff behind like this.

Ted: You know, it may sound a little crazy. But this place was kinda growing on me.

Sylar: You're an idiot. This place was awful, and we were going to get shot. Luckily Micah and Molly set us free. They will be spared once I get my villainy back on. Whenever that will be.

D.L: Damn, I don't think they're here.

Claude: I got what I needed.

D.L: Arthur leaves, and not a guard in sight.

Claude: Pretty strange, a lot of important papers lying around too.

Voice: I can explain that.

They turn around. A video of Arthur pops up on the screen.

Ted: EEK!

Arthur: Hello, my name is Arthur Petrelli. If you are watching this video then you are breaking into my business establishment. Of those of you with abilities, I have just lifted them from you…now.

D.L: WHAT?!

D.L runs to a wall and can't phase through it. The doors lock.

Claude: Oh crap.

Ted: He took our powers through a pre-recorded video!? Now THAT'S a villain! (To Sylar) You could learn a thing or two from this guy!

Sylar: Oh, shut up.

Arthur: I assume that D.L Hawkins is here to rescue his son Micah. Which if you are, you're wasting your time. I am en route to trade him for a very important power.

D.L: Grr!

Arthur: Though I'm only saying that as a recruit for the new company….it's exactly where I want you.

D.L: Huh?

Arthur: It's all about bargaining. You see, I have a mole working for Daniel Linderman.

D.L: That's impossible! I killed him.

Ted: He's a ghost now….but everybody can see him anyway? I don't know how it works.

Arthur: My mole has informed me of Genesis: Redux. A device that relives the events of Season 1 which he was using to reverse the effects of his death without the ramifications of the butterfly effect. When he is finished with it, and when he is now amongst the living, he will want to exact revenge on you. That is why I'm delivering him Micah in return for the Machine. He'll use him to get to you.

D.L: I'm not going to let that happen! I'll kill you!

Arthur: Well, you don't have any powers so….you can't really do anything about it.

Ted: How is he having a full on conversation with a pre-recorded video?! Am I the only one noticing this!?

Arthur: I have many plans for Micah. Finally having him and the power of Redux…things are going to change for the better.

Sylar: I thought you took Micah's power?!

Arthur: I'm glad you asked that, D.L.

Sylar: I ASKED THAT!

Arthur: I gave him his powers back. With his ability to alter computer programs to his will, he'll need to be the one behind the wheel. Especially if anything goes wrong.

D.L glares at the T.V.

Claude: Can I ask a question?

Arthur: Of course, Claude.

Sylar: DAMMIT!

Claude: What's with this Company Recruit nonsense? What does The Company have to do with this?

Arthur: Heh heh…..Oh, each and every member of the recruitment team is imperative to the resurrection of The Company. Alice Shaw, Daphne Millbrook, Adam Munroe….and you too D.L Hawkins. When I am finished with Genesis: Redux, new and dark days will be upon us. One day we will all wake up in the morning, and the golden age to a brave new world will begin. Until then….we need to finish this little business I have going on here. So sit tight, D.L, until you're needed. You, Claude, Samson and Ted will be locked in until I return. Thank you for watching this little video I made.

Sylar: Why does he keep ignoring me!?

Ted: Well, if you killed me I'd ignore you too.

Sylar: Um…..(thinks about it for a moment)…..okay, whatever.

D.L: ….

Ted: Man, he's just going on explaining his plan to us. That's a real villain for you.

Sylar: How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?

Meanwhile,

West: Okay, let's try this again. You're a toad!

Claire: You're a toad!

West: No! I mean….oh forget it. We can't shape shift so what's the point? Okay, we'll think of something else.

Claire: What happened to sawing me in half? That didn't go so bad.

West: You kept bleeding everywhere!

Claire: Well, I can't hold my blood in, you doofus!

West: I just don't know how we're going to explain this to the maid after she wakes up from her faint spell.

Claire: Some people can be so overdramatic.

West: Oh yeah, totally.

Peter (on the phone): Yes, room service? I would like one of your finest burgers. But I have a request. I like the taste of pickles, just not the actual pickle cause they're slimy and gross. So if you could have your chefs rub the pickle slices all over the burger; that would be grand. Hmm? No, I don't want you to just pour pickle juice on the burger; that would make it soggy and gross. Just take two pickle slices and dab it here and there to give the illusion of the pickle taste without having the gross things being on my actual burger. If my mother were here she'd be able to do it!

West: Okay, I'm going to float in the air and lie down. You, as my lovely assistant…

Claire: Tee hee….

West: You will pass this ring over my body. People will be like, "No way! He can float!" The girls will be all….

Claire raises an eyebrow.

West: "I'm totally not into him whatsoever!"

Claire: Uh huh.

West: Let's do this.

West floats up into the air, Claire passes the ring through him.

Claire: That wasn't hard. But what if they ask me to do it.

West: I was prepared for that. That was the number one thing that crossed my mind but I have a plan so genius it can't fail and we'll still look super cool.

Claire: Ok, what is it?

West: We'll tell them….."No".

Claire: NO!? That's it? No explanation? Most magicians use their assistants as the float person.

West: We'll get through it somehow.

West's gets a weird expression on his face. Claire turns to see the maid has come to, and in total shock.

Claire: Uh…..TA DA!

The maid passes out again. CLUNK!

Claire: Dammit! We're never going to get clean towels!

A car pulls into a space on the highest floor of a parking lot.

Niki: Ugh, I wish we could have flown. It would have been quicker!

Noah: Maybe we could if two morons didn't get put on the airport black list. (Rearranges his rear view mirror on Matt and Elle who point at themselves.)

Noah: Yes, you two!

-Flashback to earlier today-

Noah, The Haitian and Niki are sitting on a plane, Noah looks nervous.

Niki: What's wrong?

Noah: The two seats behind us are empty.

Niki turns around.

Niki: Oh crap.

Matt wheels out the beverage cart.

Matt (drunk): Helloooo, airplaners! My name is Matt. But you all can (hic) call me…'The Beast' and this is my….ever lovely assistant…(stumbles around the cart) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation….

Elle falls onto the cart.

Elle (drunk, sultry voice): Hello, passengers. I present to you….me….and furthermore….HEY! NO iPAD's ON THE FLIGHT! GIVE ME THAT!

Man: HEY!

Matt: What…wh….what you do that for?

Elle: Banana nose is trying to kill us…..oh….I love ipads….

Matt: Me too. Let's get married!

Elle: We sooo should. Let me finish writing this secret….along with everybody else's secrets in this iPad. XOXO Gossip Girl!

Elle flings the iPad in the air, bonking another passenger on the head.

Passenger: Ow!

Niki (to Noah): We should be stopping this, right?

Noah: I still haven't figured out how they're drunk! The only drink on the menu is Strawberry Fanta!

Matt: Let's have hundreds of babies!

Elle: We can name them after letters of the alphabet!

Noah: This plane is never going to take off.

Niki: We're going to get blacklisted anyway. Let's just let this run its course.

Matt and Elle march pass Niki and Noah.

Elle: There's grandma and grandpa. Hi grandma and grandpa.

Matt: Look how old they are!

Elle: The Oldest.

Noah: I'm only eight years your senior, Parkman!

Matt: See, they're seniors. Let's roll.

Niki: Can I end them now?

Noah: Yes. The gun is in the glove compartment.

Niki: …And that's supposed to help me how? Screw it. I'm just going to eat my peanuts.

Noah: I wouldn't, they're packing peanuts.

Niki: Pack…?!...(she takes a breath)…..Did we even pay for this flight!?

Elle, Matt, Noah, Niki and The Haitian make their way to the elevator. The door opens to an old man in charge of the buttons.

Old Man: Helloooo! Come in for a ride!

Niki: Get the hell out!

Niki pulls him out and tosses him to the side.

Noah: That felt unnecessary.

Niki: Okay (to Matt and Elle), we're going to scout out some casino's and try to find out some information. You two take this credit card and fancy yourselves up. Make sure you guys are at that party at 7:00pm. Matt, try to get the location of the complex from Emile Danko's head. If you have trouble or you just flat out fail. We'll have to resort to Plan B. Claire and West are putting on a magic show. Get Danko to that magic show and we'll kidnap him and interrogate him. But this is ONLY when you fail, Parkman.

Matt: When?!

Niki: Okay everyone! Team cheer!

Elle, Matt, The Haitian, Noah and Niki all put their hands together. They lower them down then raise them back up.

Everyone: WHOOOOOOA! BUNDY!

Matt and Elle leave the elevator.

Niki: I knew better than to let Matt choose our new team cheer.

Meanwhile, in the shopping district. Matt walks out dressed in a very formal tuxedo.

Matt: Dashing.

Elle walks out wearing a dress made entirely of champagne flutes.

Matt: What in the hell are you wearing, woman?!

Elle: It's from The Lady Gaga Collection. It's hip….and chic!

Elle walks toward Matt.

CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!

Matt: You look like a chandelier monster.

Elle: Shut your face! I'm hot stuff. Let's go wait for our limo. Follow me.

CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!

Elle: Where is that limo?! We're going to be late!

She sees Matt drinking some champagne.

Elle: Where did you get that?!

Matt: Bar over there. Half price if you bring your own flute.

Elle: Di…your…wha…huh….Did you get that off my dress!?

Matt: No, I went to the Champagne Flute store and bought one. Of course I took one off your dress!

Elle: GUH! How rude! Hold on….(she turns to face him)

CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!

Elle: What you did was very inappropriate. I'm going to have to slap you….however, I don't want to distort my dress. So I'm going to hold up my open palm, and I want you to ram your face into it as hard as possible!

Matt: Uh…

Elle: Oh forget it. Let's just keep waiting for the limo.

Elle plops down on a nearby bench.

CRAAAAAASH!

Elle: …..

Matt: Oh my god! Are you okay?!

Elle: Uh….

Matt: We need to get you to the Docspital!

Elle: Hey, that's my word! I am so glad that's catching on…..I mean AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Niki answers her phone.

Niki: Matt, what's up?

Matt: Quick snag in the plan.

Niki: Oh, crap, I knew something was going to go wrong. Where are you?

Matt: Emergency Room.

Niki: What!? What happened?

Matt: Elle came down with a horrid case of Butt Karma!

Niki: I'm sorry, what?

Matt: Butt Karma! She was wearing a dress made out of a bunch of glass then she sat on them and they shattered. I just thought it was kinda ironic since the stabbed Adam with glass. But I wouldn't call it Karma because Adam is a bad guy…..but it was ironic. Irony Butt! She has Irony Butt!

Niki: What the hell are you talking about!?

Matt: She's having the glass pieces removed. When she's done, we'll get a new dress and be at that party.

Niki (sighing): Okay….I guess….just let me know when something else goes wrong.

Matt (hanging up): Why does she keep saying 'when'?

The doctor comes out.

Matt: Give it to me straight, doc! I can take the truth!

Doc: Well, one thing's for sure….she will never be able to wear dresses made of pure glass again.

Matt holds his hand to his mouth.

Matt: Be strong, Matt…..for Elle, be strong.

Doc: UH….

Matt: Okay….I'm good…(he takes a breath)…How's her Irony Butt?

Doc: Her what?!

Elle comes out of the emergency room where Matt is waiting.

Matt: Elle, you made it!

Elle: Yeah, barely. You know what my problem is? I never look before I plop down! That's asking for trouble. Man, now I'm deathly afraid of wind chimes AND champagne flutes.

Matt: How the hell do you sit on a wind chime!?

West (wearing a tux and a top hat) overlooks himself in the mirror.

West: Dashing.

Claire walks up in a red sequined gown.

West: Ready to perform The Greatest Show On Earth? (He adjusts his hat)

Claire: Let's knock em' dead.

They walk off, passing Peter who is passed out on the bed, covered in room service food.

Back in the casino.

Niki: I can't get a hold of Matt. I don't know if he made it out of the hospital.

Noah spots Claire and West entering an 'Employees Only' back door.

Noah: West and Claire are getting ready for the show. Do you think they'll make it?

Niki: We can't take that risk. Peter should still be around here somewhere. If you and him can team up, me and The Haitian will stand by. If we lose Danko now, we'll never find the complex.

Noah: Okay, I'll try their room.

Niki and The Haitian head off.

At Arthur's.

D.L and the others wait around the main office. Something catches Claude's eye.

Claude (looking at a security screen): Someone's coming in!

They get up and look at the screen. Suddenly, someone busts in, wearing all black with their face shielded.

The mysterious man points to Claude, Ted, Sylar and Samson.

Man: You, you, you, and you. We're leaving.

D.L: What, I'm supposed to stay here. Like hell….

Man: You need Arthur Petrelli to trade you off for Micah and Molly. It's the only way you'll be reunited with your son.

D.L: That…doesn't make any sense.

Man: If all goes as planned, you will be reunited with your family. Let's go.

They leave the complex, leaving D.L behind.

Sylar: We're seriously just going to leave him there? Who are you anyway?

Man: Don't have time to explain. I don't care where you go, just stay away from here.

Ted: What about Clau…..uh….where's Claude?

They spot Claude getting on board a bus.

Sylar: That creep left us with this creep! Rude!

Man: Just get away from here and head back. Hurry.

The three of them start to walk off. Sylar turns back around.

Sylar: Okay, creep, I'm not playing this…

The man has vanished; all that remains are his clothes. Sylar walks over and kicks them.

Sylar: I…I don't know what to say about that.

Ted: …..Who streaks when hardly anybody is around?!

Sylar: Wasn't where I was going but….whatever. Okay, let's escape this place for the last time.

They three of them run off.

An elevator door opens to a top floor penthouse suite. There are people walking around, eating and dancing. Matt and Elle (in a new dress) step out.

Elle: Ooh! Fortune Cookie platter! Yes, please!

They walk around the room.

Elle: Look at all this food. Fried Shrimp, Kung Pow Chicken, Quesadillas, Sliders!

Matt: What theme is this buffet?!

Elle: ACK! There's Danko!

Elle grabs a fortune cookie off the buffet table.

Elle: Stand aside. I got this.

Matt: Wait! Remember? I'm supposed to read his mind to get the location of the complex!

Elle: Oh right.

Matt: ….

Elle: ….

Matt: ….

Elle: …WELL!?

Matt: I got nothing.

Elle: Well, crabs! That means we failed!

Danko looks at them, squinting.

Matt: EEK! He's on to us! Let's dance.

Elle: We have to remain unnoticed. I have the perfect diversion. DJ! Hit it!

Song: _Now I've….had….the time of my life….no, I've never felt like this before…_

The group back's away from Elle, leaving her alone on the dance floor.

Elle: Well, crud! That didn't work. Okay, ready Matt!?

Matt: Elle, you sure this is going to work? I don't think you did so well the last time you tried this.

Elle: Trust me.

Elle starts running toward Matt….who steps aside. Elle runs out onto the balcony and over the edge.

Elle: AHHHHHHHH!

Matt: AHHH! ELLE!?

Elle is holding onto the ledge, she loses her grip before Matt catches her.

Matt: Elle!? Why did you do that?!

Elle: Why did I DO THAT!? You moved, you buffoon! Don't you know you were supposed to hoist me into the air!?

Matt: I've never seen Dirty Dancing!

Elle: Who hasn't seen Dirty Dan….wait….HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS FROM DIRTY DANCING!?

Matt: Well, everybody knows the signature dance from Dirty Dancing!

Elle: You're not making any sense.

Matt: Stop squirming!

Matt is holding on to her hand as she dangles over the balcony.

Matt: HUFF! PUFF!

Elle: Stop acting like I'm that heavy!

Matt: Why…did you eat….so many Toaster Strudels?!

Elle: Because they were there! Duh!...Delicious AND I get to draw pictures with frosting packets?! Heaven!

Matt: Who serves Toaster Strudels on a buffet anyway?

Elle: My hand is slipping!

Matt: I mean….they are delicious….and I DO like drawing pictures with frosting packets….I MUST HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW!

Elle: PULL ME UP FIRST, DAMMIT!

Matt: But I already got one….just now.

Elle (falling): AND I'M ALREADY FALLING! AAAHHHHHHH!

Matt (yelling): How are the cherry ones?!

Elle (falling): THEY'RE DELICIIIOOOUUUSSS!

SPLAT!

Matt: ELLE!? ELLE!

Elle is on the pavement below, she lifts her head up.

Elle: I….I'm alive?! How did I survive the fall? I must have landed on something large and puffy!

Claire (crushed underneath her): And who are you calling "large and puffy"?!

Elle: Claire! I fell on you!? What a stroke of luck! Thanks fortune cookie!

Elle takes the cookie out of her pocket and reads the fortune.

**You've Won The Cow Pie Bonus, Darling!**

Elle: What is THAT supposed to mean!?

Matt makes his way to them.

Matt: Elle! You survived the fall! Did you land on something puffy?

Claire: STOP CALLING ME PUFFY, YOU FOOLS!

West walks up.

West: Okay, we can go in now.

Elle: Huh?

West: Claire and I are about to host a magic show. We just…kinda got locked out.

Matt: We didn't get Danko's location of the complex.

Claire: Niki just texted me saying you failed…

Elle: Now how on earth would she know that?!

Claire: Dad is going to get Peter and get Danko to the show. We'll have to force the location out of him then.

West: Okay, let's get this show started.

Meanwhile….

Ted, Sylar and Samson are headed back to The Company.

Sylar: He just disappeared and left his clothes…strange.

Ted: I'm pretty sure Claude was fully clothed when he ditched us.

Sylar: I meant the weirdo who set us free!

Ted: Oh….right.

The man in question appears in a room full of computers. Hiro Nakamura and Zach show up.

Hiro: How did it go?

_Isaac Mendez turns around_.

Isaac: D.L got the message. He's staying for the trade.

Zach: Good. We're running out of time, the season is almost over.

Everything starts to shake violently for a few seconds.

Zach: Ugh, crap. Hiro, we can't afford another one of those.

Hiro: One more, we can do one more. Mr. Isaac, when you go back, you will be at the same location. Your time is limited but hopefully it will be enough. We'll be able to determine when the trade is completed before you leave.

Isaac: Then what?

Hiro: You'll arrive right after the final trade. No matter what you have to do..….Micah Sanders absolutely must be with you when you return.

Isaac: …..

**To Be Continued…**


	11. The Greatest Show On Earth

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>(Season 4, Episode 11)<br>Disclaimer: **_**Heroes**_** is copyright NBC and the show's creator, Tim Kring. I am not, nor represent any of the cast or crew of the show. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to any actual people, living or dead, are completely coincidental. Reader Discretion is advised.**

Since our last new episode in the winter, many months have passed. The moment you've been waiting for has come. The return…of NBC's Revolution.

Claire walks into her house.

Claire: DAD! I'm home from picking blueberries or whatever it is I have to do from not going insane since I haven't had the luxury of electricity since I was like, four.

Elle: Here, Claire, eat your wheat mush.

Claire: You're not my mom!...Wait, why are YOU even in this thing?! We're the same age practically. Where is my actual mother?!

Elle: I love your father, Claire. That's why! Now eat your mother loving wheat mush!

Noah: Listen to your soon to be mother, Claire.

Claire: I HATE EVERYTHING!

Noah and Elle watch Claire run away while flailing her arms. She runs back the opposite direction.

Claire: How do I get off this stupid farm, or whatever this is?!

Claire in sitting at an abandoned old Ferris Wheel.

Claire: Sitting here looking at this old box of crap sure makes me miss electricity.

BANG!

Claire: That sounded like trouble on the farm!

A golden retriever runs up and barks.

Claire: We gotta save them, girl!

The dog starts foaming at the mouth.

Claire: Oh crap! Get away from me! AHHHH! HELP!

Claire takes off running getting chased by the rabid dog. She finally makes it back to Poovey Farms.

Noah: Makes it back to where!?

Claire: Dad!

She squints at Elle.

Claire: SHE did this, didn't she?!

Elle is stuffing her face.

Elle: Don't look at me; I've just been sitting here eating wheat mush. Ohhh, (grabs her stomach) this is not going to end well.

Matt runs up, sporting a large beard.

Matt: Hey, Claire! Sorry your dad's dead and all. But before he died he told me we have to find your estranged uncle.

Mohinder (clearing his throat): AHEM!

Claire: Who the hell are you supposed to be?!

Mohinder: The name is Suresh. (puts on old fashioned sun glasses) We're here to find out secrets behind the electricity going out. But now that I…..oh good grief, I cannot see out of these things!

Mohinder takes off the sunglasses and replaces them with a sexy set of horned rimmed glasses he totally didn't rip off a dead guy.

Noah: HEY!

Mohinder: Now that I shot your father I'm going to kidnap your brother. Seize him!

Mohinder's armed guards run up banging coconuts together.

CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP!

Claire: Seriously? We couldn't even afford horses?

One of the armed guards grabs Lyle and runs off.

Noah: Cla…Claire!...You….must….save….your….brother….

Claire: NO WAY! He's gross!

Claire, Matt, and Elle are walking along, they bump into West.

West: Hi, what's your name? My name is Bob. Not West. And I'm totally not the son of the man who killed your dad and kidnapped your brother.

Claire: I believe everything everybody tells me! But this relationship is moving too fast! We have to get to Chicago!

Claire and West joins back up with Matt and Elle, they all lock arms.

Claire: We're off to see the wizard!

They start skipping down the road.

Matt: Now all we need is Toto!

The rabid Golden Retriever shows up and barks.

Claire: Oh, fudge! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

They gang takes off running and screaming, the dog chases after them.

Claire: Man, this bar is a dump!

Peter: Peter doesn't work here.

Claire: I didn't ask for Peter. But I am looking for him.

Peter: I'm him….but I'm not him. Look out!

Peter is fighting off guards using spectacular swords skills. One of the guards runs up the stairs. Peter flies after him, doing bicycle kicks in the air.

Claire: Okay, this is just getting sloppy! Are we going to start our own show or just shoddily recap the entire freaking season of Revolution?

Elle: I wouldn't mind that. This beard is getting awfully itchy! (Scratch, Scratch)

Matt: Hey, we have the same beard! How is that?

Elle: These dark times have been hard on my beauty bone.

Matt: What the hell is a 'beauty bone'?!

Elle: Oh, Shut up!

Matt: Aw, somebody needs a hug.

Elle: No! Don't! You get our beards tangled! AHH! Oh, that's great, look what you did!

Matt: OW!

Elle: AAAHHHOOOWWW!

Claire: I'm out of here.

Hiro: _Previously on Heroes_…a recap of the story thus far! It's a doozy…

When Jax (the once personal assistant of Sylar) gains the ability to resurrect the dead via the Lunar Eclipse (which swapped the use of abilities between civilians and the main cast), he revives Arthur Petrelli. Arthur kills Jax and proceeds to blow up Angela Petrelli's mansion. This traps Angela, Sylar, Samson, Ted, Micah and Molly. They realize later that they are being held captive at Arthur's Headquarters. Arthur strikes a deal with Angela (resurrect The Company and recruit 4 prospects in exchange for her freedom and reuniting her and Alice Shaw, her estranged sister). Ted, Molly and Micah sneak out of the cell to find an escape route. Ted gets thrown back into the cell. But Micah rigs the cameras and helps the others escape. Arthur doesn't seem to mind, as long as he has Micah and Molly.

MEANWHILE….

Hiro's powers get messed up, but get fixed by Linderman following the previous season's disasters. Now healed and abilities back to normal, Linderman makes Hiro pay up his favor by strapping himself in a device called Genesis-Redux. This device sends the subject to a virtual reality state that reenacts the events of season one and change the outcome (without the butterfly effect screwing up the actual world). This is to get Hiro to the season finale and prevent Linderman's Death. Hiro goes about reliving season one as different characters (ala Quantum Leap) until he comes across Zach and tells him everything about the plan, thus recruiting him. They continue throughout the season portraying different characters until glitches start appearing in the program, including Zach being actually able to see Hiro (as opposed to the characters he is portraying, and one that sends Zach to the real world). Linderman's master plan is to upon revival, exact revenge against D.L Hawkins by using Micah as bait. Arthur learns of this due to him having a mole in Linderman's Organization. He contacts Linderman and tells him he will offer him a trade (the children for power for Genesis-Redux). Linderman agrees.

Noah Bennet plans a trip for his family. They pile up in the family RV which is being used by Niki, Matt and Mohinder under the ruse that it's their new apartment. They tag along for the ride and ruin the trip with their antics. Noah kicks them out and declares the vacation ruined (which was Claire's plan all along). She drives to pick them up later and lets them tag along to West Rosen's Lake House. Noah and Peter go search for Angela and she tells them what happened and that they need to find the 4 potential recruits: D.L Hawkins, Adam Munroe, Alice Shaw, and Daphne Millbrook). They head out to find Alice first, who is peeved that Angela married Samson, the man she loved. After a weather related incident, she calms down and goes with them. Peter heads out and goes undercover in a women's prison to obtain Daphne Millbrook while Noah and Angela go out to obtain D.L with the assistance of Claude Raines. D.L only agrees to go with them if they bring him Micah (which they cannot since Arthur has him); D.L agrees to go with them then.

MEANWHILE…

After being chased by Emile Danko, Nathan Petrelli, Elle Bishop, Tracy Strauss, and The Haitian wreck the van they escaped in (along with Danko). They capture him and stop at a gas station for a break where they bump into Meredith Gordon and her brother Flint. They ask Nathan for help escaping the country but before Nathan can tell them 'No', Danko escapes and gets backup to take Meredith and Gordon away (ignoring the rest). Nathan and Tracy fly down to Danko's Office (leaving Elle and The Haitian with a suspicious fellow named Trucker Dan) and come up with a possible location for a complex where they may be headed. Nathan takes off to investigate while Tracy goes with Ando, who shows up asking for her help finding Hiro and Daphne. They get ambushed by Linderman's goons; Ando apologizes saying luring Tracy into the trap was the only way to find Hiro. Linderman mistakes Tracy for Niki and wants her and Ando to deliver Micah and Molly to him in 24 hours. She reunites with Ando (who can't do anything about Hiro) and they end up back at The Company. There, Angela sends them to find the final member, Adam Munroe. He agrees to comply but then sends them on an errand to his house to retrieve a package, but it is a trap.

Claire, Matt, Niki, and Mohinder pick up an obnoxious woman named Hyacinth Bouquet (it's pronounced 'Bucket'). They stop at a costume shop and ditch her there, then proceed to West's Lake House. West shows off his new gun to Claire and accidentally shoots Nathan (in mid flight); they take him to a cabin in the woods where Claire plans to use a machine to transfer blood to Nathan. Trucker Dan, with Elle and The Haitian, break in (since it's his house) and he agrees to take Nathan to the hospital. They load up in his truck (with Nathan and Mohinder up front with Dan) and unhooks the trailer, sending Matt, Elle, Niki, West and Claire to their doom. They manage to escape with their lives while Dan escapes with Mohinder and Nathan on a boat. Matt and the others also find a boat and proceeds after them. Niki and Claire discover a vision of Isaac Mendez, but chalk it up to paranormal activity when he disappears. Dan makes Mohinder shoot at the boat and he accidentally hits Matt, sending the boat to crash and sink. Niki, Elle, and The Haitian make it to the shore while Claire and West make it to a life raft, and Matt's whereabouts are unknown. It's revealed that Dan is working for Adam Munroe and delivers Mohinder and Nathan and meets up with Adam. He attempts to kill him when Adam reduces his reward for not getting 'the final package' but Adam kills him instead. After Tracy and Ando arrive at Adam's and get captured, they (along with Mohinder and Nathan) get sent to the complex in Las Vegas.

Peter rescues Claire and West from being stranded. Almost everybody reunites at The Company and after a squabble, they split up again. Peter, Claire, and West head out to look for Nathan and Mohinder. Niki, Elle, Noah, and The Haitian head out to find Matt. D.L and Claude get sent out (with Sylar, Samson, and Ted) to find Tracy and Ando. Meanwhile, Matt survives the boat wreck and is rescued by Hyacinth Bouquet. While running errands for her, he gets hit by Niki's car. They don outfits and take the identities of guests to Hyacinth's Dinner Party to rescue him. Adam Munroe shows up and everybody eventually gets kicked out of the party when a plate gets broken. Elle knocks Adam out by stabbing him in the back of the head. Matt reveals he found out that the complex is in Las Vegas. Peter and his group head there, almost hitting Zach after the Genesis-Redux glitch sends him to the real world. (Though they don't realize). Everybody arrives in Vegas; West scores a free room by agreeing to put on a magic show. Elle and Matt stake out a party at a penthouse suite where Emile Danko is at, though the plan goes awry when Elle falls over the balcony, but fortunately lands on Claire.

D.L meanwhile, had no intention of fulfilling his mission, as him and his group head straight to Arthur's. Arthur's (who has already left with the children) leaves a message for Arthur telling him his plan. A mysterious man shows up and lets everyone go free except for D.L, who must stay there. The mysterious man disappears after helping them escape; it is revealed that it's Isaac Mendez helping Hiro and Zach in Redux. Upon getting ready to send him back Hiro warns him that he must return next time WITH Micah Sanders.

**An unknown amount of time earlier…**

Hiro (as Matt) is walking through the Bennet House.

Zach (as Ted): What's up? You look jittery.

Hiro: I've never been good at Hostage situations.

Zach: It'll be fine. Let's practice! Tie me up to the chair.

A car pulls up in the driveway.

Hiro: Okay, there! A quadruple Windsor triple sow cow ultra knot!

Zach: That's not a real thing, but okay. Now….ahem…."Help! Please! Help!"

Hiro: Why are you asking me for help!? I tied YOU up!

Zach: I'm screaming in case if someone walks by.

Hiro: In the living room!?

Zach: Old Frank the gardener could hear me!

Hiro: Who is Old Frank!?

Zach: The….gardener…..I….kinda just said that.

Hiro: That isn't a real person.

Zach: Yes he is! Hello! Me and Claire were friends….then stopped….then started again. I've been to her house, I've met Old Frank. He is their gardener.

Hiro: I still don't believe you.

Zach: Nice man. Boring as sin, though.

Hiro: Allright already! I believe you!

Zach: He's an older gentleman. He's all "You kids have it easy nowadays with your Pokémon's and your whatnots. I remember when I was your age. It was 1872. Ulysses S. Grant was President; and they came out with a new dance craze called the 'Prohibition'. You flap your arms and swing your hips while throwing rebel hipsters in prison since dancing was considered a felony in the city limits.

Hiro: OKAY! I GET IT!...1872!?

Zach: Yeah.

Hiro: How….how is he still alive?!

Zach: Well of course he is still alive. He's 165 years young.

Hiro: No he's not!

Zach: Yes he is! He told me one time the secret to a long life is blueberries.

Hiro: Blueberries?

Zach: Yes, but don't eat too many at one time. You'll get blueberry poisoning!

Hiro: There's no such thing as blueberry poisoning! Why do you lie so much!?

Zach: He actually got blueberry poisoning! That's what he told me…..granted, he was allergic to all the other berries. Just not blueberries.

Hiro: I think he actually IS allergic to blueberries.

Zach: Well, obviously not. The man's lived for 165 years!

Hiro: I still think you're full of it.

Zach: …

Hiro stops and turns to see the Bennet Family staring at them.

Noah: Well, this is awkward.

Zach (to Hiro): Now is the part where you untie me.

An old man walks in.

Old Frank: The garden is finished today, Mr. Bennet. Flowers are lookin mighty fine this season. Bye yall!

He pulls out a handful of blueberries and pops them in his mouth before leaving.

Noah (to Sandra): What a nice man.

Sandra: He sure is! I'm glad we threw that surprise birthday party for him. I still don't know how I got all 165 candles on that cake!

Hiro looks at Zach.

Zach: …I didn't say anything.

Old Frank: Why, Mr. Bennet. You have such a lovely family. You're daughter must drive all the boys crazy.

Claire: Speaking of which, I have to get going. The dance starts in an hour.

Old Frank: Not in my town they don't.

Old Frank pulls Claire out of the house by her hair.

Claire: AHHH!

**= = = HEROES = = =**

The Bennet Family is tied up, on the floor in front of them:

**Chapter Eleven "The Greatest Show On Earth"**

Noah: Well, this is a fine 'how do you do'?

Claire: Are we not firing Frank? I have a huge chunk of hair missing!

Zach turns to Hiro.

Zach: Now what?

Hiro: Okay, I'm Matt. So I have to shoot Claire and make it look to you that I shot her for real…without you knowing about it.

Zach: Oooh, that'll be tough. I feel weird shooting Claire….okay, she can heal. It's all good. It's all good.

Hiro: What are you complaining about? I have to shoot her.

Claire: Today!

Hiro holds the gun in front of him and fires, shattering a vase.

Zach: Uh!

Sandra: Vasey!

Hiro fires again. Hitting a plant.

Sandra: Plantey!

Hiro fires the gun again, hitting the fish tank.

Sandra: Aquariumey!

Noah: Yeah, she went through a phase where she gave every object in the house a name. I still have to pay hospital bills for Forkey!

Sandra: I still haven't forgiven you for that!

Noah: How the hell else was I supposed to eat my food!? Forks are for mouths, Sandra!

Sandra: I don't want to have this discussion in front of the children!

Claire and Lyle (in unison): THIS is the discussion you don't want to have in front of us?...JINX…..Okay, quit it…..stop it!...I said stop it!...Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Pickled Peppers, Perilously Pondering Perpetuating Practicing Parker Posey's Penmanship!

Zach snatches the gun from Hiro's hand.

Zach: Who taught you how to shoot?! Sheesh! You should stick to throwing rocks. I'll show you how it's done.

Zach aims the gun at Claire and pulls the trigger, the window behind him shatters.

Zach: What kind of Willy Wonka gun is this?!

Meanwhile, at the Magic Show. Claire opens the curtain to reveal…

Claire: Wow! Full House!

West: What? The TV Show or The Poker Hand?

Claire: The…wait…what? The audience is packed! What kind of stupid question is that!?

West: Just asking.

Claire: I really hope we can pull this off. I'll go take this title card out to the audience to prepare them for the show.

Claire picks up the title card which reads:

**Chapter Eleven "The Greatest Show On Earth"**

West: Wait. Did we just show the episode title twice?

Claire: Only because it makes more sense with our sub plot.

West: Oh yeah. Wait! Claire!

Claire: What?

West: Just a warning though. The hotel kinda forgot to inform the customers that Criss Angel cancelled.

Claire: WHAT?! Well that's just freaking great. They're going to kill us!

West: I mean….that doesn't really matter. We already got the hotel room and everyone else just wants Emile Danko to fall into the trap. We just have to put on the best show ever!

Audience: MIND FREAK! MIND FREAK! MIND FREAK! MIND FREAK!

West: That's our cue…

Claire: NO IT'S NOT! They want Criss Angel!

West: No, they want a magic show.

Claire: What the hell do you think Criss Angel does?

West: Isn't he the guy who smashes watermelons?

Claire: That's Gallagher!

West: Oh….I don't keep up with these things very well.

Back at The Company…

Angela walks in carrying groceries. She finds that it's raining inside the building.

Angela: Well, this can't be good.

She tosses the groceries away and goes into her office to find Adam Munroe chained to her desk, guarded by Daphne Millbrook.

Angela: What in fresh hell is this?

Adam: Speedy Gonzales over here decided I'm better off chained up for some reason. It's not like I had a huge shard of glass just removed from my head.

Daphne: Well I'm not going to leave Highlander over here running amok in the building causing evil. You upset Gale Weathers out there and now everything's a mess!

Angela: Stop it with the nicknames! I'm getting very confused. (To Daphne) And where the hell have you been!? I couldn't find you for hours!

Daphne: I've been here the whole time. Maybe you can't see so well since you just had eye surgery.

Angela: Don't be ridiculous. I can see perfectly fine.

Daphne: Then why are you talking to that lamp?

Angela turns around.

Angela: I have no idea what you're talking about. Now unhook Adam, we have business to attend to.

She turns back to the lamp, ripping off the lamp shade.

Angela: I'm going to borrow this hat. I've decided it would look much better on me.

Adam and Daphne exchange looks.

Meanwhile…

Claire: No.

West: Why not?

Claire: Don't you remember what happened the last time you sawed me in half?! We freaked out the maid!

West: You mean we 'mind freaked' out the maid.

Claire: That's Criss Angel's thing.

West: Who the hell is Criss Angel?

Claire: The magician we're replacing! Why do I have to keep telling you this?

Matt and Elle walk up.

Matt: Hey peeps! We just wanted to wish you guys good luck.

Elle: Can you believe it? The actual cast of Full House is sitting in the audience!

West: I knew it!

Claire: UGH! Can we just get this thing started already?

Claire and West walk on stage to an applauding audience.

Audience member: Why does Criss Angel look like a cheerleader and her boyfriend?

Audience member: This is the mind freakiest thing he's done yet! I'm sure once he reveals himself I won't be disappointed.

Claire: We're screwed.

Matt (to Elle): Well, we said our lines in the episode! Let's go chill in plot limbo until the writers need us.

Elle: I have a much better idea.

Meanwhile, in Redux….

Zach: Okay, let's BOTH hold the gun. Aim it toward Claire….and fire. That way we can't miss.

Hiro: Can't we just hold the bullet while she….runs into it?

Zach: Yeah, because THAT's not a stupid idea! Let's just do this!

They aim the gun and pull the trigger, another window shatters.

Noah: You know this isn't covered in my home insurance!

Claire: Oh will you just give me the damn gun already!?

Claire gets her arm loose as Zach hands her the gun. She points it to herself and shoots.

Claire: OW!

West looks at Claire.

West: What's wrong?

Claire: My stomach hurts for some reason.

West: Butterflies. I get them too. Nothing to worry about. The audience loves us!

Claire: We haven't done anything yet.

Claire takes her hands away from her stomach, they're covered in blood.

Claire: The hell? West?

West: What?

Claire: I think I've been shot.

Claire and West look at each other.

**= = = HEROES = = =**

West: Now how did we get the title screen twice!?

Claire: I thought it made more sense with our sub plot.

West: I don't think you're supposed to have the ability to just make these things happen.

Claire: I've been shot!

West: AHH! How….uh…..we need to….oh wait, we don't need to do anything. You'll heal!

Claire: That's kind of the point.

West: Oh….so….

Claire: I say we run with it. Take this gun.

West: Where the hell did you get that?!

Claire: I…..don't know, actually. Just take it. Let's do this magic show.

West: Right. For Gallagher!

Claire: Don't make me smack you.

West: Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls! Welcome to The Greatest Show On Earth!

The audience looks confused.

West: We're not Criss Angel, but….

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

West: We're someone better. Our magic will freak your minds like no other!

Audience member: I'm pretty sure he's not allowed to use that.

West: So, here's my predicament. I just shot my lovely assistant, Claire.

Claire shows off her lovely gunshot wound while strutting around the stage. Everybody gasps.

West: So sorry about that, Claire!

Claire: Eh! It happens.

West grabs a handkerchief out of his pocket.

West: Let me fix that for you.

West unfolds the handkerchief holds it in front of Claire's wound.

West: And Viola!

West whips away the handkerchief, the wound has completely disappeared. The audience gasps before applauding and cheering.

Claire: Oh, we got this.

West: Totally got this.

Zach (as Claire): Peeks around the corner.

Zach: Oh, what the hell!? I thought I was Ted!

Hiro (downstairs): I've already been her once! So we swapped!

Zach: You can't do that! Oh man…I don't feel comfortable wearing this short cheerleading outfit. Now….to sneak downstairs.

Zach takes a step.

POP!

Zach: What was that?!...hmm…

Zach takes a step.

POP!

Zach: What in the world is that?! Is this carpet lined with bubble wrap…..oh good grief it is! Why is there bubble wrap on the stairs?!

Sandra: It was a surprise for Mr. Muggles! He loves bubble wrap. And you're not going anywhere young lady until you personally refill the bubbles you popped!

Zach: What?! That's impossible! Can't you just buy more bubble wrap!?

Sandra: Bubble wrap doesn't grow on trees, Claire! Now get to refilling those bubbles!

Zach: I hate this family!

Hiro: Would you just come down the stairs already?! We don't have all day for this!

Zach: Oh, right!

POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

Hiro (to Zach): Hey! How did you heal? Matt must have lied to me…..getting angry….grr….

Zach: I'm not buying you on the verge of blowing up and nuking us all.

Sandra and Lyle: We aren't either.

Hiro: Oh…..yeah, I'm just nervous. That's all.

Hiro starts popping a sheet of bubble wrap.

Sandra: Stop that!

Hiro: Sorry.

Back at the Magic Show, Claire and West are continuing to amaze the audience. Matt and Elle make their way on stage.

Matt: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome To The Greatest Show On Earth!

Claire: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?

Elle: We're going to out-magic your magic show.

Claire: You two bozos only had one line! Why aren't you in plot limbo!?

Matt: Ladies and Gentlemen. I…..am Criss Angel.

The audience gasps.

Audience member: Holy Crap! It IS Criss Angel!

They start clapping.

Claire: WHAT?!

Matt: And this is my lovely assistant….(To Elle) Who do you want to be?

Elle: OOH! I'll be Heidi Klum! I haven't been her in forever.

Matt: And here's my lovely assistant, Heidi Klum!

Everybody starts cheering.

Claire: INFINITE WHATS?!

Elsewhere, Noah Bennet hops on the elevator.

Noah (on the phone): Yes, Niki, you and The Haitian keep looking around. I'll grab Peter; we'll intercept Danko and find everybody in the complex. Yes, I know you know that but….what?...What do you mean "What do I want?!" You called me!...I know!...I just told you…oh, you're putting me on hold? That's nice….

Noah hangs up the phone and walks down to West and Claire's suite. He slides an entry card and goes through the door.

Noah: Oh for Pete's sake….

Peter: Uggggghhhhh….

Peter, sprawled out on the bed, gut exposed, is covered with food.

Peter: Mr. Bennet! Is that you?

Noah: Unfortunately, yes…..What is going on here, Peter….you've gotten kinda chunky since I last saw you.

Peter: I….ordered…..so much room service…..totally worth it though.

Noah: You've only been here for like, a day! How is that even possible!

Peter: …..Noah…..I have a pie….but I can't eat it…..I need some chicken wings to wash it down with.

Noah: Ew. Okay, I got someone on this.

Elle (on the phone): Sorry, Mr. B! I can't help you! Me and Matt are trying to outdo Claire and West at their magic show.

Claire: SOMEONE JUST LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE! AAHHH!

Elle: It's going super swell!

Noah: What the hell are you even doing there?! I need you here! The writers put you in plot limbo for a reason, you know!

Elle: What do you need? I need to get back!

Noah: Peter's fat. I need you to zap him skinny.

Elle: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

Noah: You did it a few seasons ago! Don't you remember!

Elle: Hmm…nope!

Noah: Yes, you totally did! You got fat and you used your electricity to….burn your fat…or whatever...man, that does sounds stupid, but I know you did it!

Elle: News to me. Okay, gotta go, Mr. B. Let me know if you need anything at all. I'll be there. Anytime. Day or night. Just say the word. I'm there.

Noah takes a breath.

Elle: Something suddenly came up!

CLICK!

Elle: Okay, Matt! Where did we leave off?

Matt: West just sawed Claire in half and misplaced her legs. We got this.

Elle: Oh we got this.

Matt: But we should probably help him find them before she starts growing them back.

Elle: She…..starts growing them back?

Matt: Yup.

Elle: She'll….just grow the entire bottom of her torso, including legs?

Matt: Yeah…..I know that probably….

Elle: …only sounds like the best trick ever! That'll kill us. Get in the box, you can be her legs.

Matt: You sure? They're kinda hairy.

Elle: Oh, like she shaves….

Claire: I HEARD THAT!

Noah (entering the room): Okay, Peter, I bought you a suit so we can go to the magic show and….

Peter is sitting on the edge of the bed, eating some carrots.

Noah: You're no longer fat. HOW!?

Peter: Oh, I can lose weight easy. I just eat carrots and think skinny thoughts.

Noah: Unbelievable. I've been doing water aerobics with Sandra for a cupcake I ate over two years ago!

Noah: I have it pretty good actually…...Lyle has to go to the dentist because Sandra caught him playing Candy Crush Saga on his phone.

Outside of the Bennet Home (which is burning down), Hiro and Zach (burnt to a crisp as Claire) sit on the front porch.

Zach: How did I do?

Hiro: You're doing great! You look like you contracted ninth degree burns!

Zach: I think it's stops at 3….but I suck at sciency things.

Hiro: We're almost done, then we're home free…..well….I'm home free, I guess.

Zach: What happens to me?

Hiro: Well….I'm sure the Zach on the real side is doing well, so he will go back to your life and you will….go back….I guess. I don't know.

Zach: Ah….well….

Hiro: I appreciate all your help, though! I couldn't have done it without you…..well, I probably could, but I'd go crazy.

Zach: Ha….yeah….I'm glad to help.

Hiro: We're almost at the end! Let's keep going!

Hiro flips through the pages…..he stops.

Hiro: ….um…ummm…..

Zach: What's wrong?

Hiro: Maybe we're at the end…..the notes! There aren't any more notes!

Zach: I….what does that mean?

Hiro: I don't know what we need to do next….I know we're not at the finale yet. Why don't I have any more notes!?

Zach exhales, dumbfounded.

Hiro: Let's head back to New York.

Back at the Company, Angela is sitting at a desk. Adam (head rested on his hand), Daphne (filing her fingernails), and Alice (nervously) sit in front of her.

Angela: Okay, if you turn your packets to Form F-5, you can fill out your tax information. Then we'll watch a Sexual Harassment Training video. The one that we have is kind of a disaster, so I just stole the one that belongs to Arby's.

Adam: Okay, I'm out of here.

Angela: Wait! You haven't filled out your direct deposit information!

Adam: We're actually getting paid for this?

Angela: Yes. Except the money gets deposited into our accounts.

Adam: ….

Angela: …from your account.

Adam: I'm PAYING to be here!? I didn't sign up for this, I'm leaving.

He steps outside to make a phone call. Samson, Sylar and Ted step in.

Angela: What are you guys doing here?! Where's D.L and Claude?

Alice turns to see Samson. She remembers him.

Alice: Samson?! Is that you?

Samson: Gasp!...Alice?!

Angela: Oh crap, I forgot about that!

Back at The Hotel, Noah opens the door to find Matt and Elle standing there wearing fitness clothes.

Noah: NOW YOU SHOW UP!? Where were you when I needed you?

Matt: Putting on an awesome magic show.

Elle: But we got bored of that and came to….(checks phone)…..un-fat Peter. Don't worry; Claire is doing a spot on job maintaining the magic show.

Audience: BOOOOO!

The audience is throwing things at Claire and West.

Elle: My partner here is Bob Harper. (Matt waves) And I am Julianna Margulies.

Noah: That's not right.

Elle: It's time to play…..The Biggest Loser.

The lights dim down as dramatic music plays. Elle and Matt make their way in.

Noah: Was that the 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' music?

Elle pulls out a card.

Elle: Okay, Peter. This question is for 100 Calories.

Noah: Okay, you two have never seen The Biggest Loser, so stop referencing it! Get out!

Back in New York, Hiro and Zach make their way to Isaac's loft.

Zach: Why are we back in New York?

Hiro: I think we're supposed to come here next, it's just I have no idea what to do without my notes. It's like everything just….

They make their way into Isaac's loft to find him standing there, staring back. Hiro and Zach turn their attention to a painting of the two of them entering the loft.

Zach: Well, that's impressive.

Isaac: I need to have a word with you two.

Hiro: Oh crap, who am I? Okay, (to Zach) you're Peter, I'm Simone! Or we're both Simone! I'm panicking!

Isaac: I know who you both are, Hiro and Zach, is it?

Zach: Gulp.

Isaac: Come on in.

Hiro and Zach exchange looks.

Back at the magic show….Claire and West rush backstage avoiding the audience backlash.

West: What happened?! We were doing so well!

Claire: We'll there's only so many times I can cut myself and break my bones and heal them under the guise of magic without people getting bored.

West: Don't worry; I know how to end the show.

Claire: Knock yourself out, it can't get any worse.

West takes the stage.

West: Let's blow them away with an insane dance number.

Claire: A what?

West: GANGNAM STYLE!

West jets his leg out and positions himself.

Claire: …..

West: …..

Claire: …..

West: …

Claire (getting impatient): …..

Audience: ….

West: …

Claire: ….Um….you gonna do something there, chief?

West: I can't.

Claire: Why?

West: I think I just shattered all my ankle bones.

Claire: YOU WHAT!?

West: I think I broke literally every bone in my foot.

Claire: That's ridiculous! You didn't do anything!

West: Claire, I think I need to go to the hospital. My dancing career is ruined…..and my magic career.

Claire: But…..you didn't do anything! You hardly moved a muscle!

West: What were you thinking, West? Gangnam Style is a real man's dance. What was I thinking?!

Claire: Okay, let's recap. Matt and Elle ditched us. That's good. The audience is about to kill us. That's bad. We need to run for our lives but you can't move because your foot has turned into tapioca pudding. Not good.

West: You must carry me, my sweet!

Claire (crying) But I don't wanna!

Noah and Peter make their way to the elevator, sporting fancy suits.

Peter: Man, do these suits look fancy.

Noah: Uh huh.

They get on the elevator.

Noah: Now, Danko left the party and should be at the magic show. Since Matt fails at everything, we have to do this ourselves. We need to find the location of the complex, fast.

Peter: Are we good cop, bad cop?

Noah: Sure.

Peter: OOH! I'll be Bad Cop. You can be Good Cop.

Noah: Bad cop and not in a good way, annoyed cop.

Peter: Happy cop, grumpy cop.

Noah: Stupid cop, Brilliant cop.

Peter: Awesome cop, Old cop.

Noah: I'm not playing this anymore.

Peter: Upset stomach cop, bad breath cop.

Noah: I do not have bad breath!

Peter: Not buying it cop, denying it cop.

Noah: You can stop now. You don't have to keep saying cop, we're done.

Peter: Cant' stop now, cop. Let's keep it rollin, cop.

Noah: I mean it!

Peter: Party cop, Square cop.

Noah: I'm not having this conversation with you, cop. OH DAMMIT! NOW YOU HAVE ME DOING IT!

Peter: Happy cop, grumpy cop.

Back at The Company…

Alice: I heard you married my sister….

Samson: No, it was a sham marriage. It didn't mean anything! It was you I loved all along….I thought I lost you….

Angela: WHAAAT!?

Sylar: Bored to death here! (Waving) Hello!

Angela (moody): What?

Sylar: Why are you miffed?! You've been saying your marriage with Samson was a fraud anyway.

Angela: But…..well….it wasn't totally a sham.

Sylar: Yes it was! And I totally don't care! We have plot details!

Angela: Ugh….fine. Where is D.L and Claude?

Sylar: Well, Claude's gone. I have no idea where he is.

Angela: He's probably invisible and watching you pick your nose and not telling you he's invisible since he's rude!

Sylar: I didn't need to know that. (To Ted) That's irrelevant, right?

Ted: (Points at Samson) Are they going to get married? Because if they are, I'll need to ask off work.

Sylar: That doesn't have anything to do with anything….(looks at Ted) And when did you get a job? You've been stuck with me….like forever!

Ted: A pet shop. It's an open employment job. I pretty much come in whenever I want.

Sylar: Then why do you need to ask off for….nevermind, I forgot I stopped caring. D.L is still at Arthur's.

Angela: GUH! Why where you there?! You were supposed to be looking for Tracy and Ando!

Adam walks back in.

Adam: They don't need to. They're in Las Vegas. Being held in a prison complex with Nathan Petrelli and Mohinder Suresh.

Angela: Wh…wha…..You are aware of this?!

Adam: Of course! I hired a man to kidnap them. Then when Tracy and Ando came to me, I sent them to be captured as well.

Angela: Well….that's going down in your permanent record mister! You can come to The Company Picnic, but you can't have anything. In fact you have to watch us eat.

Sylar: Wow….

Adam: Tracy and Ando were collateral damage. But the three people by boss hired me to get in Vegas are there, so I got my money. And now the subjects have been delivered, I now must bid you all farewell. I'll be back to resume…whatever this is.

Angela: Where are you going?

Adam: To Las Vegas. I have to take care of someone.

He smirks while heading out of the office.

Ted: Probably his grandmother. What a gentleman.

Adam (outside): I'm going to kill someone, you fool!

Ted: I knew that.

Angela: Well, that's a bummer. Anyway, (to Sylar) have a seat.

Sylar: What are you talking about?

Angela: I stayed up all night preparing this paperwork and it's not going to waste! So, park it, mister!

Sylar: Unbelievable.

Sylar plops down next to Ted.

Ted (getting off the phone): I got the day off for the wedding!

Sylar: You don't even know if they're getting married! How did you know what day to ask off?

Ted: My boss told me not to come back until the wedding is over.

Sylar: Your boss said that?

Ted: Well, technically. It was more like "Don't come back even if the wedding's over".

Sylar: That….sounds like you got fired.

Ted: What?! Oh….no….not that. He wouldn't fire me.

Sylar: How long have you been working there?

Ted: I haven't….technically started working yet.

Sylar: ...You got fired.

Ted: No I didn't! I've never been fired from a job.

Angela (to Ted): You! What's your name again?

Ted: Ted Sprague, Maam!

Angela: You're fired! We don't have any room for you.

Ted: Okie dokie!

Sylar: ….

Ted: ….

Sylar: ….Uh…are you….going….to leave, or something?

Ted: What are you talking about?

Sylar: You just got fired!

Ted: Pretty sure I didn't.

Sylar: You suffer from delusions of grandeur, don't you?

Ted: Affirmative, Mr. Spock.

Sylar: I think that radiation has gone to your head.

Zach is looking through some of Isaac's portraits. Hiro is sitting in a chair.

Isaac: I've drawn many different portraits depicting the future.

Hiro: And might I add you are very good at it. Big fan of your work.

Isaac: Um…thanks. Anyway, a few things have been happening that I cannot really….understand.

Hiro: Such as?

Isaac: This is a picture of a cheerleader in distress that I drew. Here is the same exact picture of her….with your face on it.

Zach: It's hideous!

Hiro: Gee, thanks. Like you made a better Claire!

Zach: I'm not saying I didn't….

Isaac: This is a picture of you strapped to some crazy device.

Hiro: Genesis Redux?! That's impossible….nobody is supposed to know about it except for me….and Zach.

Isaac: Then something strange happened. I was minding my own business, freaking out about that explosion that I painted right there.

He points to the mural on the floor.

Isaac: Then….I disappeared. I don't know where I was….but there was this woman (points to a picture of Niki)….and a cheerleader. Then I came back.

Zach: That happened to me too. I appeared somewhere and almost got hit by a car.

Hiro: Well….it could be just a glitch in the system. Which (turns to Isaac) you're not supposed to know about. We should go.

Zach: Something is definitely wrong, Hiro. Because I was just one of the people in the background, I just saw whoever you were portraying. But now I see you as you….and apparently so does Isaac.

Hiro: Sigh….okay, Mr. Isaac.

Isaac: Isaac is just fine.

Hiro: Okay….Mr. Isaac.

Isaac: Hmm.

Hiro: All the events happening now….have already happened. It is somehow stored in a device called Genesis-Redux. Something happened in the past that I am supposed to change because I owe a favor to someone. The Butterfly Effect isn't supposed to take effect while I'm here, so just the one thing I need to do is supposed to be the only thing that carries over into the future.

Isaac: Well, whatever it is, it's very unstable. The future and this present are starting to meld together and everything is going to rip apart if you're not careful. You need to finish whatever it is you need to do and get out of here.

Hiro: Hah…..I am very well aware how travelling through space time works, Mr. Isaac. I am….kind of an expert.

Zach rolls his eyes. Hiro thinks for a moment.

Hiro: We need your help though.

Isaac: My help?

Hiro: We don't know how to….well….continue on our mission. Your paintings are the only way they can help us.

Zach: Maybe more than that.

Hiro: Huh?

Zach: If he can paint the future, maybe we can get someone to fix the glitches.

Hiro: What are you talking about?

Zach: I've gone over the notes. This past is just a computer simulation. Who is the only person who can understand how a computer program works.

Hiro: …..Micah Sanders.

Zach: Yeah.

Hiro: Okay, Mr. Isaac, we're going to need some drawings.

Isaac: My power doesn't just work that way….but whatever.

Hiro: Zach, let's go. We have to get Micah.

Zach: Won't Niki or Jessica totally destroy us?!

Hiro: Not really.

Later, Hiro (as Niki) and Zach (as Micah) enter the building.

Zach: This is wrong!

Hiro: I know Niki and Micah were never here during Season 1 but things have changed. Pop a squat here.

Zach: What am I supposed to do here?!

Hiro: You're going to recreate the Genesis-Redux program from scratch.

Zach: How am I supposed to do that?!

Hiro: You're Micah. Just tell the computer what to do. I'll fill you in as best as I can.

Zach: I'm pretty sure his power doesn't work that way….but whatever. I'll do what I can.

Isaac finishes a drawing of the inside of a casino….Niki and The Haitian were playing slot machines.

Niki: I bust my butt trying to get to the bonus spin and they don't give me anything! I'm so upset.

The Haitian, playing next to her, waves his hand.

Niki: OOH! I love this game! Wait…..this feels familiar. (Turns to him) Are you wiping my mind?!

Haitian: You asked me to brain wipe you every time you lose money so you won't feel discouraged…..about losing money.

Niki: Well, that's just great! Now I'm broke!

Haitian: I can't conjure money. Someone else has that ability.

Niki: Well, none of us would be in this mess if you could.

Haitian thinks for a second.

Haitian: How do you figure?

Niki: We could just buy new cast mates.

Haitian: I didn't think of that.

Niki: Good plan, isn't it?

Niki happens to look to her right; she does a double take as she spots an opening in the ground in front of a slot machine.

Niki: What is that?

Haitian: Hmm?

Niki: That! That right there!

Haitian: It looks like some type of entrance….you were on that slot machine.

Niki: …..Are you telling me I played a slot machine that opened a secret compartment, and I "forgot" about it.

Haitian: And now I'm broke. I wish I could conjure money.

Niki: That could be the entrance to The Complex! How long has that been there?

Haitian: You probably played on that machine a few hours ago.

Niki: Wow. Just…wow. Let's move!

She makes her way over the hatch and starts climbing down, with The Haitian following.

Danko (on his phone) is sitting at the magic show amidst all the chaos.

Danko: The show was okay, not great, but okay. They're no Carrot Top.

He fells something cold press against the back of his head.

Danko: Adam?

Adam: Yes, Emile. It is I.

Danko: What are you doing here?...The show's been sold out for weeks….I can only imagine the people who didn't get their Criss Angel tickets refunded.

Adam: I'm afraid it's the end of the line for you, my friend.

Danko: What are you talking about?

Adam: The person I'm working for has been playing you since the beginning. Our combined efforts got the packages to their destination. But you were just a pawn…

Danko: What are you talking about?!

Adam: I'll be taking things over from here.

Danko: What are you….you know it's rude to not answer these questions!

Claire, backstage, tries to find something for West.

Claire: There's got to be multi-fractured ankle bone band-aid around here somewhere!

West (on stage): Claire, you wanna step it up a bit!? The audience is bum rushing the stage.

Claire: I think this might work.

A bag gets thrown over her head.

Claire: Who turned out the lights!?...Oh man, I hate it when people say that on television. Now I'm a hypocrite.

A man picks her up and carries her off. She manages to see through the bag at a hero standing by.

Claire: Aqua Man! HELP!

Man in Aqua Man suit: Oh, I'm only here for the Comic Book Convention. You're on your own, lady.

Claire: Don't think Superman won't hear about this! Ow! Who taught you how to hold a body!?

West manages to crawl backstage.

West: Claire!? CLAIRE!? Where are you?

A caped hero walks by.

West: Superman! Help!

Man in Superman suit: Get lost, jerk!

He walks away.

West: Don't think Aqua Man won't hear about this!

His eyes a cloudy shade of white, Isaac continues to draw the future. Hiro sees a painting of…

Niki and The Haitian open a door leading to a large storage facility.

Niki: This place is HUGE! How did they build this without the casino noticing?!

The Haitian points over to Niki's left, to the cells holding Tracy, Ando, Nathan and Mohinder.

Tracy: Niki?! Is that you?

Niki (running over): Holy crap! We finally found you guys! Are you alright?

Nathan: Yes, my wounds have healed even though it took forever!

Mohinder: Niki!? I…I can't believe you're alive! I shot Matt accidentally and the boat went down…

Niki: Whoa! Wait…..that was you?!

Mohinder: …..No.

Niki: You're the one that shot us!? We almost died from that! And how dare you make an attempt on Matt's life before I could!

Mohinder (to Nathan): See! I told you! Remember me saying she'd be upset by that?

Nathan: I was dying at the time so I couldn't care less.

Ando: Niki, have you heard from Hiro? We were looking for him when we got captured.

Tracy: No, we were looking for him before we got sidetracked into finding Micah and Molly, then sidetracked again to help Angela track down Adam Munroe, then sidetracked AGAIN to get his stupid package!

Niki: Yeah, about that. I ran into Linderman when we almost drowned because of Mohinder. Not fun. What's going on here and why is he looking for Micah?

Tracy (to Ando): Wanna fill them in?

Ando (to Niki): You know how Hiro's been missing this entire time?

Niki: That just occurred to me this very second now that you mention it. What's your point?

Ando: Linderman has him connected to a device called Genesis-Redux. It lets him relive all the moments from Season One up to the point of Linderman's death. This is so Linderman can come back to life and exact revenge on D.L.

Niki: We probably still owe him money.

Nathan: Uh…no. He killed him. Remember?

Niki: Okay, none of that makes sense. Wait…..

She gets on the phone and dials a number. Back at the Company…

Angela answers.

Angela: Yes?

Niki: Angela, it's Niki. Where's D.L?

Angela: Samson, Ted, and their friend just returned…

Sylar (background): You know my name, Angela!

Angela: …they said a mysterious man appeared and told D.L to remain captive at Arthur's. Micah and Molly aren't there.

Niki: Arthur had Micah; Linderman has this Genesis-Redux thing. Now Linderman wants Micah? Does Arthur want this machine for some reason?

Sylar (on the phone): He wants to redo history his way.

Niki: Uh….is this Sylar? What happened to Angela?

Sylar: Relax, she set the phone down and has been blabbing on the tv remote for about 5 minutes. You would think a simple eye check up wouldn't make her vision worse.

Niki: Uh…

Sylar: Listen, I don't know who that weird guy was. But we were all trapped at Arthur's, this man told D.L he couldn't escape with us. And that was the only way he could be reunited with his family.

Niki: That's me!

Sylar: Well, he didn't name names.

Niki: Uh, Micah's my son. You would this I would have SOMETHING to do with that?!

Sylar: Well, if this Genesis-Redux thing is some type of computer that has a program that can be altered to change history, we might be screwed since Arthur took our powers.

Niki: That's impossible!...You don't have any powers!

Sylar: I KNOW THAT! I'm just saying he has Micah's power.

Niki: That….could be bad. Keep me posted.

Sylar: You're not my boss!

(Click!)

Tracy (to Ando): You know, I bet there wasn't even a third package.

Voice: Oh, there was, love.

Niki and The Haitian turn to see Adam Munroe with a gun on them.

Niki: The hell?! How did you get here so fast?

Adam: It pays to get along with your co-workers.

Niki: So, what, you're behind the kidnappings? You're going to kill us?

Adam: I already did my killing for the day.

Noah and Peter make their way into the magic show, while people are running around screaming. They see Danko, slouched over the table, dead.

Noah: Holy crap….

Peter: How is this possible!? Nobody dies on our show that was in the original series! Dead people come back for crying out loud!

Tracy: What were these packages anyway!?

Adam (pointing to Nathan and Mohinder): Those were two of them. Claire was supposed to be the third one but Mr. Trucker Dan goofed up and now he's dead.

Niki: Poor Trucker Dan….wait a minute, he sucked. I retract my grief.

Niki: Why do you want Claire? Who is responsible for all this?

Tracy: I GOT IT! You're working for Arthur!

Adam: Uh…no.

Tracy: …Linderman?

Adam: Guess again.

Tracy: ….I give up.

Voice: He would be working for me.

Meredith Gordon walks up, holding a gun.

Mohinder: GAAAAAASSP! Oh, now why did I do that?! This cell has no ventilation. (Passes out).

Nathan: Meredith!? You're safe? What is the meaning of this? I'm supposed to save you!

Meredith: Well, last I heard you said you wouldn't help me. Then my brother and I got "kidnapped".

Nathan: But….I was going to say 'yes'…..eventually.

Tracy: No you weren't!

Nathan: I was!

Meredith: None of that matters. The person who saved me is going to help me escape, he promised me a new life.

Tracy: AHA! It was Arthur!

Meredith: No.

Tracy: Linderman?

Meredith: No.

Tracy: Man, I'm bad at this.

Meredith: It was a test to see if you redeemed yourself, and you failed. That is why I had you brought here.

Niki: What are you talking about?

Meredith: I'm going to start my new life with my daughter, Claire. The man who helped me only requested I bring Dr. Suresh. Nathan, I just wanted to tell him that he missed his chance at happiness.

Nathan: But you were working with Danko and Adam? You had yourself kidnapped as if I was going to say no…..oh….that was the point. I see what you did there.

Meredith: Danko didn't know my full intentions; I mean all of us are fugitives. He was going to have to start doing his job at some point. But Adam…

Adam: Took care of it. It's what we call in the business 'a promotion'.

Meredith: Well….an unpaid promotion….for a non paying job.

Adam: Better than The Company, I suppose.

Niki is frantically texting Noah on her cell.

Noah grabs his phone, but he cannot get the text message.

Noah: What the?!

He turns to Peter.

Noah: Did you set 'face recognition' on my phone!?

Peter: Yeah, I was playing with it while you were freaking out earlier.

Noah: Did you set it to your face?!

Peter: On accident.

Noah: Well, there's a message from Niki. Unlock it.

Peter: I can't! I don't have a fat face anymore!

Noah: Well, THAT'S JUST FREAKING GREAT!

Noah grabs a donut off Danko's plate.

Noah: Start eating!

Peter: Ew. I'm not eating after a dead guy! That's bad luck!

Noah: Ugh….

Back at Isaac's In Redux. Zach has his hands on the computer screen….

Zach: This computer is horribly outdated, just saying.

Lines of computer code are being automatically entered on the screen as Hiro tries to recollect what he can of the season. Out of nowhere, Isaac appears and falls on the floor.

Hiro: GUH! Where did you go off to?

Isaac: I…..was back in that world. The future, I guess.

Hiro: Oh….this isn't good at all.

Zach looks confused.

Zach: Uh….Hiro!?

Hiro: What?

The lines are appearing faster and faster, at unreadable speeds.

Hiro: Good gravy, that's fast! This…..is this telling us the future?

Zach: I don't know how I'm doing this! I'm going to run out of hard drive space…..seriously, this computer is as old as dirt.

Hiro: Okay….I know what to do.

Hiro returns flinging open the door, pushing in boxes of computers.

Zach: What is that?!

Hiro: Computers! I think they'll help with our quest.

Zach: I only needed a bigger hard drive.

Hiro: Pish posh! This is an important quest so we needed the best equipment. But I didn't know what computer to buy so I bought all of them!

Zach: That had to have cost a fortune!

Hiro: It's Niki's credit card, she won't even know.

Zach: Niki had trouble paying Linderman back but you somehow managed to purchase Best Buy's entire computer stock?

Hiro: We don't need to get into that.

The lines of computer code start to slow down.

Hiro: What does it mean?

Zach: How am I supposed to….oh wait, I can totally understand what this means.

Isaac joins them at the computer as they go over the code. Later, Isaac dresses himself up. He masks his face. Then the building starts to shake.

Hiro: It's becoming more unstable. Hopefully Isaac can….

Isaac is gone. Hiro looks at himself and realizes he is now Peter.

Hiro: Oh no. Zach?

Zach: Yeah.

Hiro: Change of plans.

Not too far in the past, Isaac, wearing all black with his face shielded, bursts into Arthur's Hideout. He points to Claude, Ted, Sylar and Samson.

Isaac: You, you, you, and you. We're leaving.

D.L: What, I'm supposed to stay here. Like hell….

Isaac: You need Arthur Petrelli to trade you off for Micah and Molly. It's the only way you'll be reunited with your son.

D.L: That…doesn't make any sense.

Isaac: If all goes as planned, you will be reunited with your family. Let's go.

They leave the complex, leaving D.L behind.

Sylar: We're seriously just going to leave him there? Who are you anyway?

Isaac: Don't have time to explain. I don't care where you go, just stay away from here.

Zach: Will that even work?

Hiro: It has to! Once you change from Micah we won't be able to recreate Redux and stop the timeline from collapsing into itself. We need the real Micah here. Try and put this into the program.

Isaac returns to his Loft in Redux.

Hiro: How did it go?

Isaac: D.L got the message. He's staying for the trade.

Zach: Good. We're running out of time, the season is almost over.

Everything starts to shake violently for a few seconds.

Zach: Ugh, crap. Hiro, we can't afford another one of those.

Hiro: One more, we can do one more. Mr. Isaac, when you go back, you will be at the same location. Your time is limited but hopefully it will be enough. We'll be able to determine when the trade is completed before you leave.

Isaac: Then what?

Hiro: You'll arrive right after the final trade. No matter what you have to do..….Micah Sanders absolutely must be with you when you return.

Isaac: Okay…

He takes a deep breath. The building starts to shake and he vanishes.

Meredith: Guard! Carry Dr. Suresh to the car. Claire should already be in there.

Niki: Claire!?

Ando: What are you gonna do with us?

Meredith: I'm not going to kill you. That's up to my subordinate. (She leaves, along with her guard carrying an unconscious Mohinder).

Everyone looks at Adam.

Adam: Well, of course I'm going to kill you. Duh.

The doors of Nathan, Ando, and Tracy's cells open. Guards start to flood in.

Ando: Uh oh.

Adam: This is for what happened at the….

Niki: Don't even! It was Elle who stabbed you! Go kill her!

Adam: -Sigh-…I'd start running..

The guards aim their guns.

Linderman walks into his office, Arthur Petrelli is sitting in his chair.

Linderman: Arthur….this is a surprise. What brings you here?

Arthur: I came to collect. Your time is up.

He points to the empty spot where the Genesis-Redux machine was.

Linderman: Wh…Wha…you took it!?

Arthur: Sure did. It's mine now.

Linderman: Hiro Nakamura was not done with his mission! And where are Micah and Molly? We had a deal!

Arthur: Relax. There's been a change of plans.

Linderman: What are you talking about?

Arthur: You don't need to use young Micah as bait to exact revenge on D.L. I have him in my possession.

Linderman: What?

Arthur: And I still have both Micah and Molly….in my possession.

Linderman: Guh…

Arthur: And now I have Genesis-Redux…..in my possession.

Linderman: Because you cheated! We were supposed to swap!

Arthur: Calm down, Daniel. You'll get your life back….as ridiculous as that sounds because apparently everybody on the planet knows you're alive but you. And you'll get your revenge in due time.

Linderman: What are you talking about?

Arthur: When I had prisoners not too long ago….I obtained some abilities. One of them being Mr. Sanders'.

Linderman: What's your point?

Arthur: Well, when you have the ability to speak the language of computers get them to do whatever you want; it changes the game a little.

Linderman: I don't think I like where this is going.

Arthur: You will. You see, Mr. Nakamura will reach his destination, and complete what he needed to do. But waiting for him at the end….is the end of the program. The end of Genesis-Redux. And at the end of the program, lies a line of computer code, that when activated…..will change everything.

Linderman: How so?

Arthur starts to leave.

Arthur: There was a point in all of our lives where everything seemed to have just….stopped. I think it's time for us to pick up where we left off.

Arthur heads out of the office.

Linderman: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?!

Meanwhile, Meredith walks out of the casino to the car.

Meredith (to Flint): Everything good?

Flint: Yup, she's secure.

Mohinder gets thrown in the back with Claire.

Meredith: Good.

She walks around and gets in the car.

Arthur walks outside of Linderman's office as a henchman runs up to him.

Henchman: Sir! We have a problem!

Arthur: What?

Henchman: Micah Sanders and Molly Walker….they're gone. They were in the car…then….they just vanished.

Arthur puts on his sunglasses.

Arthur: Good.

He gets into his car. He drives away.

**To Be Continued…**

**Next Time….The Final Episode Of Volume 8. **

Niki, Tracy, Ando and Nathan run from gunfire.

Nathan: If I get shot again, I'm going to be so upset.

Micah (to Hiro): This is incredible….but…you're wasting your time.

Hiro: How?

Micah: Arthur has the program he wants, he is just waiting for you to set the trap to create his brand new world. It's going to happen whether we like it or not.

Claire (to Meredith): Why are you doing this?

Meredith: I lost my chance with you the first time; this is the fresh start we need. At our new home.

The car pulls up.

Claire: Oh no….not here….anywhere but here.

Optometrist: Okay, Mrs. Petrelli. Number 1….or Number 2.

Angela: …Number 1.

Optometrist: Okay. Number 1….or Number 2.

Angela: Number 1.

Optometrist: You know if you didn't fake going to your appointment last time you'd have prescription lenses by now. Number 1 or Number 2.

Angela: Which one am I supposed to squint on?

Optometrist: You're not supposed to squint on any of them!

Angela: Oh, then we're going to have to start all over.

Optometrist: Lasik Surgery it is.

Arthur and Peter clash swords.

Arthur: Good sword skills, son. Where do you learn your moves?

Peter: On a little show called 'Revolution'!

Arthur: What is that?

Peter: I have no idea…

**To Be Continued…**


	12. Redux

**The Heroes Parody Project  
>(Season 4, Episode 12)<br>Disclaimer: **_**Heroes**_** is copyright NBC and the show's creator, Tim Kring. I am not, nor represent any of the cast or crew of the show. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to any actual people, living or dead, are completely coincidental. Reader Discretion is advised.**

A limousine pulls up to the multiplex theater downtown. Niki, wearing a luxurious dress and fur coat, climbs out. She is followed by D.L and Micah.

Niki: Oh, D.L, this is wonderful. I love the idea of a perfect family night at the movies.

D.L: Only the best for my family.

Niki: Nothing can screw up this perfect night.

They go into the theater and sit down.

Niki: These seats are so comfortable. I love this!

Niki presses a button on her chair.

Niki: We even get food service at our seats! Fancy!

Matt walks up.

Matt: Good evening!

Niki: Oh hell, I knew it was too good to be true!

Matt: I wanted to welcome you and hope that you enjoy the show. And thank you for choosing Parkman Theaters.

Niki: Parkman Theaters?!

The following Preview Is Approved For All Audiences…

Nathan, sporting a goatee, runs into his house to greet…

Nathan: Pepper Potts! We have to get out of my awesome house before it blows up!

Meredith: But I just made dinner!

The house explodes, things are flying everywhere.

Meredith: My risotto!

The house starts to fall off the cliff.

Meredith: This is like rain on your wedding day!

Nathan: It's like a free ride when you already paid!

Meredith: It's the good advice that I just didn't take!

Both: And who would of though….it figures!

This Summer…..Iron-ic Man 3!

Niki gets up and turns toward Matt at the projector.

Niki: What the hell was that?!

Matt: Copyrights, woman! Do you know how much it cost me to even MENTION Pepper Potts!?

Niki: You couldn't even get him in the suit!?

Matt holds up his hand and rubs his fingers together.

Niki: UGH!

She plops back down.

The following preview is approved for all audiences.

Peter walks into a cabin.

Peter: As I, Nick Carraway, just finished moving into my new house, ready to start my life as a bond salesman. Living next door to me was someone very mysterious…."Mattsby" is what they called him.

Niki: THE GREAT MATTSBY!? Are you freaking kidding me!?

Peter: Every night he held lavish parties. They lasted all night. People from all over would come to dance and drink….and they never even met him. I got an invitation to one of these parties. I'm going to go.

Peter makes his way to the party, everybody is dancing like crazy.

Peter: As I make my way into the party, I noticed that everybody was dancing like crazy. But I had to find him….I had to meet….Mattsby…

He bumps into someone. Matt turns around.

Matt: Hello, Old Sport! My name is The Mattsby….and I'm stupid rich!

Peter: WOW!

Niki buries her face in her hands.

Matt: Say, Old Sport, I must say you should let me meet up with your cousin. You know. My long lost love….Daisy?

The film cuts to a shot of Niki brushing her teeth.

Niki: WHAT THE?!

Matt: Like you would have agreed to do it.

Niki: That doesn't mean you can just film me….that's illegal, right?

The following preview has been approved for all audiences…

Matt walks into the garage, with ginormous bulging muscles.

Niki: HA!

Matt: Man, it sure is great being buff and all.

Claire (to Matt): Dom! We have a problem!

Matt: Nothing my muscles can't handle.

Claire: A rival street gang took our last case of NOS!

Matt: Me and my muscles are going after them!

Claire: You don't understand….they went back….in time!

Matt: Me and my muscles have this under control!

Claire: Would you shut the hell up about your stupid muscles?!

Matt: I must go.

Matt bumps into the wall and one of his muscles pops, a hissing noise is heard as air seeps out.

Matt: Pretend you didn't see that.

Claire: I will not.

Matt hops into the Delorian.

Doc Brown: Now remember, Marty, this car has to go 88 miles per hour.

Matt: It's about to go….588 miles per hour!

Doc Brown: Great Scott!

The car zooms off, leaving a trail of fire.

Claire: Oh great! Now the garage is going to burn to the ground!

200 Million years ago.

Matt runs up and sees the leader of the rival street gang hop on a Triceratops.

Matt: Things are about to get….(puts on sunglasses)….Past And Furious.

Matt hops on a T-Rex and chases after him. The two dinosaurs start grinding against each other as sparks fly.

Matt: This is for you, Letty! Good thing I still have your picture…

Matt opens up a locket to reveal a picture of Niki brushing her teeth.

Niki: Dammit, Matt!

The Triceratops loses control and flies off the road. If flips over into a pit before bursting into flames.

Niki: When are these previews going to end?

Matt: One more!

The Starship Enterprise flies through space.

Niki: Oh, don't ruin this one; I haven't even seen it yet!

Peter: Space….the final frontier….these are the space cases of the Star Trek Enterprise.

Niki: And now it's ruined…..

Matt (as Spock): Captain….we are getting a message from a mysterious caller.

Peter: On screen.

Sylar shows up on the screen.

Sylar: Now that I got your attention, WHY THE HELL AM I UHURA!?

Peter and Matt turn around.

Peter: Are you hailing us from 10 feet away?

Sylar: Shut up! Why did you idiots make me Uhura? I should be Spock!

Matt: Don't be ridiculous! That would be highly illogical.

Peter: He's right, you know. Let's go Spock…..Sulu, warp speed ahead. What is our status, Mr. Worf!?

Mohinder (as Worf): These stupid forehead ridges are giving me a sinus headache!

Hiro (sitting two rows in front of Niki): WHHAAAAT!?

Ando: What just happened?

Hiro: Mr. Worf is NOT in the original series or the J.J Abrams reboot!

Ando: We can ignore it.

Hiro: I cannot forgive this! Matt Parkman must die a thousand deaths!

Ando: Let's not get too crazy, just a simple mistake. I'm sure we can still enjoy the movie.

Peter: Let's continue our mission into space…._and may the force be with us all_.

Ando: Okay, now he has to die.

They leave their seats.

Niki (to D.L): How did you get tickets to this again?

And now our feature presentation:

Zach: _Previously…on Heroes_.

Niki: Are….are we about to watch the episode we haven't even filmed yet?!

Hiro (to Zach): I really appreciate your help. Couldn't have done it without you. Well, I probably could.

Zach: What's wrong?

Hiro: The notes! We're out of notes. They're gone! I don't know how to finish the rest of the season.

Isaac: I know who both of you are.

Hiro (to Zach): You're Micah, so with his abilities we can rebuild the system and set the course of history back in order.

Hiro, Isaac and Zach study the program as it tells them their present as well as the future to coincide with Isaac's paintings.

Isaac shows up masked to warn D.L to remain where he is.

Hiro: This isn't going to work; we're not following the original timeline. We have to get the real Micah in here to help us.

Linderman: What is the meaning of this?

Arthur: There's been a change of plans. I now have D.L, Micah, Molly, and control over Redux.

Linderman: What a cheat!

Arthur: I have the ability to change the course of history. Everything will change. You will be resurrected, and will have your revenge. Just be patient.

Guard: Sir! Micah and Molly are gone!

Arthur: Good.

West: We're going to put on the best show ever!

Audience: BOO!

Claire: ACK!

West: Broke my foot here!

Claire gets kidnapped.

Niki and The Haitian find the Complex. Adam Munroe shows up.

Adam: The person I was working for had me bring you here so I did….sort of.

Meredith shows up.

Nathan: What is going on here!?

Meredith: It was a test Nathan, which you failed. I'm taking our daughter and starting my life over the way I want to. Someone is going to help me achieve that.

Adam: Kill them all!

The empty shells of endless bullets fall to the ground. The prison doors of the cells of the underground complex fly open. Niki and Tracy run and take cover behind a wall amidst the gunfire. This wall just so happens to read:

**Chapter Twelve 'Redux'**

Niki: This is total bull crap!

Tracy: I agree! Where is everyone else?!

Niki sees the Haitian taking cover off in the distance, firing back when he can. Nathan quickly limps to cover.

Nathan: Hey, time out! My foot's asleep!

Ando has his back against a wall, he bumps into a door.

Ando: Hey! HEY! I think this is a way out!

Niki: Nothing else we can do. We have to run for it!

Nathan: Tracy, you want to do something here? I'm going to be pretty steamed if I get shot right now.

Tracy: Oh right.

Tracy holds her hand up from behind cover as ice starts to flow from her hand, solidifying into the form of a wall.

Adam: Break through that! Don't let them escape!

The wall has been put up, the group stands behind it.

Nathan: Well, that will do nicely.

Ando: They can get us from here.

A door flings open behind them, guards start flooding out.

Nathan: Well, maybe that didn't go as WELL as we would have wanted. Keep running!

Meanwhile, Noah makes his way through a panicking crowd to meet up with Peter and West Rosen.

Noah: What's going on?

Peter: I found this witness to the whole horrid affair.

West: Pete, why are you acting like you don't know me? Remember me? West? You saved me and Claire from the lake…wait….by horrid affair you don't mean the magic show?!

Peter: Yes, it was a travesty according to eye witnesses.

West: But I'm the only person you interrogated!

Noah: Where's Claire?

West: Kidnapped!

Noah: What?! Weren't you with her!?

West: I was but I broke my ankle doing the Gangnam Style dance…

Noah and Peter: …

West: err…I meant I broke my ankle saving thousands of people at a burning hospital!

Noah: Oh, well that makes more sense!

Peter: Good thing you were there!

West: Yes, I was performing Gangnam Style for the patients…..(oh, dammit! Why did I just say that? That defeats the purpose of changing my story!)

Noah: I have this under control. I'll give Sandra a call and have her turn child tracker on. We'll find her.

West: You have her on child tracker?!

Noah: Have you met me?

West: Yeah, I don't know why I said that either…

Matt walks into the scene.

Matt: Everybody move along! Nothing to see here!

Noah (getting off the phone): Done! Sandra will have the results for me in a few minutes….(notices Matt) What are you doing here?

Matt: There was a murder here tonight! Nobody leaves until we crack the case!

Noah: The writers pulled you out of plot limbo for THIS!?

Matt: It's going to be a long night….

Meanwhile, in Genesis:Redux….

Isaac appears back at his loft with Micah and Molly.

Hiro: Well, this was slightly unexpected.

Micah: What's going on here….(looks at Isaac)….aren't you supposed to be dead?

Isaac: Say what?

Micah: Wait!...Are we in Genesis Redux?

Hiro: GASP! How did you know?!

Micah: I've overheard Arthur blab on about it a time or two….so I had some of my agents back at the headquarters of 'The Third Generation' look into it.

Hiro: The third gener…wait…That's still a thing!?

Micah: Of course it is!

Zach: What's 'The Third Generation'?

Hiro: It's the family line of the third generation of Heroes that have joined forces to save the world. Micah and Molly here, technically Claire as well, oh and myself…

Micah: No, you're the last generation.

Hiro: What!? That doesn't make any sense! Me and Claire have been on the show the same amount of time!

Micah: She's still third in line! You're only Kaito Nakamura's son….so you're only the second generation.

Hiro: Fine! We'll make our own group of the SECOND generation heroes and we'll have stories about our own adventures!

Micah: That's…kind of what this show is already….

Isaac: Are…we doing something here?

Micah: Right! Let's see what we have. I only have a little bit of intel but we will help you get to the end of the program. A lot of the lines of code are messed up due to paradoxes in the system. Certain scenes not playing out right, getting skipped, bringing people from the real world into Redux and vice versa…

Hiro: Oops!

Micah: Okay, I'll do the best I can. Arthur took my computer powers so I can't do very much manipulating, but I'll try my best. I've printed out your next destination.

Zach: Back into the fray we go….

Meanwhile….in pitch blackness.

Claire: Okay….calm down….no reason to get freaked out.

Mohinder: Claire! Is that you!? By the sound of your voice I've deducted that science has proven….

Claire: Okay…you're just trapped with Mohinder…..urge to freak out rising…

Mohinder: I've deduced that we've been kidnapped.

Claire: You don't say.

Meredith: Claire, I'm sorry I had to do this….but it is for your own good.

Claire: Mom?!...What's going on?...And take this bag off! I feel like a potato!

Meredith pulls the bag off; she is in the passenger seat of the car they are in, with Flint driving.

Claire: What the hell is going on!? Why did you kidnap me!?

Mohinder: and Dr. Suresh….

Meredith: We met a wonderful man….a man who foretold the ending of the world!

Claire: Come again?

Meredith: He is going to save us all! I knew if I brought you with me, when our world ended and the new one began….we could start all over again!

Claire: …come again?

Meredith: You will be safe once we arrive….

Claire: I have a bad feeling about this.

Mohinder: I have a way to make the car trip fun! Let's play a game! I'll say one of the elements starting with A….then on your turn you have to repeat what I say then add something new to the mix starting with B….and we go back and forth all the way to Z.

Claire: Fine.

Mohinder: I'm going to the Science Picnic and I'm bringing with me….Aluminum. Now you.

Claire: Um…..I'm….going to the Science Picnic….and I'm bringing…Aluminum….and….Bovine.

Mohinder: BOVINE!?

Claire: Yeah….isn't it like…..Br….or something….on that table thing.

Mohinder: That's Bromine….

Claire: That's what I said.

Mohinder: NO YOU DIDN'T!

Claire: Can't we just go to the regular picnic with normal things?

Mohinder: Hmm….fine, I'm going to the non science picnic and I'm bringing….an apple.

Claire: I'm going to the non science picnic and I'm bringing….an apple….and…..a Bababadalgharaghtakamminapronnkonnbronntonnepronnt uonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordeenenthurnu k!

Mohinder: What the hell is that?!

Claire: It's the sound the thunder made when Adam and Eve were casted out of the Garden of Eden…..see? (Shows Mohinder her Google Search result)

Mohinder: THAT'S CHEATING!

Claire: No it's not!

Mohinder: You can't bring the sound of thunder to a freaking picnic!

Claire: How else am I going to scare away the ants!?

Mohinder: You're not taking this seriously at all…are you?

Claire: I…am not.

Mohinder: Pick. Another. Word.

Claire: Fine….I'm going to the non science picnic and I'm bringing an apple….and some Bismuth.

Mohinder: …..Get out.

Meanwhile, Sylar and Ted are eating in the break room at The Company. Angela bursts in, crying.

Angela: This is terrible! Absolutely terrible!

Sylar: Um…You're getting your eye juices all over my lunch so dry it up or get lost!

Angela: They did it! They actually did it! They got married!

Angela slams the newspaper on the table, showing Samson and Alice's wedding photo (them leaving the church).

Sylar: How the hell did they do that so fast! They've only been gone for like an hour!

Ted: It only takes like….two minutes to get married in Vegas….

Sylar: They still have to GET down there unless there is….

Sylar takes another look at the picture to see Daphne throwing flowers.

Ted: There you go.

Sylar: What did she do, carry both of them on her shoulders!?

Angela: You're missing the big picture here, Sylar!

Sylar: Yeah! We're the only two losers still left working here!

Angela: I mean she didn't invite her own sister to the wedding! Never mind…I didn't want to go anyway.

Sylar: Are you done!?

Angela: Speaking of D.L….

Ted: None of us brought up D.L.

Angela: He is still held captive at Arthur's. The time to wage war is now!

Sylar: Adam ran off, Daphne and Alice ran off, you're stuck with both of us who are powerless.

Ted: I'm not, he didn't take my power…I can still blow up and kill us all.

Angela: Perfect!

Sylar: Groan….

Angela: I need you to go out and get some recruits…

Sylar: Didn't you JUST get through doing that?!

Angela: No this is for real and not a red herring evil scheme hatched by my former late husband.

Ted: Former….Late….Husband…..Former Late…..my head hurts.

Angela: We strike at dawn tomorrow so get crackin. I'll have my secret weapon here first thing in the morning!

Sylar: Uh…..huh…

**===HEROES===**

Niki, Ando, and The Haitian are walking through the casino.

Niki: What the? Where are Tracy and Nathan. Niki pulls out her cell phone.

Haitian: They just got out of prison; do you really think she'll have a phone?

Niki: Of course, Tracy always has her phone on her.

Haitian: Even in prison? Where she could have called for help.

Niki: Not where she was. Our reception is bad enough as it is.

Haitian: Both of you have the same cell phone carrier? Who is it?

Niki: Biff.

Haitian: I'm sorry, what?

Niki: Biff.

Haitian: …Biff.

Niki: Biff.

Haitian: Biff…Wireless? I've never heard of that.

Niki: Ha ha…No….his name was biff. My credit is kinda shot so I had to use a different means to get a cell phone. Biff is the guy who drives the taco truck downtown.

Haitian: You got your cell phone from a man who drives a taco truck?

Niki: Yup. No contract either….well; we did have to agree to eat there every day for the rest of our lives, so I GUESS you could consider a contract.

Haitian: Is the food even good?

Niki: No, the tacos are quite terrible.

Meanwhile, in the sewers.

Nathan: The what?! How the hell did we end up down here?

Tracy: We were running from those guards, we must have gotten separated.

Nathan: Great.

Tracy picks up her cell phone.

Tracy: Niki? Where are you? Yeah, we got separated somehow. We're in the sewers.

Nathan (holding his nose): This place smells like that stupid taco truck that's always parked outside my office.

Tracy (hanging up): Okay, let's try to make it through these sewers and meet up with them.

They start walking, but stop suddenly and turn around.

Tracy: Did you hear that?

Nathan: ….no.

Tracy: Then why did you stop?

Nathan: Because you have an iron clad grip on my arm. If you were your sister you would have She Hulk-ed it right out of the socket by now.

Back up top…

Niki: WHAAAT?!

Noah (on the phone): OW! Stop screaming! You just blew out my eardrum!

Niki: Claire's been kidnapped?

Noah: Yes, and I'm waiting the results of the child tracker. I'll let you know where she is and meet up with you when I get finished with this mess. We'll find out who did this.

Niki: Wait a minute….Claire was kidnapped….Mohinder was just taken from us from Meredith.

Noah: Meredith Gordon? Claire's biological mother?

Niki: Yeah, there has to be a connection between the two kidnappings.

Noah: Okay….we'll find them. I just have to finish this mess first.

Noah hangs up the phone as Matt motions for him to come over. Noah sits across from him.

Matt: I'm going to need you to hook yourself up to this machine. It's what we in the business call a Voight-Kampff machine.

Noah: What business are you in again?

Matt: I'm going to ask you a few questions.

Noah: I suppose.

Matt: Question One: You are walking down a road. You see a turtle, lying over on its back, unable to get back up. What do you do?

Noah: I would find a large rock to put on the turtle.

Matt: Oooh….hmm…

Noah: I was joking! I would turn it right side up and…

Matt: Question Two: Your child is playing ball inside the house and knocks over a very expensive and irreplaceable vase your grandmother made on her deathbed. It shatters. What do you say to the child?

Noah: She made a vase on her deathbed and still _charged me for it?!_

Matt: Answer the question, please.

Noah: I would shove flowers into the child's mouth and appoint him as the new family vase.

Matt: …

Noah: I'm kidding, sheesh! I would actually….send the child to Medium school and contact my Grandmother from beyond the grave and have her FedEx me a new one.

Matt: ….I already submitted your first answer.

Noah: Uh huh.

Matt: Final Question….

Noah: Finally….

Matt: Of Part One.

Noah: Ugh….

Matt: Out of two parts.

Noah: That's not so bad.

Matt: Out of Volume One.

Noah: Uh…

Matt: Out of ten volumes.

Noah: Just get on with it so I can go home already!

Meanwhile, in Genesis Redux.

Zach (as Nathan) walks up to Hiro (Linderman) chopping vegetables in the kitchen of the hotel. Zach raises a gun to his face.

Hiro: Are you going to kill me?

Zach: Yes, yes I am…..

Hiro: If it looks like I'm crying it is because I am chopping up onions. I'm not crying because of you. I laugh at the face of death. TEE! HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE!

Zach: That's how you laugh at the face of death?

Hiro (tears streaming down his face): Yes…..I…..I'm afraid of nothing….ooh it burns…..

Zach: Shove some bread in your mouth.

Hiro: What?

Zach: Shove some bread in your mouth. That will stop the crying.

Hiro: Really?! I've never heard of that!

Zach: It's a very popular method. The yeast from the bread absorbs into your eyeballs and blocks the onion fumes that make you tear up.

Hiro: That sounds ridiculous! I'll do it!

Hiro opens a package of bread and takes a slice and shoves it in his mouth.

Hiro: urk….lrk thrs?

Zach: Hmm…I think you're doing it wrong. Let me show you.

Zach grabs a knife and chops up the onion. The takes a slice of bread and crams it into his mouth.

Zach: Lrk thers!

Hiro: Ur!...urrkey! Lt me trer anoder one.

Hiro shoves another slice into his mouth.

Zach: Man….(pouring down tears)….I thnk I need mre bred…

Zach grabs another slice and shoves it in his mouth.

Hiro (crying): URTS NRT WRKING!

Zach: Nee mrr bred!

Hiro and Zach shove another slice into their mouths.

Zach: Its wrking! Its wrking!

Hiro: Ner itt isn't!

Hiro grabs another onion.

Zach: NO! DNNT!

Hiro slices it, more tears start streaming down his face.

Hiro: AHHHH!

Zach (pouring tears): WAAAAHH!

Hiro: MRE BRED!

Zach: YES!

Hiro and Zach put another slice of bread in their mouths.

Molly, Micah and Isaac watch the scene slowly turning their heads.

Isaac: What the HELL are they doing?!

Micah: I have no idea.

Micah grabs a piece of paper that just finished printing out.

Micah: Oh no….this is bad! This is really bad!

Molly: What's wrong?

Micah: The purpose of Genesis Redux is to relive Season One, right? Well, even though Zach and Hiro are portraying different people in the season, they still have to remain on schedule. If they run late and go off the schedule, the infrastructure of the entire program could collapse!

Isaac: Along with the fact that you two are here and I've been jumping back and forth between your world and this one causing further disturbances?

Micah: Exactly!

Isaac: Hmm.

Micah: We have to get back on track….where is the timeline at now? (He skims over the paper)…Uh oh….Can we get Hiro and Ando on the phone?

Isaac: I think they're distracted.

Hiro, choking on bread, scrambles around. He grabs a cup of water.

Zach: Dnt do thrt! Itll obsorb de werter and expund!

Hiro: expund?...(Hiro feels the bread absorbing the water)….AAACCKKK!

Hiro falls over.

Micah: We may have to do this ourselves.

Molly: What are you talking about?

Micah (To Molly): Come with me! I have a plan!

Isaac: I will….watch the computer.

Isaac sits down and continues to watch Zach and Hiro scramble around the kitchen.

Meanwhile, back in the car.

Mohinder takes a deep breath.

Mohinder: Okay….I'm going to the non-science picnic and I'm bringing some Aluminum, Bismuth, Chocolate Covered Strawberries, Demi Moore's Autobiography, Extraordinary Things, Fred Flintstone's leftover Brontosaurus rib, George Costanza's glasses, Harriet Tubman's Netflix Queue (glares at Claire and rolls his eyes), Ice Cube Trays, Jumping Jacks, Kim Kardashian's Second Grade Report Card, and….(sigh)….Lollipop, Lollipop, Oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop *POP*, and Miracle Whip. CAN WE STOP THIS NOW?!

Claire: You're the one who wanted to play the stupid game!

Mohinder: Yes, when we were going to the science picnic! This one is just ridiculous! Half of these don't even make sense!

Claire: You've never been on a non-science picnic, have you?

Mohinder: I have not.

Claire: You're missing out. Anyway, you just went, so I have to go. We have to see it to the end!

Mohinder: Hmm.

Claire: I'm going to the non-science picnic and I'm bringing….

In a car (a different one)…Sylar and Ted are sitting in the backseat, Angela is up front in the passenger seat and some guy is driving.

Sylar: And speaking of some guy driving…who is this guy anyway?

Angela: A friend.

The man, wearing a cape and top hat, turns around to greet them.

Man: Greetings, mortals! I am….the fantabulous _Hypno-Harry!_ I'm a Hypnotist!

Sylar: You're also a bad driver! Watch the road!

Hypno Harry: I am going to perform acts of magic never seen before! The amazement will never cease!

Angela: HEE! (Turns to the back), see? I told you I had a plan! Isn't Harry amazing! He is so fresh!

Sylar: FRESH!? What is that? Who uses that as a way to describe someone?

Ted: …Cannibals?

Angela: Hurry, The Amazing Hypno-Harry! To the airport! We have magic to do!

Sylar: Is he going to make this sub plot disappear? Heh heh….(Turns to Ted)….Get it? (Holds up hand for a high five).

Ted: Hmm…

Ted takes his finger and presses the middle of Sylar's hand.

Ted: BOOP!

Sylar: What the hell was that?!

Ted: Yeah….I'm kind of a germaphobe.

Sylar: You….a germaphobe?…..you have radiation that can totally wipe the city off the map and kill everyone and you're afraid of a few germs?

Ted: Yeah.

Sylar: Oh….okay then.

Niki, Ando, and The Haitian are leaving the casino.

Ando: Where are we going?

Niki: Meredith and Flint kidnapped Mohinder and Claire, I don't know where they're taking them but we don't have time to wait on results from a stupid child tracker trace. We're going to the source.

Ando: The source.

Niki: Yes….we're going to pay Linderman a visit.

Zach (as Mohinder) is sitting across from Hiro (Sylar) drinking tea.

Zach: So…yeah, that is my hypothesis…on the matter….

Hiro: Interesting.

Zach takes a sip of his tea.

Zach: You're not drinking your….(serious pause)…tea.

Hiro: I'm good actually. Oh! There's a knock at the door.

Peter is knocking on the door.

Peter: Dr. Suresh! I'm your biggest fan, open up! No…that's too formal…..Dr. Suresh! I'm Peter! Open the door or you're gonna get a spoonful of DEATH!...no…too subtle. Hmm…

Hiro: I should get that.

Zach: Why? It's my apartment..

Peter: Girl Scout Housekeeping! I'll clean your apartment while leaving trails of Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs, and Savannah Smiles. Just watch out for the ants!

Hiro opens the door.

Hiro: Hello, I'm Dr. Suresh. Come on in, friend!

Peter walks in as he feels something wet drip on him.

Peter: What is that?

Peter wipes his hand through his hair and is shocked at the reveal.

Peter: Blood!? There's blood dripping through your ceiling!

Hiro: HAHA! Nonsense! Just ignore that and don't look up. Hey, that reminds me of a song (clears throat) _Blood Drops keep falling on my head! But that doesn't mean Dr. Suresh is surely dead! La, la, la, la, la…la!_

Peter: There's a dead guy on your ceiling.

Zach: Hello!

Hiro: What did I just tell you not to do!?

Peter: Look at the ceiling.

Hiro: And what did you do?

Peter: Look at the ceiling.

Hiro: And now you must pay….with your life.

Hiro holds up his finger…and swipes!

Peter: AHH!

Hiro: OH…I missed…hold on let me try it again!

Hiro….swipes!

Peter: YEOWCH!

Hiro: Oh man, I'm bad at this. Zach, you want to give this a go?

Zach: Kinda busy at the moment…losing blood and all.

Hiro: And….swish!

Peter: AHHH!

Hiro: SWASH!

Peter: EEEK!

Hiro: ZIP! ZAP!...Dang, how does Sylar do this? There's got to be a book or something!

In the sewers.

Tracy: I think someone is following us.

Nathan: You'll save us.

Tracy: Some Knight in shining armor you are.

Nathan: Fine…I'll use my power and fly away.

Tracy: You're right. I'll save us.

Nathan: Wait….who is that?

Up ahead they see a mysterious figure wearing a trench coat….they can't make out who it he is. He holds up a knife.

Tracy: A serial killer in the sewers! Now I've seen everything!

Nathan: RUN!

Nathan and Tracy turn around and run, they both slip on a patch of ice, falling on their backs.

Nathan: Ow…

Tracy: Oof….

Nathan: What….was that?

Tracy: I was leaving an ice trail behind us to slip him up.

Nathan: How ice-ronic.

Tracy: ….

Nathan: Sorry.

Tracy: That was terrible.

Nathan: I know…I don't think straight when I break every bone in my back.

Tracy: You could have just kept quiet.

Nathan: I said I was sorry!

Tracy: ….

Nathan: ….Though I was the star of this summer's blockbuster film 'Iron-ic Man'…so technically I can say whatever I want.

Tracy: Are we dead yet?

Nathan: Almost.

Meanwhile…

Sylar: At the airport….you know because we have our priorities straight.

Angela: It's only a matter of time before my plan goes according…well…to plan.

Sylar: What is the plan again?

Angela: The wonderful, amazing, Hypno-Harry is going to help us wage war against Arthur.

Sylar: …How?

Angela: He's going to get volunteers…

Sylar: I have a bad feeling about this.

Angela: …to become hypnotized…

Sylar: Feeling getting worse.

Angela: …to make them THINK they have powers….

Sylar: Almost there.

Angela: And we storm Arthur's complex and attack.

Sylar: And…that's all I need. Okay…..That's the stupidest idea I have ever heard.

Angela: Well, I'm your boss so you're just going to have to suck it up.

Sylar: I don't recall agreeing to work here. You? (To Ted)

Ted: Look, isn't that your dad and the weather girl?

Samson and Alice walk up.

Angela: What in fresh hell is this?!

Sylar: Again…with the fresh…I don't get it.

Alice: Oh, Angela! I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the wedding; I just figured it would have been awkward.

Angela: You think!?

Alice: But I'm so happy that you came here to see us off on our Honeymoon.

Sylar: Wait. You went to Vegas to get married but came back HERE to fly off on your Honeymoon. Why not just stay in Vegas?

Samson: Cheaper air rates.

Sylar: Cheaper then hitching a ride on the Millbrook Express? How did you two manage that anyway?

Alice: Before I go, I wanted to give you these back.

Alice hands Angela some socks.

Alice: I know you used to steal socks because they reminded you of me. But I don't need these anymore; I have new socks in my life! (She smiles at Samson)

Sylar: You two are going to share socks!? That's disgusting!

Alice: Goodbye Angela. I'll see you around.

They walk off.

Angela: I can't believe she stole my man!

Sylar: Oh stop it! For the last time, you couldn't care less about being married to Samson!

Angela: Doesn't matter….I don't need him. I have Hypno-Harry….Alice isn't the only one with new socks!

Sylar: Gross! What is with you people?! (To Ted) Haven't these people ever heard of foot fungus!?

Isaac is on the computer reading through the timeline of Season One. He gets to the part where Sylar kills him and looks over to the painting of him dead on the floor.

Isaac: Hmm….well, with everything else going wrong and out of order….maybe everything doesn't have to be accurate.

The phone rings, Isaac picks it up.

Isaac: Hello?

Hiro: Mr. Isaac? It's me, Hiro!

Isaac: Yes?

Hiro: Is Micah there?

Isaac: He ran off saying something how you two are extremely behind schedule or something like that.

Hiro: Of course, we must be behind schedule.

Isaac: I just said that.

Hiro: We'll just have to work harder and catch up. Can you remind us where we're at in the story? Type in S01EF-G454 for a shortcut.

Isaac types it in and the page highlights the one where he was just reading about, him being murdered by Sylar.

Isaac: Uh….umm….

Isaac types in another code and presses enter.

Isaac: You're supposed to go to Sylar's mother's house.

Hiro: Are you sure? We're not skipping over anything important. Like any major character deaths?

Isaac: …..uh…..nope.

Hiro: Excellent! That's what I figured! We're on our way.

Isaac hangs up the phone. The building violently shakes for a few seconds.

Isaac: Ick….I'm sure that was only a coincidence.

Tracy and Nathan are running through the sewer.

Nathan: You know, you could have just frozen him or something.

Tracy: I'm not doing that! I'm only using my powers for good!

Nathan: So you'll make an ice wall deflecting bullets but when we're being pursued by a knife wielding killer now you're being picky?!

Tracy: Dead end!

Nathan: Yeah.

Tracy: There's a manhole cover over there, but we have to cross the sewage.

Nathan: And smell like garbage!? I'd rather have the killer catch us.

Tracy: Hmm. Okay….I can try something.

Tracy kneels down and places her hand over the sewage. Ice starts to spread across the gap, creating a walkway to the other side.

Tracy: There!

Nathan: There what?

Tracy: We walk across.

Nathan: We just slipped and fell and almost killed ourselves!

Tracy: Let's just take it slow and make it across. Hurry!

Nathan: Fine.

Tracy: Grab my hands; we'll use the buddy system.

Nathan: That translates into 'If I go down, you go with me'.

Tracy: Smart man. Let's go.

Nathan: Groan…

Tracy and Nathan step onto the ice slowly. They take another step.

Nathan: This isn't so bad…

Tracy: No…I think we can do this.

Nathan: Steady…..steady….

They slowly make their way across the ice. Moving their feet very slowly, they inch closer and closer to the halfway point.

Tracy: We're halfway there! Just a little more!

Nathan: Uh oh.

The mysterious knife wielder walks around the corner.

Tracy: It's the killer!

The killer takes a look at the ice and scratches his head.

Tracy: Hmm…this probably looks strange if you're not someone who's used to this sort of thing.

Nathan: Good point.

Tracy: Wait….I just thought of something. Why didn't you just fly us over the sewage?

Nathan: I'm still weak….I did just recover from a gunshot would I had for like twenty episodes.

Tracy: Ah….hey! Where did he go?

Nathan: The serial killer? Who cares! We're safe.

They start hearing a cracking.

Nathan: What is that?

Tracy: I think the ice is starting to crack.

Nathan: That's a little BAD, don't you think.

Tracy: A little….

Nathan: Make some more…or something.

Tracy: I don't think I can move and stabilize the bridge without making the cracking worse.

Nathan: Can't you just…turn into water and refreeze the bridge.

Tracy: Uh…no…then I'll go into the sewer when I thaw!

Nathan: We're going to go into the sewage anyway, this way I can at least get a…(looks at Tracy)….the buddy system?

Tracy: The buddy system.

The bridge collapses as Nathan and Tracy splash into the sewage.

Tracy: EEEGH!

Nathan: Oh…so slimy…so gross!

Tracy: It smells so bad.

Nathan: I can't fly! I can't fly! I can't concentrate to fly! We're going to die in here!

Tracy: Don't…forget…the buddy system!

Nathan: Oh shut up about the buddy system! That's why we're in this mess…literally!

Tracy: We should have just let that man kill us.

Nathan: That's what I was trying to tell you!

Back at the magic show.

Noah: uuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhh…..when will this end?

Matt: Last question.

Noah: Last question? Of the whole thing? Not the last question of part nine of book twelve of volume forty six of anthology seven? The last one? Final, Final?

Matt: Final, final.

Noah: Go ahead.

Matt: Question Ten….. of part nine of book twelve of volume forty six of anthology seven…

Noah: GET ON WITH IT!

Matt: Okay…..okay…..last question. You see a turtle lying on its back….

Noah: This was the first question! I want my results, damn you!

Matt: Okay, Okay, sheesh…..I have your results.

Noah: You do realize that all this time the real killer probably killed a hundred more people.

Matt: Huh? Oh no, we caught the killer already.

Noah: WHAT?!

Matt: Yeah, we caught the killer. Serial killer that escaped into the sewers. The Sewer Slayer is what we decided to start calling him.

Noah: Wait….how is that possible?

Matt: Well, security footage shows Adam Munroe trying to shoot him but there wasn't a gunshot in the back of his head. There was however a knife wound in the front of his head.

Noah: That doesn't make any sense!

Matt: Must have been a crazy party! Oh, your results!

Noah: Ugh…

Matt: I sorry, Mr. Bennet….you've tested positive…._to be a Cylon._

Noah: A WHAT!?

Matt: The Voight-Kampff machines are pretty good at detecting these things.

Noah: Those are two completely different things, Matt. What, did you fall asleep watching Blade Runner and woke up during Battlestar Galactica?

Peter: I've done that. That's the Sci-Fi channel for ya.

Matt: _I was wondering how Edward James Olmos aged twenty years that quickly_.

Noah: I'm leaving to find Claire. Matt?

Matt: Yes?

Noah: Don't talk to me for the rest of the series.

Noah storms off.

Matt (to Peter): Niki says that to me all the time….it doesn't mean anything.

Hiro (still as Sylar) walks into his mother's apartment.

Hiro: Hello? Mother?

Zach (as Virginia Gray): Oh…hello, Gabriel. It's nice for you to finally visit your mother!

Hiro: Yeah.

Zach: Why don't you ever call me anymore! Are you too good to call your dear old mother!?

Hiro: Um…

Zach: Don't back sass me, young man! If you need me I'll be sticking my head into the oven!

Hiro: Mother, look! I got you something.

Zach: What is it?

Hiro: It's….(grabs a snow globe)….a snow globe! For you! I know you have an unhealthy obsession with snow globes.

Zach: It'll do, I'll put it with the others.

Hiro looks over to see the twenty shelves filled with snow globes.

Hiro: Yeesh! That's a lot of snow globes.

Zach: So…what do you want?

Hiro: I wanted talk about me.

Zach: I know….you're very special. That's why the stork left you in the mailbox one day.

Hiro: ….okie dokie then. Anyway, I wanted to talk about how special I am….watch this.

Hiro bumps into one of the shelves, knocking it over. Hundreds of snow globes shatter into pieces.

Zach: What are you doing?!

Hiro: Sorry! (SMASH!) Ooh! (SMASH!) I'll replace that! (SMASH!)

Zach: That's right; I need to pre-heat the oven first before sticking my head in it.

Hiro: No! Wait! Look what I can do!

Hiro makes a snow globe levitate off the ground.

Zach: GAH!

Hiro: It's snowing!

Zach: I think I left the gas on…

Snow globs start spinning in the air, going around and around, faster and faster.

Zach: Gabriel Darlene Conner Gray! What have I told you about…AHH! (ducks)…throwing things in the house!?

A snow globe smacks Zach in the back of the head. He goes down.

Hiro: Mother!

More snow globes start flying around.

Hiro: Forget this! I'm out!

Zach: Hey! Come rescue me, you jerk!

Meanwhile, elsewhere, a car zooms by.

Sylar, crammed in the back seat with Ted and four other people, leans up to get Angela's attention.

Sylar: Um…who are these people?

Angela: They're volunteers for our cause.

Sylar: They're hypnotized victims from the airport.

Angela: Yes.

Sylar: Is this all you could round up?

Angela: Oh, ha, ha, ha….know, we have a bus-load of people right behind us.

Sylar: We could have ridden a bus!?

Angela: You're fine.

Sylar: You know you're keeping these people from boarding their flights and returning to their families and…ugh…that was so out of character. What's happening to me!? Ted! Slap me in the face.

Ted punches Sylar in the face.

Sylar: OWWW! I said 'slap' you fool!

Ted: Hmm?

Angela: We're almost there.

Peter, Noah and West are on their way out of the casino.

Noah (on the phone): Sandra, tell me what you have.

Sandra (on a large computer console taking up most of the space in the living room): It's been taking a while to track her coordinates. SOMEBODY wouldn't tell their own mother the Wi-Fi password!

Lyle: I got tired of you using my Netflix account to watch stupid dog movies…and try to hook up said dogs with Mr. Muggles!

Sandra: I like those movies….it's not my fault Harriet Tubman and I have the same taste in movies.

Noah: Let me know what you find. (Click)

Peter: So what do we do now?

Noah: I guess we need to go back to the drawing board. Let's head back to the…

Peter: …

Noah: …

Peter: Head back to the…what?

Noah: …

Peter: Any suggestions?

West: …

Peter notices that they are both frozen.

Peter: Did….time freeze? That…..uh….hmm….

Voice: Over here, son.

Peter: That voice! Could it be…

Peter turns around to see Arthur Petrelli standing next to his car.

Peter: Dang…I was close.

Arthur: We need to have a little talk.

Peter: You're behind all this, aren't you?!...Though I don't know what 'this' is exactly...I've kinda been all over the place with the vacation and the recruiting and the women's prison and saving Claire from the lake. If you want to remind me what is going on, that would be fantastic.

Arthur: Let's go for a little ride.

Peter: But….but…(points to Noah and West)

Arthur: They'll be fine.

Peter: Oh….wait….how did you freeze time?! GASP! You killed Hiro!

Arthur: A perfectly reasonable accusation. But no.

Peter: Oh…..okay….

Peter walks over to Arthur's car. They both get in and drive off.

Back in Redux, Linderman is waiting for D.L and Niki/Jessica. Micah and Molly (as D.L and Niki) burst through the door.

Linderman: Ah…I've been expecting you.

Meanwhile, in an overturned security van, Hiro (again, as Sylar) and Zach (as Ted) are fighting.

Hiro: Come on, one little slice.

Zach (covering his head): No! I'm not letting you! After you filleted Peter, I don't trust you as Sylar. You'll lob my head off.

Hiro: Isn't that the point though?

Zach: Uh..NO!

Hiro's phone rings.

Hiro (answering): Yeeees?

Isaac: Hey…Hiro.

Hiro: It's Mr. Isaac!

Zach: Yippie.

Hiro: It's very important. Here (throws a marker to Zach). Mark where I need to make the incision.

Zach: Guh!

Hiro: Mr. Isaac! What can I help you with?

Isaac: Can you remind me what the purpose of this is again?

Hiro: Of course! We're reliving the events of Season One to prevent Daniel Linderman's death.

Isaac: You're about to miss your chance then.

Hiro: HUH!?

Isaac: Micah and Molly are playing out roles in your place because you two are behind.

Hiro: Okay…that…shouldn't be too bad.

Isaac: They're already at the penultimate episode where they kill Linderman. They're there now.

Hiro: OH CRAP! We're leaving now!

Zach: What's wrong?

Hiro: Micah and Molly are portraying the rest of the season for us.

Zach: Finally! We can take a break!

Hiro: We can't! I didn't tell them the reason why we're doing this! They're going to complete the season as it was.

Zach: Uh huh.

Hiro: They're going to kill Linderman.

Zach: Uh huh.

Hiro: And this entire journey will be pointless.

Zach: I can see how you probably wouldn't like that.

Hiro: We have to go right now!

The car pulls up to Arthur's hideout. Angela gets out as the bus pulls up, people start pouring out.

Angela: Everybody! This is it! This is the fight…that…you all…have been fighting for….the last….dang, I had a speech for this. It's time to finish this fight! Yes, that'll do.

The people start cheering.

Sylar (to Angela): How long are the supposed to be hypnotized?

Angela looks at Hypno Harry.

Hypno Harry: 45 minutes.

Angela (to Sylar): 45 minutes.

Sylar: Ah.

Angela: So we have to act fast. Everybody! LET'S GET WHAT WE CAME FOR!

The people start rushing inside the building. Angela walks back out.

Angela (to Sylar): Well, bye!

Sylar: BYE?!

Angela: I'm leaving, can you believe it? Hypno Harry proposed! I'm going to have a better wedding then my stupid sister!

Sylar: Looks like you're more of a hypnotist then he is! HAHAHA….(holds up a high five)….anyone?...anyone?...

Ted runs up and presses his hand with his finger.

Ted: BOOP!

Sylar: DAMMIT, TED! I told you not to do that!

Angela: Let me know how this all turns out.

Sylar: Let me get this straight, you hypnotized a bunch of people…

Angela: To make them think they have powers.

Sylar: To kill the reanimated corpse of your husband?

Angela: Uh huh.

Sylar: ….then what?

Angela: I think they'll do fine. I have a wedding to attend to.

Sylar: Well, since we're breaking and entering anyway, I guess we can see if D.L is still in there.

D.L: She did what?

Ted is untying D.L.

Sylar: She ran off to get married. But don't worry…you're friends are here.

Hypnotized people are running around. A man jumps off a platform thinking he can fly. Two people are lobbing "fireballs" at each other.

Woman: Hey! I just cut myself really badly! But I'll regenerate! Watch….ooh…that's a lot of blood. (Collapse)

Sylar: I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming.

D.L: Thanks! (gets up). Arthur Petrelli has my son. I'm going to find him, and kill him.

D.L storms off.

Sylar: Well, that's lovely.

Man: Hey, where am I? What am I doing here?

Woman: Why am I not at the airport!? I'm missing my flight!

Man (pointing to Sylar and Ted): Hey, those two were with the man who did this two us! Let's get em'!

Sylar: Why do they automatically assume it's us?

Ted: It's your eyebrows….they're menacing.

Sylar: I'm pretty proud of them. I actually placed in the tri-state area eyebrow nationals. Betsy Miller's were just a few inches thicker….I swear she was taking performance enhancing drugs.

Ted: ….I don't know what to say to that.

Sylar: I know! I'll hunt her down and steal her eyebrows!

Ted: ….We should be going. They have guns.

Sylar: Then she'll be the laughing stock of the butter churn festival…

Ted: Dude! What are you rambling about?!

Sylar: They called me Gabriel 'No Brows' Gray! (SOB!)

Ted: Yeah, kids are jerks. We're going to die you know…so….I'm gonna skip on out of here.

Sylar: I'll get my revenge…..(BANG!)….okay, let's get out of here!

Meanwhile, another car pulls up to….

Meredith: Here! We're here!

Meredith and Flint get out while Claire looks around.

Claire: This place…looks oddly familiar.

Mohinder's head is lowered in shame.

Claire: Oh, quit crying just because you lost!

Mohinder: It's not fair! We should have gone to the science picnic.

Claire: Ugh.

Flint opens the door and Claire gets out. She gasps.

Claire: Oh no…..not this…..please….anywhere but here!

Before them the sign reads 'Sullivan Bros. Carnival'.

Back in Arthur's car.

Peter: So…I don't understand. What exactly is the message you're trying to get across? What is the point of this Genesis:Redux? What is the point of replaying the events of Season One?...Even though some would argue that it was our finest season.

Arthur: Daniel had his men build the machine. It is a program that the host gets hooked up to and is transported to a sort of virtual reality of the events past. The butterfly effect doesn't play here except for the one exception to the rule that can be changed, Daniel Linderman's death.

Peter: So he can actually be alive today instead of just popping up in our story arcs to remind us that he's a ghost?

Arthur: Yes. The machine is terribly flawed, and can break very easily. Though there isn't a butterfly effect to worry about, changing the course of history can have consequences.

Peter: Such as?

Arthur: Well, it appears that Hiro has been getting assistance from a resident in Redux. That's changed things dramatically. Then there is the fact that a resident has been travelling to our world. A major no no.

Peter: Uh huh….

Arthur: Then another major rule was broken….taking non residents into the world of Redux. That's the most important one. And Mr. Nakamura has violated all three rules.

Peter: What's going to happen to him?

Arthur: The system is becoming very unstable, and the virtual world and our world is starting to merge. An event that could happen may transcend into ours without any explanation. If someone punched you in the face…you'd feel it here.

Peter: Okay…..so….what happens now?

Arthur: The system is going to fail….it is going to wipe out everything in the world.

Peter: The virtual world?

Arthur: Yes….but since we're so connected to it….it'll wipe our world out too.

Peter: It….can do that?

Arthur: Yes. Linderman had no idea what he got himself into.

Peter: I don't know why he couldn't just remain a ghost…..oh right, that got on everyone's nerves.

Arthur: I knew this was going to happen. I dreamt about it….and I painted a picture of it a long time ago.

Peter: Guh!

Arthur: I knew I was going to die….so when the time was right, I instructed Jax to resurrect me when he obtained his powers.

Peter: I see. And all the recruitment business, was that just a waste of time?

Arthur: No….I had bigger plans for them…..all of them.

Peter: D.L, Alice, Daphne and Adam Munroe?...

Arthur: Yes…..I have much bigger plans for them.

Peter: Such as?

Arthur: I needed your mother to recruit them for a reason….I need them to work for me. They will be my subordinates in the new world.

Peter: The…new world?

Arthur: Yes…..like I said before. Redux is going to fail and destroy the virtual world and our world. But there is no need to worry…..there is a failsafe.

Peter: ….

Arthur: When Redux reaches completion…..our entire world will be reset and restored to….a certain point, free of all the problems that come with it.

Peter: Sounds like every Dell computer I've ever owned.

The President of Dell shuts his T.V. off.

Dell President: SEIZE HIM!

The Dell Lawyers hop off the couch and run out of the room.

Arthur: With the help of Micah's 'computer abilities' I've programmed the new world….and our lives….to do exactly what I want.

Peter: R-R-Reprogram our lives?!...That sounds….kinda serious!

Arthur: Oh it is, very much so. Most of you will be dead. Some because they're just supposed to be….and some….because I just felt like it.

Peter: Guh…

Arthur: Don't worry, you'll be spared…

Peter: I don't know about this.

Arthur: ….Well….you really don't have a say.

Arthur injects something in Peter's arm.

Peter: GRRK!

Peter falls asleep….

Back in Redux, Hiro and Zach are charging up the stairs.

Hiro: Oh man! We're not gonna make it! We're not gonna make it!

Zach: Yes we are! You have to have faith!...Oh man, we're only on floor twenty! I give up, let's go home!

Hiro: We can't!...Must….stop….Micah…from…killing….Linderman ….

Zach: Just pointing out in case you care. Getting dual hammy cramps over here.

Hiro: Yeah….I don't care.

Zach: Didn't think so.

They continue to make their way up the stairs.

Hiro: This is it! MICAH! STOP!

Hiro and Zach run down the hallway and burst through the door.

Hiro: UH!

Zach: GUH!

Molly turns to see the group. Micah has his hand in the back of Linderman's head.

Hiro and Zach: EWWW!

Micah: Don't "EWW!" me! I'm the one who's up to his elbows in brain matter!...Oh…it's gross…it's soo gross….

Hiro: Okay….Micah….I didn't tell you everything…..but DON'T MOVE!

Micah: Why!? This needs to happen!

Hiro: No! You don't understand. A while ago, Mr. Linderman here did me a huge favor…and I owed him by going into his machine. He wanted us to relive the events of Season One and prevent his death so he would be alive in the real world…..

Micah: He probably wanted revenge on my parents.

Hiro: It is very…VERY….important that you don't kill him…..if you do. It will make our entire journey pointless, and he'll probably have me killed for it.

Micah: But…if I don't he'll go after my parents. I obviously can't have that.

Hiro: Oh yeah, I see what you mean.

Micah: But…if I kill him, he'll be dead? Right?...As long as he doesn't continue to go around saying he's a ghost.

Hiro: I don't think the machine will let me out if I fail.

Micah: Maybe….I can make the machine let you out.

Hiro: How?

Micah: I need my ability restored though. Then one of you can become Linderman and restore my power?

Hiro and Zach look at each other.

Hiro: Zach will do it.

Zach: HEY!

Micah: Okay…..

Micah removes his hand from the back of Linderman's skull, he plops to the ground. He immediately runs to go wash his hands. Zach tries to get into the role but Linderman's image blurs.

Zach: I….can't become him.

Micah (washing): Why not?

Zach: Because…..he's dead.

Micah turns around. Molly gasps.

Hiro: Oh boy….

Micah: Oh…no….I….Hiro, I'm sorry….

Hiro: It's okay….we'll….uh….hmm….I don't know what to do now.

Micah: Let's head back to the loft. Maybe I can use a little of my computer knowledge that isn't helped massively by my ability…

Hiro: Groan…

Micah: Maybe I can hack into Redux and…I don't know….try something!

Hiro: You and Molly go ahead and head back and see what you can do. Zach….we have one last scene to do.

Zach: Yes.

Hiro: We have to keep going until the end. Good luck, Micah.

Micah: You too.

Him and Molly leave.

Niki, Ando, and The Haitian walk up to the door of Linderman's Office.

Niki: We're here! (To Ando) YOU! Break this door down.

Ando: Why can't you do it? You're the strongest one here!

Niki: Oh because that's what I need from this guy…more debt! Break down the door.

Ando: Fine.

Ando opens the door.

Niki: That was pathetic.

Ando: What?! I did what you wanted me to!

Niki walks in and stops dead in her tracks.

Niki: GUH!?

Ando and The Haitian join her.

All: GASP!

Niki: Linderman…he's….he's….dead!

Linderman is slumped over his desk.

Ando: Not to point out the obvious or anything…but hasn't he been dead this entire time?

Niki: Yeah, that's true I suppose. Man…it freaking stinks in here.

Nathan (walking in with Tracy): That would be us.

Niki: What happened with you two?

Tracy: We got separated and ended up in the sewer where we were chased by a serial killer.

Niki: A serial killer!?

Tracy: Don't worry; he's not important to the plot or anything. The police captured him and….is that Linderman?

Nathan: What the?...He's dead….again?...I guess?...

Niki: We just came in and he was slumped over at his desk. And I have an idea who the killer is….

Voice: I'll be the judge of that!

Matt walks in.

Niki: Ugh….Matt, go away!

Matt: I'll be conducting the investigation of the murder of Daniel Linderman. It will be my greatest case since the Danko murder I solved five minutes ago.

Nathan: Danko's dead too?! What's going on around here? People don't die on our show! Or else I would have bit it episodes ago!

Matt: It only looked like Adam Munroe was the killer, but he was framed! Security footage shows just as Adam was about to put one in the back of Danko's head…

Niki: Does that still constitute as framing?

Matt: It was this man….'The Sewer Slayer'…..Yup….he totally isn't important to the plot at all.

Nathan: I….whatever.

Matt: But now we need to deal with this…..this death…..and you all are suspects. Even me!

Niki: Ugh…

Meredith and Flint walk Claire and Mohinder through The Sullivan Bros. Carnival.

Claire: This bites…seriously.

The approach a man handing out cotton candy he turns around.

Samuel Sullivan: Claire Bennet….and Dr. Mohinder Suresh….how nice for you both to come.

Kid: Hey, mister, you didn't give me my cotton candy.

Samuel: Come with me….(tosses the rest of the cotton candy in the trash)…

Kid: HEY!

Samuel: We have important matters to discuss.

Claire: Yes, of course! Because I completely and totally have everyone's best interest at…MOHINDER! RUN FOR IT!

She and Mohinder both take off running smack into each other (WHAP!), falling on the ground.

Mohinder: Ooof…

Claire: OW….um….can we try that again?

Samuel: ….Sure….what you just did was pretty embarrassing.

Claire: Thanks!...MOHINDER! RUN!...that was this time…

They both take off running in different directions. Claire runs down a side alley to escape from nobody chasing her as Mohinder gets distracted.

Mohinder: $9.50 for a pretzel!? $14.50 for a corn on the cob?!...Hey, the funnel cake is only $8.00….well it's the cheapest thing on the menu…I'll take it!

Clerk: Sir, those aren't prices….those are required credit score ratings.

Mohinder: WHAT?! You're telling me somebody has a 1,450 credit score?! That's impossible!

Clerk: No its not.

Mohinder: Yes it is!

Clerk: No, I don't think so…

A knife comes whizzing past Mohinder's face.

Mohinder: AHHHHHHHH!

Mohinder starts running for it. He turns a corner and enters a tent.

Mohinder: Dead end!...Though I did enter this small tent so I should have seen that coming.

A man walks into the tent and corners Mohinder.

Mohinder (falling to the ground): Eeek….don't hurt me! I have a terrible credit score!

The man flings a handful of knives at Mohinder. The slowly make their way toward him…

Mohinder (in thought): Well…this is it. I'm done for. I've had a good run, though. If I were to do it all over again….I'd be a brilliant scientist…even more so.…..or a Ventriloquist.

The knives land around Mohinder's body, pinning his clothes to a board he was up against.

Mohinder: Hmm….well, that worked out I guess.

Claire (entering a building): Mohinder?...Mohinder are you in here?

Claire bumps into a mirror.

Claire: Ooh goody, the house of mirrors. I just _love_ these….

Claire tries to make her way through the mirrors. Trying not to bump into them.

Claire: Steady Claire…(OOF!)….this way? (OOF!)….dammit (OW!)….(OH!)…..(ACK!)…Why did I go this way? I could be enjoying a high credit corn dog by now…

Samuel walks up to Meredith.

Samuel: Meredith! We must talk. (He lets go of the balloons he was holding in his hand, sending them in the air).

Kid: HEY! Why do I keep buying things from this creep?

Meredith: What is it Samuel? Is it about to happen?

Samuel: Yes, but there may be….a small hiccup.

Meredith: What do you mean? You told me that as long as I brought Claire here we would be saved when the world ended.

Samuel: Technically yes….but….I've been told there are different forces at play. I can't make any promises, but just be prepared for anything. It is going to happen soon.

Meredith: O…okay…..What about Claire?

Samuel: She's safe.

Claire (bumping into mirrors): OOF! OW! OOF! OW! OUCH! OOF! OW! OUCH!

Meredith: What about the doctor? Why did I need to bring him?

Samuel: I have bigger plans for him. But we have to wait for now….come inside.

Samuel heads inside a tent, along the way ripping a caramel apple from a kid's hand, throwing it in the trash.

Kid: OH COME ON!

Micah and Molly burst into Isaac's loft.

Isaac: Hey! How did it go?

Micah: Not good. I need to get on the computer and do what I can to hack into the program and see if I can get Hiro out of this.

Isaac: What?

Micah: Apparently killing Linderman was something which was supposed to be prevented…and I kinda boffed it up. But I'll find something. I have to….

Molly: Something doesn't seem right.

Micah: You're right. (Looks at Isaac). Shouldn't you be dead by now?

Isaac: …nope.

Micah: I'm pretty sure you….whatever, I don't have time to argue. I have to see what I can find.

Molly (to Isaac): Are you sure you're not supposed to be dead? I remember reading the newspaper about your death….

Isaac: It was….someone different…my twin….it was my twin.

Molly: That's the best you could come up with?

Isaac: Yes…

Micah: What the…?...I think I found something…..

Molly and Isaac join him at the computer.

Molly: What is all this?

Micah: Something….(reading)….something about a world being reborn….there's tons of code…..I can make out people's names….Peter Petrelli…Vice President?...Nathan Petrelli, deceased. Elle Bishop, deceased. D.L Hawkins, deceased….Niki Sanders, deceased…Isaac Mendez…(looking at him)…deceased.

Isaac: UH!

Molly: I knew it!

Micah: Angela Petrelli, committed to an insane asylum, Hiro Nakamura, head agent, Claire Bennet, experiment PL-5….what is all this!?

Isaac: You could….you know….type me as NOT being deceased.

Micah (reading): This is all a part of a program….that is set to activate when the Redux program is complete. What is the purpose of it….is this all a setting in a virtual world?...

Molly: or the real world?

Micah: Huh?

Molly: Think about it. Hiro said the whole point of Genesis Redux was to alter one instance to change the timeline so Linderman would be alive and not doing that stupid ghost business. Maybe this is something that is supposed to happen at the end and it would also affect the real world….since the butterfly effect doesn't go into effect the natural way.

Micah: It will change the real world!? How is that possible?

Molly: Well, with all the weirdness going on…who knows?

Micah: Well….if it is going to affect the world….maybe I can change a few things.

Isaac: Be sure to change me to 'alive'…..can't stress that enough.

Hiro (as Nathan) and Zach (as Peter) stand alone at Kirby Plaza.

Hiro: Well, this is it.

Zach: Yup….I'm all radiated and ready to wipe out everything.

Hiro: Yay! I get to be flying man again!

Zach: I feel that we missed like….a super climactic season ending fight scene…

Hiro: We didn't. Okay, ready?

Zach: ….Yeah…..ready. This looks like the end of the season.

Hiro: Yes.

Zach: I know you failed your mission and all..

Hiro: Don't remind me.

Zach: But I have something to say about you failing your missing.

Hiro: I just said 'don't remind me'.

Zach: I had fun. I'm glad you asked me to join you on this journey…that didn't pan out.

Hiro: Why do you keep reminding me of my failures?

Zach: I don't know what is going to happen after this but…..good luck, Hiro.

Hiro: Thanks…Ready?

Zach: Ready.

Hiro grabs Zach and they fly up through the air.

Hiro: Oh….no….

Zach: …What?

Hiro: …I….forgot….to….go to the bathroom….

Zach: That's what…you're worried about!?

They fly up higher and higher into the sky. Zach start emitting a white light as an explosion spreads throughout the sky. The light comes down and starts engulfing buildings as they begin collapsing.

Micah types as fast as he can.

Micah: Let's see….I can put you here….how about we go over here…..you'd be perfect here….

The building starts shaking violently.

Isaac: Can you put me as….

Micah: Hey, I'm bringing you back from the dead! You can't be picky!

Isaac: It'll only take like…two seconds to type it.

Micah: Fine.

Molly: Micah! Something's going on outside….

Micah: I think the program is shutting down….I have to hurry.

Micah finishes typing and overlooks everything. The loft starts falling apart.

Molly: AACK!

Micah: Hurry! Does everything look all right?!

Isaac: Looks fine to me!

Molly (not paying attention): Yeah, it's great! Just do something!

Micah: Saving the changes!

He presses enter as the building deteriorates and is engulfed in the white light.

Nothing but white…..Peter Petrelli opens his eyes.

Peter: Ugh….what the?...Where am I?

Peter looks around.

Peter: Oh great, I'm dead! And I had such an awesome credit score. I was going to buy some corn on the cob, dammit!

Arthur: It is over.

Peter: It?...What's it?...What's over?

Arthur: The world….it has ended.

Peter: GUH!...That's it!? The world has ended!...That's it?...Done?...

Arthur: Yes….and my new world will be restored anew.

A voice is heard screaming…it is getting louder and louder.

Hiro: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (SPLAT!)

Peter: Hiro! You're alive!?

Hiro: Oh…oh that smarts….

Hiro looks around.

Hiro: Did…did I win?...or something….?

Arthur: You most certainly did. You have finished your mission, and Genesis Redux is over.

Hiro: Finally…

Arthur: The world has ended as well.

Hiro: Uh…WHAAAAT!?

Arthur: The purpose of Genesis Redux was to prevent Daniel's death….but I have used it for my own design. To recreate the world as it should be.

Peter: Wasn't Genesis Redux….like….virtual reality? How is that possible?

Arthur: It was all thanks to Mr. Nakamura's mistakes.

Hiro: Oh come on, not you too!

Arthur: When a paradox alters the line between our world and the virtual world….they'll begin to collide as one. Then the imbalance destroys both worlds. But someone with the ability to speak the language of computers can reprogram the world….it is like recreating life. A program will be activated and life will be restored….with the exception of a few changes to the rules….

Peter: What kind of changes?

Arthur: See for yourself.

There is a lone computer sitting in the middle of the area.

Peter: Well, that's strange.

Arthur: You will see me glorious changes and you will have no choice but to accept them for what they are. It is a failsafe.

Hiro: A fail…safe?

Arthur: Yes….a failsafe to be activated if Genesis Redux crashes….which it did thanks to your insolence. Micah and Molly being brought into that sealed the deal for me.

Hiro: Oh nuts…..

Peter: I…don't understand.

Arthur (walking over): It's simple….you see….

Arthur starts seeing the lines of code being changed.

Arthur: WHA?!...WHAT IS THIS?!...NO!

Peter looks at Hiro, who shrugs.

Arthur: This…this can't be happening! I designed this myself! It was!...How could he?

Hiro: You mean Micah…yeah; he was messing with the computer trying to hack into the system while me and Zach were blowing up the city.

Arthur: I took his power! He shouldn't have the ability to do this!

Peter: Sorry, dad, looks like you won't get your perfect world after all.

Arthur: No….I can fix this!...I still have your ability (points to Hiro).

Hiro: You can't….there's no world….there's no time _to _freeze.

Arthur: ….no….

Arthur falls to the ground. Peter walks over to Hiro.

Peter: Strange…I was kinda expecting a climactic volume ending battle.

Hiro: Nope! Okay, let's see what Micah did…

They walk over to the computer….Hiro passes out.

Peter: Or not…

Peter passes out as well….for what seems like an eternity…..he finally opens his eyes.

Peter: Huh?

Peter realizes he has his hands clutched on the wheel of an ambulance. He looks around.

Peter: So this is where I ended up?...I'm okay with that!

He drives the ambulance off…crashing it immediately into a fire hydrant.

Niki wakes up in her bed; she is next to D.L who is still asleep.

Niki: What just happened? Was I dreaming?

She gets up and walks into the kitchen where Micah is eating breakfast.

Niki: It was a dream….that lasted WAY to damn long…

Niki looks out the window and sees her next door neighbors Matt and Mohinder.

Niki: …or so I just thought I woke from the nightmare.

Molly is with them, Micah waves to her. She waves back.

Nathan wakes up at an office desk. He immediately checks himself for a bullet wound and heaves a sigh of relief. Tracy walks in and drops a ton of files on his desk.

Tracy: We have a speech in about 10 minutes, Mayor Petrelli.

Nathan: Just Mayor?….I wasn't President or anything?

Tracy: Not to my knowledge….

Nathan: Drat….

Nathan goes outside to make a speech to the people; he is in the crosshairs of a sniper rifle. The assassin shoots him.

Nathan: OH COME ON!

Tracy hops on the phone with the paramedics.

Tracy: Okay. (To Nathan) Okay, let's walk just a few blocks down. They can't send an ambulance because it wrecked into a fire hydrant.

Nathan: I can't catch a break!

Noah and Angela cut the ribbon to their newly rebranded 'Bennet-Petrelli And Company'.

Noah: I'm so glad that won the vote over 'Company Thrice'.

Angela: Only because you rigged the voting. Why else would your name come first!?

Over on the side, Sylar, Ted, The Haitian, and Elle stand by as appointed agents.

Elle: Don't know what happened, but I'm not going to ask any questions.

Sylar: I am….how did I end up working here full time?! I'm getting paid for this somehow, right?

In an office, Hiro steps out of his cubicle. He sees Ando.

Ando: Hiro! You're alive! You made it out of that machine!

Hiro: Yes! Even though I kinda failed my mission...I did survive! And probably saved the world!

Hiro and Ando jump and give each other a high five. Freezing in mid air. A co-worker passes them by.

Co-Worker: Man, I have GOT to lay off the booze…

Claire sits up in her bed; she looks around for a moment.

Claire: What the?...Why am I not at that silly carnival anymore?

Claire leaves her room as her alarm goes off, playing Journey.

_Don't Stop…believin'…..hold on to that feelin'_

Claire enters her kitchen where Sandra is feeding Mr. Muggles and Lyle is making a stink face at Claire.

_Streetlight….people….oohhhhhaaahhhh_

Claire: What is going on?! I wasn't dreaming that! Where is Samuel? And Meredith?!

_Don't stop believin'_…._hold on….._

Claire: And will somebody turn off the damn Journey!?

_Streetlight….people…ooooohhhhhaaaahhhh_

Meadow Soprano stumbles into the kitchen.

Claire: Who the hell is that?!

_Don't stop!_

The screen turns black.

Claire: Oh great, now I can't see anything! I'm so confused!

**End Of Volume Eight**

**Volume Nine 'Wonders'**

Deep in a prison cell….Samuel Sullivan thinks to himself. Elle walks over to him.

Elle: Hey, Carny Wilson…hee…get it…you know…since you worked in a….

Samuel: Hilarious. What do you want?

Elle: Phone call. Make it quick! I have a hundred boyfriends on the other line wanting to remind me of how super cute I am.

Samuel: Right. He swipes the phone.

Samuel (phone call): Yes….I know…..everything changed and you can't figure out why….I know exactly why. Our fortune teller prophesized this very moment. Yes he did…..don't argue with me Lydia, our fortune teller is very good at what he does…I know Claire is gone, just go out and get her again!...Fine, you and Edgar find a way to bust me out of this….(to Elle) HEY! What is this place called again?!

Elle: The Bennet-Petrelli Company! Or BPCO for short. You are currently being imprisoned on Level 5 Deux…..I won the vote on the naming of that one!

Samuel: How is your security?

Elle: Mediocre at best.

Samuel: Good to know. (Back on the phone) Lydia, be ready to bust me out tonight….for tomorrow, my plan goes into full motion.

Elle sends Samuel a jolt of electricity.

ZAAAP!

Samuel: AACK!

Elle: You! You're phone time is up!

Samuel: Fine!

Samuel hands the phone back to Elle, who walks off, shutting off the lights on her way out.

Elle: Nap time!

Samuel: Now that was totally uncalled for….

End.


End file.
